by Francis CoCo
I didn’t say anything but just looked at him. A look that said, explain please.
He shifted uncomfortably. Took another sip of tea. Sat the empty tea cup down and said, “I don’t know, Paige, but, I keep seeing them, I think they’re called Shadow People.”
I’d heard of Shadow People before. They were dark shadows in the shape of humans.
“Here?”
“No. I haven’t seen them here. In my home, do you mean?”
I nodded. He went on, “No, thank God. But around town. I’ll be driving or walking downtown and then I’ll see one, or two, walking down the street like a ghost. But they’re all black- like shadows.”
“You’ve seen them more than once?”
“I had just left work, about a week ago, that was the first time, and I was walking through the parking lot, and on that brick wall that faces the back of the building, you know, where the two dumpsters sit? There were two of them.”
“They were moving?”
“Yeah. They move.”
“Hmm,” I said.
He asked me if I’d had anything strange to happen. Had I heard anything? Seen anything?
“No, thank God,” I said. And I hadn’t. For me, things had been fine. Nothing had happened. But, instead of feeling better, or relieved, as time went on, I seemed to become more fearful when I thought about our encounter. I had been scared when it happened, but nothing like the fear I now felt. Which, didn’t seem to make sense. As time went by it seemed I should be less fearful, not more fearful but, I was starting to feel like Angela on that first night. Sort of terrified. I had this awful feeling that I would wake in the middle of the night and see the Light standing at the end of my bed or something.
Just then, I heard the bathroom door opening upstairs and Angela walking across the hall.
“Don’t say anything,” whispered Max, reaching down to pick up Hef, who had just come into the kitchen, “not to her.”
_____
“You know what I’ve been thinking?” Max said, one morning when he and I were having breakfast. Angela had gone to the post office. I sat down and took a sip of my orange juice. It was a Saturday. The three of us had gone bowling the night before in Deerhedge and I’d stayed over, in the spare bedroom. Max had gotten up early and made eggs and bacon and there was toast with orange marmalade. I always loved breakfast at his house. It just seemed to taste better for some reason.
“No, what?” I said.
“Well, I don’t think it was a random thing, us turning down that road- I think those lights in the sky- that light show - was for our benefit- it was only there to lure us down the road.”
“Honestly? You don’t think it was just a coincidence?”
Max took a bite of his eggs and reached for his coffee. “No. That did not happen by chance. Whatever happened to us, I think it was meant to happen.”
“Why?”
“That’s the big question, Paige. Why? Why any of this?”
He sat there staring at his plate and then he said, “Have you had any other paranormal experiences in your life? Besides this?”
“No! Never- have you?”
“No. None.”
“Then, why us?”
“I don’t fucking know. I guess that’s what we’re supposed to find out.”
“But will we ever? Find out?” I said, “do you think there’s ever going to be any conclusion to this?”
“What do you mean by conclusion?”
“Some big finale? Something to make all of this make sense...”
Max put his fork down and looked at me, “I don’t think there’s some big event that’s going to happen, no. We’ll probably never know why we were lured down that road. Probably never understand why this has happened.”
“So, then, what’s the point?”
“You think there has to be some point?”
“Well, sure, don’t you?”
“Not really. I mean, if you think about it, there isn’t really a point to any of this...”
“Our lives? Is that what you mean?”
“Well, it does all seem pointless, doesn’t it? Working crappy jobs, having families just so they can die off, what does any of it matter anyway? I’m not trying to depress you, but if you think about it, life has no point. The whole entire world is absurd.”
Instinctively, I wanted to argue with him. I felt like yelling at him, actually, and telling him that life did matter but, I didn’t. Because, in a way, he was right. I hated to think of it but it was true. Why did we live just so we could die? Why did we work so hard to make money that, in the end, didn’t even matter? Of course, you would argue that you did it for your family and that was true but, why? Life was a hamster wheel. No matter how you looked at it- it was. A hamster wheel. An obstacle course. You lived each day hoping you might make it to the next. And in two hundred years, most likely, there wouldn’t be one person who remembered you or had ever even heard of you. At least, that was the case for most people. We could tell ourselves all kinds of things to make this not seem true – all kinds of things to inspire ourselves and get motivated so that we could press on but, the hard reality was, that it was true. It just was.
Chapter 6
“We slept together,” Angela said.
“You and Max?”
“Yep.”
“What about his girlfriend?”
“What about her?”
“I thought they were so serious,” I said.
“Guess they aren’t that serious,” Angela said, smiling and rubbing her eyes. We were sitting in the kitchen of Max’s house. He was at work. It was noon and I had just stopped by to see if she wanted to go to the mall in Deerhedge to shop for Christmas. It was four days away. I hadn’t bought the first thing. I would be sending presents back home, through the mail, but they would be late. Better late than never, I thought. It had been one hell of a couple of months. At least they’d get there.
