“Surgery?”
Shaking my shoulder, he tried to get my attention; and when that didn’t work, he pulled my chair backwards and stepped in front of me. Both hands gripped my chair arms and he leaned forward to meet my gaze. His expression went from irritated to sympathetic in an instant. I knew what he saw. My eyes were wide and wild. I was panicked. Rayne was in a car accident and hurt and I hadn’t been there. Not that I could’ve controlled that, but I felt like I should’ve been there with her.
“Come on. I’ll drive you to the hospital.”
Maybe I nodded, I couldn’t remember, but I stood up with Mark’s help and together we hurried to the hospital. I needed her to be all right. I needed her to know…to know that I loved her. Fuck me! Why hadn’t I figured that part out before now? I stalked the woman every night and I was just now realizing that I loved her. I was pathetic.
When we got to the hospital, Mark parked as close as possible and we ran into the building. “Where are we going? Shouldn’t we be at the emergency room?” I asked him trying to focus on staying with him and not allowing my mind to wander.
“No, Bryan said that they were already taking her to surgery and to meet there,” Mark explained.
’Someone needs to show me where to go! I have to get to Rayne,’ I thought to myself.
“Chad, Mark, this way,” our friend Mel called out. I hadn’t seen much of her lately, but then again, she and her husband Luke were expecting their first child and she had been put on bedrest. Plus, my spare time had been spent with Rayne.
She led the way to an elevator bank in the center of the massive hospital, her short blond hair had been dyed pink recently. Lately, every time I saw her, her hair had been colored something different. Mel was short, but Rayne was shorter by at least a couple of inches.
My chest clenched with fear. If her accident was as bad as Mark said, Rayne’s life hung in the hands of a skilled surgeon and God. I could lose her. I didn’t want to think about that. She had to be all right, because I had something to tell her.
“When did this happen?” Mark asked.
“Mrs. Sampson, I mean Ms. Whitney—I’m so used to calling her by her married name—got the call at about one, but they already had her here at the hospital.”
“Is she…?” I tried to ask my question, both wanting to know the worst and terrified of hearing it, but I couldn’t get the words out.
“All I know is that she had some cuts and stuff, but they are more worried other injuries and her head. Thankfully, that girl has a hard one.”
I stopped in my tracks. None of this sounded good. “Why?”
“She wasn’t wearing a seatbelt and she felt the full impact of hitting the tree, not to mention what the airbag did to her. She’s actually lucky to be alive, and that she wasn’t thrown through the windshield. If she had been going any faster…” We all understood what she meant. Clearing her throat, she added, “We won’t know much more until after surgery. We’re still waiting, but they just wheeled her back there not too long ago. This is probably going to be a long night.”
I heard Mark inquire, “Are you going to be okay staying here?” He sounded worried about her, and I felt like an ass because I had been wholly focused on Rayne, that I hadn’t thought about the fact that Mel had been on bedrest since a couple days after Bryan and Emma’s wedding a few months ago. And she still had at least two months left.
“Yeah. I’ll just make sure I stay seated and keep my feet up. I couldn’t sit at home waiting for the news.”
“I get it,” he responded. “Where’s Luke?”
“He’ll be here soon. He was at work.”
They could carry on a conversation and I couldn’t say anything. I wanted to wake from this nightmare. If I spoke, uttered one word, everything would come crashing down and everything would become real. I knew it sounded stupid, but I needed that separation, because I was on the verge of breaking down. I held on by a very thin thread.
When we finally got to the surgical waiting room, I found all of Rayne’s family sitting there, anxiously waiting on news. Bryan sat in a chair next to Emma with his arm wrapped round her as she leaned on him, resting her face against his shoulder. Her rolling walker stood in front of her. Rayne’s father, Fred, paced back and forth. I didn’t blame him. I was almost there myself…if I allowed myself to be. But I had shut down, still trying to process everything. And Rayne’s mother sat in the chair closest to the door, watching everyone that passed by the small room. She reminded me of a panther ready to pounce on the next person that walked in.
