SHALIA’S DIARY
BOOK 6
A Clans of Kalquor Story
By
Tracy St. John
© copyright March 2015, Tracy St. John
Cover art by Erin Dameron-Hill, © copyright August 2015
This is a work of fiction. All characters, events, and places are of the author’s
imagination and not to be confused with fact. Any resemblance to living persons or
events is merely coincidence.
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May 7, early
Happy birthday to me! Betra started my day off right by giving me breakfast in bed. I’d wondered why he was so intent on finding out about blueberry pancakes and bacon the other day. The ship’s kitchen didn’t do a half bad job of approximating my favorite breakfast either. The berries, bought from the Xniktix station, are from an Adraf agricultural colonies. They look similar but are tarter than blueberries. The flour the kitchen had concocted the pancakes from is a bit denser than what we had back on Earth. The syrup was super thick. Even though it was different, my special meal was delicious. Best of all, the bacon was the real deal.
Betra had never had bacon before. I take it he approves; he crunched through an entire pig’s worth. Okay, maybe not that much, but he ate a lot.
I still haven’t gotten him to admit how wonderful coffee is. There may be no hope for that man.
“What do you have planned for today?” he garbled through a mouthful of his new favorite food.
“I’ve decided to ask Dr. Tep if I’m having a girl or a boy,” I said.
Betra’s eyebrows rose at that. “What happened to wanting it to be a surprise? Just last week, you said you would wait until it was born.”
I waved my hands. “That was my plan, but I’m abandoning it. The truth is, I can’t stand not knowing after all. I’m tired of saying ‘he or she’ every time I mention the kid. I refuse to call him or her ‘it’. Besides, I have to figure out what to raid the ship’s stores for. The way Candy and a few of the other women are carrying on, I may not be the only lady showing up on Kalquor with an extra resident. I’m calling first dibs on the baby goodies.”
Betra nodded. He lifted my nightie up to plant a bacon-greasy kiss on my stomach. Not caring about my yells, he delivered yet more oily kisses to my decidedly round stomach. At 23 weeks, I’m growing big. Betra still thinks it’s wonderful, the loon.
My whining finally convinced him to quit. A cleansing wipe got rid of the grease. I looked into my empty coffee cup and sighed.
“You had two cups, and Dr. Tep wasn’t enthralled with me allowing that,” Betra warned. “You still have an entire carafe of decaffeinated, if you must drink the stuff.”
I made a face at the decaf, but poured myself a cup anyhow. “Decaf is as meaningless as dry humping. It’s not the real thing.”
Betra laughed and shook his head. “Silly girl. My present for you should be ready this afternoon. I’ll stop by and give it to you once it’s been delivered to me. You can tell me if I have a niece or nephew.”
My smile felt tight. I hate being reminded that Betra, a career fleet officer, won’t be around for a lot of my child’s life once we land on Kalquor. The Imdiko will be an honorary but often absent family member.
I’ve already left behind too many men who part of me believes should be surrounding me and my little one. I’ll leave behind two more; Betra and my other current lover Oses. It hurts when I dwell on it.
I did my best to distract myself from the ready pain. “Another present? Like an extra morning cup of real coffee and a special breakfast aren’t enough? Not to mention naked Imdiko.” I openly leered at my hulking, stunning bedmate.
Betra is as close to cute as a Kalquorian man can get. With his open features and charming smile, you would never suspect how dominating he tends to be in bed...until you find yourself looking up at six-and-a-half feet of muscular male and he’s holding you down while forcing orgasm after orgasm on you. As he did to me last night. Yow.
He leered back, his purple cat-slitted eyes drinking in the filmy nightie I’d pulled on this morning. Those eyes seemed to glow. “I’m glad you think I’m a gift. But you’ve seen me naked plenty of times, and breakfast is hardly a proper present. Therefore, I had to get you something special.”
“Aw, Betra.” I pushed my platter out of the way so I could fling my arms around his neck and give him a kiss. “You are so good to me.”
That sweet visage warmed at my appreciation. Adoration showed in his gaze. The idiot has fallen in love with me despite us having to go our separate paths in a few months. As for me...I admit it’s been a hell of a fight to keep Betra – and Oses, for that matter – firmly in the beloved friend category. I can’t not love them, so I try to make sure it’s not happily-ever-after love.
They don’t make it easy. Both have put their lives on the line for me in the past. Their lives and, in Oses’s case, sanity.
This birthday was making me ruminate too heavily on the temporary lovers in my life. I had to get moving so my mind would shut up. I took the lone untouched slice of bacon left on my plate and waved it in front of Betra. He gobbled it up, making happy noises usually reserved for sex. I giggled.
“Okay, big man, you’re due at your office and I have to see the doctor.” I stood up and stretched with a contented yawn. “Thank you for the wonderful breakfast. I’m tempted to go back to bed just so this day remains perfect.”
