I was done with them.
Mom seemed content with my answer. “Don’t be afraid to parent her solo, Shalia. If nobody comes along that won’t put you two first, kick them to the side. I might have been the world’s worst mother, but I didn’t compound the problem by letting some piece of shit hang around.”
I grinned at her. “You did have the strength to shove them out the door when they became more trouble than they were worth.”
“You have that strength too. You don’t need any asshole, much less three of them, fucking up your life.”
I got the idea Mom wants me to give up on finding a clan. I think she’d prefer to see me remain single. I could do it. I don’t need a man or men to complete my and Anrel’s lives. But Clan Aslada or Clan Seot seem as if they could add to my happiness.
I can come to my own decisions and stand on my own. No one will decide for me. That goes for significant others…and Mom as well.
November 1
I was happy to hear from Betra and Oses today. I miss those two. They looked healthy and delicious. They said all was well and the journey was going great. Their spirits were up.
I caught them up on Mom’s progress. “She’s high and low. There are moments when I can see she’s not so extreme in her emotions, which is great. But as everyone warned, anger and depression are her defaults after so long. She doesn’t know how else to deal with the uncertainty over what the future has in store for her.”
“At least she’s able to talk to you. It’s great that she loves Anrel so much,” Betra said.
“I can’t begin to tell you how happy I am about that,” I enthused. “Anrel is the one person she can pour all her goodness into. Enough about us. What’s going on with you?”
“The usual.” Betra’s tone was vague. “A little of this and a little of that. Not a lot to report since we’ve only left Kalquorian space recently. However, we’ll reach the first vortex jump in a couple of days.”
“Oh.” My spirits fell. “No more real-time conversations, not until you reach those mini-wormholes that allow instant transmissions.”
Oses nodded. “We’ll have to rely on recorded messages, pet. I’ll miss hearing immediate updates.” His brows drew together. “I hate that I can’t mobilize help for you if you need it.”
I shrugged. “Nobek Jaon is pretty protective. When I return to the other continent, Larten will be nearby. I’m no lightweight myself.” I attempted a Nobek growl, to the guys’ amusement.
Oses looked at me with pride. “You are a formidable foe. Ancestors help anyone who makes an enemy of you.”
We were close to wrapping up our conversation when Betra said, “By the way, you’ve got a surprise heading in. Be ready.”
“What did you send me?” I demanded.
“It’s not what we sent. You’ll have to wait and see when it arrives.” His grin was full of mischief.
“Are we talking a good surprise or will I run screaming?” I glared at him in suspicion.
“I think you’ll enjoy it, unless you lied to me about how you felt about it before. Which perhaps you did. In any case, what’s coming is a result of another’s concern and caring about you and Anrel. It is a gift from the heart.”
“Betra!” I yelled in frustration. “What is it?”
He only laughed. “Enjoy. We’ll talk again before we reach to the portal, and you can tell me how you like it.”
No number of threats, begging, or bribery could convince him to tell me what was up. When I asked Oses, he held his hands up and shook his head.
“I’m not getting in the middle of this. There are situations even a Nobek will avoid at all costs.”
Grrr.
November 2
The surprise Betra had warned me about showed up in Mom’s room while I was visiting today. You could have knocked me over with a feather when his parents, Clan Serndi, came filing through the door.
While Mom stared in confusion at the noble-looking group walking in, Matara Elwa leading the pack, I jumped up with a shocked cry. “Oh my gosh! I’ll strangle Betra for not telling me you were coming.”
Elwa wrapped me in a hug. “Hello, my girl. You look beautiful but tired, as I feared you would. I knew you’d extend yourself too far.”
“I’m fine,” I assured her. “Anrel will be here soon. Her manny just commed to tell me they were on their way.”
“Wonderful. And here is your mother, Matara Eve. Hello, dear. My son is a good friend of Shalia’s, so our clan takes a great deal of interest in her. How are you?”
I was more than interested in Mom’s reaction to Elwa, as well as worried. I kept an eye on her as I greeted Serndi, Hilon, and Alfra.
Mom stared at the tall Kalquorian woman who sat on the side of her bed. “I’m better than when I first woke,” she said slowly.
“I imagine it was confusing when you regained consciousness after being in stasis for so long,” Elwa agreed. “So much to take in! Finding yourself on Kalquor, discovering Shalia had given birth, having surgeries you didn’t agree to…that you are so calm and handling it with such grace is astounding.”
Mom had not a word to say to that. She’d been taken by surprise. For my part, I silently thanked Betra for keeping Elwa informed of what was going on.
“I apologize.” Elwa thew her hands up dramatically. “How ignorant of me! I forgot to allow Shalia to properly introduce us. I am Elwa of Clan Serndi. Thees are my clanmates, Serndi himself, Hilon, and Alfra. You aren’t angry that I was so rude, are you?”
She had Mom so off-balance that Elwa was forgiven immediately. “Not at all,” Mom insisted. “No, you’re fine. Thank you for visiting.”