As Mel went to sit on the other side of Emma, pulling Emma’s walker over to use as a foot stool, Rayne’s mom, Candy, patted the chair next to her, and said softly, “Come here, Chad.”
I was in no condition to think, so I did as instructed. As soon as I plopped into the chair, she grabbed my hand and squeezed. She didn’t speak further, didn’t ask anything. She merely sat in her seat and held my hand as if it were a lifeline.
My chest felt tight and ready to burst. Everything was starting to weigh me, to become a reality. We were really gathered in the hospital to wait on news about if she would make it or if she would…I still refused to think about the alternative.
In a short amount of time, she had come to mean so much to me, and I needed the chance to tell her, to show her that although it seemed like everyone was against her, I was in her corner. Everything felt surreal. When I started this, I hadn’t intended to fall for her. How was it that now I didn’t want to be away from her. And when I think about our last moments together…I could have said something, but instead of stopping her, I allowed her to leave. I distanced myself and didn’t try to call her. I…it couldn’t end like this. I took for granted that she would be there, and now I was faced with the very real possibility that… No, I wouldn’t think like that.
Finding my voice, I asked, “Have…ahem…have we heard anything yet?” Something, anything, no matter how small would suffice.
Candy swallowed hard. “They said that she wasn’t wearing her seatbelt and that they…they uh, had to cut her out of her car. I told her driving a little Fiat wasn’t going to be safe, but she really wanted that car. And now…” Her voice caught and she covered her mouth with one of her hands.
Fred finished, “They cut her out and they had to secure her to a backboard. But when they got her here and examined her, they realized she had some internal bleeding, and they took her into surgery.”
“What does that mean?”
“We don’t exactly know. That’s all they’ve really told us.” His quiet voice was barely heard, and one glance his way, told me he was on the verge of breaking down as well.
I wasn’t the only one. I didn’t know why my mind had believed otherwise, but hearing her mother sob next to me, seeing her father barely holding it together, reminded me that this was not about me.
Seconds turned into minutes, and minutes to hours. As time passed, my anxiety grew. I found it was a little odd that Bryan had been told to call me because I had been spending time with his sister, but he never said anything to me. He simply held onto Emma and waited like the rest of us. And now that I thought about it, he hadn’t said anything to me since I arrived.
After Fred and Candy told me what had happened, the room fell eerily silent. I could hear the ding of the elevator down the hall, the sounds of people walking passed the waiting room, the sound of chairs creaking as people shifted to get comfortable in our little corner of the world, but no one spoke. I was sure their anxiety clawed at them like mine, robbing them of the ability to say anything.
Candy continued to hold my hand, at times squeezing it with such ferocity that it went numb, but then she would ease up. I never severed our connection, because as much as she needed my hand in hers, I needed hers in mine, to help ease the aching deep in my heart, to know I wasn’t alone.
Periodically, I would rub my chest to try and calm the ache and anxiousness, but it never worked. My whole body felt tight and rea
dy to spring. I wanted to be at the gym, punching a bag to get rid of some of this pent up aggression that had risen out of fear, and yet, dared not leave. I sat in my chair, and prayed for a miracle. I even made a deal with God that I would step in and take on the burden in her place, completely contradicting my past judgements against her. She had to be all right. She had to.
“Family for Rayne Sampson?” someone called out. All of our heads whipped around to look at the man standing there in blue scrubs.
“Yes, that’s us. I’m her father, and this is her mother,” Fred said tentatively gesturing toward his ex-wife. His voice warbled with fear.
“I’m Dr. Searcy. Your daughter made it through surgery without any complications. We were able to stop the bleeding. She’s still in critical condition, but stable. We’ve moved her to recovery.”
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief and patted each other on the back. Rayne would be all right. Or maybe not? I noticed that the doctor hadn’t joined in our revelry and still looked somewhat serious. Something was wrong. “What else?” I asked, my voice shaking.
