by Berri Fox
“Bills?”
“We don’t know anyone called Bill,” he says, scrunching up his nose. “She gets her books sent back to her a lot and I think that’s really rude.”
“Is she happy?” I ask, finding my voice has gotten a lot softer with the question. It makes my stomach hurt to think of vibrant, beautiful Jess anything except happy.
Alex puts down his drink and stares at the toes of his sneakers. “She cries a lot when she thinks I’m not looking,” he says eventually, his voice soft and sad. “I think she’s sad because she has to take care of me now. My mom went away and Aunt Jess doesn’t smile much anymore.”
“Oh hey,” I stumble over my words and take a breath. I need to be careful with this. If there was ever something I can’t afford to fuck up, it’s telling this little kid that he doesn’t make people sad. “I’m sure that’s not true. Do you like living with Aunt Jess?”
Alex looks over both shoulders and then drops his voice to a whisper. “I love my mommy but she can be scary when she’s not okay. Aunt Jess stays in one place an’ she’s never sleeping at lunch time or smelling funny an’ she doesn’t throw up over things. It’s really good an’ I like having my own room and not having to move a lot.”
A lump forms in my throat and I have to take a moment before I can reply. “I’m glad. And I know your Aunt Jess is glad too. She loves you a whole lot and she obviously loves having you around. How about you and me work on an idea to make Aunt Jess just as happy as we can?”
He beams, all the tension and uncertainty from before melting away. “I can help?”
“Yeah of course you can help! She would love that. I want to make sure both of you are happy, okay? That’s what friends do.”
“Aunt Jess smiles more since we came here,” Alex says. “I think she likes you.”
The words make my heart squeeze tight and I can’t help the goofy grin that spreads across my face even though I know the kid means that in a platonic way. It dawns on me that Jess is the kind of woman who would appreciate it more if I did something sincere than if I bought her all the diamonds in the world.
“Okay let’s write her a song. We can sing it to her together and it will tell her how much we care about her, okay?”
“Like in Disney!” Alex bounces in his seat excitedly.
“Yeah, just like in Disney! Okay, what’s your favorite songs?”
We cycle through songs that Alex knows and loves and I start making a list on my phone of possibilities. At some points we start trying to throw popcorn into our mouths and I have to make a mental note to tip the cleaning staff something extra because the room looks like a tornado hit it.
I’m getting a refill when I notice that disapproving Ms Peterson sitting across the other side of the lounge watching us. For once she doesn’t look like she’s itching to give me a good spanking or get me to write lines like a school marm or something. I don’t know why she looks all approving and shit but I decide that it’s too much effort to worry about it and I take the overflowing bucket of popcorn back to Alex instead.
We have a surprise to plan.
Twenty-Two
Jess
After running breathlessly through the ship for some time Natalie and I finally come to a halt near the café on the outside deck. We decide to go in for coffee and get a table.
I’m so happy and for the first time in my life, I feel like I can trust it. Every day just gets better and even though that old part of me is trying to say it just can’t last, I push it away. Its all going to work out.
I’m not deluding myself, or at least, I don’t think I am. I want this feeling to last forever and its starting to look like I can trust it.
Natalie and I have a giggly recap of our great escape while we wait for our coffee. We’ve managed to come down a little by the time the frothy cups arrive.
I feel a little sad for a second as I look into my cup. The table seems a little empty. I never got a chance to tell my friends what’s going on. A few panic-stricken messages about being stuck on the boat is not a catharsis. They were supportive of me, but I couldn’t spill it all and I still can’t.
“What’s the matter babe? Your face just fell so hard it hit the ocean floor.” Natalie picks up her cup and licks a bit of chocolatey froth from the edge.
“Oh, I’m just thinking about all my friends back home. We’re really close. All this happened so fast I didn’t get a chance to talk to them. They don’t always have the best advice, but it helps me sort out my own thoughts, you know?”