“It was amazing,” she said wistfully, “absolutely fantastic.”
She had just woke up. No make-up, her blonde hair naturally curly and falling around her shoulders. She was wearing a beautiful black kimono that I’d never seen before. She looked alive in a way I’d never noticed. I didn’t understand this transformation she’d gone through but she was certainly different. I’d gone through my own transformation, only, mine wasn’t so drastic. The most different thing about me now was that I spent a lot of time sitting in silence. I never turned on the television anymore- I never listened to the radio in the car. Small things really but certainly the Light had had an effect on all of us. With Angela, it was like, nothing mattered to her anymore, but in a good way- in a way that made her free. It was like she was living now, really living.
“You’re a couple now?”
She smiled and blushed a little. She looked down, “God, Paige, we just slept together. I’m not ready to get married.”
_____
A few days later, Max called me at work. That was unusual for him, as he hated to talk on the phone. A text was about the most you would get from Max.
“What’s up?” I said. I thought maybe he was going to tell me about him and Angela but he didn’t, he said, “What do you know about Paul, or Saul, from the Bible? His encounter with the light on the road to Damascus?”
“Well, I remember that it blinded him.”
“Right...” he said, thoughtfully.
“And, I’m sure you know, that the light Paul saw, was God.”
“Yeah, I do know that.”
“Have you Googled it?”
“Yeah, I did and I also read on some site somewhere on Yahoo that I clicked on, it said that in the Bible it says that God is a light – but it says that he is in inpenetrable darkness and that his light is so bright no human can ever lay their eyes on him...”
I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what he was asking me. The Bible did say that. I couldn’t remember where I’d read that but I did seem to remember reading it somewhere.
&nbs
p; “But… Saul saw him,” Max said.
“Maybe that’ s why he was struck blind.”
“We weren’t.”
“No. What are you saying, Max?”
“I guess I’m just thinking out loud.”
“You think it couldn’t have been God that we saw?”
Max laughed, “I never really thought we saw God, I’ve just been thinking of encounters with beings of lights that I’ve heard of. There aren’t many.”
“The Bible also says that Christ is the light of this world, but, also that Lucifer means light bearer, so, it does all get confusing.”
“Hmm,” said Max.
“You really should go pick up a Bible and read it,” I said.
“I’ve tried that before and, I can’t, it’s too...”
“Too what?”
“I just couldn’t get through it.”
“Well, I don’t know,” I said, “Maybe all of this has nothing to do with the Bible. Maybe it has nothing to do with religion. Maybe it’s something else.”
“It probably doesn’t,” Max said, “I don’t really believe in all that stuff anyway.”
“On an unrelated note, I heard about you and Angela.”
I kind of blurted it out before I’d thought about it. It was completely none of my business but, I mentioned it anyway.
“Yeah, well...”
“I’m not trying to get in your business, Max, but, what about Lorelei?”
“I know. I’m going to have to break up with her. I didn’t plan… you know, I didn’t plan on cheating on her but, I guess these long distance things, they don’t always work out.”
“And Angela?”
“We’ve agreed to keep things the way they are- stay friends.”
“Things have certainly taken a strange turn in our lives,” I said.
“They certainly have, haven’t they?”
“Have you seen any more of those… shadows?”
Max was quiet for a minute and then he said, “They’re everywhere. I hope to God I’m just hallucinating because, if these things are real… holy fuck.”
_____
A few weeks later, the three of us met for breakfast at Dagwood’s. Dagwood’s Diner was downtown and was one of my favorite places in Fallcrest to eat. Their pancakes were fluffy and delicious and breakfast was served all day. That was a big plus. I loved to stop sometimes after work and pick up an order of hashbrowns with cheese and onions or eggs and pancakes. They also served homeade pie- all kinds- pumpkin, pecan, key lime, and I loved to grab one of those to take home from time to time as well.
Angela had called me the night before, from Max’s house, and asked me to join them for breakfast.
When I walked in, they were already there, sitting together in a booth by the wall. Angela had her head on Max’s shoulder. When I walked in, she sat up straight and smiled and waved me over.
“Hey, what’s up?” I said, sliding into the seat across from them. They both had a small glass of orange juice sitting in front of them and a menu. A small ceramic Christmas tree sat in the middle of our table. I scanned the small diner and saw that there was one on every table. God, it didn’t feel like Christmas.
“We’ve been waiting on you before we ordered,” Angela said, picking up the menu that sat in front of her and handing it to me. I noticed as she handed it to me that her nails were painted electric blue.
I shouldered off my pea coat and laid it down beside me.
