April 1, evening
Dr. Feru convinced Dr. Tep to give me a slightly stronger sedative that he says should derail my dreams. “Do not take this on consecutive nights,” he warned me. “We need our dreams, even the bad ones. Without dreaming, you’ll begin hallucinating.”
I grimaced. “I’ve just started to not do that anymore,” I reminded him.
“Believe it or not, you are making progress, Shalia. Once in a while you’ll suffer a step backward, but overall, you are moving forward. I’m very pleased. Take your other sedative on the off nights. You need your rest, even if it does come with terrors.”
Feru is a nice guy, who reminds me of a younger version of Nayun. I’ve learned he’s working with several other Earther women on board. Feru’s clan, all of whom work on the transport, is seeing another of my fellow transplants with the intent to clan. They came up on the lottery and are wasting no time in wooing the ladies.
I asked Feru if he found working with Earthers hard. He says some of the emotional issues we face are heartbreaking, but it beats dealing with Nobeks, who never want to admit anything is wrong. “I can’t help when they won’t talk to me,” he grimaced.
I wonder if Oses is seeing a therapist for his trauma. If he is, I wonder if he’s among those who Feru can’t convince to open up. I almost asked, but I doubted Feru wouldn’t tell me about any of his other patients.
My next project involved activities that were a little more fun. I recorded a message to Clan Seot after I’d fixed my hair and makeup and put on another pretty dress Candy had found for me. It showed my little baby bump. I wondered if my would-be suitors would be like Betra in motherhood worship.
I have to say, I’m becoming more and more happy to show off evidence of my little hitchhiker. At first all I thought about were the stretch marks and being fat. Betra’s delight has allowed me to get past that. These days I think about my baby growing big and strong. I’ve put off finding out if it’s a boy or a girl, though Tep has offered to tell me. I wonder so much about him/her...will the baby look similar to me or its father? Will it be smart, funny, or artistic? The amount of potential that one person represents is staggering when I wonder about it.
Anyway, I had kiddo front and center in my pretty blue-lace dress when I recorded my message. Here is what I told Clan Seot:
“Hello Seot, Larten, and Cifa. I was glad to receive your message. I apologize for taking so long to respond, but circumstances beyond my control prevented me from doing so.”
I hadn’t planned to tell them much about what had happened to me as far as Finiuld was concerned. Yet for some reason, it came spilling out anyway.
“I was abducted from the Xniktix space station during shore leave a few weeks ago. I was eventually rescued, as must be obvious since I’m talking to you now, but the ordeal was severely traumatizing. Fortunately for me but not so fortunate for him, the weapons commander of this transport was kidnapped as well. He kept me safe and eventually killed our abductor and set us free. I’m under a doctor’s supervision as I recover. My child—” I smiled and rubbed my baby bump “—was not harmed during my captivity.”
I almost kept blabbing, but it occurred to me that the members of Clan Seot were still strangers. They didn’t need to know about Oses’s moments of weakness. I didn’t want to share how we’d come close to killing ourselves rather than remain captives for a minute more. I really didn’t want to talk about how I’d slaughtered Glidas in a blind fury.
I moved on. “I would be glad to continue to trade messages with you and get familiar with you prior to my reaching Kalquor. I have a request: that you speak to my fathers, Clan Bitev, currently stationed at the Atlanta rescue site on Earth.” I grinned at the recording device, visualizing the surprised looks on Seot, Larten, and Cifa’s faces when they learned I had a Kalquorian parent clan. “They informally adopted me, you see. They take great interest in hearing about the clans I consider for my mates and child’s fathers.”
Plus Rak could threaten them himself. Nobek Dad would appreciate the opportunity.
I went on. “Their Matara Joelle is currently on her way to Kalquor on board another transport. With my fathers’ permission, I’d appreciate you speaking to her as well. She serves as what we Earthers would call a ‘stepmother’ to me. For that reason, I believe it proper that this parent should be consulted too.”
I’d already sent a message to Joelle telling her I was going to do all this. I want a woman’s perspective on Clan Seot before I let myself invest too heavily in those guys. From her few communications, Joelle comes across as a kind, caring, down-to-earth woman, exactly the type I would have expected my dads to clan. She also may be objective enough to form a reliable opinion about Clan Seot, since she won’t be as emotionally invested as Nayun. I need all the guidance I can find.
That request led to my next concern, which I wanted to get out of the way sooner rather than later.
“If you went over my lottery questionnaire results carefully, you would have noted that I do have a living parent. My mother Eve is also on her way to Kalquor to receive urgently needed medical treatment. She suffered a stroke just before we left Kalquor, which is part of the reason why she is currently in stasis.”
I took a deep breath. This part was going to be a deciding factor. “My mother also suffers from some mental health issues. She has dementia, which the doctors who treated her believe can be reversed on your planet. They are not so certain they can correct her other problem, which we Earthers call bipolar disorder.”