Natalie is looking at me with such intensity I wonder if I’ve said something wrong. She shakes her head a little and looks out over the ocean, the glare broken by waves and the occasional dipping seagull.
“I don’t have friends like that.” She tries to speak lightly but I can hear the hurt behind it. “Its so hard, you know. I’m always travelling. I don’t stay in one spot for long. I used to make connections in spite of that, trying to say my job doesn’t have to define me. But either I got too busy or they got jack of me never being there.” She shrugs defeatedly.
“I don’t really know anyone who isn’t on this boat.” She takes a sip of coffee to hide her sadness. My heart goes out to her.
“Maybe you could get some time off.” I say gently. “You can always make real connections while you’re on holiday.”
She snorts a little. “That doesn’t really solve anything. I’ll go back to constantly being on the move and they’ll get jack of it like everyone does. I can’t blame them.”
She looks down into her lap and I bite my lip a little. I just don’t know what to say. Its really not fair that a sweet, giving girl like this cant find someone special or even a decent friend to lean on regularly.
I try to think of something to say as Natalie sighs and takes another sip. The coffee is good, probably the best I’ve ever had.
“To make things worse, guys are always hitting on me.” Her pretty, well sculpted eyebrows turn downwards in a frown. “I know it’s the done thing while people are on a cruise. If you get on one of these boats and you’re single, the goal is to fuck practically everyone on the boat. I just seem to get a lot more attention than the others.”
I grin over the edge of my cup. “At least you’re fully validated about your looks.”
She giggles. “For sure.”
“Flattering, at least?”
She shakes her head. “Maybe at first. Now its just really annoying. I can’t take another guy parading in front of me like he’s the hottest thing in the universe and I should be grateful just to have his attention. Like, seriously.”
I only have to consider this for a few seconds to get a cold clutch in my guts that wrinkles up my nose as I grimace with sympathy.
“Yeah. Okay, that sounds like it sucks.”
“It does! It really does. I don’t get hit on by women, but even if I did, they’d be just like the guys. Out for a quick bang or a short holiday romance. I’m not a fucking toy. I’m not a disposable toothbrush for fucks sakes.”
I can tell she’s gotten too deep into this when she has to swallow and blink hard, focusing on her coffee. I reach out and squeeze her arm gently. She looks up at me gratefully.
“Thanks for trying to cheer me up. I’m sorry. I’ve had this shit inside for quite a while now. I didn’t mean to spill a bunch of heavy shit on you.”
“No, don’t apologize.” I’m so touched by her honesty I can’t believe she feels she has to say sorry. “Your feelings are real, and you should talk about them.”
She props her chin in her hand, a faraway look on her face. She stirs her coffee a little with one finger, sucking the foam off it.
“I just wish I had what Robin and Emily have.” She gives a desperate sigh as my heart literally constricts into a heart attack. “I haven’t seen them, but it’s the talk of the ship. They are so in love. Its just beautiful.”
I stutter stupidly and realize my eyes are welling up. Natalie looks at me in alarm.
“Shit Jess. Does it upset you, too?”
I shake my head. The words crowd in my throat. I try so hard not to say it. Its like the wave of words crashes over me with a will of its own.
“There is no ‘Robin’ or ‘Emily’.” I say with a flat voice. “At least, not on this ship. There’s just Ashley… And me.”
Natalie’s shocked face doesn’t move for a second. Her mouth slowly drops open.
“It’s a sham.” I speak over the silence. “Ashley ended up here, posing as Robin. She wanted to maintain her cover, so she needed a girlfriend. I showed up at exactly the right time.”
“What the fuck?” Natalie whispers.
I shake my head. “I know, its crazy. I don’t know how I got myself into this situation. The worst thing is—” The wave of words dries up and gets stuck in my throat. Natalie rubs my hand gently. I look up into her sympathetic eyes.
