by Berri Fox
“Sure. Though, my offer still stands. The whole, fake fiancé thing.”
I laugh nervously and give her a sheepish smile, knowing that I’m testing my luck, but I also know that this is my best chance at making things work and keeping both of us out of trouble.
Her little guy sees intrigued and smiles up at her, tugging at her shirt and giggling as he tells her that he wants to stay on the boat. He’d an adorable kid and as it turns out, also very convincing. It doesn’t take more than a moment of him talking to her for him to convince her to go along with Ashley, and eventually she smiles at me with a nervous chuckle.
“Oh, what the hell. Alright then, I guess I’m Emily for the next week or so.”
I can’t help the ear to ear grin that forms on my face as I nod and let out a laugh of my mown, excitedly sighing and sitting back down with a chuckle. I’m a mixture of relived, excited, nervous and anxious, all of the feelings swirling and spiraling together in a pit in my stomach. I can’t decide if it’s a good thing or not yet, but the way I look at it; this plan is better than no plan at all. And if I’m going to be faking my proposal and being in love, then why not have it be to a woman as beautiful as herm right?
“That’s great!”
I sit back down and glace at the menu that’s set down on the table, and then I nod towards the chairs and look up at Jess.
“Why don’t you guys sit down and get comfortable; I’ll order some food to be delivered here and then you and I can work out the rules.”
She turns to me with a quizzical glance, brow cocked as she narrows her eyes.
“Rules? What do you mean?”
“Well… Just some things that we lay out so that we make sure that our stories are the same and that we’re both comfortable. Sure this may be an awkward situation, but I’m not about to do something that makes you uncomfortable. I want this to be enjoyable,” I add with a chuckle. “As odd of a situation as it is.”
My stomach growls unceremoniously and I laugh, shrugging my shoulders as I nod towards the menu, my finger pointing toward the paper.
“We can deal with the specifics, but first let’s get something to eat. Then we can spend the rest of the day relaxing and lounging, and making sure that this is fun for both of us.”
She agrees and after a moment or two of discussion with Alex, we agree on the staple food of negotiations and comfort.
Pizza.
Eight
Jess
This is all moving so fast - it was only an hour ago now that I was planning how I was going to try to make something fun for dinner out of the packet of frozen turkey shapes we still have in the freezer! And now I’m in this gorgeous suite, seriously is that walnut panelling, across from a multi millionaire seriously considering being her girlfriend for two weeks!
I don’t think my pulse has returned to normal since the purser bumped into us outside of the door. He looks nice but all I could see in my mind’s eye was myself in prison and Alex in the foster system! I’ve done a few rounds of foster families and I don’t want that for my nephew.
Without Ashley’s help I have no doubt that I would be well on my way to losing this amazing little kid and getting a criminal record. But instead I’m sitting on the softest cushions I’ve ever touched and I’m listening to Ashley Carmichael ordering me lunch. Pizza, of all things.
As though my day couldn’t get any more surreal.
Alex wriggles next to me. He’s trying to be good but he doesn’t like sitting still this long without anything to do. What little kid would? I kiss his curls soothingly and hope he doesn’t have a melt down. We definitely don’t need that right now.
“Hey little dude,” Ashley says, hanging up the phone and coming over to crouch in front of where he’s sitting next to me. “I bet you’re pretty excited to be on this big boat, right?”
Alex nods, all big eyes. That kid can look as though butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth and despite how rambunctious he is it’s mostly true. He’s got a really good heart.
“Yeah, it’s pretty cool.” Ashley reaches in her pocket and pulls out a slender phone that probably costs a year’s salary for me and unlocks it. “Look, your aunt and I have to talk about boring adult stuff for a bit. I hate listening to boring adult stuff so I bet you do too, right?”
He nods again. Wow, she’s pretty good at this.
“I know, buddy. I know.” She hands him her phone. “Here, have a play on this app - it’s pretty fun. If you get bored I’ve got about 20 others installed so just have a poke around.”
Alex looks as though he’s been handed the moon on a plate. I never let him play with my phone because we definitely can’t afford to replace it if he should break it.
“What if he accidentally texts someone or puts something on social media?” I ask Ashley in a low voice. I don’t think Alex would mess around with ‘boring’ apps, but even so it’s a very personal thing to trust to a four year old.
“Honey, it won’t be anything worse than stuff I’ve posted while drunk.” Ashley pulls over the luxurious leather desk chair and settles it so she’s sitting on my other side. “Let’s get down to brass tacks, as my nana used to say!”
We’re briefly interrupted as a young woman with lovely purple fingernails delivers two pizzas oozing with cheese and a bottle of chocolate milk with a long straw in it. A young man with matching nails follows after her with a smaller pizza and a tray with four brightly coloured cocktails on it.
Alex lights up when he sees the chocolate milk. “Is’t for me?”
“Sure is, little buddy,” Ashley says easily, grabbing a plate of pizza and taking a huge bite that leaves strings of cheese hanging from the corner of her mouth. “If you don’t like it just let me know and I can get you something else.”
