by Sandy Taylor
‘Are we having an argument?’
‘I don’t think so.’
‘So why have you moved away from me?’
‘Because I’m hot and sticky and probably smelly.’
‘I love it when you talk dirty.’
‘So what was she like? Did she look like the poster?’
‘What poster?’
‘The one on the wall.’
Joe looked at the poster of Raquel. ‘No, Penny was very dark. Her parents were Italian.’
‘I hate her already.’
‘Silly girl,’ he said, pulling me towards him and kissing me very gently on the lips.
‘Was she thin? I bet she was thin. She was thin, wasn’t she?’
‘Does it matter? I’m with you now, and that is exactly where I want to be. Why are we wasting time talking about something that’s ancient history when I could be ravaging your young nubile body.’
I knew I was being silly, and wished I hadn’t mentioned his old girlfriends. He was with me now, and that was what mattered. I teased him. ‘Why sir, what kind of girl do you think I am?’
‘You’re my kind of girl, Dottie Perks. Now stop wittering on and come here.’
Between spending far too long in bed and crawling round the floor trying to find one of my shoes, we very nearly missed the train, but now here we were, sitting opposite each other, with something that was passing itself off as a ham sandwich on the table between us. The further the train took us from London, the more nervous I felt, and I couldn’t really put my finger on what it was that I was nervous about. Maybe I was afraid that Joe would see me in a different light, as I seemed to morph into a completely different person once I turned in at my front gate. I had also exaggerated the quirkiness of my family and maybe once Joe actually met them, he would find them rather dull. I’d met Joe’s family once, and they were lovely, even though they were very different to mine. For a start they didn’t live on a council estate – they lived in a proper house with a drive and a garage. I wasn’t ashamed of where I’d come from, not one bit. In fact if I thought for one minute that Joe might look down on them I’d drop him like a hot brick.
‘Are you feeling brave enough to try this sandwich?’ asked Joe, staring suspiciously at the limp wet ham lying between two pieces of grey bread, which was already curling up at the edges. ‘I’m not sure this ever had a face.’
‘I think I’m going to have to, I’m starving.’
He passed me half of the sandwich, and I bit into it. ‘Actually I think I’ve lost my appetite.’
‘That bad, eh?’
‘It tastes like something the cat brought in – in fact no cat would bother to bring it in.’
I put the sandwich back down on the table and stared out of the window at the passing fields and houses. A few more stops and we’d be home. And I knew in my heart that I wasn’t worried about Joe meeting my family. I was worried about being in the same town as Ralph, especially with Joe.
13
I could see Mum looking out of the window as we got near the house, and she was at the front door as we walked up the path.
‘I’ve been looking out for you,’ she said.
I was pleased to see that she looked much better than the last time I’d seen her. ‘You look better,’ I said, kissing her cheek.
‘I am better, love.’
‘Really?’
‘I keep telling everyone it was just one of my funny turns.’
‘Well it wasn’t very funny.’
Mum smiled at Joe. ‘It’s lovely to finally meet you, Joe,’ she said.
‘You too, Mrs Perks.’
‘Your Aunty Brenda’s here,’ she said in a whisper. ‘She wanted to meet Joe.’
That didn’t surprise me at all. Aunty Brenda didn’t like to be left out of things.
Joe and I followed Mum into the kitchen. Aunty Brenda was at the sink, filling the kettle. She lit the gas ring, placed the kettle on the flame and turned around.
‘Let me look at you,’ she said, smiling.
‘I can’t have changed that much,’ I said, laughing. ‘You only saw me a few weeks ago.’
‘Well I like to make sure, and this must be your young man,’ she said, smiling at Joe.
‘Yes, this is Joe,’ I said. ‘Joe, this is my Aunty Brenda.’
Joe held out his hand. ‘Pleased to meet you.’
Aunty Brenda went all coy. ‘Lovely manners,’ she said. ‘I like to see that in a man.’
‘I’ve put Joe in Clark’s room,’ said Mum. ‘Clark’s staying round at Emma’s.’
Just then Dad walked into the kitchen. ‘He’s always staying round at Emma’s,’ he said. ‘Young people today are very casual about sleeping arrangements.’
