“Who on earth is calling on me at this hour?” I inquired.
“His name is Doctor Stanton, and he says that he must speak with you.”
I was stunned. What could bring Spence to my flat at such an hour? Of course, I instructed the concierge to allow him entrance. I quickly threw on a dressing gown, but there was no time to brush my hair, or to do anything else to make myself presentable before I heard the lift ascending. I quickly glanced into the mirror, pinched my cheeks, and bit my lips to give them a bit of color. Then the doors opened, and Spence emerged into the foyer. I hadn’t lain eyes upon him since April, 1938, some five months earlier. In spite of the circumstances surrounding our last conversation, as well as present happenings in England, I couldn’t help but feel extreme pleasure at the sight of him. However, my first impression was that he looked solemn and weary, seeming to have lost much of his usual aplomb.
“Hallo Sophia”, he said. “I’m dreadfully sorry to disturb you at this un-Godly hour. I felt I had to see and talk to you... had to set some things straight... to sort out this muddle”.
“I understand, Spence. It’s all right. I’ve not been able to sleep tonight anyway, what with the ghastly news we’ve had today. Would you like some coffee, or perhaps a brandy?”
“Yes, thanks, a drop of brandy would be nice. He smiled and looked more himself. While he settled himself in the parlor, I poured a snifter of brandy from a decanter on the sideboard. After pouring myself a small glass of Port, I moved to a club chair next to the sofa where he sat. I felt anxious in his presence, and was puzzled as to why he was there.
“I’ve come to see Isabella, he suddenly stated.
My heart lurched. “Oh Spence, I’ve had such a time getting her to sleep. I’m very reluctant to awaken her. Is it absolutely necessary?”
“Sophia, I’ll be leaving on the morrow. I’ve been at High Wycombe, at The Royal Military College, training to be a flight surgeon for the past several weeks.”
“What is a flight surgeon?” I asked, astonished at his revelation.
“It’s a relatively new branch of medicine that was used for the first time in the last war. Doctors are termed flight surgeons. We’ll sometimes accompany the men on operational flights…will fly at least four hours a month. But, most importantly, flight surgeons will organize the most efficient system of getting aid to the wounded men in the planes... and to get that aid to them as soon as the plane lands... you’ve known that I’ve suspected England was going to find herself in a war, sooner or later. I hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but the signs have been there. I feel I’m needed... want to help. That’s why I initially joined the RAF before I went on to medical school. I’m already a Flight Commander... have got my pilot credentials, so it has merely involved flight surgeon training. God knows what the future holds for the lot of us. So then, I simply have an overwhelming need to see my daughter before I leave”.
I knew that I would probably begin to tremble. It seemed such a lot of information to take in. Spence would be leaving. England was at war. Spence could be injured... could be killed. “Good Heavens, Spence, why so soon?” I managed to ask. “Couldn’t you have waited a bit, until things sorted themselves out?”
“No, Sophia. That’s why I’ve been training during this time. I wanted to be ready if and when the time came. My training is complete, and now I’m ready to take up a post. I would have gone anyway. Men with my training will be needed.”
“Where will you be posted?” I asked.
“I’m posted to the 19th Fighter Squadron at Duxford, Cambridgeshire. I’ll be training with Spitfire pilots. She’s the finest fighter ever built. I’ll be just about an hour from London”.
“What will your duties be?
“Just as I said... A physician and pilot.”
“Spence, this is just too overwhelming. Will you be placed into danger? “
“Anyone serving in the military will be in danger, Sophia. I’ll probably be in less danger than many. I’ll fly operational missions, but I’ll mostly be based here in England to attend to fliers when they return from operations.” I was quiet for some time, trying to digest the new information. It was obvious that I would have to allow him to see Isabella before he left.
“Well certainly, under the circumstances, I don’t suppose it will do any harm to awaken Isabella. I want you to see her before you leave. I just don’t want her to be unnecessarily upset.”
“I have no intention of upsetting Isabella. I simply want to see her. She is, after all, my daughter. I don’t know when or if I’ll ever have this chance again.”
