“Do what, baby girl?” he asked, taking a few small steps towards her. She saw his concern in the lines of his handsome face. He was such a good guy and totally deserved better than her—the fuck-up supreme.
“You’re not Ethan,” she stated, needing to tell him the truth.
“I know,” he answered, his mouth curving with tenderness.
“I tried so hard to forget him, but I can’t. He’s always here,” she admitted, tapping her chest.
The tender smile slipped away, his lips flattening into a cold, angry expression. “You told me you loved me,” he accused.
“I do, Tom,” she exclaimed, clutching his hand. “I do, but not in the way I love Ethan.”
He yanked his hand away and pulled away from her. He searched for his clothes, his body tense, rigid.
“Not enough,” he stated coldly, his hands clenching the shirt he just picked up, his knuckles white.
Mia gulped hard, hot tears trickling down her cheeks because he was right. She couldn’t stand that she was hurting him. This was the last thing she wanted. “I’m so sorry, Tom. I hoped he would go away, that I could forget him, but I can’t and that isn’t fair to you. I can’t give you what you deserve.”
“Mia, that isn’t something you get to decide,” Tom said, moving in on her. Dropping his shirt, he grabbed her arms, almost lifting her from the ground. He got in her face. She moved her head so she couldn’t look at him, couldn’t see the pain and anger she’d caused. He growled a curse and slid his hands up to her biceps, wrapping his large hands around them, before lifting her up and walking them back to the bed. Placing her on the bed, he quickly followed, his weight holding her in place, his hand gripping her face, holding it, forcing her to see him, see the determination. “You don’t get to decide that.”
Damn it! He was going to try to change her mind. Mia couldn’t handle that. She needed to take the next step. She didn’t want to, because she knew it would hurt him, but he left her no choice.
She jutted out her chin against his hard grip, her eyes locked on him. “You know the times you haven’t been here, I’ve been either high or drunk. You deserve more than my baggage, Tom. There’s a lot of baggage.”
His features softened and he pressed his lips to her forehead. “Mia, I know,” he said, his lips tracking down the side of her face as he repeated his words. “I know. Let me help you. That’s all you have to do.”
She closed her eyes and shook her head. It was not that simple. It had never been that simple.
“This entire time I’ve used you to forget Ethan. I drowned him out by fucking you.” His movements stilled, but he pressed his lips to her skin and then she went with the one thing that she knew would drive the blade all the way in. “Final nail in the coffin. I know where Marc is,” she spoke quickly, waiting for the backlash. His mouth froze near hers and then he pulled back, and she inhaled sharply at the hard eyes staring down at her in disbelief.
“What?” Tom roared, vaulting off of her. He paced back and forth in front of the bed. “You knew I was looking for him. You knew the pain Lizzie was going through.”
“He’s safe. He’s in rehab and doesn’t want to be found.”
“Does his brother know?”
Mia pushed herself up, leaning back on her elbows, before shaking her head.
“Why you? Why wouldn’t he tell Lizzie? Or Clark?”
She didn’t know the answer to that question. “This is bigger than Lizzie.”
“Goddamn it, Mia. She’s a fucking mess. She doesn’t know a thing, doesn’t understand why he left like this.”
“Tell her what I’ve said, that he loves her. But for now that’s all I can say until Marc says otherwise. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
Tom picked his shirt off the floor and pulled it down over his head, punching his arms through the holes. Then he leveled her with a look she would not forget for a long time. “I can’t fucking believe this. This night was supposed to end so differently.”
She got off the bed, tentatively making her way to him. “I’m sorry, Tom.”
“Stop!” he screamed. “Stop fucking saying that!” He dragged his hand over his head and took a deep breath. “Don’t be sorry. Make this fucking worth it, Mia. I want you happy. I always have. So get him back.”