‘Joe this is my dad.’
‘Joe shook Dad’s hand’
‘Now I hope you don’t think I’m rushing you,’ said Mum, ‘but…’
‘She’s rushing you’ said Dad, lighting the end of a very thin roll-up.
Mum wrinkled her nose. ‘What have I told you about smoking when we’ve got company.’
‘Joe’s not company, he’s our Dottie’s boyfriend, practically family. You don’t mind do you, Joe?’
‘Not a bit,’ said Joe.
‘Good lad.’
‘Now what was I saying?’
‘Something about not rushing us,’ I said.
‘Oh yes. Well we’ve all been invited round to Rita’s for a barbeque. I hope that’s all right with you, Joe.’
‘It’s fine with me, Mrs Perks.’
‘Bloody barbeque,’ said Dad. ‘Who wants to eat burnt bloody sausages in the bloody garden when there’s a perfectly good table in the dining room.’
‘Rita says it’s a special occasion,’ said Mum. ‘I can’t for the life of me think what it can be.’
‘Perhaps it’s in honour of Joe,’ said Aunty Brenda, smiling at him.
‘And pigs might fly,’ I said.
‘Yes you’re probably right, Dottie. That’s not Rita's style, is it?’
‘Perhaps they’re having another baby,’ I said.
‘I shouldn’t think so, love. She had a terrible time with Miranda Louise.’
‘And don’t we know it,’ said Dad, relighting his roll-up.
‘I don’t know why you bother with those things, Nelson,’ said Aunty Brenda. ‘They go out more times than they stay alight.’
‘Leave him, Brenda,’ said Mum. ‘Striking a match is the only exercise he gets.’
‘Very funny, Maureen,’ said Dad.
‘Right then, Dottie, you take your bags upstairs and have a bit of a freshen up and then we’d better get going.’
Joe picked up the bags and followed me upstairs. I showed him Clark’s room, and he put his bag on the bed.
‘Your parents are lovely.’
‘My parents are bonkers.’
‘Nice bonkers though.’
Joe lay back on the bed and pulled me down beside him. ‘What a waste of a perfectly good double bed.’
‘Don’t even think about it,’ I said, grinning. ‘Dad would have a fit.’
‘So I get to meet the lovely Rita?’
‘You don’t mind, do you?’
‘I’m intrigued. She sounds like quite a personality.’
‘I suppose that’s one way of putting it. We’re just very different, that’s all. There are times when I wonder if we actually come from the same family. We don’t even look alike. Rita got all the looks, even down to the blonde hair.’
Joe twirled a lock of my hair around his finger. ‘I love your hair,’ he said.
‘And I love you, but I have to get changed.’ I kissed him on the lips and went into my bedroom. I brushed my hair and put on a bit more lippy, then Joe and I went back downstairs.
We all caught the bus round to Rita’s. Joe and I ran up to the top deck while the rest of the family stayed downstairs. I pointed out all my special places: Mary’s house, the park and the youth club.
When we got
to Rita’s house we went through the side gate and into the garden. Rita was coming out of the kitchen carrying a bowl of salad. Nigel was leaning over a very shiny red barbeque that was belching out thick white smoke.
‘Bloody hell,’ said Dad, coughing. ‘What are you trying to do, kill us all?’
‘That’s rich coming from you,’ said Rita. ‘If fifty fags a day hasn’t killed you off then nothing will.’
‘Where’s Miranda?’ I said.
‘It’s Miranda Louise, if you don’t mind. That is what she was christened before God and that’s what we call her.’
Rita and I were already off to a bad start. We couldn’t seem to help ourselves.
‘Sorry. Where is she?’
‘She takes her nap at this time.’
‘I thought you said she doesn’t sleep much.’
‘That’s why she needs a nap,’ she snapped. ‘Anyway I suppose this must be Joe.’ She put the bowl of salad down on what looked like a trestle table, with a red and white and blue paper cloth on it, and held out her hand.
After the introductions were over, Joe and I walked down the garden.
‘Mmm, I see what you mean about Rita,’ said Joe, raising his eyebrows.
