“Can you watch the baby? Please? I have to see Oses!”
“Sure, Shalia.” My friend’s eyes were as wide as dinner plates as she took the bag and Anrel from me. “What’s wrong?”
“No, it’s okay, but we’re almost to Kalquor and ... and I need to go to Oses!”
Okay, I was a raving lunatic. My heart hurt with the coming separation, having been caught by a sudden sense of loss. Apparently, the grieving process was in full swing.
Candy, bless her, gave me a look of understanding sympathy. “Go. Anrel will be here when you get back.”
I barely heard the last few words as I was already running down the corridor to the in-ship transport.
I paced the elevator-like conveyance as it took me to the weapons commander’s work level. Tears threatened as I achieved enough sense to use my portable com. His voice brought them spilling down my cheeks as his voice rumbled from the device. “Yes, Shalia?”
“Can I visit you in your office? Now?”
He must have heard the state I was in from my voice. “I’m here, pet. Come as quick as you can.”
“I’m on your level now,” I said as the door opened. I clicked the com off and raced to him.
He was on his feet waiting in front of his desk when I burst in. I had enough presence to yell, “Door close and lock,” before I threw myself into his arms. Bawling my head off, I peppered his worried face with a million desperate kisses.
“We’re almost there,” I sobbed as I clung to him. “We’ll land on Kalquor soon, and this will be over!”
“Easy, pet,” he murmured, holding me in those strong, scarred arms. “Easy. I’m here now. I’ll be on shore leave for two weeks after we reach the home world. You’ll be able to talk to me after I’ve gone. You’re not losing me, Shalia.”
I refused to be soothed, however. The loss I’d understood was coming was upon me. I’d had sad moments off and on as I’d braced myself for moving on after Oses and Betra. But sorrow had crashed full strength on me when I wasn’t ready for it. It hit me, and it wrecked me.
As I continued to cry, Oses realized words wouldn’t make it right. Without an enemy he could dismember or kill, he had only one other recourse. He laid me down on his desk and pulled my clothes off.
With me a hysterical wreck, he didn’t waste any effort on the niceties. He licked two fingers and pushed them inside my pussy, his thumb playing over my clit. His other hand rubbed over my breasts with rough demand, stopping only to tug on my nipples to make them tighten into hard nubs.
I couldn’t say how such play works for other women. I have no idea if my reaction was normal or weird. What I do know was that my extreme emotional state fed into my libido. Fierce arousal woke in me, making me wet and hot all over in an instant.
He plunged with steady, unrelenting strokes. I was burning down there, desire flaming hot under his care. Eager arousal tickled through me, making my sobs transform into gasps. My hands closed over his wrist; not to urge him on and certainly not to stop him. I needed something to hold onto as he took me higher and higher with each demanding thrust.
His thumb brushed my clit again, sending sparklers dancing over my flesh. My hips jerked against his prodding. I was on the verge of climax, my overwrought emotions grasping for any good they could find.
“That’s it, pet,” Oses rumbled, his expression that of a man who realizes the power he’s wielding over his woman. “You’ll come for me. Just a little more...”
He gave each of my breasts a stunning slap. The sharp pain stole my breath. Then it drained down to pool in my gut, mixing easily with the rampaging arousal already in place.
Oses left off my breasts, reaching down between my curled legs. He gripped my engorging clit and stroked it twice before brushing the tip of the flesh emerging from its hood.
I detonated in a mighty expulsion of sensation. My ass left the desk as I bucked. Chaos reigned as I took leave of the world around me.
Oses drummed inside me faster than ever, his other hand working my clit to pull seizure after seizure from my body. He made me come until my guts ached from the contractions.
“No ... no more,” I gasped, kicking weakly. “Please...”
He dove in, curling his fingers so that they rubbed over the hot spot inside me. I squalled as another wave of ecstasy barreled through me. “I think it’s best if I take all you have.” He stroked my clit again. His thumb swept over the swollen flesh. My pussy flexed harder than ever. Then he did it again, determined to wrench every last spasm from my flesh.
“Oses,” I moaned, helpless to stop him.
He offered me an evil smile as he pushed me over once more. Then he slid free, leaving me dazed and shivering.
“Pretty little pet,” he crooned, leaning his weight over me to deliver a slow, searching kiss. His crotch pressed against mine, and I felt dampness on the fabric of his formsuit. My pussy managed a final weak lurch.
“All better?” he asked me.
I nodded. The sudden anguish had departed, leaving only the light sadness I’d learned to live with lately. “Grieving sucks,” I sighed. “Do you have an extra uniform in here, or should I fetch one from your quarters for you?”
He smiled at my offer. “I have a spare in the closet over there. Thank you for asking.”
“Thank you for taking care of me.” My arms hooked around his neck. “How can I say goodbye when the time comes?”