Mia
In the studio later that week, Mia slouched in her chair, her guitar flat on her lap, and her headphones on top of her head. The band was in the final stretches of finishing up their third album. But at the moment, Clark was tending to his bass, and Mia was left to her thoughts. She stared down, focusing on the randomness of the wood planks that made up the floor. Her straightened hair fell in front of her face as her thoughts drifted to her writing.
Since her breakup with Ethan, Mia had thrown herself into writing. She often sat down in her sunroom, letting the warm light beat down on her while she wrote. Some of her words turned into songs, but for the most part, they stayed in her journal.
She had hoped that when she wrote it down, it’d be purged from her mind. That was definitely not the case. She was more and more on edge, especially since breaking things off with Tom. She hated that feeling of impending doom. All she wanted to do was go back to the happy times with Ethan. But that wouldn’t be happening . . . not until she could deal with her tormented past. Why was it so hard? Why was it so much easier to just push it under the bed and forget it than to actually face it?
Mia ripped the hair tie from her wrist and with a few swift movements pulled her hair back into a ponytail. She knew the showdown was coming. Maybe that’s why she was feeling so tense lately.
Things had been going well with the recording of the album and then they weren’t, at least for her. The songs being recorded were just too personal. This past week had been too much for her. First the wedding dress, then the nasty breakup with Tom. And now this weekend loomed in front of her—the weekend she was supposed to marry Ethan. Yeah, that wasn’t happening. She missed him so much and it killed her that there would be no wedding.
Fuck. What the hell had she done? She’d been making bad choices left and right lately. Problem was she didn’t know how to break the cycle.
“Goddamn it!” she exclaimed louder than she thought.
“What is it, brat?” Marty asked from across the room, guitar in his lap. Mia yanked off the headphones and let them fall to the floor. She needed out of the studio—now!
“I’m done for the day,” she said, adding her guitar to her mess on the ground.
He looked at her strangely. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
She laughed. She was far from okay, but looked at Marty and said, “I’m fine. I need to eat. Anyone want to go with me?”
“I’m starving! I’ll come,” Todd piped up. She smiled at him, so thankful that she wouldn’t have to be alone.
“Anyone else?” she asked, grabbing her purse.
Clark and Marty shook their heads. “No, I’m good. I want to work on the arrangement for ‘Back in My Life,’” Marty replied, strumming his guitar. “I have some ideas.”
She smiled at him. “I love your ideas! Okay. We’ll be back later,” she said, walking towards Todd who held the door open.
“This is your neighborhood. What’s good?” she asked him, putting on her sunglasses.
“What are you in the mood for?” he turned to her as they strolled out of the building onto the sidewalk, his hand on her back guiding her. The wind caused her white, flared tube top to flutter deliciously against her stomach. The warm, summer-like temperatures made the blue, pink, and white plaid button-up she wore over the tube top a little too much, even with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows.
“I want to sit down, eat some great food, and potentially have a few drinks. Got anything around here that can give me that?”
“I do,” he said with a smile. “It’s just a small neighborhood pub, but man, can they cook some great food. The cook likes to experiment. Very interesting combinations. Oh, and they have the
best sweet potato fries I’ve ever tasted!”
She pointed forward. “Take me! Now!”
He laughed heartily. It was easy to be silly with Todd. They often knew what the other needed. Like now. She needed to get her mind off of Ethan, off of Tom, and on enjoying herself.
They walked the few blocks to the little corner pub. It seriously was a hole in the wall. A door. No sign besides the street numbers. She was surprised.
“Is this it?” she said, unsure of what was in front of her.
“Yep. You’ll be surprised when you go in! Trust me.”
She stepped inside and immediately took off her sunglasses because she couldn’t see a thing. It didn’t get much brighter with the glasses off, but as Mia looked around the room, this was the atmosphere she needed. It was a dark place, with each table highlighted by a hanging light casting a warm glow to the area.
Todd led her to a table near the back, away from the bar and most of the people. She placed her purse on the extra chair beside her and sat across from him. The waitress hurried over and took their orders.
