I didn’t try. All the hurt of leaving Dusa, Esak, and Weln exploded in my soul. I was drowning and had only Betra to keep me afloat. I grabbed onto him and hung on for all I was worth, kissing him with as much needfulness as he showed me.
Super-Duper Dumb Mistake, Number One Billion and Two.
I’m not sure when we made it to the bed. I’m guessing my Imdiko liaison carried me. He must have sprinted for it.
I clawed at his uniform, pulling the front seam open to get at his wide, muscled chest. From there, it became a wild melee of us rolling around, grabbing at each other, yanking at his clothes to make him naked, kissing each other all over as well as biting like a couple of animals. We went insane for a few minutes.
The only clue of lucidity was that Betra managed to prepare me for anal penetration. He shoved his fingers in my pussy and fucked me hard with them for a few seconds, collecting my juices as I jerked and bucked beneath him. He didn’t speak a word. He growled as fierce as Esak had ever been. For an Imdiko, he was savage. Then he shoved his dripping fingers up my ass, stretching me open in preparation for his cock.
Meanwhile, I grabbed hold of him, pumping both his cocks. His muscles corded and veins popped out. He was so slick with the lubricant pouring out that it was difficult to keep my hands on him. He kept sliding out of my grip as he worked me with one hand, squeezed my breasts with the other, and licked and nipped every inch of skin he could reach. Betra was a beast, but then again, so was I. It was a miracle neither of us drew blood.
Then he was on top of me, pressing his cocks against my pussy and ass. Shoving them in. Making me take him. It was the kind of glorious hurt I’d enjoyed before with my other Kalquorian lovers. Though I squalled in pain, I fought to impale myself on him. It makes no sense to say this, because the last thing I should be doing is fucking another damned man I can’t clan. Yet I needed Betra. Yes, I NEEDED him.
We didn’t make love. We fucked. Pure and simple, we fucked the living hell out of each other. I fought to take some control and have Betra as I wanted, but he wouldn’t stand for it. He held me against that wide chest, not letting me move against him. His hips pounded against me, shoving his dicks deep inside. The friction was crazy hot, making me kick and claw him in reaction. I was in heaven to have a Kalquorian inside me once more, making me overly full with two thick cocks that hit every sweet spot I possessed. Carnal heat rose so scorching that I was certain we’d catch on fire. Within seconds my pussy had started convulsing, tiny preludes to the big blast. It pulled at Betra’s primary cock, coaxing him to fuck me faster, to force us to come. I wrapped my legs around his flexing ass, squeezing to yank him in deeper.
He burrowed against my neck. I twisted my head aside, giving him more room to sink his fangs into me. He bit. The pain stabbed, a fierce brightness amid the chaotic tumult.
I exploded. Ecstasy rolled through my body, bursting me at the seams. I screamed, but I didn’t hear myself do it. All my focus was on the streaming of electric bliss pouring through my being. While I acknowledge fucking Betra was not a smart decision, it felt damned fine then and there. In that moment, all I knew was pleasure. All my pain and anger disappeared for a few precious seconds, giving me peace despite the tumult of orgasm.
As I rode the waves down to myself, Betra’s breath caught. His face tightened with strain. An instant later his moans rang out as he filled me with pulse after pulse of release. I guess it had been a long time since he’d been with anyone, because that man came longer than any male I’d ever known. After his body went lax and his weight sank down on me, his cocks continued to twitch and jerk.
As my torn thoughts knit themselves together, I realized what I’d let happen. Again. The euphoria of Betra’s intoxicating bite wasn’t enough to mask my stupidity from me. Betra didn’t act too pleased with himself either.
“Damn it,” he breathed, turned away so I couldn’t glimpse his expression. “I came here to apologize again for kissing you last night. I didn’t show up to seduce you. To – to have sex. But when I saw you there, wet and wearing almost nothing – and then the towel fell off – I had to have you.”
I didn’t utter a word. What excuse did I have?
Betra’s expression was tormented. “I’m sorry. I swear to you, I did not mean to lose control.”
I sighed. “Don’t beat yourself up, Betra. It’s not as if I tried to stop you. What is it with me that I have to screw a man when I’m feeling alone?”
“Because being alone sucks, to use your Earther vernacular. That endless emptiness is the most awful sensation in the universe.”
“You sound like you know a lot about it.”
“I do.” Betra huffed a breath. “If I didn’t find sex with other men so off-putting, I could be a lot happier. I’m sick of being lonely, Shalia. I’m sick of it.”
“But not sick of it enough to take a cock up your ass.”
He stared at me, then burst into laughter. He laughed for a long while until tears poured down his cheeks. I grinned at him, glad to have taken that flash of angst from him. Poor guy.
Finally, he calmed down. “No, I’m not to that point yet.” He sobered again, but the smile remained put, thank goodness. “Now what do we do?”
“You are asking the wrong woman,” I sighed. “I have all these noble intentions that I screw up no matter how I try. My notion is to be friends and put this behind us, but I’m afraid the instant I do, we’ll be going at it again.”