I went over Mom’s diagnosis, making Clan Seot was aware of what they might be getting themselves into. Once I had covered all that, I told them, “My mother is often not pleasant to be around. However, she is my mother and I love her. Even if the effects of her mental illness cannot be corrected, she will remain with or near me where I can care for her. I will not join a clan that does not welcome her in our shared life.”
There. They could run screaming now, or they could suck it up and accept it like men.
I went on to say I appreciated their interest in me, that I was delighted to discover Cifa had some experience with children and I loved his enthusiasm, and more pleasantries. Then I said, “End transmission” and sent the message on to Kalquor. We’ll see how they feel about me now.
I’d no sooner gotten that done when Candy commed, asking me to come to her quarters. I moseyed over, joined by Katrina who had also been summoned. We wondered what was up.
“I swear, if she says she wants us to do a séance to contact the dearly departed, I’m going to smother her with a pillow,” Katrina told me before we announced we were at Candy’s door. “Then she can have a phantom-to-phantom conversation with all of the dead.”
Fortunately for Candy’s continued good health, she didn’t approach us with such an idea. However, her supposed ghost was very much on her mind.
“Come look,” she told us when we came in. Her voice was hushed, almost as if she feared we’d be overheard. We three were the only people in her sitting room.
She had her computer running, with a couple of vids hovering over the table in front of her lounger. “Betra was right that people died on board. Not only that, but a man died in this part of the ship.”
Katrina groaned, but I came over and sat next to Candy without complaint. My friend might be indulging in a wild ghost chase (har-de-har), but Candy has been through a lot with me. She was taking this whole haunting issue seriously, so I could at least be supportive. I have my own ghosts these days, though they aren’t of the chain-rattling variety. Who was I to judge?
I looked at the face of a young-looking Nobek on one of the vids. “Who is he?”
“His name was Nobek Frin,” Candy answered in that same soft voice. “He was on board less than a year ago. Frin was part of a battalion on its way to join ground forces during the war. The rest of the men in his group accused him of stealing from them.”
“That probably made him pretty unpopular,” Katrina observed, sitting on the other side
of me. She eyed the glowering but handsome face. “Too bad. He was adorable.”
“Five other Nobeks jumped him while the investigation was still ongoing,” Candy continued, scrolling through the report she’d brought up on the other vid. “His fellow soldiers, I mean. They were positive he was guilty, and they killed him for it. They hacked him to pieces, in one of these rooms.”
I felt sorrow for the poor fellow. Even if he’d been guilty of theft, the others had been rather extreme to have murdered him in such a fashion. I’m no great judge on age when it comes to Kalquorians, but Frin barely looked out of his teens. His poor parents must have been devastated.
I caught myself putting a hand on my stomach, as if to protect the life growing inside me. Is it a hormonal reaction or my recent trauma? Maybe it’s just that I’m starting to become seriously maternal. At any rate, I thought of how awful it would be to lose a child. The young Nobek’s death put tears in my eyes and terror for my own kid in my heart.
Dear God, I hope I don’t have a child who turns out to be a Nobek. Their warrior personalities expose them to too many dangers.
“Here’s the kicker,” Candy continued with a glum expression. “It turned out Nobek Frin wasn’t the thief after all. They found out it was another of the ship’s personnel, a security guard who had no trouble accessing private quarters.”
“Damn,” I swore. Now I felt even worse for the kid and his family. What a fucked-up way to die.
“Yeah,” Candy said. “Savagely murdered for a crime he wasn’t guilty of. No wonder his soul isn’t at rest.”
Katrina sighed. “Candy, you know I love you with all my heart. But I’m not buying it. If this boy died months ago and we’ve been on this ship for weeks, why would it take so long for anybody to notice his ghost is roaming around? It makes no sense.”
“Sometimes it requires emotional upheaval to awaken the spirits,” Candy said. “We had that encounter with the Tragooms recently. You and I bawled our eyes out when Shalia disappeared. Now she’s returned and dealing with severe trauma. The atmosphere is loaded with pain and suffering.”
I exchanged a look with Katrina and shrugged. I think it’s clear that until a few weeks go by with nothing ‘mysterious’ happening and Candy calms down, we’ll just have to listen to her freak out about things that go bump in the night.
April 2, early
I’m tired. Last night was anything but restful. Dr. Feru’s stronger sedative was a wash. I might give it another attempt in a couple of days. If it doesn’t do a better job by then, he’ll have to try something else on me. I escaped the usual nightmares, but it didn’t keep me from dreaming or hallucinating or whatever the hell it was.
I went to bed in my own room after taking the medication, determined to tough things out. I am stronger than this needy creature I’ve become since my abduction. I was determined to prove it.
I went to sleep easily. In fact, it was as if I fell off a cliff. One moment I was wide awake in my room. I’d left the walls illuminated just enough so that if I started to get weird, I’d be able to confirm all was well. It was dark, especially in the corners, but not so dark that I’d imagine things were there. I pulled the covers up to my chin. I had the sensation of lightness, the feeling I was about to float off. Then nothing.
