I shook my head, not wanting to hear about my mother or her murder. “I promise I’m not sick. It was just my dream. I get horrible nightmares sometimes.” I swallowed hard, forcing the dizziness to subside.
“That cause you to throw up?” One eyebrow rose as he questioned me.
I looked at him, seeing the genuine concern in his eyes despite his efforts to conceal it. “Yes. They can be… quite vivid.” I moved toward my bed, sitting on the edge.
“Will you tell me about them?” he asked, following me. He crossed his arms over his chest, waiting.
I took a deep breath. While I needed to talk to someone about Jonathan, I would reserve that horrible truth for Elisa and Fiona. But Darius deserved some kind of explanation, so instead I delved into the childhood nightmares that once haunted my youth.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. In the past, they were mostly dreams of… well, death. Death and horrifying violence done to hundreds of faceless people by monsters I never saw. Sometimes the images would be so violent I would wake up screaming—but still the hallucinations lingered and I saw blood everywhere: in my room, in the bathtub, in the sink. I would see it splattered on my face until my father would wash it away with water and I would finally wake.”
Darius watched me, an odd expression contorting his features, but I continued, waving off his concern. “I was always so terrified of the killer monsters in my dreams, knowing they would someday find me.” Something triggered in my brain—a correlation not quite fully connected. A heaviness tugged at my heart, but I ignored it just as I had those nightmares. “Even with all our constant moving, even when they began to fade, I was still afraid of them…”
And it clicked. Comprehension hit me like a boulder to the side of the head. I inhaled a raspy breath, pulled through an already closing airway.
“No.” My voice came out hoarse and painful. “My dreams.” I gathered the material at my chest. My heart twisted, wringing the blood from its chambers. “Darius, my dreams. Were they more than that? Were they… visions?”
When he didn’t answer right away, I leaped from my bed, grabbing his arms. My nails dug into his flesh, but he didn’t seem to notice. A flash of a young girl’s face nearly upturned me.
“Darius,” I yelled seeing her image in his countenance. “Tell me! Were people massacred because my father took me away? Because there was no Defender to protect them?”
His face was grave, revealing everything I needed to know. “Ava—”
Any remaining blood drained from my head. “No!”
My heart felt like it had imploded on itself. I gripped the sides of my head as pain seared my skull. My father had known. That was why he stopped listening—why he couldn’t bear to hear any more of my dreams. Because he knew what was happening to humanity, God’s children—the ones he was called to protect. The ones I was called to protect.
And I had shut them out for all those years.
With another scream that rent the air, I let them back in. All of them. A guttural cry ripped from my lungs. I melted to the floor in utter horror; the faces entered my mind in rapid succession. Darius caught me before I hit the ground, and I screamed. I screamed in agony over their losses.
As the old visions took over, I could hear my people’s cries, feel their terror as they called to me, as they called for help… but I hadn’t come.
I saw their monsters. The demon that took a young girl from her parents. Another killed a man’s wife right in front of him for not doing its bidding. A monster that took an entire village hostage just because she could. My eyes rolled back as fury shook through my body, building in strength.
“Ava!” Darius’s voice came to me, but I ignored it. He would only try to stop me from what I had to do, again. I pushed against him, but he held me tight within his arms. He shouted an order to some unseen presence as my power shot out and away from me. Darius grunted but fought me, his essence battling mine—containing mine.
My father had let the enemy slaughter hundreds of souls, all to protect me. All to keep me safe. God’s children—my wards, for that’s what they were—had been slaughtered because of my absence. What could I do to erase such horror?
“Jonathan!” I screamed his name, casting another wave of energy pulsing outward. It hit Darius in the chest. A sickening pop sounded and he called out in pain but still he held me.
“You will kill him, Ava.” Jonathan’s voice came to me. He stood only a yard away. A haze of red encased him in a foggy vapor that clouded his image.
His warning caught my attention and my force ebbed.