Fucking Murphy’s Law.
“I admit, I’d hate for this tempestuous romp to be the only example of how I make love. I can do more than hump like an animal.” He reddened. “And I can last a great deal longer.”
“You men. Always worried about your performance.” I gave him a peck on the lips. “Quick and dirty has its place too. You don’t hear me complaining, do you?”
He grinned. “No, but they might have heard you yelling two levels up.”
I rolled my eyes. “You are not allowed to brag.”
We never did come to a decision about where our ‘relationship’ stands. We haven’t agreed to have sex again. We haven’t agreed to not have sex either. One thing is for certain: I am not losing my heart to this guy. In the end, all it will do is hurt me, and I’ve had more than my share of that.
January 9
I told Candy and Katrina about my wild encounter with Betra. True to form, Katrina cheered me on. “How was he? He looks delicious,” she enthused.
“Good Lord, Katrina, I’m not giving you the details,” I snorted. “But I will tell you he was as incredible as he looks.” I had to give credit where it was due.
She gave me a searching stare. "How are you with this unexpected romp? I doubt you've gotten over Clan Dusa, Shalia. You've been carrying that torch with so much angst, I can’t believe you're letting those boys go."
It was odd to have Katrina turn serious about sex. I warmed at her concern. "I’m not sure where my brain is, precisely," I admitted. "I'm trying to do right, especially where the baby's concerned. That's assuming I decide to have it. I'm still sorting it out."
“How do you feel about Betra?” she prodded. “That's important too.”
“I'm not head over heels, if that's what you're asking. I like him. He's a sweetie. He deserves a little happiness, particularly since it looks as if he will never join a clan. Although I'm not quite certain he'll discover anything remotely near joy with me,” I added. Poor Betra could do a hell of a lot better than my messed-up ass.
There was a note of warning in Katrina's tone. “Shalia, you made an important point. Betra is not clanned with anyone, nor is it likely to happen. You cannot fall for another Kalquorian that you have no chance of staying with.”
I blinked at her in surprise. “I don't plan to fall in love with Betra. That's nowhere on my radar. My heart's been shredded enough.”
“So long as you keep that in mind.” Katrina smiled a little sadly. “You remind me of my daughter with your relationship troubles. When she dated as a tee
nager, the world ended and began again depending on whether or not she was breaking up with a young man or meeting someone new. You have that same tendency to ride an emotional rollercoaster.”
I sighed. “As a teenager, huh? I guess I'm behind.”
“How much did you date on Earth?”
“I didn't. The first time I was molested, I was fourteen. I couldn’t trust men after that, and they seemed to go out of their way to prove they weren't worth the effort.”
Katrina clucked. “No wonder you're such a mess when it comes to relationships. You're just now having your first experiences. Chin up, sweetie. You'll figure it out, given the chance. Just don't fall in love with Betra. Fuck him silly, but don't hand him your heart.”
Sage advice from a wise woman. I have vowed to follow her sensible warning, as far as getting too emotionally invested in our liaison. I’m not convinced I should screw him again.
Candy had kept quiet during our conversation. I worried she was disgusted by me jumping our liaison. She’s heard me go on and on about how I adore Dusa’s clan, and that I hope to see them again. Maybe she’d decided I was a slut after all...hell, I’m not convinced I’m not the second coming of Jezebel myself.
“Tell me how awful I am,” I invited. Perhaps I deserved the castigation. “Tart, whore, pick your name for me.”
To my surprise, she smacked me upside my head in irritation. “Shut up, stupid. You know I don’t think that of you. You’re lonely and sad and scared. Plus pregnant, so you’re hormonal as hell too. Of course you reached out to Betra for the closeness you need.”
“Then why are you so grouchy?” I said, rubbing over my smarting ear where she’d let me have it.
“Damn it, Shalia, everything is not about you. It’s all about me.” Candy stuck her tongue out and attempted a silly act to alleviate my concern. “I’m who matters here. Don’t you understand that yet?”
I wasn’t fooled by her surface goofiness. “Lay it on us. That’s what we’re here for. Friends don’t just listen to my shit. They tell me all about their shit too.”
Katrina arched an eyebrow at Candy. “You are allowed your own dramas, even if they don’t compare to Shalia’s.”
I blew a raspberry at Katrina for that one. “I’d prefer to not be the Queen of Whine and Cheesiness. Be my guest, Candy, and steal my crown.”
“Fine. I’m afraid I’m frigid, and it’s driving me nuts.”
Katrina snickered. “Saving yourself for something more meaningful than sex for sex’s sake is not frigidity, my dear. You’re being sure it’s what you want.”
“Do you think so?” Candy bit her lip. As funny as her concern sounded, I could tell it worried her. “I enjoy vicarious fun out of hearing about your wild encounters. I think ‘I wish that was me’, but I’m terrified of going through with it.”
“Is that why you never show up for my salons?” Katrina asked gently. She’d caught on that this was a big deal to Candy.
