“My judgement?”
“Ava, as I said before, while I’m flattered you think I know everything, I have no clue what will happen if you continue with this plan. It’s just something I would do if I had the opportunity.”
“That’s not making me feel better,” I grumbled.
“I’m sorry. What can I do to make you feel better?” And although he looked sincere, I waved him off.
“Ava, what on earth is the matter with you?” He pushed from off the dresser to stand in front of me, blocking my way. His arms reached out, as though he was about to embrace me. Although he was not a physical presence, I still stopped.
“I’m just—” My voice broke and I tried to control my rising anger. “I understood the structure, knew how it had been in the past, but they hadn’t said anything yet. I thought that maybe… that maybe I was exempt from it, I guess.”
His index finger tried to trace the line of my cheek. “From what, Ava? I’m not following your—”
“They want me to choose a Guardian!” I shouted.
Jonathan flinched, his face pale. “I see.” He crossed his arms over his chest, considering me.
“How the heck am I supposed to do that? How could they truly expect me to select someone when I hardly know anyone?” When he didn’t answer, I walked through him. My body sang from the pleasing effect.
Jonathan growled out a breath. “You could always leave.”
“Could I really, Jonathan?” I asked, knowing the ultimate answer.
“No. Now that you have surfaced, the Annihilator has doubled her efforts in gathering more followers. She will find you.”
“Damn her,” I huffed. “I blame her for all of this. My mother, my father. And now I have to accept a new Guardian?”
“Well, it makes sense, doesn’t it?”
“It does?” I glanced over to him, shocked. If there was anyone I thought would see my side of this dilemma, it would be him, but he only watched me as I paced the room, a strange expression on his face.
“We are stronger when we come in pairs, if we choose someone suitable to us. If you were to accept a partner worthy of you, you would be allowed to be mated with them for all existence.” He looked down at his hands and inspected them. I wondered what he was searching for.
“I’ve often thought about this. I am far from worthy. Ours could only be a temporary bonding of the flesh, but we’d be a formidable pair if it were possible.”
A formidable pair? “What are you talking about? This is a bunch of bull,” I muttered, turning away.
“Is it, Ava?” Jonathan snapped. “I am one of the Fallen. Along with the punishment of being cast out of my home, I have been denied a true mate because of it. This caps my powers. Alone we merely exist; mated, we discover purpose, a reason for that existence.” His gaze hardened. “You’re a fool if you think that being alone makes you strong.”
“I’ve been alone all my life and I’ve done just fine.”
“Have you really? Or were you so lonely that you latched on to the first man that told you he loved you?”
I spun on my heel. “Watch it, Jonathan,” I warned, narrowing my gaze, but he remained unaffected.
“Think about it, Ava.”
“No,” I growled. “You think about it real carefully, Jon. I haven’t forgotten or forgiven you for Ian.”
“I had no choice in the matter. When the Destroyer gives an order—”
“You don’t ask. I get it.”
“No, you don’t. You forget: the original Fallen didn’t fall because we were murderers or rapists, or the vilest of sinners. We fell because we followed the wrong leader. This is a war, Ava, and Ian was an unfortunate killed in battle. And I’m sorry for it.”
“You’re sorry?” I scoffed.
“Yes!” he shot back. “But in our mind, the Fallen were wronged beyond measure by that God that cast us out. We fight against that Being in hopes that we can overthrow the ruling and go home. That’s all we want. Do you think I want to be what I am, Ava? Do you think I honestly enjoy doing the Destroyer’s bidding?”
His chest rose and fell hard, his eyes searching mine, and my heart nearly broke. I could feel his pain, hear the anguish in his voice. But was it real?
Was any of it real?
I walked to him and lifted a hand as if to cup his cheek. His eyes burned from the war waging within, the same war that plagued my own soul.
“And what will happen on that day when your Destroyer sends you to kill me?” I whispered, my mouth only inches from his. “Would I become a casualty as well?”
Jonathan inhaled a shaky breath, but he refrained from answering my question. A sharp knock at the door splintered the air.
I dropped my hand to my side. “I understand,” I said, walking toward the door.
“I warned you, Av—”
“We will discuss this later. Be gone,” I said, and then I waited—waited until I knew he was no longer there before opening the door.
My insides twisted. My Guardian candidate stood in the hallway along with Roman and Logan, carrying a large replacement window. Darius’s brows pinched together as he looked past me into the room.
“Are you alone?” he asked.
“Of course.” I smirked at him. “Are you worried I’ve started interviews for the new Guardian?”
“Really?” Roman asked. A smile pulled at the corner of his mouth.
“Disregard that, Roman,” Darius snapped. He ran his fingers through his hair. His eyes shifted nervously to the men. “I wouldn’t announce th—”
“Oh, please. I was talking to myself. Don’t you ever do that when you’re upset?”
“Not generally.”
“Of course not,” I mumbled, lightly kicking the doorjamb with my bare feet. “I assume these gentlemen are here to install my new window.”
Darius only nodded.
“Great. Do I need to be here, or can I go for a walk?” Without waiting for a response, I grabbed my shoes and maneuvered around him.
