His pace quickened to each push and pull were both quick and hard. And oh it hurt, but in that hurt I felt such pleasure, the likes of which I had never known before. I had no idea this was how a night with Chad could be. If I had, I would have jumped on that bandwagon a long time ago.
The helmet of his cock rubbed and scraped in just the right place, sending me toward my next orgasm and I embraced it with open arms, screaming his name and squeezing his neck with my calves. My breathing could no longer be controlled, and when my eyes finally fluttered open, I found him smirking at me. He had stopped moving, but that grin told me he was far from done with me.
As he pulled out, I knew that he was the one in control. He was the one who would decide when we were finished with each other, and throw my body into the abyss. I accepted my fate.
Chapter 25
Rayne
M onday came upon me and I wanted to push it away. It had been a couple of days since I had had the best sex of my life, and then left Chad snoring in bed. Uber picked me up, took me to my car, and then I returned home and tried to pretend that the ache between my legs wasn’t there.
But I couldn’t forget. I lost count of how many orgasms I had that night because I think I passed out after six. He told the truth when he said he would give me what I wanted and more. He had. The only problem was, if I allowed it, he could become that drug I craved and would do anything for a fix. The climaxes would be the high I sought, a high only he could give, and we both knew that night was a one-time thing. It couldn’t, or wouldn’t happen again.
We were too different operating on two different sides of the spectrum, unable to fit together. Mix matched puzzle pieces that belonged in two separate boxes. He saw the world through rose colored glasses, while I viewed the world through blue. Or whatever color that wasn’t rose. He believed everyone was inherently good, but I knew the truth. People lied to get what they wanted. They pretended to be something they weren’t and stole everything. He trusted that Emma was good. I waited for her to strike.
Chad and I could never get along, and after my issues with work were resolved, he and I would no longer have anything to discuss.
That sounded all well and good, but the truth of the matter was leaving him in the middle of the night had been one of the hardest things I’d ever done. I didn’t want to leave. Something about him called out to me, and had since I was a teenager visiting my brother. I was afraid of what that could mean since it would really only be my heart on the line.
Through the years, I had seen him take up the cause for others. He helped others when they were down, he was loyal to his friends and family, and I had watched him without his knowledge as he tried to assist complete strangers. The only person he hadn’t embraced with open arms was me—not that I gave him a chance. When it came to him, from day one, I held him off with a forest of thorns like in Sleeping Beauty.
No, with me he had an agenda, a goal, and I would do well to remember that. He was simply using all of my troubles to his benefit, like any good strategist. If our roles were reversed, I would do the same thing.
Looking at my computer, I almost laughed. Typed in an open email I was supposed to send to Justin were the words, ‘Chad is using you. Don’t trust him. Remember not to fall for him.’ If only it was that easy. Random words. Random thoughts. My inner turmoil. I didn’t want to trust him, but I found myself doing that in spite of my own warnings.
Even my mother’s words from this weekend came back to haunt me.
“Dear, the thing you have to remember is that sometimes there is a fine line between love and hate,” my mom spoke softly to me, brushing my hair back with her fingers like she used to do when I was a child.
She tried to soothe my fears and uncertainties, but it felt like with that one sentence they multiplied. “Then how do you know which one it is?”
“If it is love, you’ll know. I did when I met your father. When I first met that man, I couldn’t stand him, and yet, there was always something that drew me to him. I didn’t know what it was or what that pull meant, but eventually I figured it out.”
“How long did it take you?”
“Three years.”
“What? But I thought you and dad dated only four months before you got married.”
“We did, but we knew each other three years before that. I met him during my sophomore year in college and he rubbed me the wrong way. He thought because he was popular, I was supposed to fall at his feet and worship him like everyone else. I refused.”
“What changed your mind about him?”
“I saw something that I hadn’t expected to see. For all of his bluster, for all of his faults, he was a good man. In my senior year, I was on the bus and I saw your father in the not so good part of town. When the bus stopped, I got off and followed him. I was curious about why he would be there of all places. This was so far over the railroad tracks for him that at first, I thought I was seeing someone else—a twin, or something. I figured he’d either gotten lost or that he’d been kidnapped and escaped.”
I laughed because I couldn’t help it. “Seriously, you thought he had been kidnapped or something? Weren’t you growing up in the times of the greasers and socs?”
“Not everything is The Outsiders, so stop giving me your lip.”
“Yeah. Yeah. Then what?” I was genuinely curious about what my mother saw. I had never heard this story before, nor did I know that she used to hate my father. I guess for them, things had come full circle.
“You can wipe that glum expression off your face too. I don’t hate your father. I still love him, just like he still loves me, but sometimes, love isn’t enough. We’re better friends than now than before. We get along and talk a couple times a week, but now we live separate lives. We were actually living separate lives long before the divorce. Part of the reason we stayed married for so long was because of you kids. After a while, we realized that both of you were living your lives now, it was time for us to live ours.”
“Bryan said something similar.”