“As I will. With sorrow, but it’s what must happen.” He gazed deep into my eyes. “You’ll not lose me, pet. We cannot be clan, but as you said before, we are family. I’ll be a part of your life until death claims me.”
“Warm, fuzzy feelings,” I griped, but I did feel a lot better. No matter where in the universe Oses’s and Betra’s duties sent them, we were all a part of each other. Distance would not change that.
I’m okay ... until the next round of angst shows its ugly face.
September 15
With Katrina’s clanning ceremony accomplished, Candy’s focus has disappeared. I catch her staring off into space constantly. She does a lot of sighing, happily and not.
She was playing with her food at breakfast this morning, her attention distant. I’d asked her a question two minutes earlier, and she still hadn’t answered me. She’d gotten as far as “Um.” Then she fell silent as her mind went wherever it tends to vacation lately.
Shaking my head, I put Anrel’s bottle down and pushed my demolished tray away. “Helllloooo. Shalia calling Candy. Come in, Candy.”
She started and stared at me. “Huh?”
I snickered. “Are you completely done with Mihi and Ama?”
“Oh. Oh yeah. We said our goodbyes ages ago.”
“Didn’t they come on board last week? I thought I saw you talking to them on the concourse.”
She nodded, her gaze hazy again. “They were on their way to the pleasure club, and we ran into each other. Just because we decided it was best to break the relationship off doesn’t mean we’re not still friends. Except we don’t plan to keep in touch or ... or...”
Her voice had been fading as she spoke and finally died altogether. She was gone again.
“Where are you?” I had a suspicion about that.
She blinked into the real world again. Her cheeks turned pink, and she laughed self-consciously. “Nobek Stidmun.”
“Still? Have you talked to him since we left the space station?”
She blushed more fiercely than ever. “Every night.”
“That sounds kind of serious, Gal Pal.”
She shoved her tray, looking unhappy. “I haven’t figured out if this is the biggest infatuation of my life or if I’m actually in love.”
“Oh. Well.” I had nothing to say to that.
“Yeah.”
“He’s not clanned, right?”
“Nope.” Candy scowled at the space over my head. “You know what? I don’t want him to be. I wouldn’t want to share him if I were to get so lucky as to have him around.”
“It’s only part jealousy,” she admitted. “I prefer Nobeks, Shalia. Dramoks and Imdikos are nice enough, but I really go for the warrior type.”
“Are you sure? Maybe you haven’t met the right Dramoks and Imdikos.”
Candy sighed, one of her unhappy ones. “Part of why I stopped looking at my lottery candidates was because I never felt a connection with those two breeds. I adored the Nobeks that were in my most compatible list ... but I could never find any interest in the rest. Now it’s Stidmun alone. Nobody else compares.”
Man, she had it bad. I felt a wave of sympathy for her. “What are you going to do?”
“He’s got a few days off coming up. He wants to come to Kalquor to visit me. Maybe take a trip to explore if we have a real connection.” Candy’s next sigh had more of the happy tone. “From there? I don’t know. We’ll have to wait and see.”
I managed not to point out the obstacles to her having a long-term relationship with Stidmun. She knew the hurdles all too well.
“You’re not making this easy on yourself, are you?” I asked with a wry grin.
She grinned back. “Of course not. I’m looking to your shoulder in the months ahead, Shalia.”
“It’s quite absorbent,” I assured her. “Cry on it at will.”
I would never wish angst on anyone. But a perverse part of me is glad I’m not alone with issues of the heart.
September 17
Four days from Kalquor.
I should be packing. Ha, with all of Anrel’s stuff, I should have been packing and getting ready a week ago. Yet I keep finding other tasks to do. Like write in my journal. Yeah, this is an excellent avenue to avoid what I’m supposed to do.
This morning was bittersweet, as almost every moment is anymore. I’d just stepped out of the shower following my workout and blade training when Betra came in. I was surprised that he didn’t have Anrel.
“She’s with Megan,” he told me. “I thought you and I should have a little talk.”
“Uh-oh. What did I do?” I snorted, realizing how easy it would be for him to whip off the towel wrapped around my body. Easy access if he wanted to give me a spanking or a good, nasty fuck. Either would have been fine.
He laughed, his sweet, open face more handsome for it. He went to my lounger and sat down, patting the seat next to him. Happy to oblige him, I sashayed over and squashed up close.
“Hmm, I can guess what you’d like to discuss,” he remarked, darkness sliding into his demeanor. “Oly if you let me talk about what I need to first.”
“Deal.” I was delighted at the prospect of reward.
He chuckled and hugged me. “Let me start by stating the obvious. We’re almost to Kalquor.”
“Ugh.” I wrinkled my nose. “Not what I want to talk about. I’m already feeling gut-punched at random intervals.”
“So Oses tells me. You racing into his office in tears the other day scared the hell out of him.”