In an instant, Betra’s parents and Mom were chattering away, like old friends who hadn’t seen each other in years and couldn’t wait to reconnect. I watched in wonder and delight.
A movement at the corner of my eye got my attention. I turned to see Meyso standing in the doorway, looking from Mom and her new friends to me in bewilderment.
I went over to him. “Clan Serndi,” I whispered. “My ship’s liaison’s parent clan. They’ve come to visit Mom.”
“She seems happy to see them. I thought she instantly despised Kalquorians.”
“Mom has her charming days,” I acknowledged. “Plus Matara Elwa is hard to resist.”
Aslada and Jaon showed up, with Snoy and Anrel in tow. They were brought up to speed, and the clan came in to present themselves to the visitors.
“Ah, Governor Aslada,” Dramok Serndi said. “We’ve spoken before about regulations on illegal software copying.”
The men talked shop. Elwa claimed Anrel from Snoy and cuddled her for a moment before handing her to Mom. They fussed over the baby and talked child rearing.
Aslada, Jaon, and Meyso couldn’t decide how to act when Mom treated them with the same friendliness as Clan Serndi. They kept looking at me as if to say, who is this woman pretending to be your mother? I could barely contain the laughter that wanted to burst out.
Mom indeed has had occasions when she’s as sweet as sugar. I’ve always thought of those as glimpses into the person she could be if she weren’t bipolar. After the procedures, I found myself wondering if she could maintain this friendly, sociable persona that she exhibited now. Did I dare to hope?
I did. I hoped with all my being.
Elwa disclosed the rest of the surprise after several minutes of conversation had passed. “I apologize for imposing on you, Clan Aslada, but am I correct in assuming you can spare room for our clan in your home? I’ve come to be of assistance to Shalia and Anrel until I am satisfied Matara Eve is on the path to complete health.”
Aslada blinked in surprise. “Assistance, Matara Elwa? I assure you, we are providing Shalia and Anrel with all they need. We have a full staff on call at all hours, ready to serve them.”
Elwa chuckled, sounding like a mother gently guiding her son. “I am sure you are doing all in your power, Dramok. Unfortunately, you are men. I dare say your staff is ma
de up exclusively of males as well?” She leaned close to Mom and whispered, “Poor creatures have no idea how little they understand about us.”
Mom smirked. “Less than nothing. Al couldn’t be more clueless.”
“Exactly.” Elwa smiled at the nonplused Clan Aslada as her clan exchanged surreptitious smirks. “I assumed you would be generous with guest quarters. That way, we won’t have to find rooms that would accommodate Shalia and Anrel as well as ourselves.”
Meyso choked out, “Rooms for Shalia and Anrel? Outside of our home?”
Elwa shrugged. “If necessary. It is imperative that I keep them close and offer the support only a woman can give during such a trying period. Eve needs me too, because Shalia will worry until it wipes her out. She’ll need frequent respites.”
“We see to it that Shalia takes breaks. That she is taken care of.”
“Except for the emotional storms that only another female has experienced. Poor fellows, you’ve done your best for these ladies. Now I’m here, and the entire lot will fall into place.” Elwa beamed at them as if they’d already agreed with her.
I was as stunned by this demand as my potential clan was. I wasn’t sure if I should be grateful to Elwa for running to my aid or irritated by what amounted to meddling in my life.
However, I remembered what Betra had told me the day before, that this was coming from Elwa’s heart. She was worried about me and Anrel. She’d interrupted her life…hell, her whole clan’s lives…to rush to my side. The realization put a lump in my throat. I offered no resistance to her being there.
In the end, Clan Aslada couldn’t either. Elwa was too assured in her mission, too certain of being right about this. Mom made no effort to conceal she was on board with it.
“Thank God there will be another woman to talk to. Men are so ignorant about everything. I can’t believe you manage to deal with three of them at once, Elwa. You must be a saint.”
That is why the men of Clan Serndi are currently unpacking in a guest suite only steps from mine at Clan Aslada’s home while Elwa and Mom play with Anrel. I have been excused from coming to the clinic tomorrow by both my female elders – okay, I’ve been ordered to not show up – and to instead do whatever my heart desires with Clan Aslada. That part seems to have settled a few of my suitors’ misgivings about this sudden change in the situation. We can explore our potential as a clan at long last.
The next few days will be interesting.
November 5
Wow, what a difference having Elwa here has made. Mom enjoys her company. I do too. She was on target about having a woman near who I can pour my heart out to.
I feel I can tell Elwa my deepest, darkest secrets. Worries about Anrel? As a mom, she’s been there and done that. Being courted? Ditto. Dealing with Mom? While she didn’t have as tumultuous a relationship with her own mother, Elwa listens to me and asks the right questions about our past. Plus she is getting to know Mom herself and hearing her side.
Elwa doesn’t give advice so much as tease out the answers I’m searching for. She does give me the benefit of her own experience where it seems appropriate, but she keeps saying, “We are different people, Shalia. Your goals and mine at your stage of life are not the same. All I can do is tell you what I see from the outside. It’s up to you to decide what is appropriate.”