“Bryan is a smart cookie, like I taught him to be.” She must have noticed the disbelief flash across my face, because she said, “I know he thinks we played favorites, and he’s right. We did. It’s something I regret to this day. I know you don’t like her, but it’s because of Emma that we were able to bridge the gap between us. She’s good for him. So even if you don’t like her, you have to allow your brother to be happy. She makes him happier than I have ever seen him.”
“Mom…”
“You don’t have to like her, but it’s true.”
In an attempt to change the subject away from my disdain for my sister-in-law back to something safer, I asked, “What about what you saw that day with dad?”
She cocked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes, as if she was trying to read me like a book. She studied me for a couple of minutes before she continued, “I wound up following your father for three blocks, and in heels no less. My poor feet were sore and cranky, let me tell you. But I didn’t stop following him. I eventually saw him walk into an alley. I stood on the sidewalk, looking down the alley, and watched as he squatted down and talked to someone. I couldn’t see anyone, of course, because there were piles of trash everywhere. Then he handed whomever it was a paper bag. I saw a pair of hands open the bag and pull everything out one by one. There were two sandwiches, an apple, an orange, milk, and a thermos. Your father later told me that it was a thermos of tomato soup. After the person took the bag, your father pulled out his wallet, and handed the person some money. Your father stayed there for at least thirty minutes before he turned to come back toward me. Of course, he noticed me standing there, and seemed almost embarrassed to be caught.”
“Who was it?”
“His uncle. Your father loved his dad’s brother, but there was a fallout and the uncle took off. He wound up homeless, and although your father had been ordered to stay away from him, he did what he thought was right. Whenever he could get away, he would
go down to that alley and find his uncle. A month later, he went down to the alley and he wasn’t there. That night, his father called him. His uncle was in the hospital. The family gathered, brothers made amends, and when the wounds were healed within the family, his uncle went to sleep and never woke up. When he couldn’t find his uncle, he came to me and asked me to help find him. I don’t know why he did. While we were more civil to each other, and my heart was starting to melt for him, we hadn’t exactly been in each other’s company much. He sought me out. I was with him when he got the call, and then he asked me to be with him. He said he needed me, and I couldn’t leave him. Seeing his heart, his true self, showed me what kind of man he really was…is. Maybe it’s the same for Chad.”
“Mom, I don’t—”
“You can say anything you want, but I know more than just hate is between you. You even have his picture in your apartment.”
“That doesn’t mean anything. It’s a good picture and Bryan is in it.”
“Bryan is fuzzy and in the background. That picture is focused on Chad.”
“Chad is…” I stopped.
“Yes?”
“Chad is a player who’s only worried about scoring his next lay.” Even as I said those words aloud, they felt wrong, as if I somehow betrayed him with one simple sentence.
Her eyes bore into me, shredding my walls and lies. “Are you so sure about that?” She continued to stare at me for a few seconds longer before she sighed. Patting my hand, she told me, “I wouldn’t completely slam that door shut just yet.”
She didn’t say anything else as she got up and left me by myself in the middle of a crowded restaurant.
The problem wasn’t me. It was him. Yes, there was a fine line between love and hate, unfortunately only one of us had come close to crossing it. Not that I had jumped over and fallen down that hole completely yet. Fuck my life.
Mondays really did suck.
I hadn’t talked to Chad all weekend, even though he tried to call and texted me a couple of times. This morning, the power was off in my building and therefore I woke up late. Apparently, someone did something and it shorted the box. I walked into the office and straight into a co-worker who was holding a freshly brewed cup of coffee, which spilled all over my white sheath dress. Not even my blue blazer could cover that since it only fell to my waistline.
To top everything off, when I finally got to my office, two hours after I was supposed to be there, I found Regina walking out of it. How had she gotten in? I changed the locks and only two people had the keys: me and Justin.
Glaring at her, I asked, “What do you think you’re doing?”
She smiled snidely, and stated just as snidely, “Justin let me in to get some forms we needed for the meeting this morning. You know, the one you missed.”
Slapping her would be bad. Slapping her would be bad. I plastered a sweet smile on my face and nodded. “I know exactly what meeting you’re talking about, but that doesn’t explain why you were in there right before I walked in. If you needed it for the meeting at 8:30 this morning, then why are you in there at ten?”
I was hoping she would look guilty or give me some sign that she had been up to no good. Instead, she lifted one of her overly tweezed brow, and said, “I was putting the files back in your office like Justin told me to.”
“How nice of you.”
“Isn’t it?”
She leaned in closer and whispered, “You may want to watch your attitude. People are watching and you aren’t as valuable as you think you are.”
“Back off, Regina. I’m not having the greatest of mornings and you really don’t want to push me.”
“Or what?”
Rolling my eyes, I stepped past her, opened my office door, and shut it with such force that Justin sent me a message asking me to observe office etiquette. Really? Office etiquette? If he was so concerned about that, why had I caught him making out with his husband on his desk at the very moment we were supposed to be having a meeting in his office two months prior? Or if he was so concerned about office etiquette, he should learn to trust me and control Regina more. Fuck office etiquette.
As I sat there a couple hours later with half the office taking their noon lunch, I still felt the same way. Fuck it all. Everything was falling apart around me.
