by Rita Hestand
"She doesn't know yet?" Maggie cried out.
"No…they live a ways out of town, she wouldn't have seen the fire." Luke said quietly.
Ma bowed her head, a tear slipping down her cheek, "She'll know something isn't right. Sam was always home in time for supper."
Sarah went to the cabinet, got some tea, and prepared it on the stove.
Ma started carving the ham and the girls made sandwiches.
"If you'll wait a bit, I can have a basket of food for you to take over there." Ma directed Luke.
"Sounds good, thanks Ma…girls!"
Luke was drinking coffee when Emily came to the door.
She opened the door and stood there. "I was told Luke was here."
Ma nodded, "Sitting at the table, come on in."
"Luke…" Emily ran to him throwing her arms around him. She was wearing a beautiful white, furry shawl around what looked like a very fancy dress. "I heard about the fire and looked for you; I was so scared something had happened to you. Are you alright?"
"I'm fine…but I'm afraid Mr. Fargate isn't, and a horse died too."
"A horse. You mean he didn't get the horse out in time?" Emily gasped and then chuckled to herself.
Everyone went quiet.
"No…I mean, Mr. Fargate was killed in the fire."
"Oh!" Emily didn't react. "Well, I guess this means the dance is off then doesn't it?"
Luke looked at her strangely. "Yes," his voice suddenly sounded intolerant, "the dance is off, Emily."
"I was so hoping we could go. I bought a new dress for the occasion. Do you like it?"
She whirled around on tiptoe and waited for his praise.
Luke didn't answer because someone called him out in the yard. Luke started to walk outside, but turned to look at Emily.
"I was so looking forward to the dance…" Emily cried.
"Maybe another time, Emily." Luke stared at her in disbelief.
"I'm sure there will be another, soon." Ma shook her head.
"Of course there will. Well, I better go now. See you Ma." She smiled and dashed out the door.
In the yard, she walked right up to the Reverend and interrupted him and Bill Newton as they were talking about the Fargate's. "Will you walk me home, Luke?"
"I'm sorry, Emily. I'm needed, Mrs. Fargate…"
Emily made a slight grimace. "Oh…well then, I'll see you later, Luke." Then she tiptoed and kissed him on the cheek.
Luke stared after her.
"Pretty girl, that Emily. Everyone in town thinks so," Bill muttered.
"You don't think she's just a tad unfeeling?" Luke case Bill a glance.
"More than tad, son, more than a tad."
Chapter Eight
Ma and Sarah rode out in the wagon the next day to visit with Mrs. Fargate and take her some more food. Mrs. Fargate had six kids, three grown, three still at home.
"Martha, I'm so sorry…" Ma began and hugged Mrs. Fargate to her.
"Oh Lord, I wasn't prepared for this." Martha cried.
"No one ever is, honey" Ma nodded.
Martha pulled away to look into Ma's eyes. "I so wanted him to quit smoking that pipe. But now…I only wish I'd let him…" She cried. "Maybe he wouldn't have had to sneak away to a barn to do it."
"It wasn't the pipe; it was his time, Martha." Ma told her.
Martha nodded. "You are right of course. Well, I'm forgetting my manners, I'm so glad you are here, come on in. And you Sarah…I'm so glad you came…"
Sarah tried to smile, but she was so choked up at the two women words. "Thank you…"
The three boys inside greeted them then left. They were unusually quiet and quite upset about their Pa.
Sarah glanced around the house, it was a small house for so many kids to be raised in, but it was spotlessly cleaned and flowers were on the kitchen table. It had a homey look about it.
"Let me make some coffee," Martha seemed flustered.
"No, you sit down, and let me make you some coffee," Ma instructed. "After all, we came to help, not sit on our rumps."
"I'm sorry…." Martha cried.
Sarah reached for her hand to comfort her. "Just relax; you've got plenty of friends to do for you. You let us do, now."
"All this food you brought over I just can't tell you how much we appreciate it." Martha cried, wiping her eyes on her apron.
