As we’d shot footage over the last few days, I’d formed an idea of how I could use it. Cifa had made a point early on of saying he’d wanted a more sedate vibe than what he was talking about now.
“I wish you’d made it clearer before,” I said. “I was operating on a whole other wavelength. Now I have to press the reset button.”
“Sorry.” He tugged me toward the sleeping mat. “Can I make it up to you? I promise you’ll forgive my lack of clarity.”
He was right. I got over it in a hurry.
December 22
Today was a class-A shit storm. The bloom is off the rose where Clan Seot and I are concerned. Real life has invaded my happy fantasy.
We left Abcuhera this morning after a terrific stay. Truly, it was great in the city, and I enjoyed the underground jungle hike we took. It was all so perfect…the word I’ve been overusing from the start. I guess reality decided to kick some sense into me and remind me that there is no such thing as perfect.
With us underway on the ship, I finally got the opportunity to sit down with the raw footage that Cifa and I have shot. I scanned over the hours of vid, trying to find that “balance” between family intimacy and exhilarating adventure Cifa demands. I discovered it wasn’t happening.
I rolled my eyes at the task. The anticipation I’d had for the project bled out. I struggled with inspiration, arranged shots, rewrote the outline…I must have fought with that damned mess for two hours. I had nothing to show for it in the end.
At a loss, I went back to my original plan. It was solid. It would look great and present the new ship in the best possible light. I had been writing it in my head from the moment I set eyes on the ship, a positive sign when I embarked on a vid assignment. Once Cifa saw it, he’d realize I’d done the right thing.
I put it together, recording myself as the narrator and convincing the Zelts to play a light, happy tune for background ambience. It was a rough cut to be sure, but a damned good one. The flow was there. The warmth and joy of familial camaraderie fairly dripped from it. I loved it and knew it could only get better when I went back in and added any new footage and finetuned it. I was proud as a peacock with myself and arranged to show it to everyone in the main cabin that afternoon.
The reaction was better than I’d hoped for. The gang applauded me, and Erom made me take a bow. “This might become our best campaign ever,” he beamed at me. “The finished product will knock everyone’s socks off.”
“If this is what you do in only a couple of hours with a portable edit suite, I can’t imagine how incredible it’ll be when you’re serious about it!” Ila laughed, hugging me. “Bravo, Shalia!”
I exulted in the congratulatory atmosphere. Everyone was still chattering about it as they left the cabin for the open deck.
I was following them out when a breath warmed my ear. “Would you wait a moment, Shalia? I’d like to speak to you.”
I turned at Cifa’s soft voice. My being warmed at his smile, his sweet face as adorable as ever. “Sure.”
The door closed behind the last of our companions, leaving Cifa and me alone. He nodded to the vid screen on which I’d shown the ad, which was now giving us a window view of the outdoors. “That was an excellent job you did. Everyone is impressed. I’m impressed, and I had an inkling of what to expect.”
“Thanks.” I restrained myself from performing a happy dance.
“Unfortunately, I’m not going to be able to use it.”
I blinked at him. “What?”
He shrugged, his smile disappearing. “It wasn’t what I asked for. I thought we had cleared that up.”
My pleasure stuttered. “Well, no, it wasn’t exactly what you were hoping for—”
“It’s not even close. The vision of happy families while on vacation was there in full force, and that part was beautiful. I smiled through the whole thing, because I could feel the warmth I’d hoped it would convey. But the adventure, the splash of magnificence and thrills despite this being a cozier setting? None of that came across.”
The gratification I’d gotten from the others’ reception disappeared. “I tried, Cifa. It wasn’t working when I combined the two. It ended up awkward and contrived. I couldn’t meld such differing perspectives.”
“You pulled together a fabulous promotion in less than three hours. How much of that was spent trying to meet my – your client’s – expectations? Giving up on what I asked for in such a short amount of time makes me feel I was ignored.”
I stared at him openmouthed. He didn’t act mad. I wish he had been angry. Instead, he looked hurt, as if I’d discounted his requests on purpose. As if all my work had been done to thwart him.
“The climb on the invisible walkway through the rocks of Nacabri showed excitement, along with the cliff-plunge stuff you, Seot, and Larten did. Did you miss that I included those?” I tried not to sound peevish, but in my disappointment that he’d not been won over, my tone was testy.
“Those were the only instances that weren’t warm, fuzzy domestic moments. They were barely there. In all honesty, those quick scenes felt like an afterthought.” The distressed expression he wore deepened. “As if they were thrown in to keep me quiet.”
“Now just a second,” I spluttered. “That’s a nasty accusation.”
“I’m not accusing you of anything. I’m telling you how it felt after the discussion we had. The promo must assert this particular theme. The spot, as it stands, won’t work.”
I stared at him. My first instinct was to tell him to wipe the stupid pout from his face and stop acting childish. My idea had been great. Everyone had said so. Why couldn’t he accept that his hadn’t worked out?