Jonathan was right, of course. I had latched on to Ian because I had been starving for attention, desperate to feel like I belonged to someone other than my dad. I made the same mistake with Benjamin, but I wouldn’t do it again. I hadn’t deserved Ian and it was never meant to be with Benjamin. Jonathan understood that, understood me.
I needed him to stay close. Needed the information he could provide. I couldn’t hate him for something he had no control over, but I could hate the Destroyer and take my revenge on the Annihilator.
I heard footsteps and looked over my shoulder to see that Darius followed, a curious bag in his hand.
“What are you doing,” I asked, walking backward.
“I was serious back there. You need to keep that new Guardian information to yourself, especially from Roman. He wouldn’t like you for who you are, but for what you could offer him.”
“And what is that?” I asked, despite feeling annoyed.
“Power.”
“So if you don’t trust him, why do you have him on your security team?”
“It’s not that. I do trust him—to an extent. He’s an excellent guard, but—”
I waved him off. “You can consider me warned,” I said, adding, “Besides, Roman is far from my type, so you can go now.”
“I don’t think so. We have more training to do.”
I stopped in place, sighing dramatically. “Do you have all of my days planned out, or am I going to get some free time to myself?”
He grabbed my hand as he passed, pulling me along with him. I nearly tripped over his heels.
“You have a lot to learn,” he said. “Since your idea for interrogating a bloody demon was accepted by The Three, I need to double my efforts to make sure you can protect yourself against an attack.”
I yanked my hand from his, wiping it against my tank top. He scoffed.
“You have sweaty hands,” I lied. “And I can defend myself.”
But Darius ignored me. In the driveway, a me
mber of the compound pulled up in an ATV. He hopped off when Darius approached, keeping the engine running. The man nodded to me in greeting as he handed over his eye protection. Darius patted the man on the back before jumping onto the quad.
“Take these,” he said, handing me a pair of sunglasses, “and get on.”
I quickly shoved my feet into my shoes, eyeing him as he straddled the quad. Remembering the way Charlotte had clung to him, my face flushed. I demurely climbed into the seat, making sure there remained a several-inch gap between our bodies and trying to find a place to grip other than his torso.
“Hold on tight,” he ordered.
“I’ll be fine,” I hollered back.
Even over the noise of the engine I could hear Darius’s annoyed response; he popped the clutch and spun the tires. I grasped onto him as he accelerated and tried not to scream when the vehicle hit the trail, speeding into the orchards. My body pressed against the curve of his back, producing a thrilling but disturbing reaction that I couldn’t suppress.
I would have cussed if I thought he could hear me, but as Darius raced through the dirt fields and our bodies bounced and jived to the motion of the quad, exhilaration crept into my chest. Before I could stop it, a grin tugged at my lips, and then—I laughed, as we zigged and zagged through the orchard.
Darius slowed and turned along a small creek that flowed from the lake. The vegetation grew denser, making it difficult to drive. He cut the engine and I allowed him to help me from my seat. His hand vibrated—or was it mine that shook? My body buzzed with residual energy.
“Now what?” I drew my hand from his grasp and watched as he pulled a blanket from the bag he had brought.
“Training.” He spread the denim quilt onto the ground. “How did the demon attack you last night?”
I paused before answering. “Well, I was in bed—”
“No,” he interrupted. “Show me.”
I took a step toward him and lifted my arm, pretending to hold the demon’s dagger.
Darius shook his head. Placing his hands on my shoulders he spun me on the spot and guided me toward the blanket.
“What are you doing?” I stammered.
“When I came into your room, you were backed against your headboard, impaled by a dagger protruding from your chest. I need to know the details of last night and how to make sure we stop it from ever happening again. Where were you when the demon attacked?”
“I was in bed. Asleep.”
“Okay. Start there.” He crossed his arms over his chest, waiting.
I lowered onto the blanket, moving to the far-right side. “I was here, I guess. Something woke me—”
“What did?” he interrupted.
Jonathan. Jonathan had woken me. He’d saved my life.
“I don’t know,” I lied. “But it scared me awake and I lifted my hands.”
“Show me,” he said, kneeling next to the blanket.
So I did. Darius plunged an imaginary dagger toward my heart and I blocked it in response. His fist fell and hit me into the exact spot the real one had pierced. Wrapping my arm around his, I pulled inward. His face stopped only inches from mine.
“Then I went for my knife.”
I stabbed at him with my imaginary weapon. He blocked it, but not before I hit him in the chest. He nodded and pulled his arm from mine.
“That was quick thinking. I assume the Demon’s Eye reacted, giving you time?”
“Yes… and that’s when you came in,” I said, sitting up.
He moved back, regarding me. “It’s a good thing you sleep with a knife under your pillow, but why didn’t you use your power?”
I could only assume he spoke of the power that had once sent my friends flying backward.
I shrugged. “I don’t know how.”
“I will teach you.”
Darius climbed onto the blanket and sat opposite me, so close that our knees touched. When I moved to distance myself, he tsked, and grabbed my legs, stopping me. His thick fingers pressed into my skin.