“Oh Spence, please. Don’t say such a thing. Don’t even think it?”
“Sophia, no one knows what the future holds. This dreadful business has turned the world on its head. I’ve been thinking for hours, ever since I learned that war has been declared. I need to see my child before I leave, and I need her to know that I’m her father.” Ice water traveled down my spine. This was a totally different turn of events. He planned on telling my baby that he was her father. Oh Lord, what was I to do?
“What do you intend to say to Isabella?” I asked, trying not to let my voice break.
“I intend to gently, and without any drama, tell her that I’m her true father. I won’t make you out to be a villain or anything of that sort”.
“I’m not against your telling her, Spence. Perhaps if the circumstances were different... if she were a bit older and able to understand... I don’t want my baby to suffer,” I cried. “You told me when we last spoke that you had no intention of becoming involved in Isabella’s life.”
‘That was before tonight, Sophia. I’ve done a lot of thinking. I was extremely angry and hurt when we last spoke. Perhaps I was unfair. I don’t know. I only know that now I’m more concerned than angry. I’m not concerned for my own welfare, but for Isabella’s... And for what will become of you both.”
“You needn’t worry about Isabella’s future. She’ll always be loved and well-cared for. I’ve already contemplated taking her to Willow Grove Abbey if things get rough in London. Of course, I’ll be fine. I want to keep Isabella’s life normal for as long as possible. “
“I don’t want my little girl to think that she’s Lord Owen Winnsborough’s daughter for the rest of her life,” Spence said emphatically. “Of course I know that she’ll be well-taken care of and provided for. That isn’t what I worry about. If I don’t tell her the truth now, she may never know who she truly is.”
“Spence, I’ve made the decision to tell Isabella the truth about her paternity in the weeks since our last disastrous conversation. I just want her to be old enough, so that she’s able to understand the complexities of the situation.”
“And, how many years away would that be? Forgive me Sophia, but I haven’t been given any good reason to trust that you would keep to that intention.”
His words stung, but I had to admit that they were based on truth. I had been less than truthful with him, and was responsible for this horrible mess. Sighing deeply, I answered. “All right, Spence. I’ll awaken her, and you have my permission to say whatever you wish. May I at least ask that you allow me to be present when you reveal the truth about her paternity?”
“Of course. I want you to be present”, he answered.
I excused myself, and proceeded to awaken Isabella. She was sleeping soundly. Leaning over her bed, I kissed her on the forehead. Isabella stirred, and turned on her side.
“Isabella, darling, you must wake up,” I whispered gently. “Someone special is here to see you.” Sleepily, she opened her eyes and murmured that she didn’t want to get up. “I know it’s late, darling, and I wouldn’t ask you to wake up if it weren’t important. Please try to sit up. That’s a good girl. Let me wash your face and put on your pretty, pink dressing gown.”
She came more fully awake and sat up in bed, rubbing her eyes. “Who hath come to vithit me?” she asked.
“Do you remember Doctor Stanton, who brought you Elizabet
h?” I answered.
“Yeth, I member him. He made you cry.’”
“Oh no, no sweetheart, he didn’t make me cry. Remember, I told you that I had done something foolish that hurt his feelings? I was crying because I’d made him unhappy.”
“Yeth, I member. Are you made up now? “
“We aren’t angry at one another. He’s come here to tell you something very important. Something I think you’re old enough to hear. Do you remember the talk we had before you fell asleep, about war?”
“Yeth,” she murmured.
“Well, Doctor Stanton is going to have to go away to help England fight against Germany, the country that is causing so much trouble. He’s going to try to protect all of us from harm, just as your uncles are going to do. But, before he leaves, he wants to talk to you. Mummy will stay with you, and there’s no need to be afraid. He’s a nice man, Isabella. I want you to listen very carefully to what he has to say. Try hard to understand him. If you have any questions after he’s spoken with you, both Doctor Stanton and I shall try to answer them.” I was quaking with anxiety as I tried to reassure my daughter that there was nothing untoward about the conversation she was about to have. I was also furious with myself for placing my precious baby into such a morass. If I had only been honest from the beginning, none of this would have been necessary. And Spence wouldn’t be struggling with lack of trust for me. Isabella seemed satisfied with my brief explanation. Fully awake, she crawled out of bed, and let me help her into a dressing gown. Then, she fetched Elizabeth, and taking my hand we made our way to the parlor. Spence was still sitting on the sofa, smoking a cigarette, and staring into the fire with a sorrowful look. Nevertheless, his face lighted when he saw Isabella.