“Who are you?” he questioned me. I wasn’t family, so he had to be careful. Fuck careful. I didn’t care about HIPPA at that moment. I cared about Rayne.
Before I could demand more answers, Fred interceded, “Is there more?”
The doctor almost looked relieved that someone else had asked a question. To him, it didn’t matter that I asked in front of them, it was a matter of patient confidentiality, and I wasn’t a family member as far as he knew.
Everyone except Mel and Emma stood up to celebrate when we received the good news, and with the uncomfortable expression on the doctor’s face, we all sat back down, prepared for bad news. “As you know, Rayne wasn’t wearing her seatbelt and she was thrown around a lot, the airbag didn’t help, although I will say it probably saved her life. However, before she was rushed into surgery, she said she couldn’t feel her legs and was unable to move them at all. Our priority was the bleeding. I want you to be prepared. She has a concussion, but she also had an injury to her spine. Nothing is broken that we can see on the X-rays, which means she was very lucky, however, there is a lot of swelling around the spinal column.”
“What are you saying?” Bryan demanded. When he saw the doctor hesitate, he said, “I’m her brother, and I think we can drop the pretense, my parents wants to know everything you have to say as well, so please stop walking on eggshells. Everyone in this room is family in one way or another. Speak freely. It’s not like you aren’t talking in front of her family anyway.”
“She’s had an acute spinal injury. It is possible that she may have some paralysis.”
“Paralysis? How bad?” Maybe I was supposed to keep my mouth shut, but I couldn’t do it.
“We don’t know the extent of the damage until we run more tests. We don’t even know if she is in fact paralyzed, but based on her symptoms earlier, I didn’t want you to be surprised if she says anything. If she really does have some level of paralysis, it may very well be a temporary condition.”
My head spun. Rayne paralyzed, even temporarily sounded wrong. She was so full of life, but then I heard Emma cough, and remembered that at one time she had been full of life as well. Myasthenia gravis didn’t strike her until she was in her mid-twenties. Could Rayne handle not being able to walk? Depending on others? More importantly, could she accept a disability at 25 when she had done nothing but be repulsed by others who were disabled? I didn’t know if she could survive this.
Emma grabbed her walker and pulled herself up out of her chair with Bryan’s help. “Are you certain?” Tears pooled in her eyes. As much as she hated the way Rayne treated her, she didn’t want this for her sister-in-law, or anyone for that matter.
“As I said, we won’t know until we run more tests and she becomes more alert. At the moment, she is in recovery and will be on strong pain meds throughout the night. It was possible that it was the shock from the accident. She was in and out of consciousness when she arrived and she was in a lot of pain.”
“Thank you, doctor,” Candy said quietly. She sounded worried, but lying underneath that, there was an edge of steel. “May we sit with her?”
He nodded. “Only one at a time and only for a few minutes.”
Fred pushed his ex toward the doctor. “Give her a kiss for me.”
Without arguing, Candy nodded and followed the doctor out of the waiting room. The doctor’s news had blanketed us in a heaviness that hadn’t been present even while Rayne had been in surgery. It was almost too hard to wrap our heads around. None of us wanted to think about something so tragic happening to someone we cared about.
“They said maybe,” Luke, who had arrived about thirty minutes after Mark and I, said in a choked voice. “That means it may not happen.”
“He’s right,” Emma agreed, sitting back down next to her husband.
They were right. The doctor wasn’t sure and only wanted to prepare us just in case. It was funny how our minds immediately had taken a nosedive down the dark nightmarish rabbit hole. I couldn’t help but to think about the possibility though.
“We have to stay positive,” Bryan said. He tried to sound encouraging. His words were good, but his tone lacked any strength. Bryan’s little sister was lying in the hospital, and he had just received disheartening news.
“Has someone called her boss, Justin, to let him know what happened?” I asked. I needed to do something. I couldn’t sit there and do nothing any longer. I was about to go insane. My gaze swept over the room, and found everyone shaking their heads.