‘Exactly,’ I said.
We walked over to the barbeque and said hello to Nigel. Tiny beads of sweat were running down his face and disappearing into his collar.
‘Do you want a hand?’ said Joe, rolling up his sleeves.
‘Thanks, mate,’ said Nigel, almost crying with relief. ‘I’ve never used one of these before. It took nearly an hour to read the instructions, and I still haven’t got the hang of it.’
‘My parents have got one,’ said Joe. ‘Once the coals are nice and red it’s a breeze.’
I left them to it, Joe looked pleased to be doing something, and Nigel looked relieved. I wandered over to the family. They were all sitting in a circle on the white plastic chairs.
‘Do we know what we’re celebrating yet?’ I asked.
‘No, it’s still a big surprise by the look of it.’
As if on cue the ‘surprise’ came through the side gate – Peggy ran into the garden, followed by Fiona and Ralph.
14
I felt sick and panicky and wrong-footed. Fiona looked just as lovely as the last time I’d seen her. She was wearing a white cotton shift dress with a pale pink cardigan around her shoulders. Her fair hair looked sleek and shiny. It caught the sun as she smiled up at Ralph. She looked about sixteen, young and fresh and happy. I felt grubby from the train journey. Why hadn’t I spent more time getting ready? Why hadn’t I washed my hair this morning instead of lying in bed till the last minute? But I knew why – because it was just the family, it was just Joe.
I wanted to run, but at that moment I couldn’t have moved if my life had depended on it. Peggy spotted me and ran across the lawn.
‘We’re going to Stralia,’ she said, looking up at me.
‘Where?’
‘Stralia, where the kangaroos live.’
I could see Ralph and Fiona watching us. I turned my attention back to Peggy and what she was saying. ‘You’re going to Australia?’
She frowned. ‘That’s what I said.’
‘For a holiday?’ My stomach was now in a tight knot, and my heart felt as if it was about to jump out of my chest. They weren’t going to live there, were they?
‘Did you know that mummy kangaroos keep their babies in their pockets?’
‘For a holiday?’ I asked again.
Peggy stared down at the ground then she looked up at me. ‘I’m going with my daddy and my new mummy. We’re going to Stralia. That’s where we’re going.’ Then she ran off.
I seemed to have got the use of my legs back, and I made my way over to Joe and Nigel. I desperately needed to be near Joe.
Clark and Emma came into the garden just as I reached his side. They looked like a couple of exotic birds. Emma was wearing yellow flared trousers with flowers embroidered down the legs. She had a red bandanna tied around her head. Clark had on green velvet flares and a suede jacket edged with fur. They waved at us.
‘That’s my brother Clark,’ I said to Joe. ‘And his girlfriend Emma.’
‘And I’m presuming that the chap with the pretty girl is Ralph?’
I didn’t get the chance to answer, because just at that moment, Rita’s voice soared across the garden. She was banging a wine glass with a spoon. ‘Attention everyone. Nigel,’ she shouted.
Nigel was taking his job as chef very seriously. His bottom lip was thrust out as he concentrated on the sausages and burgers. Joe nudged him. ‘You’re wanted, mate.’
‘What?’
‘You’re wanted by your missus, and you might want to ditch the pinny.’
‘Nigel,’ shouted Rita, louder this time.
Nigel hurried across to where Rita was standing.
I stood as close to Joe as I could get. He smiled at me and draped his arm around my shoulder. I was beginning to feel calmer now that I was near him.
‘Listen everyone,’ said Rita. ‘As you all know, Ralph and Fiona were going to be married in a few months’ time, but all that has changed and they’re now getting married in four weeks.’ She looked across at Ralph and Fiona for confirmation. Ralph held up three fingers. ‘Sorry,’ said Rita, giggling. ‘They are now getting married in three weeks,’ she said. ‘They are going to be Ten-Pound Poms and emigrating to Australia. So let’s all raise our glasses to Ralph, Fiona and little Peggy.’
I guess I now knew why Ralph had wanted to talk to me. He had wanted to tell me this news himself so that it wouldn’t come as such a shock, because it was a shock, a huge shock, and there was nothing that I could do about it. I was surrounded by people. I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t scream. I had to pretend that I was all right, but I wasn’t.