His eyebrow rose. “Be still, Ava,” he soothed staring into my eyes. I was reminded of how he had sat with me on my bloodied bed, comforting me when I thought I was going to die. I controlled my frustration with a deep breath.
“That’s a good girl.” Taking a long breath of his own, he closed his eyes. “Emotions flow through each of us, Ava. Some are more powerful than others. Sensations of fear and grief take away our strength—limiting our powers. Anger, pain, hatred can be utilized but do not last long and are nowhere near as potent as feelings of peacefulness, tranquility, and most importantly, love. Channeled, these feelings create raw energy that can be used as a weapon against an enemy.”
He took my hands and held them up, pressing his palms into mine.
“An enemy—a demon—will channel his own form of negative energy that is opposite to yours. I will demonstrate this.”
He closed his eyes again, his brows pulling together. As I watched him, a burning sensation pulsed at my palms. Energy pushed against me, creating space between his hands and mine.
“Magnets.”
Darius nodded. “Exactly.”
But Jonathan had already tried to teach me this concept.
Our negative forces cause us to push against one another, and because of those negative forces, we can never quite come together—but, if someone chooses to flip that magnet over… a totally different reaction will occur.
Even then, Jonathan had never tried to keep anything from me. And he had never lied to me.
“It will not fully stop an attack,” Darius continued, “and the power has its limits, but it will give you time. Why don’t you try it?”
“Yes,” I breathed. I pushed my palms into his eagerly, desperate to learn. His hands were hot against the clamminess of my skin.
He smiled, sensing my enthusiasm. “Now remember, concentrate on finding a powerful emotion.”
I nodded, closing my eyes as he had done, and tried to pull a powerful emotion from somewhere. Anywhere. My thoughts swam through a blackened abyss as I searched for something that would bring me the energy I sought.
Peace, love, tranquility, I chanted in my brain over and over again, calling to the desired feelings. But nothing came.
The muscles in my forehead contracted as my breath tightened. I kept trying.
Peace, love, tranquility.
After several moments, a deadness seeped into my heart, chilling my soul and draining it of any warmth. I shook my head, casting the feelings aside. I needed to focus. Focus on something I loved.
I forced a picture of my dad to appear in my mind. He could help me. He loved me and was the only man I had ever really loved back…
But he lied to you, a new voice whispered.
Anger caught within my throat. I swallowed it down, forcing the bile to settle at the bottom of my empty stomach.
Happiness, joy—
Lies, it hissed. All lies. The distant voice growled from within, growing in strength. Not my father’s voice, but my own. Angry and bitter, it laughed at me in the recesses of my mind. My heart thudded in my chest. Painfully, it pounded out the sentiment that responded to my call.
I gritted my teeth, accepting the less powerful emotion. Hatred burned inside.
Darius’s voice called to me, but I ignored it. Fingers clasped mine, shaking me, but I only gripped them back even tighter.
And I hated him. Hated that he kept secrets from me, hated that he tried to control me—
Power surged into my core. A smile crept upon my lips.
“Ava!”
10
A gift
A caged monster had been set loose and it relished its newfound freedom. My eyes flashed open as I let out a scream of rage. That rage blew my opponent away from me, and I watched, shocked, as he flew several yards and then rolled across the dirt. He landed face up in knee high vegetation.
And I screamed again.
“Darius!” I fumbled to get up, tripping over the
quilt. I sprinted to reach him. Did I kill him?
“Darius!” I jumped through the brush and fell to my knees.
His eyes were closed. Checking his pulse, I let out a sigh of relief when I pressed against a strong heartbeat. “Darius.” I patted his cheek. “Darius.”
His hand snapped up, grabbing mine by the wrist. I inhaled a sharp breath when he yanked me down, our faces a mere inch apart.
“Damn it, Ava,” he growled. “Are you trying to kill me?”
“Of course not.” My voice came out an octave higher than normal.
His eyes narrowed, his gaze roaming my face. Heat bloomed at my cheeks when his focus caught upon my lips.
They parted under his notice. “Are—are you okay? Can I help you up?”
“No, thank you,” he said, lightly tossing my hand away.
I scoffed. “Seriously?”
But he ignored me, straining to push his body into a sitting position. He hissed and dropped back on an elbow.
“What’s the matter?” I asked, searching him for any signs of injury.
“My left wrist is sprained.”
I reached over and gently took it in my hand. Sure enough, the skin had already changed color and was swelling.
I released his hand. “What about your other one?”
He rotated his other wrist. “It’s fine.”
“Darius, I’m truly sorry.”
He grumbled an unintelligible response and reached to me with his good hand. I smirked as I grabbed it and began to tug him upright.
Without warning, power surged into my hand. I tensed just before I was blown backward. I hit the ground hard, sliding across the earth, chafing the back of my thighs. My breath left me in an audible huff.
Darius strode past me in the dirt with barely a glance. “Apology accepted.”
Uninjured and lightly chastened, I contained a nervous laugh. I deserved that and more. The few yards I had flown, I understood, was nothing compared to what he was capable of. A mere warning from him.
I stood, brushing the dirt from my shorts as I watched him one-handedly fold the quilt in half.
“Wait. What are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?”
Personal Guardians Page 12