“Well, look who’s here,” he began, “and I see you’ve been taking splendid care of Elizabeth, just as I knew you would.”
“I love her very much.” Isabella replied.
“I’m sure she loves you just as much. She’s very pretty, isn’t she? Almost as pretty as you are. You’ve grown in just the short while since I last saw you, haven’t you?”
“Yeth. Everyone tellth me I’m quite pretty.” She smiled shyly, looking at the floor.
“Indeed you are,” Spence laughed. “Could you come over here and sit by me on the sofa, while we talk about something rather important?” Isabella looked at me for permission, and I took her over to the sofa settling her between Spence and me. I was extremely apprehensive.
“Mummy told me you‘re going away to fight in the war, Isabella said.
If I’m lucky, I won’t have to do too much fighting. Because I’m a doctor, I’ll try to save lives and help people who get hurt. That will be my job. I’ll be called a flight surgeon, which means that sometimes I’ll go along on the airplanes with the men who are flying them, and sometimes I’ll fly them myself. I’ll help them if they find themselves in trouble or injured.”
“Oh… I thee” she answered.
Of course, she didn’t.
“When will you come back?”
I’m not exactly certain, Isabella. That’s why I wanted to see you tonight. It might be a long time before I can see you again.”
Isabella’s face took on a puzzled expression. A tiny line formed between her brows as she asked, “But why did you want to thee me?”
“Because you’re very important to me, Isabella.”
Why am I ‘portent to you?
“Isabella, it’s a very long story, and your Mummy will help you to understand it better at a later time. It isn’t important right now that you understand all of the details. There’s only one, really big and important part of the story that I want you to know.”
“Doth it have a happy ending?” She asked.
“I think it’s a very happy ending. I hope you’ll think so too, sweet girl.”
“What ith the sthory about?”
“It’s about you, your Mummy and me, and about how I got a huge surprise not too long ago when I learned something wonderful.”
“What did you learn?’
“Isabella, I learned that I’m your real Papa.” There. He’d said it. It was out in the open.
Isabella was completely silent, and her eyes grew very large. Finally, she spoke. “But, my Papa lived at Winnthsborough Hall and he died. His name was Lord Winnsthsborough.” It was hard not to smile at the lisp with which she pronounced ‘Winnsborough’, but it was important that we keep the conversation serious.
Yes... Well... That’s what I thought too, but it turns out it was a mistake.” Spence glanced over at me. “Lord Winnsborough was a fine man, and he was proud to have you for a daughter, just as I am. But, it turns out that I am your true Papa. I know that’s hard to understand. You see, I knew your Mummy before she married Lord Winnsborough, and we fell very much in love. When two people love each other very much, sometimes they’re lucky enough to be able to make a baby together. That’s what happened with your Mummy and me. We made you.”
Isabella looked confused. “What makth a baby?” Oh Goodness. Now we’re really in deep muck. How do we explain this to her?
“A man and a woman start off loving each other a lot, and then a beautiful and mysterious thing happens. God plants a seed inside the Mummy, and it becomes a baby. When it grows big enough to live outside of the Mummy’s body, it is born. The baby we made was you.”
“Oh... now I thee,” she replied.”
There was no question that she didn’t see at all, and I only hoped that Isabella would accept Spence’s simple explanation until she was old enough to understand the biologic details.
How do you feel about this news, Isabella? I intervened.
“Did god put Doctor Sthanton’s theed in your tummy, Mummy?”
“Yes, darling, he did. And I was very happy to know that I was going to have his baby.”