“Where is she?” I asked.
“The Annihilator has taken over a small town not far from here. She and another powerful demon my source doesn’t recognize control the mortals there. They will use them as a shield if you attack.”
“Who does she…” But I already knew them as another wave of faces without names passed back into consciousness—their cries for help tortured me. Cries I had learned to dismiss completely. My head tipped back as I welcomed their fear, the anger within me swelling, at the verge of an uncontrolled explosion that would kill us all.
A loud bang sounded as my door flew open. “Ava, stop,” Elisa commanded in a voice I had never heard her use. Fiona flanked her, her eyes wide in anticipation. They were followed by their mates.
I freed my power, but Elisa and Fiona opened their arms in a welcoming gesture. They radiated, the visual surge growing as they extracted the energy from my body. The red haze melted from my view. Laith caught Darius before he collapsed to the ground, letting me stagger to my knees. Jonathan knelt beside me, watching as I fell back, my spine hitting the wood frame of my bed.
“Ava.” A voice I recognized came to me through my blindness.
“Stay back, Madelyn,” Laith warned her, but she edged into the room, her white maternity shirt pulled tightly over her swollen belly.
She lowered to the ground in front of me, her eyes searching my limp expression. “See me, my Defender.” My eyes closed, not wanting to see anything anymore, but Madelyn’s hands cupped my face, forcing my gaze. “See me,” she commanded, her voice strained.
And so I looked, finding her eyes. As they held mine a flash of memory triggered. A young girl crawled to the corner of her closet, hiding from the monsters that came for her. Clasping her hands together, she prayed for rescue. For her mom and dad to be saved. For a guardian angel she knew He would send.
I shook my head, not wanting to see that, once again, I had not come. That I had ignored the call. But then there was an explosion. A bright, white light flashed through the cracks of the closet door. The little girl pushed herself even further in the corner as noise erupted from all around. Stifling a cry, she pulled clothing off hangers to cover herself—to hide from the bad men.
When the world fell silent, Madelyn still refused to move. After a moment longer, the door to her closet crept open. It was Darius that called to her.
“Madelyn.” He squatted down, staying at a safe distance, trying not to frighten her. “You are safe, Madi. It is over.”
When she remained hesitant, he moved back and Elisa came into view. “Come, my little one.” She held out her arms and Madelyn went to her, knowing she could trust the beautiful woman who looked like an angel.
As the memory ended, tears streamed down my face, nearly blinding me. My hands shook as I found hers. “I see you, my Madi.”
And I did see her. She was beautiful. I had never seen anyone so beautiful.
Another voice interrupted. Kneeling beside his wife, Gerald took my hand in his. “And do you see me, my lady Defender?”
Looking into his eyes, I saw a little boy, carried to the gates by a fearful mother who sought refuge from a dark spirit. Despite the welcome and safety my friends offered, the woman chose to leave her son behind and return to her previous life. Gerald alone stayed, and he was beautiful and his spirit pure and good.
Now because of my friends, Madelyn and Gerald had found each other. A
nd I loved them both. I needed them both. They were safe and protected against the enemy of my soul. “I see you, Gerald Spokane.”
“You know my real name.”
“I know you,” I said, squeezing his hand. The smile he gave me filled a small gap in my broken heart.
“And what about me?” Roman asked from the doorway. Worry wore on him, as if he both wanted and didn’t want me to recognize him.
I looked through blurry eyes to see his soul. Yes, I knew him and his past addiction to power, his fall by betrayal, and his rise from darkness. He had battled his personal demon—a truly wicked Fallen who nearly claimed his soul as his own—and had won, but at great cost. He would not go back to the mortal realm without drawing attention from those he once sought favor from, but would do so to protect others from his same fate. He was a survivor, and a fighter.
“I see you, Roman.” And he was beautiful.
My head dropped back against my bed.
“You should rest, my Defender,” Madelyn said, her voice soft as she smoothed my hair away from my face. Her warm hands soothed.