"No thanks needed." Ma returned as she got the fire to going on the stove and began to fix the coffee.
Ma had stayed up late, baking a couple of pies, "Let's have some of that apple pie with our coffee, Sarah."
Sarah got up and found the dishes, then set about cutting the pie.
"Forty-five years come December we were together." Martha sighed.
"You two had a long and good marriage, that's more than most people ever have." Ma told her.
Martha raised her head and for the first time with a slight smile creasing her weathered face. "You are right again, Ma. It is more than most have. I should be thanking the Lord for it too, not bawling like some sick calf."
"Don't you fret, there is a time for tears too, Martha. And you've earned that time. Sam was a good man, and we will all miss him. He was a good neighbor, and friend. But more than that, he was a good father and a extra special husband."
"The boys are taking it pretty hard." Martha remarked after a bit.
"He was sure a good Pa, wasn't he?" Ma added.
Martha looked at her and smiled again…"Yes…he was."
"A good man is hard to find. And when you find him you gotta grab him with all your heart and love him and never let him go." Ma said shaking a big wooden spoon as she spoke.
"That's true."
As they sat down with their coffee and pie, Sarah reflected on this woman and her small meager home and the satisfied look on her face now. "You've had a good life, haven't you?" She asked Martha.
"Well, I reckon I have at that. I got six healthy sons, and a husband that was good to them and me. We don't have much, but somehow that didn't seem to matter. You know…"
Ma shook her head, "I know…"
Luke showed up and he had a couple of men with him. Today he wore his chaps and broadcloth shirt and he looked alike an ordinary rancher, a side to which Sarah rarely saw. His cheek showed a shadow and it lent him a very manly look.
Seeing this side of his life made her uneasy, because she'd always thought of him as untouchable. Now, he just looked like a man, a very handsome man. It made her squirm.
Martha offered him a cup of coffee when he came inside. "What are you doin' Reverend?"
"I noticed some of your fence was down and thought we'd get busy and fix that for you. How are you today?"
"I'm better since Ma and Sarah came." Martha replied setting a cup of coffee in front of him. "They brought apple pie too, would you care for a piece."
"Oh…I shouldn't but I do love apple pie." Luke smiled. "I need to get back out there and help Bill and Tate on that fence mending."
Ma and Sarah watched him take his first bite. "Hmm…so good." Luke chuckled.
"Wish you'd come by more often Reverend. I love feeding people." Martha remarked.
"I'll make a note to do that."
"I suppose you came to talk about the funeral then?" Martha asked.
"Just want to know some of the things you might want, singing, open casket, those such things."
"I'd like the singing, if Maggie can be there to sing, he so loved her voice." Martha said, holding the tears back.
"Oh, Maggie said last night she'd be glad to sing if you wanted her to." Ma told her.
"Wonderful. Sam liked music but especially Maggie's."
"Do you want a wagon for the casket or a fancy rig to haul him to the graveyard?" Luke asked.
"Gonna bury him right up there on the hill with the rest of our folks, Luke, so a wagon is fine with me. Gotta wait for Bud to get in though." Martha insisted.
"That reminds me; the telegrapher brought me a telegram from him I believe…"
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Martha took the telegram and read it. "Says he'll be meeting us at the station this afternoon. That's good, I guess we can have the funeral tomorrow then."
"Do you want to lay him out for a wake or just a funeral?"
Martha twisted her hands in her lap. "No wake. He always said when he was dead, he was dead, and to be done with it. So no, we'll go ahead with the funeral tomorrow if that is okay with you."
"Fine, that might be best considering the nature of his dying." He finished his pie. "I guess I should be going and start making all the arrangements. We'll bring Sam out here in the wagon tomorrow, I'll check with the undertaker too. Do you want an open casket?"
Martha seemed more upset now, as though finalizing all the arrangements meant saying goodbye to Sam already.
"Bud might want to see him…" Her voice quivered.
"Well, I can arrange for you and the family to view him tonight, if you like…" Luke suggested.