“I’ll do it,” Bryan and Fred volunteered at the same time.
I stood up so quickly, my seat hit the wall behind me. “I’ll call. I needed to ask him a question anyway and reschedule our session at the gym.” I rushed out of the waiting room and ran down the hall to jump into an elevator before the doors could close all the way. I ignored the stares people gave me. They could think I was crazy all they wanted, I didn’t care. I only cared about Rayne, about what may or may not happen; and about making sure she would be fine in the future. These strangers could go to hell as far as I was concerned.
As soon as the doors opened, I leapt out as quickly as I jumped in, slightly pushing a pregnant woman. I yelled an apology and headed for the exit. I had to get some air. And as soon as I was free from the oppressive hospital, I turned left and continued to run. I ran until I came to the children’s hospital next door—half of a block away—and found a small park there. Trees were everywhere. Trees. She hit one. A fucking tree. Stepping up to the closest one, I punched it, and then I punched it again because it felt good to hit something, to be angry.
And when I was done I leaned my head against it, the rough bark digging into my skin. It didn’t bother me. I barely felt it. I prayed that Rayne would be all right, and then I prayed that if this had to happen, that the punishment would be passed to me. How ironic. I wanted her to learn her lesson, hated her even, and now I prayed for a miracle.
I had fallen in love with her.
Taking a deep breath, I pulled out my phone, ignoring my bloody knuckles and dialed Justin’s cell number. There was no way he would still be at the office now that it was after seven at night.
“Hello?” Justin answered pleasantly.
I had to control my tears and heartache, had to choke down the pain, and it almost made me sick. “Justin…” My voice cracked.
“Chad? Is something wrong?”
Spinning around, I rested my back against the tree and banged the back of my head against the tall trunk. “I wanted to let you know that Rayne won’t be in for a while.”
He snorted. This was not a fucking laughing matter! “Of course she won’t. We put her on a leave of absence today until we can figure out this mess the office is in.”
“You did what?” I asked incredulously.
“We put her on a leave of absence—with pay.” He sounded almost proud of himself.
“And how did she take that?�
�
“She thought she was fired, but I assured her she wasn’t. Although, I probably shouldn’t be discussing this with you. Proprietary information and everything.”
I pictured wrapping my hands around his neck and squeezing. Fired or leave of absence, she wouldn’t have taken either one of them well. “What time?”
“Before lunch. Why?” It was as if the pain in my voice finally reached him. “What’s wrong?”
“Rayne was in a car accident about that time. She was speeding and wasn’t wearing her seatbelt. She always wears her seatbelt. She jumped a curb and hit a tree. They had to cut her out and she had internal bleeding.” Everything came out in a panicked rush.
He gasped, but didn’t say anything. If he felt even a small sliver of guilt, then good, he should.
I wasn’t sure how much time had passed before he asked, “Is she okay?”
“What do you think? She’s out of surgery and they got the bleeding stopped.”
“I didn’t…I never…What the hell happened?”
“You tell me.”
“I knew she was upset, but I thought she understood. I never expected…”
When he didn’t continue, I said, “No one ever does.”
“Where is she at?”
“She’s at Roper Hospital.” I chose not to tell him the other news because there was still a chance that it would amount to nothing. Please, it had to be nothing.
“I’ll be up tomorrow. Tonight, should be about family.” He was quiet for a moment and then spoke softly, “I never meant for this to happen.”
Sighing heavily, I ran my free hand through my hair. “I know. None of us knew this was going to happen, and I’m not sure what Rayne was thinking to drive like that. But that woman is a hothead and has been known to be a little crazy behind the wheel. Bryan used to hate being in the passenger seat when she drove. Thankfully, I’ve only had the pleasure of being her passenger a couple of times, and I think she took a few years off of my life.” I laughed, and at the same time a few tears fell down my cheeks and I quickly wiped them away.
Redeemed: Book Two of the Love Seekers Series Page 21