Betra also stood, stacking our trays and dishes neatly to put in the kitchen-return unit. “If it was anyone but you, I’d ask what could possibly happen to a woman well-guarded by three destroyers and hundreds of warriors on a space transport that’s been set up for her every comfort.” He grinned. “But you are Shalia Monroe, so such a question begs for trouble.”
I laughed ruefully. “You know me well, my friend. You know me well.”
May 7, later
Okay, drum roll please. I have found out my baby’s sex and I am having – bum-da-da-bum – a girl!
Actually, I would have been happy with either gender. There are advantages to both. In this case, I’m a gal, so I’ll be able to relate to my kid. That’s good. Eventually, my daughter will have Kalquorian men falling over themselves to maintain her safety and happiness. Another good point in her favor. Plus there is no way she’ll be categorized as a Nobek. I admit, finding out that it’s mandatory for Nobek boys to spend most of their childhoods in training camp had everything in my heart screaming NO. They can’t be that dangerous and violent, right? At least not until they’re teenagers.
At any rate, that fear is off my mind. I can keep my bundle of joy with me.
There are disadvantages as to this child being a girl too. Like how to ensure she doesn’t turn into a spoiled brat. Kalquorians are thrilled over females who can eventually become mommies themselves. I’ve already seen evidence of how the men will sacrifice in order to attract a fertile woman. It’s going to be a chore to make sure my little darling doesn’t let that go to her head. She needs to learn to be strong and independent, no matter how others wish to take care of her.
I’m sad I can’t name my baby after Nayun. When I asked him what his name meant, he told me it was an ancient term that loosely translates to ‘force of a storm’. Sigh. I don’t want my daughter to be on par with a hurricane or tornado. Nayun says it’s a masculine name anyhow.
I haven’t even thought about girls’ names. Every time I’ve brought up the subject with Candy and Katrina, it’s turned into silly time with us giggling over the worst possible names in the universe.
I don’t think we’ve ever been serious about it.
A girl. I’m having a girl. I should be able to do this. Pretty frilly dresses, dolls, ribbons, and braids. Great, I’ll have a miniature Candy if I’m not careful. I’ve had moments of being a girly-girl, but I had a tomboy streak too. Will my daughter climb trees? Play with the Kalquorian equivalent of frogs and snakes? Beat up boys on the playground who tease her?
I can’t even imagine. After all, I don’t believe I’m a lot like my mother. Will my child be anything like me or the opposite?
I’m excited. I’m also scared shitless. After being nearly killed too many times, it’s ridiculous to be afraid of a tiny baby. Yet the responsibility is weighing heavy. I’m freaking out.
But first I’ll com the dads, Joelle, and Clan Seot with the news.
I wish I could com Clan Dusa too. After all, I’m hoping one of them is the baby’s father. It would be cruel to do so. Unspeakably cruel. It’s hard to cut them out, but they made it clear they prefer it this way. I am not their Matara. They won’t be a part of raising this child. It’s better to abandon them to the past.
No, no, no; I refuse to cry. It’s my birthday and I’m having a girl. I’m supposed to celebrate.
Damn it.
May 10, early
Wow, the ship is quiet. I might be the only person left in the Matara area.
Everyone else is on shore leave. They are on a small moon outpost of a system I can’t even pronounce. It’s mostly a collection of tiny villages inhabited by the Darotkins. Those are the aliens with brains in each of their twelve hands. One on the Xniktix station sewed a couple of dancing outfits for me and the gals.
After consultation with Dr. Feru, I opted to not go with the rest. To start with, the idea makes me squeamish. I do not feel comfortable leaving my safe transport...not after what happened with Finiuld. The trauma remains. As much as I’d like to suck it up and confront my fears, it’s overwhelming. I could do it if I really had to, but I have another reason to stay on board the Pussy ‘Porter.
That reason would be Weapons Commander Nobek Oses. If I’m skittish about shore leave, he’s twice as freaked out about me leaving the ship. In his mind, he can’t properly protect me, and protecting me is the Number One Priority on Oses’s list. He has his own demons to conquer after our abduction weeks ago.
We both sat down to discuss the matter with Feru yesterday. Nobeks are notoriously difficult to treat for psychological issues. They hate admitting to weakness. However, Oses is an older and wiser member of his breed. As long as his struggle is known by only a select few whom he trusts, he is willing to accept help for the emotional storms he faces since being taken prisoner.
“The thought of Shalia off this ship drives me crazy with fear and anger,” he admitted to Feru in a low voice. His muscles, of which he has many and large, corded with tension. “I hate the idea of her being vulnerable in surroundings over which I have little control.”
“That’s fine, Commander.” Feru’s tone was noncommittal. He knows better than to offer sympathy. It’s never welcomed among the warrior caste. “Shalia is not ready to take that step quite yet. That gives you time to continue your exercises in coping with this anxiety.”