Nobody had a drink so there was this silence.
‘Nigel,’ hissed Rita, ‘why haven’t they got drinks?’
‘I was cooking the sausages.’
‘Well they can’t make a toast with a sausage, can they?’ said Rita, glaring at him.
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said Clark, ‘I’m starving.’
‘You’re always starving,’ said Rita.
‘Come on,’ said Joe to me. ‘Let’s help the poor chap out and pour some drinks.’
I was glad to be busy. I couldn’t look at Ralph. I had barely looked at him since he had arrived.
Joe and I poured the drinks and handed them round. Then Joe went back to the barbeque to help Nigel.
‘I’d rather have a cup of tea and so would your dad,’ said Mum.
‘No, I wouldn’t,’ said Dad. ‘I’d rather have a beer.’
‘I’ll get you one once we’ve done the toast, and I’ll make you some tea, Mum.’
‘Now that you’ve all got your drinks,’ shouted Rita, ‘let’s raise our glasses to Fiona, Ralph and Peggy, and wish them health and happiness for their new life in Australia.’
I forced a smile on my face as I raised my glass, then looked across at Mum. She was looking at me in a way that only my mum can, as if she was looking into my very soul. She has always been able to do that. I have never been able to fool her.
‘Come and sit next to me, love,’ she said.
I sat down in one of the plastic chairs. Mum took my hand and held it in her lap.
‘Are you all right?’
‘I think so,’ I said. ‘At least I think I will be.’
‘Well you don’t have to keep it all inside. Sometimes it helps to get it out.’
‘Listen to your mum, Dottie. She knows what she’s talking about.’
‘I know, Aunty Brenda, and I’ll think about it.’
‘Think about what?’ said Clark.
‘Life,’ I said.
‘Oh that old thing. Well as far as I can see, life just happens whether you want it to or not.’
‘Thanks, Clark,’ I said. ‘That was very deep.’
The chair that I was sitting on was ha
rd and unyielding, but the sun was warm on my face. I closed my eyes. I could hear snatches of conversation going on around me. I could hear Peggy’s laughter. If I could have stayed like that all afternoon I would have. Why did I feel like this every time I saw Ralph? I loved Joe. I did, and as long as I didn’t see Ralph I was fine. Well I wouldn’t have to worry any more, because after today I wouldn’t ever have to see him again. Ralph would marry the beautiful Fiona, and they would have a beautiful house in Australia, and that would be the end of it.
Suddenly I remembered a saying that some bright spark at the magazine wanted to use after Otis Redding died in a plane crash. ‘Our crown of sorrows is remembering happier times.’ We never used it, and I wasn’t even sure that I understood it at the time, but I did now. I remembered another sunny day. Ralph and me up on the Sussex Downs, talking about our future together. How we would build a house on the hillside with a porch running round it. How we would sit together on two rocking chairs and watch the sun setting over the sea. I opened my eyes and looked straight into Ralph’s. He was staring at me. I wanted to run over to him and say, ‘Don’t marry Fiona. Don’t go to Australia.’ Then I noticed that Joe was standing right behind him. He smiled at me, but it was a sad kind of a smile.
I somehow managed to get through the rest of the afternoon. Miranda Louise woke up and was passed around the family. She was overdressed as usual. Rita seemed to have an obsession with keeping her warm – the poor child was sweating under multiple layers of clothes. Then Peggy fell into a pile of nettles and screamed the place down. She looked just like Mary when she had a cob on. Rita blamed poor Nigel for the nettles.
The afternoon seemed endless. I was desperate to leave, but I couldn’t. Rita would never forgive me. It crossed my mind to say that I was feeling ill, but I didn’t want to draw attention to myself. I just wanted to be on my own, but I was with Joe, and I had a feeling that he would know why I wanted to go, and I couldn’t hurt him like that. So I smiled, I managed to eat a sausage, I watched Peggy running around, I held Miranda and I avoided being alone with Ralph and Fiona. I did the best I could until eventually the party came to an end and I was able to leave.