“I’m falling in love with her.” My voice is a harsh whisper, barely audible. “I can’t help myself. My heart leaps whenever I see her. When we’re together, I feel satisfied. Happy and content. I know every day this goes on I’m just hurting myself more, but I can’t stop.”
Natalie stares at me for a few seconds, patting my hand.
“I’m so sorry, Jess.” She shakes her head in sympathy. “I think your situation might be worse than mine. I’ll keep your secret, okay? You don’t need to worry about that.”
“One less thing to worry about.” I mutter.
“Look.” Natalie tries a bright tone. “Why don’t we head to the pool to hang out? Maybe I’ll meet someone, and we can distract you for awhile.”
I can’t resist her grin. She has me grinning too in spite of myself.
“Okay. It sounds good.”
We get up and gather our stuff, heading towards the pool. When I feel my arm being roughly grabbed, I almost scream until I’m whirled around to face the accusing eyes of De Haverland.
Oh, shit.
“I heard every single word.” He hisses at me. His rage is barely controlled, and I can tell he wants to yell. Natalie stands beside me with wide eyes, lips pulled tight together.
“You get ahold of Ashley, right now.” His voice is evening out to an enraged whisper. “I’ve got a proposition for you.”
My guts start to churn. This is bad. What is Ashley going to say about this?
I stagger a few steps away from De Haverland, wondering if I can even remember how to use my phone. My fingers are numb. I don’t want to hear what Ashley will have to say about this.
I think I royally fucked up this time, and there’s no going back.
Twenty-Three
Ashley
”He knows everything.”
I hold the phone up to my ear, furrowing my brows as I hear Jess’ voice utter something incomprehensible. “Darling you’re going to have to repeat yourself.” I jest, but part of me knows exactly who and what she was talking about, and it makes me sick.
A single moment of silence passes by before Jess takes a deep breath on the other line. Her voice comes out as a whisper as she repeats herself with regret. “He knows about us.”
A chill runs through my spine, and I sink into complete denial. I decide that if I play dumb, she’ll tell me that De Haverland catching on to our lie is some sort of sick joke. “You can’t be serious, maybe you’re overreacting?”
I hear Jess sniff. She’s on the verge of tears and the panic in her voice lets me know that there’s no hope left. We’ve been found out.
The tensions are running high and I shut the book I was relaxing with just a moment ago. “Well what’s going on now, where are you?” I press.
“Just meet me at the bottom of the stairs by the clock. Please hurry.”
I hang up after assuring her I’m on my way. Out of anger and passion, I throw my book against the wall as I rush out of my room. How could he have found out?
The walk to the meeting place seems to last hours, though Jess and I have made this trek several times throughout our trip. Standing by the large grandfather clock and watching the cruise ship patrons live out their lives below became a sort of fun past time for Jess and I. But if what she implied turns out to be true, I may never be able to take long walks with her again.
I rudely push some people out of my way as I begin to jog. My mind drifts to dark places, telling me that Jess is in danger and that De Haverland must have her at gunpoint or something sinister. With a lump in my throat, I break into a run and hope that I can arrive on time.
“Ashley!” Jess squeaks when I finally arrive. She motions for me to follow her around the corner, and her face is as white as snow.
Before I can ask her if she’s okay, I am accosted by the sight of De Haverland’s ugly face leering from around the corner. His dark eyes shine maliciously and his angular jaw juts out into a menacing smile. This is it, he really has us both at his mercy.
“Nice to see you again Miss. Carmichael. I would address you by the name Ashley, but I hear you would rather go by Robyn these days.” The sheer pleasure on his face is making me want to throw up.
I don’t waste a second, impulsively standing between his disgusting form and Jess’ quivering body. “Shut the Hell up Francis. What price do I have to pay to get you to leave us alone?”
Though I’m seething with rage he doesn’t seem the least bit affected. “You Charmichaels. Always thinking that you can buy whatever you want. Greedy, don’t you think?”