Candy sniffled. “I’ve tried to. I get all dolled up and pretty, start for the door to join you and your Kalquorian friends, and then I stop cold. I did make it halfway down the hall once, but then I started shaking and sweating...I couldn’t do it.”
Katrina’s eyes widened. “I didn’t know you’d gone as far as that. I thought you hadn’t bothered at all.”
“Oh, I bother, all right. Then I imagine those men and being with them... it’s exciting, but it’s so scary I can’t go through with it!”
“You’re not made for casual encounters,” I opined. “Neither am I, though that no doubt surprises you. I have to invest in the guys I’m frisky with.”
Candy wrung her hands. “What do I do? Wait until I choose a clan? That’s months in the future, if not years! I’m tired of being the only woman cuddling a damned pillow every night.”
Katrina and I looked at each other. I had a flash of inspiration.
“Choose a temporary boyfriend. Someone you can be pals with, but not lose your heart to,” I said. “Get comfortable with him and date, like you would on Earth. Then, if it comes up, have him bite you and go from there.”
Katrina considered. “I can give you a few names of the men I believe you’d enjoy the company of,” she said. “I can be your go-between when you pick one. I’ll tell him you’re nervous and require someone that’s a friend first and a lover second.”
“Would that work?” Candy sounded so hopeful that I could have cried. Poor girl...I hated that I had been clueless to her suffering.
“I don’t see why not. The youngest ones can be a bit over-eager, but one in his late thirties or forties...they aren’t as susceptible to their hormones.” She snickered. “When it comes to sex, Kalquorians seem to stay in adolescence a lot longer than Earther men. The Nobeks in particular have trouble keeping their urges under control. I’ll start you with a nice Dramok, a fellow who’ll be a good guide as you start your explorations.”
Candy looked to me for my opinion. I said, “Why not? It beats sitting in your room alone, all dressed up and no one to show off to. Give it a try.”
Candy nodded. “I think I will.”
Katrina gave our hesitant friend her most roguish smile. “I’m having a get-together tonight. Get pretty and arrive fifteen minutes late. I’ll tell the boys you are to be admired but not touched unless you change your mind. No pressure, and I’ll set up a couple for you to become comfortable with.”
Candy chewed on her lip for a few seconds before agreeing. “Okay. I can deal with that.”
I’m tempted to join them, to see what happens, but I don’t want to be on any guy’s radar. It’s bad enough I slipped up with Betra, and we left it open for another ‘accident’. I’ll try to be smart Shalia for a change and not put myself in the middle of the road to be run over by temptation.
January 9, later
Here I am, living life on a Kalquorian transport where the fun never ends. Ha! I grew tired of waiting for the fun to start, so I made my own.
I was having lunch with Katrina and Candy when us Earther Mataras were told the meal would be followed with a mandatory meeting. All the liaisons and some guys that appeared important stood at the front of the room to make the announcement. We weren’t to go anywhere after we finished eating.
“I am sorry if you have plans, but they’ll have to wait,” said the captain of this good ship Lollipop, a Dramok named Wotref. I thought he must be about the same age as my dads.
“If Betra comes this way, snag him and find out what’s going on,” Candy urged me.
“Why do I have to snag him? Why can’t you?” I said around a mouthful of food. Since morning sickness leaves me skipping a decent breakfast, I am a hog at lunch. Politeness be damned. This gal is hungry.
Candy rolled her eyes at me. “Well, duh. I’m not boffing the lug. You gave him a ride on the Shalia coaster, he can damned well answer your questions, right?”
“Once!” I said, spraying bits of food in my pique. “I did it once with him. That doesn’t entitle me to special favors.”
“It should. These guys don’t understand how Earther girls think or what we expect in exchange for our sweet stuff. If I ever found the guts to take any of these guys on, I’d tell him I was entitled to all sorts of treats. Foot rubs, wine, dinner, secret information about what the hell is happening on board this ship...”
Katrina chuckled. “That’s my girl. Then work up to diamonds and shuttles.”
“Well, that goes without saying.”
I shook my head at the pair, grinning at them. They’re not the types who would expect some kind of ‘payment’ in exchange for sex. They were just being their silly selves.
Betra didn’t come close enough to be grilled by his curious wards. He stayed up front with the rest of the liaisons, the captain, and men I assumed were ship’s officers.
We didn’t have long to wait before the meeting started. I’d barely finished shoveling in my last forkful when Captain Wotref spoke again.
“If I can have your attent
ion, Mataras? Thank you.” He smiled at us, which he honestly didn’t do so well. Wotref seemed tired and worn. His face folded along deep fault lines, making me question my earlier assessment that he was around Nayun’s age.
He went on. “We have left Earth-dominated space, which means we have also left the main part of the Kalquorian fleet. We have an escort of two destroyers at the present. Two more are waiting on the other side of the vortex passage we’ll be taking within the next three weeks. We do not anticipate any trouble, but we don’t wish to be unprepared if trouble happens.”
That set off nervous mutters from the crowd. I noted how pale Candy had become.
Shalia's Diary Omnibus Page 49