"Oh would you. That would be good. Since he died in a fire, I really don't want people gawking at him. But Bud will sure want to see him."
"Then I'll arrange that immediately. Is there anything else I can do for you, Martha?" Luke asked, standing and coming up to Martha.
"Just pray for me and my boys. Sam had this house built and paid for when we moved in. We have this and the land, and we'll be alright but we were a very close family, it will be hard for a while."
"I understand, and my prayers and many of the townspeople are with you, Martha." Luke touched her hand. "You think of anything you need, just let me know."
"Thank you, and thank you for sending some men out to fix the fence. I'll see they get back to town." Martha tried to smile but her chin quivered to keep the tears away.
Sarah swallowed hard. She hadn't been to a funeral in years and Martha was already making her weep inside.
On the way home, Sarah was unusually quiet and Ma glanced at her as she drove the wagon. "Something wrong, Sarah, you've been awfully quiet."
"When you love someone that long, live with them everyday, and go through so much, how can you let go? I mean it has to be tearing her apart." Sarah sighed.
"It is. Its heart wrenching. But she does have her boys to see after her and mourn with her. In a few weeks she'll start acting like herself again. Death ain't easy for the ones that are left to accept it. Mind you, it can come to the young as easy as the old. We have to learn, as we live to accept it as part of life. Still, it don't come easy."
Sarah shook her head, looped her arm in Ma's and hung on. "I guess I'm still learning when it comes to that. I can't imagine loving someone that hard, and that long and then having to face the fact that they are gone. It seems unbearable."
"It is, for a while. God has a way of helping you mend child."
"Don't ever leave me, Ma. I don't think I could bear it." Sarah squeezed her arm.
Ma grinned impishly, "I ain't plannin' on it."
"Good."
For the rest of the day Sarah pondered on Martha and her children, and on how Luke handled the situation. He had a tough job, she just now realized how tough.
Chapter Nine
Maggie had never sounded so good, Sarah thought as she tried to control her emotions during the funeral. She'd only been to two funerals in her lifetime and each time she had been unable to control her emotions. She wasn't sure if it was the beautiful things people said about the one that died, or just the looks on the ones left behind's faces.
Ma sat beside Martha on one side, her children on the other. Sarah sat with the other girls, Jo Ella, Trish, Nadine, and Maggie after she finished her solo.
However, Sarah was the only one that seemed unable to stop the tears. She couldn't stop crying and Jo Ella kept handing her a dry hankie, while sending her a frown.
When Luke finished the sermon the music started and the pallbearers carried the casket out of the church after the viewing, Sarah ran out the side door, and escaped into the side entrance until she could get herself under control. She didn't want anyone seeing her in this condition.
Unfortunately, Luke had followed her.
Of all the times for him to pay attention, this shouldn't have been one of them. She didn't want anyone following her. She was crying so hard, she hated anyone seeing her being so foolish. Why couldn't they leave her alone? She needed time to accept what had happened and the sadness surrounding it.
"Sarah, are you alright?"
She turned on him defensively, "Alright? Am I all right? Those two were married forty-five years, and today she had to say goodbye to him. It's the saddest thing I've ever seen. No, I'm not alright." She cried. "I can't help it, it's just so sad."
He came closer. "Accepting death is not something we do easily. None of us."
"I'm not afraid of death!" she shouted. "I'm afraid of being left behind!"
Now he was standing just in front of her. He offered her a handkerchief. "Yes, that's where all the pain is isn't it? Being left behind. You've hit upon it."
"I don't think I want to ever get married!" She blurted out.
"Why?" His voice was soft and gentle.
"Why?" She faced him now, with her tears rolling down her cheeks. "Because I don't want to live with someone for a lifetime and then suddenly they are gone. I don't want to feel that kind of heartbreak."
He pulled her chin up gently, staring into her fretful eyes. "I can understand that, Sarah, but think of all the good times you will miss, if you don't."
"Good times? Do you think she's thinking of the good times?" Sarah scowled at him.