“Nobeks don’t cope so well with women emoting grief,” I said. “I didn’t plan to do the hysterical act with him, but it hit hard. I couldn’t stop myself.”
Betra nodded. “I get that. Remember, I had to take a break for a while too. The hurt swamped me pretty bad.”
“You’re over it now,” I noted. He displayed sadness at our imminent parting every once in awhile, but it hadn’t led to him closing himself off after the one occasion.
“Over it? I wouldn’t say so.” Betra laughed quietly. “I’ll learn how well a Nobek deals with a grieving Imdiko after we start back for Earth.”
I sighed. “We messed up, didn’t we? Getting so attached.”
He gave me a resigned smile. “What do I keep telling you?”
“What we had was worth it. I agree completely.”
His expression faded to be replaced by a more serious regard. “You’ll actively look for a clan? You’ll attract the best fathers for Anrel and loving mates for yourself?”
I thought of Clan Seot and Clan Aslada. I might have already scored on that front, times two. If not them, there were others waiting in the wings. Clans that had proven their stability, with no obstacles to prevent them clanning with me. Clans that would be there in person for me and my child. Clans that would fight to have me no matter what the hurdles. Clans that would prove themselves in loyalty as Betra and Oses had. Maybe I would discover love, the forever kind that meant I’d never have to go through these awful parting scenes again.
I nodded. “I’ll find the right men for Anrel and me.”
Creases eased in Betra’s face. I hadn’t noticed them there until he’d received my assurance and they disappeared. “I constantly think of how you were in the beginning over Clan Dusa. I can’t handle you suffering over me. I know Oses doesn’t prefer you hung up on him either. It would piss him off.”
I had to snicker at that. It would indeed piss Oses off to no end. “Heaven knows we don’t need him grumpier than usual.” I quieted, looking at my friend and lover. “I’m glad you two have each other.”
“Thanks to you. I don’t think we ever would have gotten past my issues without you to link us together.” His eyes twinkled. “I owe you thanks for my Nobek.”
“Oh yeah? Feel free to pay up,” I invited.
He grinned and tugged at my towel. Yay for naked Shalia.
Betra cupped my breasts, his touch warm. His thumbs stroked over my nipples, and pleasure made a mad dash to my gut. Yowza.
“Lace your fingers behind your neck,” he commanded. I did so, lifting my breasts in offering. He took it with a happy growl. He pinched my nipples, slowly building the pressure to send headier sensations galloping towards my pussy. I wriggled in reaction.
“Stay still or I’ll have to discipline you,” Betra warned, his brows lowering. Ooh, was that supposed to be a threat? Silly man.
Before I could come up with a bratty action to get me into the kind of trouble I wished for, he leaned forward to capture a kiss. I wouldn’t do anything that would rob me of that. The man is an artiste when it comes to kissing.
His lips moved slowly over mine, easing them apart to admit his tongue. He tasted me thoroughly, making me dizzy from the sheer passion of it. I was aware of wetness spilling from me, seeping out to dampen my inner thighs.
He moved back, his lips curling in satisfaction as he looked me over. “Glazed eyes, soft face ... excellent,” he congratulated himself. “Now where was I before I had to distract you? Oh yes, now I remember.”
Those perfect lips pressed against my chin and then kissed a trail down my neck. I silently urged him on, my fuzzy brain begging him to go lower, down to the breasts he held. He gave a lingering lick to the valley between them, the nearness of his mouth to where I wanted sending chills down my spine.
He was kind, this time. Warmth stroked over a nipple. Then he blew a soft breath over the tightening nub to cool it off and make it stiffen in reaction. He sucked it, his tongue playing over it. It swelled, growing more sensitive.
I jerked. Betra’s teeth closed on my flesh, nipping to make a jolt zap through me. “I said be still,” he snarled.
I groaned but forced control over my traitorous body. He was setting me up to disobey, the vicious beast. Yet getting into trouble with Betra was often wonderful.
He went to the other breast, giving it a lick before nipping it as he had the first. I whimpered at the hurt, which he gently kissed away. I was starting to get confused over what was supposed to be pleasure and what was pain. My breasts were full and heavy from his attentions.
He sat back and looked me over with a pleased expression. “Look at you. Panting, trembling all over, your nipples hard as diamonds. And what else, Shalia?” Watching me, he put his hand over my mound, letting his touch heavy and hot. He traced my slit. My cunt spasmed as he slid through it.
“N
ice. I’d prefer it if you were kneeling on the floor,” he said.
The words could have been a request, but the tone told me otherwise. I was off the lounger and on my knees in an instant. I spread my legs. I kept my hands behind my neck the whole time.
He rose. I stared at the massive bulge in his uniform, there in front of me. What I wouldn’t have given to bury my face against that. He looked me over and nodded as if satisfied.
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