Instead, I gathered my bruised self-esteem and kept my composure. I damned near choked on the words, but I managed to say, “I’m sorry you feel that way. I did not do anything in an effort to belittle your wishes. I simply went with what my years of experience told me.” I turned to leave.
“Shalia—”
My tone was all business. “I’ll re-visit the footage in a couple of days, after I’ve had a chance to think it over. For now, let’s let it rest.”
I had no idea if he wanted to discuss the matter further. I didn’t care. I left the cabin and spent the rest of the afternoon making sure I wasn’t left alone with Cifa and that he never caught my eye. I had nothing to say to him.
We pretended otherwise that everything was fine, laughing with the others as we relaxed on our journey to the next port. The day was gorgeous, the temperature perfect, and the ship’s enjoyments had not dulled with familiarity. It was a shame I couldn’t enjoy it, and I noted Cifa didn’t act as upbeat as usual either. Tension strung tight between us.
We carried on in this manner until dinner. Someone – Ila, I think – mentioned my “wonderful, perfect vid to everyone’s agreement. Except Cifa. He sat next to me, as had become the norm during meals.
He said, “Well, Shalia and I had a conversation and we talked about broadening the scope of it. Not just the intimacy of this particular cruise, but also how small can be magnificent. We need to address some of the more exhilarating aspects now that Shalia has scored so perfectly on the first part.”
Everyone exclaimed how terrific that sounded. I was forced to smile and nod, though my ire spiked at Cifa’s passive-aggressive move. He’d spoken to force my hand, and it pissed me off. I could have shoved his face in his bowl of lobster and rizpah bisque.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t the end of it. No, Seot had to be his usual discerning self and pick up on the tension between me and his Imdiko. No sooner had we gone to our shared quarters for the night and put Anrel down for sleep when he and Larten made us sit down.
“Tell me what’s happened between you. Shalia, you go first, then I’ll hear Cifa. Neither of you is allowed to interrupt the other. You’ll both have your say, and we’ll go from there.”
Ugh. Obviously, that sucked big time, talking about how we’d ended up at loggerheads with each other. I have to
give Seot and Larten credit for staying noncommittal while I talked about my take on the matter. Then Cifa had his turn. They listened to us with respect, only speaking to clear up any confusion.
Afterward, Seot shook his head at us. “I can appreciate it from both points of view. You each have a valid complaint against the other. You’ve escalated the problem by not speaking for most of the day.”
Larten said, “The hurt and anger they felt might not have left room for constructive conversation, my Dramok. Sometimes it’s best to stay apart to let perspective in.”
“In most cases, yes. At the beginning of this little drama, most definitely,” Seot agreed. “Instead of that happening, they ended up stewing until Cifa decided to try to push his view by speaking out at dinner. Not your finest moment, my Imdiko,” he told a red-faced Cifa.
“I’ll concede that point,” Larten said. “Once a couple of hours had passed and they still weren’t talking, Cifa should have consulted with you. It shouldn’t have reached this point.”
“Let me tell you what I see going on,” Seot told Cifa and me. “Cifa gives Shalia a basic proposal of what he expected from this vid. He was vague on one aspect from the beginning, the ‘big things come from small cruise ships’ scheme. Vague enough that Shalia failed to understand it was as important as it was. Am I correct on that?”
Cifa and I agreed with his assessment.
“Great,” he continued. “Shalia has a creative starting point that isn’t quite on base, and starts working from there, coming up with an overall plan. Conversations she and Cifa have don’t allow for either of them to pick up on the fact that they are envisioning different paths for this vid to take. It’s not until Shalia is ready to sit down and commit the rough footage to vid that they learn they’ve been planning separate projects all this time. Am I right?”
Again, we had to concur. So far, so good.
“That’s where the problem kicks in. Cifa and Shalia discuss the matter. They voice their concerns, but not the depth of those concerns. Shalia is so committed to her vision, she can’t find room for what Cifa prefers. On the other hand, as one of the owners of the cruise line, he’s entitled to what he demands, even if she disagrees. You’ve come across this with clients before, have you not, Shalia?”
I scowled but had to admit he was right. It was Cifa’s cruise line, not mine. His call on how the company was represented. I said as much.
Seot thanked me for my honesty. “On the other hand, Cifa was so committed to his vision, he failed to realize that Shalia was struggling to change the vid in mid-course. He didn’t acknowledge that she’d built an entire promotion in her mind, and that he was essentially asking her to scrap at least half of it. That would throw anyone off their game. Worse still, he offered no help when she was obviously floundering with the abrupt change in strategy. There was no attempt to give her concrete suggestions, just a general ‘make it bigger so it appeals to all breeds’. Cifa?”
He stared at the floor. “Unfortunately, yes. I argued for what I wanted, but didn’t address how it might happen.”