“No,” Fiona interrupted. “Ava cannot rest any longer.” She stood over Madelyn, placing a hand on her shoulder.
I could sense Madelyn’s disapproval, but she did not argue with her Healer. “I will bring her something to eat. I did not see her at breakfast this morning. Gerald and I will bring something good.”
“What about Darius?” Gerald asked.
Darius. My eyes snapped back open, looking for my guard. “Dar—”
“I am here,” he said.
He sat on the edge of my bed. Cedric paced around him looking for additional injuries. When he went to check his ears, Darius swatted his hand away. Cedric merely grinned. “Yes, Gerald. Darius will need something to eat. Thank you.”
As they slipped out the door, Roman lingered by the threshold. He watched me a moment longer, a question marking his brow, before an impatient Elisa shooed him away.
When only my friends remained, Darius spoke.
“We did our best in your absence,” he said. “Our visions are limited, but we did our best.”
“You have visions? Is that something the Guardian can do as well?”
He nodded. “It’s what initially drew the demons to my home.”
“So, you finally told her. It’s about time.” Elisa crouched down, examining my face. “How are you, Ava?”
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly.
When Cedric was satisfied with his healing, he moved away from Darius, walking to Laith’s side. “Well, that’s a relief. No more bloody secrets. But she still needs to decide if she accepts him.”
Laith winked at me. “Yes, she does, but not right now.” I gave him a feeble smile in return.
Darius stood, rolled his neck, and stretched his arms as if they were stiff.
“Darius, I’m so sorry I hurt you,” I said. And I was.
“Two broken ribs and a major headache, but nothing he’s never suffered before,” Cedric informed me.
Weak and near delirious from emotional fatigue, I couldn’t stop the heat from blooming into my cheeks. Again, I had hurt him.
Darius waved it off. “As he said, Ava, nothing I’ve never suffered before. But now it’s your turn.”
“Should I go now, my Ava?” Jonathan asked from the corner he had migrated to. I had almost forgotten he was there. With his hands behind his back, he calmly examined the occupants of the room, a curious expression on his face.
“Very well,” I said to both Darius and Jonathan. Jonathan disappeared as Darius lifted me from the ground.
Cradled against his chest, I buried my face in his neck to hide my remaining tears. Laying me upon the bed, Darius searched my eyes, bold, his arms still wrapped around me. The blood heated my cheeks as I remembered this was the second time he had comforted me as I cried.
When Fiona floated to my side, he removed his arms from beneath me. My body ached as his warmth retreated.
Because she wasn’t you! I shivered, remembering his puzzling confession, but despite my confusion, I grabbed his hand before he could step away, keeping him close. He looked down at me, shocked by my reaction, but I didn’t care. I wanted to be selfish.
Fiona hummed as she scanned my body, from my head down to the tips of my toes. While she sang her soft melody, my insides buzzed with energy. Fiona leaned over, pressing her lips to my forehead. I closed my eyes as her energy spread, healing my fatigue and mending the deep fissure in my heart, although the ache remained.
When she finished, she sat down next to me on the bed.
“I would like to meet with the other residents,” I said to her. “All of them.”
I knew I would never be able to forget all those faces, all of the memories of the ones I was unable to protect, but I hoped that seeing the ones that survived would give me strength—the strength I needed to move forward.
“Of course,” she said. “It will be difficult to manage all at once, but perhaps you would be satisfied with meeting a few every day for the next couple of weeks.”
I nodded my acceptance.
A knock on the door sounded. Gerald entered behind Madelyn, carrying two platefuls of food. My stomach growled when the smell of ham and eggs caught my senses. Madelyn’s omelets were one of my favorite breakfasts. That alone gave me the strength to sit up in bed.
Fiona helped her place a tray over my legs. “I must insist that you gentlemen leave us with Ava,” she said. “I feel there is much to discuss.”