He glanced at Martha who was surrounded by her boys now. "No…but she will…"
"How do you know that?" Sarah asked in an almost whisper.
"Because I've been through this many times with many different people. It takes a while, but eventually she'll be recalling all the good times they had and how happy they were. God doesn't give us more than we can bear, Sarah."
"And what about the people who don't get over it?" Sarah kept on.
Luke shrugged, "Some turn to the bottle. Some kill themselves with work or worse. But not someone like her." He said softly turning Sarah so she could see there was a slight smile on Martha's face. All because her boys were talking to her and telling her about the good ole days.
"Let's join the living Sarah, not the dead!" Luke suggested. "Shall we?"
"Why'd you follow me out here, anyway?" She asked blotting her eyes.
"I saw you crying during the eulogy. I tried to sound uplifting, so not everyone would feel so sad for Martha. I like to think about the good times people have before death and not dwell on the death itself." He stopped for a moment then looked at her strangely. "Sarah I know how she feels. I've been through it…"
"You! You've been married…?"
"Almost, we were engaged. Planning the wedding, and making other plans too."
"What happened?"
"Diphtheria happened. The whole town…it was an epidemic, back a few years ago. She got it, and died in just a matter of days. I didn't think I'd ever get over it. I guess that's why I started preaching. I was comforting myself all along. But…today is the first time I've been able to speak of it since it happened…"
Sarah's face went ashen. Her mouth fell open, and her tears stopped. "I'm so sorry…"
"That was five years ago." Luke lamented.
"Did you get over it?"
Luke made a face, "I'm not sure. Ever since then I have made it a point not to get too involved with a woman again. That's why I like Emily so much. She's not the kind of girl I would ever marry. I couldn't tell Ma that, but it's the truth. And of course, I hope she finds someone who will love her, but it won't be me. If you know what I mean." He looked at her with a slight smile.
She stared into his eyes and for the first time she separated the man in him from the preacher. She also saw the wisdom inside him.
"Ma was shocked." Sarah told him. "About you and Emily."
"I know…but I couldn't explain it to her. I haven't
thought about Dora in a long time. I thought my sharing it with you would make you understand that life does go on. We mend, despite the hurt when we lose someone. I've only recently been able to think of her with gladness."
"Have you gone on?"
"No…not really. But I intend to."
She smiled sweetly.
He suddenly looped her arm in his and walked her to the wagon.
"You okay, Sarah?" Ma asked seeing how red-eyed she was.
"I think she is now." Luke smiled at Ma.
"Thanks Luke. Guess we'll go on up to the hill. I want to stay with Marth for a while. It always helps having friends at a time like this."
"You are so right, Ma. See ya there." Luke smiled and stopped to thank Maggie for her song.
But this time Sarah wasn't upset. Now she was seeing him for the first time. He was a rancher, a preacher, and a man.
Later, when they came home, Ma started cooking, as was her habit since she had a house full of boarders and the girls to see after.
Sarah was quiet as she peeled the potatoes and put them on to boil.
Jo Ella was talking to Harry; Trish was fending off Chester who wanted to sit out on the porch with her. Nadine had gone to visit an ill friend, and Maggie was talking with Ma.
Life did go on. Nothing had changed in her world. Nothing but the memory of how sad Mrs. Fargate was.
But marriage didn't look the same to Sarah now. Before she had her head in the clouds and was thinking only of a good-looking preacher. Now, she saw the reality of her own situation.
She had to be patient the right man would come along.
After supper, she sat alone on the porch, thinking about the day and wondering why she felt so different about things.
Ma came out to sit with her. "My it's cooler out here. That kitchen got kind of hot with all the baking, didn't it?"
"Yes, it did."
"Why you sitting alone out here?"
"No one to sit with, Ma." Sarah said simply.
"What was wrong with Brady the other day, he didn't go fishing with you?"
"Had a stomach bug of some kind. He's better now." Sarah replied.
"Did you go see him?"