Oses clenched his fists a few times. He drew a deep breath. “Eventually, I have to face that she’ll visit these places we are stopping at along the way. I’m not certain how I can let her go without fearing for her safety.”
“One issue at a time, Commander. Look at the present, not the future. We are dealing with the here and now only. For the moment, Shalia is remaining on board the transport. Were you able to spend the last day apart from her without any major issues?”
I relaxed as he jerked a nod. I hadn’t seen my big, bad Nobek since my birthday. I’ve missed him, though the send-off sex before our imposed ‘separation’ had been spectacular enough to keep a smirk on my face when I thought about it.
“It was not easy,” Oses admitted. “After a few hours, I spent every moment wanting to check on her and make sure she was safe.”
Feru tapped a note. “You were able to discuss her well-being with her liaison Betra, however. Did that help?”
Oses nodded. “Betra was excellent about taking my coms and sharing that she was fine. I don’t believe I would have made it the entire day if I hadn’t been afforded that ability.”
Feru eased into a smile. “You did it, however. You persisted through 27 hours of separation and took another step forward in releasing the trauma. Building on these small successes will allow you bigger gains. I won’t lie and tell you that there won’t be anxiety when Shalia is ready to take shore leaves again. However, you’ll find yourself better able to deal with it.”
Though painfully slow, Oses and I are both recovering. Baby steps can be frustrating when a person wants to put the past behind them in a big hurry. I keep reminding myself and my Nobek lover that though small, they are steps forward.
Candy was not too happy to hear I wouldn’t be joining them on shore leave. “Oh, but I heard there is going to be an art fair while we visit!” she told me. “I wanted you to pick out a birthday present. That’s why I didn’t give you a gift on your birthday!”
“You and Katrina arranged a surprise party for me,” I pointed out. “That was plenty.” They’d even arranged for a five-tier birthday cake. It had delicate candy butterflies and flowers, a veritable garden of a cake. I’d never seen anything so beautiful. Hormonal to the hilt, I cried over it and had Betra take two dozen still pictures. I’d even had to leave the room while they cut it up because I couldn’t bear to see them do it. I managed to get over it however, and the cake was delicious.
Candy pouted. “You are so difficult to buy for, Shalia. We don’t appreciate the same things.”
Katrina, the eldest of our trio, snickered and shook her silvered head. “Find the frilliest, most precious, pinkest item at the market that would fit in that ruffled nightmare of a room of yours. Then find the opposite of that and buy it for Shalia.”
Candy blew a raspberry at Katrina. “Just because you don’t prefer girly stuff—“
“Candy, no female over the age of five likes that much frou-frou. Those two Nobeks who you’ve been keeping company with probably have nightmares every time they come over from their destroyer to spend the night.”
“What, you’re seeing only two men?” I asked. “When did this start?”
“After I met them on the concourse outside the pleasure club.” Candy was sunny again as she dropped her debate with Katrina. “Don’t you remember? Ama and Mihi. They were there the day that we looked at locations for our dance club.”
I had a vague recollection of two Kalquorians, one scarred and another with an appealing devilish leer. I blinked at Candy. “You’re exclusive with them?”
“For now.” Candy shrugged. “They have a long-term relationship with each other and I’m enjoying seeing how I can fit in a committed relationship between men. It’s what’s ahead when I reach Kalquor and join a clan, so why not try it out here?”
I nodded, though I hoped with all my heart Candy would not end up in love with men she can’t keep. That struggle is all too familiar to me.
I turned my attention to Katrina. “When you hold your next salon, you’ll have more guys to yourself.”
Katrina reddened. “Ah, well, I’m not doing that so much these days. I’m distracted what with putting the dance club together.”
“Captain Wotref’s clan wouldn’t be another distraction, would it?” Candy teased.
“Wait, what?” I spluttered. “What the hell is going on? You too? Why am I just finding out about all this?”
“You’ve had plenty to deal with,” Katrina pointed out. “I’m not making a big to do about it. There is no reason to. I’m simply enjoying the captain and his clanmates’ company for the moment.”
“Holy Hannah.” I threw my hands up in the air dramatically. “The universe has gone crazy when you two settle down. What happened to all the free lo
ve?”
“My pussy got tired,” Katrina said in a droll voice. That left Candy and me shouting with laughter.
Neither woman may want to make a big issue out of their current arrangements, but I know for a fact that they’ll be joined by their paramours on this shore leave. I sort of wish Oses and I were well enough to go down there, along with Betra. Walking along, hand-in-hand with my temporary sweethearts while playing tourist sounds kind of nice.
But Betra is down on the moon by himself, keeping an eye on his group of Earthers and taking care that they don’t find any trouble. Oses and I are up here in orbit. Since Feru is not forcing my favorite Nobek to stay away from me for another week or so, we should console each other.
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