And over the course of the rest of the afternoon, Todd made her laugh—a lot. She drank, she ate, she drank, she laughed, and then she drank some more. Mia accomplished what she wanted—to get drunk, laugh, and forget.
But now the time had come to either go home or go back to the studio. Neither option appealed to her. In the studio, they were working on songs that she wrote about Ethan, singing songs that made her want to cry. At home, it was big and empty and she didn’t want to be alone. A dilemma.
“Ugh, I don’t want to go back to the studio right now,” she moaned into her drink.
“Do you have to?”
“I should,” she answered, swirling the contents in her glass.
“We can go to my place if you want or we can stay here.”
“I haven’t been to your loft in ages. Does it still have creepy mice skittering about?”
“No!” he exclaimed, looking affronted. “God, I think the last time you were there was when I first got it like five years ago!”
Five years? She could have sworn she’d been there for parties or something.
“Really? It’s been that long?”
“Yes,” he said, pretending to be sad. Curiosity got the better of her. So did the fact that she’d be with Todd and not alone. He could always make her laugh, and laughter was the cure for everything, right?
“Okay. Let’s go,” she insisted.
“It’s not the cleanest, mind you. I’m a guy and I had some friends over last night . . .”
“You had a party and didn’t invite me?”
“Yeah . . . well, I was trying to get a certain lady to pay attention to me,” he sheepishly told her.
“Ahh, I see,” she said with a knowing wink. “So did you?”
“I did,” he said, smiling smugly.
“High five!” she exclaimed. She put up her hand and he smacked it. He then motioned for the check. She looked at the carnage. Four drinks and she felt it. Putting her head in her hands, she tried to steady the feeling of being pulled underwater.
“You okay?” he asked, putting down a few bills.
“Yeah. I feel good. Just a little dizzy.”
He rose from his chair and went to her, then grasped her hand and helped her from her seat. “Come on, you lush.”
“You had the same amount as me, you lush!” she grumbled.
“Well, I am bigger and I hold my liquor much better.”
“Pfft. I’m holding my liquor just fine,” she protested and proceeded to wobble as she tried to walk down the sidewalk. He chuckled softly and held her elbow as he guided her to his loft. As she went into the elevator, she felt a flicker of worry. A nagging pull that she shouldn’t be here, but she pushed it away. Todd had made her feel tons better today and she’d needed that. He always made her feel good.
Mia walked into the living area and froze when she saw the tray covered in cocaine over on the coffee table. It hypnotized her. She’d never had it before and her curiosity was high. Could it make the pain go away?
“You want some?” Todd asked, heading over to the sofa.
“Usually people offer appetizers or a drink, not cocaine.”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I’m not usual people.”
How true was that? “No, you are not.”
She kicked off her black ballet flats and sat down on the sofa. Staring at the cocaine, she watched him snort one line then another. Sniffing, he handed her the rolled-up twenty. “You gonna try?”
Mia bit at her thumb, staring at Todd’s hand holding the makeshift straw. She didn’t want to feel any more. Everything hurt. She grabbed it from him, holding the rolled bill between her thumb and index finger.
Here I go, she thought.
Plugging the other side of her nose, she placed the rolled-up money to her nose and sniffed up the line of white powder in one quick motion. Then did a line on the other side. She put her head back, surprised that she felt no burn. It felt smooth going up her nose, and almost instantly, she felt her nose go numb.
I can’t believe I just did that.
Not long after that, she felt a sudden burst of extreme happiness and smiled widely at Todd.
“You like that, huh?”
“That was fast!”
“It doesn’t last that long and you probably won’t like the come down.”
“But you can help with that too?” she asked expectantly.
He smiled devilishly at her. “I can. You will enjoy yourself tonight.”