Chapter 26
Chad
“H
ey man, are you okay?” Mark asked me when he came into the office bright and early Monday morning.
I grunted in reply without actually speaking. My coffee sat in front of me with a cloud of steam floating above the hot liquid, but I hadn’t taken one sip yet. I went through the motions of making it more out of habit than anything.
What the fuck was wrong with me? I had been in this funk since waking up in the middle of the night Friday as Rayne snuck out. She tried to be quiet, but I knew. When she slid from the bed and gathered her clothes, her intention to leave without a single word of goodbye registered. So, I laid there and pretended to be asleep. She wasn’t the first person to leave in the middle of the night, and hell, I had done it a time or dozen myself, however, this time it felt different. It unsettled me in a way nothing ever had before. I shouldn’t have slept with her, but now that I had—again—I had to say, she impressed me. Most women who were as small as her, had a hard time taking my entire length. They couldn’t adjust, and yet, Rayne accepted me completely, forming herself around me, and fitting like a glove. I wasn’t sure I wanted to explore the reasons I felt the way I did, but at the same time, I couldn’t prevent my idiotic brain from thinking, she had been made for me.
“Chad, are you okay?” Mark asked again, placing his hand on my shoulder and shaking me.
I glanced up into his face and saw his concern. We had been through so much, and we were more like brothers than friends. Nodding, I attempted to placate him, “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Something happen with a girl?”
I snickered, the sound coming out as more of a derisive snort than anything. “You could say that.”
“Strike out or something?”
Lifting my eyebrow at him, I shot him a look that said, “Do you know who I am?”
He waved me off, laughing at himself. “Okay. Ignore that and pretend I never asked.”
“Done.”
“So what happened?”
“I don’t know.”
“What do you mean?” He took a seat in his chair, spinning it around to give me his full attention.
I needed to talk to someone. If I talked to Bryan, I might end up six feet under for sleeping with his sister. I almost called Evan, Bryan’s ex-roommate, but I wasn’t sure if I could call and talk to him about this. I knew he had his own issues with Rayne, and Evan and I had only started bonding at the wedding because we were both groomsmen. Given the fact I tried to date Emma, it surprised the hell out of me when Bryan asked me to stand up with him.
Since the wedding, though, Evan and I had called each other a handful of times. Granted, the conversations typically lasted less than five minutes and consisted of talking about absolutely nothing, but we were guys. Hello. How’s it going? Meet anyone new? Emma and Bryan are still going strong. Goodbye. I probably had better conversations with my dentist, and yet, for whatever reason, like clockwork, one of us would call the other every two or three weeks.
And I had seen Rayne make more than a couple of passes at Evan, beginning at the rehearsal dinner. Rejection after rejection, and at one point, he called her out for wanting to use him to get to Emma. Rayne’s face became flushed, becoming bright red right before she stormed off. I hadn’t heard the entire conversation, only part of it.
“Come on. You know that you can’t honestly believe Bryan and Emma were made for each other,” she simpered, her hand patting his chest.
Removing Rayne’s hand from his body as if it disgusted him, Evan spoke in a low, deadly tone. “If anyone is wrong for Bryan, it’s you as his sister. Family should support each other, not try to tear them down
. Compared to you, Emma is a goddess.”
Rayne stepped back as if someone had slapped her. Squaring her shoulders, she looked in that moment as if she hated him more than she hated Emma. “Go to fucking hell. You’re not worth it anyway,” she hissed and then quickly made her escape.
Based on how red her cheeks were as she raced by me, I could tell she was embarrassed. Not only that, she was spitting mad. And although I thought she looked beautiful like that, my gut clenched with fear and loathing when I heard what she had said. What she didn’t see, what everyone else saw with they looked at Bryan and Emma, was the perfect couple. They were made for each other, and happily in love. That was the important part, and Rayne had no say on if they could be together or not.
When I heard that, I knew she wouldn’t change unless someone tried to change her, and I silently volunteered. Sleeping with her twice had not been part of my plan, though. And now things had become jumbled and confusing.
Glancing back over to where Mark sat in his chair, waiting on me to talk to him, I finally caved. He was the person I trusted most in this world besides my family, and I was afraid to talk to my sister. I didn’t want to hear an “I told you so” or anything along those lines.
“I slept with Rayne,” I confessed, sighing in defeat.
“Did you say you slept with Rayne? Is this some sort of joke?”
“You heard that correctly.”
“What the fuck were you thinking? Did you forget to mention that part of your plan was sleeping with the enemy? This isn’t a spy movie.”
I hadn’t been thinking. Taking a deep breath, I rested my forehead on the heels of my hands, rubbing circles in the hopes I could stave off the forming headache. “I don’t know.”
“Don’t know?”
“Will you stop repeating me? The echo is just as fucking annoying this time as it was last time,” I barked. I was losing it and needed to get a grip on my anger, disappointment, sadness, irritation…my emotions in general. I wasn’t a fucking girl, for God’s sakes.
Redeemed: Book Two of the Love Seekers Series Page 17