“I like it, I like it!” He takes the bottle quickly and perches like a little bird on the couch, drinking happily.
I don’t know if I’ve ever seen him quite this happy before.
The pizza is hot and amazing, some of the best I’ve had. I haven’t eaten since the breakfast I rushed down while trying to find my car keys, so I try to eat in as ladylike a manner as possible while balancing a plate on my knee and trying to juggle two cocktails.
“So,” Ashley says, leaning back languidly on her chair. “What’s your thoughts? How do we bring Robin and Emily to life?”
“Well, I can definitely act.” I did a lot of drama group in college and my director was very into ‘understanding’ the character so I don’t doubt I can pull off a posh society lady. “And I can act like we’re in love. But I don’t want to drape all over you or be groped or anything like that.”
“Yeah of course, no groping. But we might need to kiss for the part, how about that?”
I think about it and then nod seriously. “If it’s necessary then I can understand that. Okay, but only in public. Nothing like that in private, right?”
“Of course.”
“And,” I lower my voice and lean towards her. “No sex, all right?”
I swear she’s trying not to laugh at me as she leans closer in turn and whispers back, “No sex at all, gotcha.”
This must not be a conversation she finds herself having a lot. She’s gorgeous, sexy and confident with an amazing body and this presence that money can’t buy. How did I end up in the position where this woman is going to pretend to be dating me?
She’s so powerful and graceful, like a panther prowling through a forest. I’m more like a chirpy little bird who doesn’t know how to build a nest that doesn’t leak. Is there any way that a woman like her would be interested in me if we didn’t need each other to solve our problems?
As we finish up our meals, I notice that there’s a splotch of red sauce on my shirt and I think the words ‘oh I’ll need to change that before we go out’ before my world crashes into panic. I don’t have any clothes. I have literally zero clothes here.
I need to pretend to be a wealthy socialite without a change of clothes and I’m in my
most matronly store outfit that makes me look like I want to be a librarian! I might be a good actress but even the best actress in the world couldn’t make this look like the kind of woman who would date a multi millionaire.
My expression must show my dismay because Ashley leans forwards and puts a hand on my arm. “Hey, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“I don’t have any clothes,” I stammer. “I certainly wasn’t planning on going on a two week holiday this morning. And now I’ve stained my shirt and I’m going to give the whole game away before we’ve even started.”
Ashley laughs softly, a warm sound that makes me shiver. “Is that it? Don’t even worry. I’ll take you both shopping right this second and get you properly kitted out.”
“Really?”
“Of course, this was my idea wasn’t it?” She grins and rummages through the brochures that bell man gave her. “Let’s see if there’s a list of shops that are on board. What do you say, little buddy, want to go shopping?”
I’m not sure Alex has been shopping in his life but you wouldn’t know it from the delighted cheer he gives.
I’m left staring as a millionaire starts calling out store names to my four year old nephew so he can veto them if he doesn’t like the sound of them. It’s the strangest day that I’ve ever lived through. I pull out my phone and open the group chat to find a bunch of concerned messages from the girls.
‘All is well,’ I type back. ‘Met someone who is sharing a booth for me. Not going to be back for a few weeks? I’m not sure I’m not dreaming, but if I’m not then sorry Rachel I won’t be at work for a bit.’
Immediately my phone starts dinging with message alerts but I shut it off and put it in my pocket. If I’m going to live the dream then I might as well fully enjoy it. I pull Alex into my lap so we can both see the picture of the shops and we start voting in earnest.
Nine
Ashley
I am having so much fun! I adore shopping, I always have. But it’s not like my mother ever wanted to take me shopping and Robin was always too concerned about his masculinity. Maybe if I’d had some friends who I wasn’t having sex with we could have hung out sometimes but a woman gets tired of being asked to buy absolutely everything that someone lays eyes on, you know?
But it’s totally different with Jess and Alex. My two lost waifs are wandering around at my side with eyes like kids let loose in a toy store (which is one of our stops, by the way). We stop in a shoe store and I tell Alex to grab anything he likes the look of while a neatly dressed saleswoman measures Jess’s feet and brings out a selection of shoes for her to try on.
Jess is looking at them with big ‘I can’t afford this’ eyes so I have to lean down and whisper in her ear that rich socialites don’t look at price tags which seems to help. She really is a great actress and once she gets over glancing at the hundreds of dollars the shoes cost we can buy her sandals for relaxing in, heels for evening wear and some fabulous slippers with rhinestones on them.
Alex gets these little boots that are just about the most adorable things ever. Even the shop girl is cooing at him by the time we leave.
It feels like being part of some sort of TV show where people are given the chance to get everything they want. Alex is hopping along with a grin from ear to ear and Jess looks dazed and delighted and more like a gorgeous fairy than ever.
We pick up some perfume and I buy enough toiletries and makeup to last for months. Jess keeps whispering brand names under her breath in the kind of way someone does when they’ve never seen them before so I get carried away and put way more than we needed in the tiny shopping basket.