She felt a tingling between her legs which surprised her. No. Fuck. She didn’t want to be turned on. She had no way to remedy that at the moment. Or did she, she wondered as she regarded Todd and his mouth. Those lips that kissed her in Minnesota. Her eyes followed his hands as they reached for something on the table and all she could think of was what his hands could do to her.
He turned to her and opened his palm, showing her what was there. Two little white pills.
“Is that E?”
He nodded and popped one in his mouth.
“Whoa! Really?”
“Yeah. It’s not as intense, but it still feels good,” he answered, holding out the pill for her.
“But I like how I’m feeling right now.”
“And how’s that?”
She laughed. “Pretty turned on,” she admitted before putting her hand to her mouth. “I can’t believe I said that.”
Todd smiled knowingly at her. “And how do you feel on E?”
“I love being touched,” she said, then thought about it and took the pill from his hand. He chuckled as she knocked back the pill without water. She then sat back on the sofa, Todd following, sitting right by her side, his leg touching hers. Her bare thigh was very happy.
“You know . . . you are the only band member to have ever kissed me.”
He turned to look at her and gave her a look of utter disbelief. “That’s surprising because you are very beautiful.”
“But I’m also a pain in the ass, so that might explain it.”
“There is that,” he agreed with a chuckle.
“Why did you kiss me that night?” she asked because that was the night when she saw him in a different light.
“Because you’re beautiful.”
“But we’ve been bandmates for almost eight years. Why that night and not before?”
“Well, when you kissed my cheek and gave me that smile of yours, something was different about it and for whatever reason had me wondering what it would feel like to have your lips on mine.”
“Really?” Mia asked.
“Yeah, well, I’m a guy.”
“I’m a girl.”
He laughed richly. “That you are.”
“Guys and girls can have a lot of fun together . . .” she said, hoping he would take the hint because her nerves wouldn’t allow her to make the first move. She wanted more than the kissing. She wanted to continue where they’d left off in St. Paul.<
br />
“Yes, they can.”
Her smile grew when he leaned over and placed his lips upon hers, slowly moving them to meld with hers. He pulled her onto him, falling back onto the sofa, her denim mini skirt rising towards her hips. She cradled him between her legs, feeling the roughness of his jeans between her thighs. With one hand on her waist, his other hand journeyed over her back and up to her neck. He threaded his fingers through her hair and deepened the kiss, his tongue waiting against her lips. She parted for him, opening for his invasion. Damn, he’s a good kisser, she thought while his tongue played with hers.
“Since that night in St. Paul, I’ve kept wondering what you would feel like, Mia. How your breasts would feel in my hands,” he said, his breath hot against her cheek as his hands snaked under her white tube top, touching her breasts. She hadn’t worn a bra with the tube top and she was thankful for that now. His fingers knew what to do and they were lighting her on fire, especially when he rubbed his thumb over her sensitive nipple.
“So soft,” he murmured, focusing on the other breast.
She felt so wonderfully high, so incredibly on fire with his hands on her, his mouth on her skin. Todd left her breasts and before she knew it, had pushed off her plaid shirt, leaving her in her white, baby doll tube top. He kissed her engorged nipple through the fabric before getting frustrated and pushing that shirt down as well. She moaned loudly when his mouth touched her bare breast, and they only increased when he sucked on her hard nipple.
Her hips moved rhythmically against him, his erection hard and strong between her legs.
“Oh, Mia,” he gasped, his hands leaving her breasts and finding a home under her short jean skirt where he grabbed her bare ass and moved her against his cock, faster and faster. She was so thankful she decided on the pink thong today instead of something with more coverage, otherwise this would feel so completely different, the pending orgasm wouldn’t be coming as fast as it was. She didn’t stop it, couldn’t even if she wanted to. Her sole purpose tonight was to feel good and, right now, Todd was doing a masterful job at that.
Consequences be damned.
Mia fell into him as he kept moving her hips, his very large cock rubbing over and over her engorged clit, the moans kept coming.
Still Into You Page 14