Another unexpected boon: her clanmates. Similar to Clan Aslada, they come from wealth and privilege and are powerhouses in their own realms. Whether it is Jaon’s reluctance to let me train, Aslada’s tendency to make decisions for me without benefit of consultation, or Meyso’s occasional inability to understand why I become irritated by certain issues, I only have to talk to Serndi, Hilon, and Alfra to give me insight into how their minds work.
Best of all, I have time to spend with my prospective clan under less stressful circumstances. Yesterday, Aslada and I began work on his first vid project: establishing a second Matara Complex in his territory. We brainstormed ideas, put together an outline for the project, and had members of his staff work on the budget.
Another delightful turn has been making love without the desperate need for escaping stress. Looking back on the first couple of trysts, I was frantically using Clan Aslada to hide from all the anxiety that came with Mom’s slow recovery. Sex has become more honest, more about us. Maybe it’s not as relaxed yet as we’d prefer it to be. We’re still juggling because I have to plan around spending time with Mom, Anrel, and Clan Serndi. But life is loosening up, and no one, least of all me, has any justification to complain. Our naughty parts mesh quite well, thank you.
As I told Aslada, Meyso, and Jaon, getting familiar with each other under less than ideal circumstances has been an advantage. This testing so early in our courtship has allowed us to become familiar with each other quicker than we might have otherwise. So far, so good. The guys are making a strong case for themselves as my happily-ever-after.
November 10
It has not been a good couple of days.
Mom started physical rehab. After months in stasis, she’s got no strength left. Each little exertion wipes her out. What she manages to do makes her sore as her muscles protest the unaccustomed work. She wasn’t in great shape to start with, and full recovery will be a long, arduous road. Needless to say, she is frustrated at how weak she is, the pain, and how far she has to go.
Before rehab, Mom had reached a kind of equilibrium. I don’t know how much was due to the operation that has regulated her chemical imbalances, behavioral therapy with Dr. Kini, and enjoying girl talk with Elwa. Her outbursts of anger had eased notably. I didn’t have to walk on eggshells when I spoke to her.
The old Eve Monroe has returned with a vengeance now that she’s struggling with regaining physical strength. She’s furious every waking moment of the day and cussing us all, with the exceptions of Anrel and Elwa.
Guess who’s at the top of her shit list? That would be me.
“Why couldn’t you leave me the way I was?” she screamed when I walked in this morning. “I was happy not knowing what fucking day it was. I was better off without a clue. I’d have been better off staying on Earth and choking on the radiation, but no. You had to drag my ass out to this hell, letting these assholes poke in my brain while you fucked every man in sight!”
That’s a small taste of the abuse I’ve had to deal with. If not for having the support group I have in Clan Aslada, Elwa and her guys, and Dr. Kini, I’d probably be yelling back. Or worse, sobbing somewhere.
I keep reminding myself of what Feru said on the Pussy ‘Porter. Mom doesn’t understand how to be anything but angry or depressed. She may not have those emotions as strongly as she used to, but they’ve always been her coping mechanism. Those old habits won’t disappear overnight, especially since she’s resisting working with Dr. Kini again. He’s a close second to me for being her whipping boy.
I’ve dealt with worse. I can handle this. It won’t last forever. She’ll grow stronger and start feeling better again. We just have to navigate over this bump in the road. Healing can be painful, but it is taking place. It’s all going to be fine.
November 14
Thank the prophets for Clan Aslada. They deserve to be sainted for being as wonderful as they are.
Mom continues to be belligerent with me. Yet she insists on me being close. Elwa is no longer enough for her. Not a surprise, since Mom won’t act ugly with her. Nope, all the abuse is to be heaped on me. Elwa runs interference as much as she can, and everyone insists I limit interactions with Mom since she tunes up when I’m in the vicinity. I’m exhausted from dealing with her. My stress levels are off the charts. It doesn’t take the least little problem to make my raw nerves go off.
After I returned to the clan’s home after doing my daughterly duty today, I was in a foul mood. When Aslada suggested a romantic dinner tonight and told me which gown he’d bought for me to wear, what jewelry would go with it, and how to speak to people at this hoighty-toighty place where we were eating, I blew up. I
went on a full rant, focused on him. Then I turned on all three of the men since Jaon and Meyso had offered unwanted suggestions for my appearance and conduct too.
“That’s just great. Why don’t you tell me how to wear my hair? Why don’t you cut up my food for me? Chew it for me? Heaven knows, I can’t be trusted to make my own decisions or present myself to decent people. Any other tips so I don’t embarrass you in public? Should I not speak at all for fear of displaying my stupidity in fine company?”
In my defense, Mom has been insulting me almost nonstop when I’m around her. She’s vicious what with the pain and exhaustion of physical rehab. I’m drained from dealing with her. My fuse ignited, and I took it out on the most convenient people I could.
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