After makeup it’s on to clothes, something we all so desperately need. We grab bathing suits from a cute little store that sells us an inflatable dolphin for Alex to ride on and goggles with cartoon sharks on them that he puts on immediately. Fuck, I’ve never met a kid this cute before.
I find a crew member who agrees to take our bags to our suite for us and then sweep Jess and Alex on to the clothes boutiques. There’s a range of brands selling on board to cater to the rich and privileged who never want to wear anything that doesn’t come with a price tag in the hundreds or thousands.
Of course I want to get a few statement pieces for Jess. The way to look like real old money is to have a few big ticket items that you wear as though they’re old friends. If you act like you can’t possibly wear your dress anywhere dirty because it might get a stain and it cost thousands then you obviously don’t have enough money to replace it.
No, real old money, family money have their favorite pieces that they could replace whenever they like so they wear them everywhere. Then good quality but not necessarily designer wardrobe essentials to mix them with. This much my mother at least bothered to teach me.
I have to pick out a few things for myself in the first store so I get Jess and Alex to brows the evening dresses while I go through the coats at the other end of the shop. There’s this amazing blazer with silver beads embroidered onto the collar that look just punk enough to be sexy without being so punk that it would raise eyebrows at a dinner party.
With my find victoriously held over one arm I head back towards Jess, only to be stopped in my tracks by the sound of the snobbiest voice I’ve heard in my life.
“And I tell you again, madam, I don’t care if you are waiting for your fiance to join you. You cannot use our shop to wait in. We are very exclusive and only cater to the most discerning customers.”
Oh. Oh wow. I didn’t think this really happened in real life.
I round a rack of clothes and see a short blonde looking down her nose at Jess while Jess holds onto Alex with both hands and seems to be caught between terror and anger. This will never do.
“Hey babe,” I say casually, sauntering over to her and throwing an arm around her shoulders. “Look at what I found, isn’t it just my style?”
She sends me a relieved look and then smiles at the coat on my arm. “It’s very sexy, honey. Do you mind telling ‘Marsha’ here that we have just about enough money to shop in this store? I’d love to try on that little number for you.”
She gestures towards a green dress that is about as mini as you can get while still being decent enough to wear it in public with a plunging back and the kind of neckline that leaves things to the imagination in the best of possible ways. My mouth goes dry.
“Yeah I want to see you try that on,” I say. “Take it into a changing room. I trust that won’t be a problem?” Here I inject a hint of the ice that I learned from my father into my voice and flash my credit card.
Marsha quails. “No no! Of course not! Just a misunderstanding.”
“Okay then. Try it on, honey.”
Jess heads off to the changing room with a victorious expression and Alex pretends to be deep sea diving under the clothes racks. I can see Marsha looking at him and normally I’m no fan of making sales staff’s jobs harder than they already are, but she was a bitch to Jess so I’m not going to do anything about it.
A bubbly blonde and tall brunette come in and start chatting away to Marsha as though they’re old friends. I can see about when Marsha drops the knowledge of my wealth into the conversation because it’s like a light switches on and they come over to me with beaming smiles.
“Hey there,” the brunette simpers. “We haven’t seen you around the deck yet.”
“It can get awful lonely on a cruise, maybe we should become better acquainted?” adds the little blonde.
Normally this is about when I’d start suggesting a threesome but instead I only have eyes for the changing room as the curtain twitches and Jess steps out. She looks like a dream, the dress hugging every curve of her body to perfection. I can tell that the two girls are trying to get my attention but I couldn’t care less.
“You look amazing,” I say quietly and the smile Jess turns on me is every bit worth it.
We finish clothes shopping without any issue and on the way back to the cabin we bum
p into Sandy Potts the Purser who offers to carry our bags. He starts a conversation with Alex who seems to know everything that there is to know about boats and before we even get back to the suite the two of them are fast friends. I’ve never known a kid this smart before.
Sandy takes our bags into the room and then tells us to ‘wait there a moment please’ before hurrying off and returning with a captain’s cap that he places on Alex’s head.
“There you go, little captain,” he says cheerfully. “Any time you want a tour of the ship you just let me know!”
Alex is dancing with excitement as we go into the rooms to unpack our purchases. We figure out the sleeping situation without much problem. Alex and Jess take the bed and I heroically offer to sleep on the couch. It will be like one big sleepover.
As Jess folds the clothes and Alex digs through the bags of toys that we bought them I find myself thinking about how much fun I’m having. Real fun. Not fun that I’m having to piss off Robin and mom and dad.
Maybe this holiday will be better than I’d hoped.
We’ve just finished with a break and some snacks when my phone starts ringing and I step aside to answer. It’s Robin. Oh boy.
“What the fuck are you doing?” he starts off. He must be really mad to not even say hello.
For a moment I blank and then I gather myself. “I’m doing recon,” I say with confidence. “Into corporate espionage.”
This throws him off the ‘Ashley you’re irresponsible’ rant and he stammers for a bit. “What?”
“Yeah! When I talked to the purser I saw that De Haverland was on board. You know how much he hates our company. What are the chances that he is coincidentally taking the exact same cruise as you?”