I have no time for his games. That old bastard has had it out for our family ever since Grandfather Carmichael expertly negotiated away several contracts from De Haverland’s grandfather. “I know I can, you’ve been obsessed with avenging your grandfather for years…now what’s your price?”
De Haverland chuckles, shrugging his thin shoulders. “Your grandfather was a thief, he stole those contracts unethically. I simply want you to live up to your dirty reputation and do the same for me.”
“Don’t do it Ashley.” Jess pipes up, her delicate hand finding my shoulder. Her green eyes are wide as she begs me to back down.
“Don’t you think you’ve spoken enough tonight?” He says, pointing a bony finger in Jess’ direction.
I gently remove her fingers from my arm and urge her to back up as my rage builds. “What did you do to her Francis, threaten her?” My narrowed eyes don’t leave his for a single second.
Again he laughs, and the sound makes me want to wrap my fists around his throat each time it moves. “I didn’t have to harm a hair on her head, you friend Jess and her big mouth revealed everything willingly.”
I know it’s a lie, or I think I do. I don’t know what to think. My vision is becoming blurry and my feet feel like they could fall out from under me at any second.
De Haverland takes advantage of my silence. “That’s right, tell your little girlfriend what you’ve done.” He says to Jess, and she begins to cry softly.
“I didn’t mean to, I really didn’t.”
Her words catch me off guard, and all I can see is the color red as I whip around and stare her down with fury in my eyes. “What did you DO?”
She cowers from me, regret streaming down her cheeks in the form of salty tears. “I was talking to Natalie I thought we were alone! He came out of the shadows after Natalie left, I’m sorry!”
“I’ll deal with you later.” I tell her, and I can’t bring myself to look at her face any longer. Instead, I turn to Francis and grovel, asking again for him to just name his price for silence.
What kind of sick man gets off watching one woman cry and another beg? He seems to be enjoying our heightened emotions, and finally reveals what it is he wants so badly. “Steal me the plans for the Carmichael flagship Hotel in Taiwan by the end of the day.”
“No deal.” My brother and the rest of my family would be absolutely ruined. I can’t let him get his grubby hands on those plans.
“Alright,” he seems to reason. “No deal, but this means that your little playmate here will be locked in the brig, and
that the Carmichael family name will be dragged through every newspaper in town for fraud charges.”
“I can’t.” I can’t even finish my sentence, I don’t know whether I’m referencing the Hotel plans or letting my family’s name burn. Everything is a blur.
De Haverland doesn’t care either way. “Have those plans slipped under my cabin door by the end of the day, or life as you know it will turn into a living Hell.” He saunters away with those words, and as soon as he’s out of sight, I collapse to my knees.
I honestly don’t know how I stayed standing that long. My world has turned upside down. One moment I was planning a proposal and the next, I’m on the ground imagining my family behind bars.
“Ashley?” Jess prods, her raspy voice still a whisper. “Please say something.”
I don’t respond, opting instead to remain on the floor and contemplate my horrible life choices. I feel completely numb. How could this have happened to me?
“At least stand up and come to my room where we can talk.” When Jess reaches for my hand to pull me up, her eyes red and puffy from crying, I realize exactly how this mess occurred.
It was Jess. It was always Jess, the naïve and irresponsible girl with a mouth too big for her own good. Without her, I wouldn’t be in this predicament.
“He gave you his ultimatum, it’s all going to be okay, just give him the plans.” She continues, not knowing that those words were the worst thing she could have possibly said.
In a renewed fit of anger, I slap her hand away forcefully. “No!” I scream, leaping to my feet.
She looks around in a panic, most likely glad that no one is around to hear my outburst or see her tears. “Look, I’m so sorry that this all happened. But it’s either those plans or jail for all of us.”
I raise my voice yet again, entirely blinded by my emotions. “How could you be so stupid? You’re a real smart one aren’t you, do you think you did the right thing by telling Natalie everything and ruining my life in the process?”