At some point in the middle of the night however, I woke. I laid there for a few seconds, my body as heavy as a barge. I had no idea why I was awake or why I had a sensation of fear. My heart pounded. My body, as heavy as it was, strained to flee. I couldn’t twitch though. It was as if I’d been placed in stasis, except for that horrid, weighty feel to my body.
I felt sure a presence had joined me. I was positive of that fact. I couldn’t move my head, but my eyes rolled about in their sockets, trying to see who was there.
The far corner to my right, where the door stood open to the sitting area, held a shadow darker than the rest. A man, a big man. The form was as plain as day, but not the features. This big monstrous creature stood in my room staring at me, and I couldn’t budge to run or even scream.
Then he disappeared. I was gaping bug-eyed at this black shape at the periphery of my vision, then I was looking at an empty corner. Nothing there, whether man or beast. I was alone.
It took several minutes for my booming heart to calm. I watched that corner until I was convinced I’d only imagined someone there. Little by little, the sedative regained control over me. I slid back into sleep, a little freaked out by the weird hallucination but certain I was actually by myself.
When Candy asked us all at breakfast whether we’d noticed anything weird during the night, I shook my head with the rest. It had been the sedative that gave me the bizarre waking dream. I was not about to get my ghost-freaked friend another reason to be spooked. I doubt I would have been able to convince her that my ‘visitor’ was nothing but a chemically-induced side effect.
I’m tired though. I think I’ll crawl into bed again and try to get some more sleep, especially since Oses left me a message asking me to come to his quarters after his shift is up today. Maybe I won’t be spending my night without the sedative all alone.
April 3, early
Oses is looking more and more his old self. He’s acting that way too. I was glad to find him in such shape, because it helps me remember who I was before. It’s good to play at being normal even if I don’t feel normal anymore.
I visited his quarters for the first time since getting back to the ship. When I reached the door, it opened automatically without me announcing myself.
Oses sat on the edge of his bed, looking as if he’d been waiting. He smiled as I jumped with surprise to have the door admit me without any prompting.
“Come in, pet,” he invited. “I’ve inputted clearance for you to enter my quarters whenever you wish.”
“That’s nice.” I wondered what it meant. I came in and the door shut behind me. “Are you sure you feel safe giving me carte blanche to invade whenever I get the urge?” I joked.
He gave me a smile that was strained. All of Oses’s smiles look tight these days, as if it requires real effort to be glad of anything. I can well understand that.
“You’ve witnessed me at my worst. You’ve seen me weak and helpless, needing your strength when my own disappeared. What do I have left to guard from you?”
“You were never weak,” I told him. “When I needed you, you were there. If I repaid you a thousand years for that, I would still owe you everything.”
I don’t know if any of my reassurances penetrated past my lover’s trauma. He commented on it no further.
Instead he asked, “Would you care to spend the night with me? I have missed sleeping with you.”
I was more relieved than I wanted to admit. The nap I took earlier in the day had been fraught with horrible images. I had woken up sobbing in terror.
To give him an answer, I immediately stripped off my dress, shoes, and underthings. I dropped to my knees and assumed the position Oses had expected of me when we played: legs wide apart to display my pussy and my hands laced behind my head with arms flung wide to lift and display my breasts. My gaze was downcast, staring at his boots.
“Beautiful, pet,” he sighed. “Come to me.”
I crawled the scant three feet that separated us and resumed my submissive posture between his feet. He parted the crotch seam of his formsuit, spilling his hardening cocks out. I inhaled appreciatively of his spicy, cinnamon-y scent.
“Suck,” Oses said.
He hadn’t said which cock I should pleasure first, so I went for the smaller. He hadn’t gone completely erect yet. When I tilted my head to the side to avoid his larger prick stabbing me in the eye, I was able to take the entirety of the second without choking. I bobbed up and down over his lap as I enthusiastically enjoyed my lover and master’s flavor.
The flesh was smooth and tender where veins were absent against the skin. Oses lubricated freely, that sweet-spicy flavor of his exuding from his pores to make his cock slick. As I
fellated, I twined my tongue all about that delicious stave, licking him clean and swallowing all he offered. He immediately produced more wetness for me to enjoy. His pulse thrummed violently.
His cock grew rigid and long in reaction to my pleasuring. It was a hot brand in my mouth, now brushing the back of my throat. I coughed a little and paused to say, “I’m sorry, Master.” Gagging a girl on cock was more Betra’s thing.
“That’s fine, pet. Continue to suck me. That’s my good girl.”
I spent a good while on the smaller cock, taking my leisure to enjoy him thoroughly. It was wonderful to be with him, not worrying about our fellow captives watching, not worrying about Finiuld showing up out of nowhere to bring us pain and despair. I wanted to indulge my time with Oses. I wanted to immerse myself fully in Oses. He might have felt he’d failed me, but the opposite was true: he saved me. Over and over, he saved me.
I tried to pour all my feelings into that as I finally moved to his larger prick. I was delighted to find him swollen bigger than I remember him ever getting with me. A sweet drop of pre-cum awaited my attention, and I claimed it. I rolled my eyes up to watch him watching me enjoy his flavor.
Shalia's Diary Omnibus Page 87