“We have a misunderstanding growing bigger, and the attempted fixes are only making it worse. Shalia, forced to start from the beginning and on her own, offers a grudging attempt to create the vid Cifa desires. She’s also trying to remain true to the vision she’s fostered and fallen in love with. When it doesn’t come easily, she goes with what she planned in the first place, telling herself and Cifa she did her best. And probably feeling vindicated when everyone agrees it’s terrific.”
I wanted to refute him. Yet I couldn’t come up with any evidence that Seot would believe. I stayed quiet.
“When Shalia shows us this vid, Cifa feels hurt. Because he missed the signs that Shalia was grappling with a task far different from what she thought she was going to do, he takes it personally. He feels disrespected, ignored.”
Larten added, “When Shalia doesn’t apologize or admit fault, he retaliates by discussing in front of others the vid he’s determined will happen. He makes sure they know it’ll be how he envisioned it.”
“And here we have this mess of hurt feelings and misplaced anger on both sides.” Seot shrugged. “What did I miss? What did I get wrong?”
There was a stretch of silence. Then Cifa sighed. “Being an ass and called out for it stinks. I hate hearing that I’ve been a jerk.”
Larten winked at him. “I suggest you get over that. There’s no profit in being right if you and those you care about are unhappy.”
“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t make myself clear to you in the first place, Shalia. And that I left you holding the bag when it wasn’t what I’d hoped for.” He gave me a shamefaced grin. “You’ve been so perfect, I guess I expected you to read my mind too.”
I had to snicker. “I have read your mind. Stop thinking of me naked.”
All three laughed. “No one who appreciates women can manage that,” Larten cracked.
Cifa sobered. “I apologize for what I did at dinner. It was out of line to put you on the spot.”
I could tell he meant every word. “I’m sorry the rough cut wasn’t what you requested. I should have insisted we brainstorm to come up with a spot that would satisfy us both.”
“Excellent.” Seot looked at us as if we’d done something particularly intelligent. “I have to agree with Shalia on one matter…you should delay working on the vid for at least another day or so. Clear your heads before you put them together again.”
“Clean slate,” Cifa agreed. He looked sunny and adorable again, relieved that the matter had been settled.
If it’s settled, why do I still feel like crap?
December 23
I pulled Joelle and Candy aside today. I needed girl talk. Neither had had many opportunities to negotiate relationship issues before my dads clanned Joelle and Stidmun stole Candy’s heart. Nevertheless, I wanted an Earther female perspective on what was happening between Clan Seot and me.
My major difference had been with Cifa alone, but since the guys are a unit – a package deal – I worry about all of it. If we’re having a big dust-up over such a small issue as a promotional vid, what’ll happen when there’s a real problem?
I sat down with the ladies on the bow deck, wanting objective opinions. I confessed my concerns.
Joelle chuckled after hearing my story. “That a tiny argument over a vid is a big deal says how terrific the relationship is between you and Clan Seot. Everything is so right, that a small disagreement feels like the end of the world!”
“Is that how you see it?” I was startled by her take. “At first, our relationship was ridiculously perfect. It freaked me out how faultless Seot, Cifa, and Larten were. I thought I couldn’t be good enough for them.”
“Careful what you wish for,” Candy teased. “You asked the universe to show them as mere flawed mortals. Now you know they are. Prophets save you from the real world of relationships!”
“I love that Seot sat you down for that talk,” Joelle said. “He’s got the right idea…to find out what the actual problem is, where it went wrong to start. It’s a sign of a healthy relationship when those involved can do that.”
I put my head in my hands. “Only I could say it won’t work because it’s too perfect, then lose my marbles when the guys become slightly imperfect. It wasn’t that big a deal, was it? Especially since we figured it out.”
“If one of them screws up, his clanmates have no problem calling him out on it. The only trouble is, they won’t be shy about pointing out your mistakes either.”
“There aren’t enough hours in the day for that,” I deadpanned.
“Stop. You’re a wonderful person. They’re wonderful too. You deserve each other.”
“Amen to that,” Candy agreed. “Did we solve your non-problem?”
“Yes. Run back to Stidmun before you go into withdrawal.”
She was delighted to take me at my word. I watched her go and turned back to Joelle. “That’s a worrisome relationship.�
�
“You mean because of how clanning is set up on Kalquor? I agree. Anyone with half a brain cell can see she and Stidmun are hopelessly in love.”
“They have no intention of adding a Dramok and Imdiko to the mix. It’s not the end of the world, though. It’s not as if anyone will force them to round out a clan. As long as Stidmun and Candy can pay her living expenses, the empire won’t force her to leave Kalquor.”
“Others might not make it easy on her. If anything happens to Stidmun, she won’t be able to keep his possessions…even those they hold jointly might be threatened.”
“She’s getting ready to take her protest against that into the legal arena,” I confided. “She’s been doing a lot of research since discussing the matter with Cifa’s in-laws. She asked me the other day if I thought there were other women who felt as she did about the traditional clan system. She says Stidmun has heard such complaints from many Nobeks.”
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