Isabella turned to Spence “But if you are my Papa, why did I think my Papa wath Lord Winnthsborough?”
Spence answered in a sad voice. “Because, sweetheart, it was a giant mistake. I didn’t know your Mummy and I had made a baby. If I’d known, I would have been a part of your life from the very beginning.” I felt horribly guilty. Because of my stupidity, Isabella now had to adjust to this astonishing news at three years of age, instead of having securely known her Papa from birth.
“Did you know, Mummy? She asked, turning to look at me.
This was the question I had dreaded. “Yes, Isabella. I knew. It’s all very complicated. Mummy made an awful mistake. I didn’t tell Dr. Stanton that we had made a baby.”
“But, why?” She turned back to Spence, with eyes that were wise beyond her years. “Didn’t you want me to be your baby?”
“Oh, Isabella. I should have wanted you more than anything in the world. Don’t ever, ever think that I wouldn’t have wanted you. And please don’t feel angry toward your Mummy. She did what she thought was right at the time. Someday she’ll explain it to you in more detail. The important thing is that you and I both know now. I hope and pray that you’ll be happy that I’m your Papa”
She smiled at him, and reached out to take his hand. “Yeth, and you can bring me prethents and we can play together. I think it would be nice having you for a Papa” I was so relieved. I sensed that Spence was holding back tears. He cleared his throat several times.
“Well... so... then, that settles it, doesn’t it? At least for now. I’m going to have to leave to help with the war, but I’ll come back to see you as often as possible, and will write you long letters, and send you presents.”
“May I call you Papa,” she asked?
“That would make me the happiest man alive,” he replied, smiling broadly.
Isabella crawled onto his lap, and put her arms about his neck, hugging him fiercely. “Papa, I think you are very nice,” she murmured.
“Oh, Isabella, I think you’re very nice too, and I promise I’ll try to be the best Papa in the world.” She disengaged herself from him, and pulled back a bit, looking up into his eyes.
“When you come back, will you live with me and Mummy forever?”
I quickly intervened. “I don’t know about that, Isabella. But, you will see a lot of your Papa, just as soon as it’s possible.”
She looked at me with her old soul eyes. “I would like for all of uth to live together. She crawled down off of Spence’s lap, and stood in front of us. You, Papa, Martha and me, she stated in a stern, little voice. Then she put her hands upon her hips, and pronounced fiercely, “Papasth live in the thame houthes where the Mummy’sth and little girl’sth live.”
“Well, we’ll just have to think on that,” Spence answered. He couldn’t help but laugh. “You feel quite strongly about this, don’t you, Isabella?”
“Yeth, I do.
“I can see that,” Spence answered.
“I know you would love that darling,” I broke in. Let’s just take one thing at a time, shall we? Would you like Papa to tuck you back into bed? I promise we’ll talk more about this tomorrow.”
“Yeth, I’d like that very much. Do you think you could read me a sthory?” She asked, looking at Spence searchingly.
“Of course I’ll read you a story,” he replied, as he stood up and took her by the hand. I was hesitant about whether I should accompany them, but quickly decided that if Isabella wanted me, she would ask. I watched as she marched down the hallway, with Elizabeth in her right hand and Spence’s hand in her left. I heard her tell him that she wanted to show him her nursery, which I interpreted as a good sign, as she obviously wasn’t feeling the need to assuage feelings of insecurity by returning to my bed. I sat alone in the parlor, contemplating everything that had happened. The relief at having the truth out in the open was overwhelming. I knew that I would have to brace myself to tell my parents and brothers the truth also. Amazingly, that seemed like a minor hurdle. I felt terribly grateful to Spence for handling such a difficult situation in the manner he had. Although I had no idea what, if any, impact this would have upon our relationship, I knew that it was going to have a very positive influence upon Isabella’s life. After nearly an hour, Spence returned, looking much less solemn, and very relieved. “She’s sleeping. Children are amazing, aren’t they?” He said.
Willow Grove Abbey: A Historical World War II Romance Novel (The Somerville Trilogy) Page 26