“But shouldn’t we all discuss what just occurred?” Darius’s brows pinched together in concern.
Fiona smiled. “Isn’t it obvious, my darling? Ava has discovered one of her many gifts. The gift of sight.”
16
Personal demons
“But why wasn’t I able to use this power before?” I asked, confused by a gift I had never experienced in my nineteen years.
Fiona smiled sadly. “Because it was blocked. Suppressed. I have a feeling Alexander told you your visions were nothing.”
My heart darkened. Fiona was right. But I would never allow that to happen again.
Darius shook his head. “I realize that Ava is discovering herself, but she was speaking to someone before you came in, and it wasn’t me.”
“I must insist you leave,” Fiona repeated.
“Come, Darius,” Laith said, clapping his hand on his shoulder. “We have things we need to thrash out as well. Besides, I’m still hungry. Bring your breakfast with you. Ced and I will scrounge leftovers from the kitchen.”
“You will not need to scrounge,” Madelyn said in a scolding tone.
Darius held my gaze, his face pulled down with indecision. He took a deep breath before responding. “Fine. Will you come find me when you’re finished?”
“More training?” I asked.
His lips twisted at the corners. “No, I told you, I won’t be training you for a while, but that doesn’t mean you can get out of your morning run.”
I nodded, fighting a smile.
He squeezed my fingers but pulled away from my grip. Again, my heart ached when the cold seeped back into my skin. I clenched my hand, squelching the sensation, then grabbed up my fork.
Before they exited my room, Fiona whispered something into Madelyn’s ear. Madelyn nodded once then left with the others.
I dug into my omelet, finishing half of it in mere seconds. Elisa climbed on top the bed to sit in front of me. “What happened last night, Ava?”
I hesitated before taking my next bite. “I learned that my dreams—”
“Were visions,” Fiona finished for me. I only nodded.
Elisa watched me warily. “I’m so sorry, Ava.”
“Do you sense your dream last night was a vision, my niece? Does someone need our help?” Fiona asked.
My breath caught and I almost choked on my next bite of omelet. “No.” I cleared my throat. “That’s not what my dream was about.” My heart raced as I tried to redi
rect the conversation. “Why can’t I train with Darius anymore?”
Elisa’s eyes narrowed. “I didn’t think you wanted to train with him.”
When I declined to answer, she shrugged. “Darius is nervous to train you because you are at odds.”
I paused, giving her a look. “Well, duh.”
One corner of her mouth twitched. “No, I mean, you are at odds with your feelings. You are filled with anger, hatred, vengeance. He is not. He is peaceful, content—”
“He is?” I interrupted.
“Yes.”
“I think we’re talking about a different man.”
“Nope,” she said with a pop of her lips. “The very same.”
“If Darius is anything, he is conflicted,” Fiona interjected. “Confused by choices he has made in the past. He doesn’t know how to respond to you, but he will figure it out and soon enough. He always does.”
“You have a lot of faith in him,” I said through a mouthful of eggs.
“I’ve known him for a long time, Ava. He is intense, for sure, but it is a quality I’ve learned to love. You will train with Elisa and me for now.”
“What about you is so different from Darius?”
“Our personal demons, Ava.”
I set down my fork with a clang. I pushed the very last bite of omelet into the side of my cheek. “Your what?”
“Personal demons. The memories that haunt us in our everyday lives. I’ve experienced what you’ve been feeling day by day for… forever. Women are so different from most men. Elisa and I have lived centuries over centuries. When you live to be as old as we are, you start to carry… baggage.”
I swallowed my food, no longer enjoying the way it settled in my stomach.
“Anger, fear, hatred, sadness, vengeance.” Elisa shrugged. “Those are feelings we experience constantly, but we have learned to control them.” A knock on the door sounded and she moved to answer. “And we can manipulate and harness them as well. They are useless against demons, and to use them is dangerous. If the enemy is strong enough they can take it and wield it against you.”
Personal Guardians Page 19