“We can go ahead and order, I don’t need to look at that,” I said, “I know what I want.”
“Oh, thank God,” Angela said, signaling for the waitress, “because I am starved...”
The waitress came over then and we all ordered. When she’d left, I said, “How long have you guys been here? I’m not late am I?”
“No, no, you’re not late at all, I’m just ravenous for some reason.”
I looked at Max who sat quietly staring at the condiments lined up against the wall. He saw me looking at him and turned his head and smiled back at me. I asked him how he was doing. I’d been thinking about him a lot- ever since he’d told me about seeing those shadows.
“I’m okay,” he said, nodding, as if to convince himself, “how are you?”
“Okay,” I said, sitting back as the waitress came then and sat a cup of coffee and a dish of sugar packets and plastic cups of cream in front of me. Steam rose from the coffee. It looked to be very hot.
“Thank you,” I muttered as she walked away.
“Max told me about those … shadows,” said Angela.
I looked at Max. He gave a slight shrug.
“I don’t know why you guys wouldn’t have told me that,” Angela said, sliding her eyes at Max, “I don’t know why you guys think I can’t deal with stuff.”
“Well,” I said, picking up my coffee cup and taking a careful sip, “you were so terrified, and rightly so, after seeing the Light that second time...”
“She didn’t get as upset as I thought she would,” said Max, folding his hands together on the table and glancing over at Angela.
“What do you think about it?” I said.
“Geez, what do I think? I have no clue what to think about anything, since October 27th,” Angela said, dropping her voice to almost a whisper, “I just don’t know. But, it sounds kind of scary, right?”
“I wouldn’t want to see them.”
“And, they have to have something to do with us seeing that Light, I mean, right?” she said, her eyes wide. She was pressed up against the table, leaning forward, speaking low.
“They would have to,” I said, “I don’t know what they would have to do with the Light, but, Max has never seen anything like that before… right Max?”
He shook his head No.
Angela sat back. “But why Max? Why not one of us?”
“Are you complaining?” I said.
“No, absolutely not! I just wonder why Max would see them. I haven’t seen a thing, have you?”
“No,” I said, taking another sip of my coffee, “and I don’t want to either.”
The waitress came with our food then and we stopped talking about the shadows. I knew that Max was more bothered by them than he let on. I wished I knew what to tell him. I wished I had some advice to give on all of this but I didn’t understand any of it. Of course, whatever was happening, had to do with the Light, I just didn’t understand how it was connected because, none of us knew what the Light was.
Chapter 7
“The Earth is flat,” Max said, lighting a cigarette and getting into the driver’s seat. We were driving to Deerhedge. Angela was at her mother’s house in Madison. It was her mother and stepfather’s anniversary and her entire family were getting together, even her step brother who lived in Colorado had flown in. It was one of the rare times we had alone together and we were going into Deerhedge to go to the shopping mall. I needed sherpa boots and Max wanted binoculars. Why, I wasn’t sure but he insisted that he needed them and there was a hunting and fishing store there, right outside the mall. It was a week after Christmas and all the after-Christmas sales were in full swing. My mother had sent me two hundred dollars as a Christmas present and it was burning a hole in my pocket.
“Come again?” I said, turning to look at him as he slammed his door shut and pulled at the fingertips of his gloves, taking them off and laying them down in the console of the car. He put his hand on the wheel and turned the engine. It was freezing. He was wearing a bright yellow and red flannel shirt and he’d just shaved his beard off. His skin was smooth and as he spoke, I realized something I hadn’t ever really considered before- that Max was handsome. Very handsome. No wonder Angela lost her shit over him.
“I saw it- last night in a dream.”
I laughed, “That was a dream. Are you crazy? The Earth can’t be flat. We’d fall off.”
“We wouldn’t fall off. We can’t get that far into Antarctica to fall off, but I went there… in my dream… it’s a wall of ice.”
“What’s a wall of ice?”
“The edge of the Earth. Or, maybe that isn’t right, maybe the wall was the edge of the Earth or maybe it’s as far as we are allowed to go. I’m not sure what’s beyond that point.”
I stared at him as he pulled out of the driveway and onto his street. Everything was covered in snow. It had been snowing for three days straight and outside it was white and bright and everything was frozen. I looked at Max. He was serious. Was he going mad? Was he absolutely losing it? Everyone knew the Earth wasn’t flat. That was a joke, right? People laughed at that idea. The scientists had dispelled that idea a long time ago.
He began to explain the dream to me. He’d started out some place tropical, he said, he was flying above the ground, his arms flat- not far off the ground- it was daytime, sunny, he was going fast- through cities, towns, trees- across the ocean, he said, “It’s strange because, I wasn’t very far off the ground but I didn’t have to dodge anything- I had this very clear path- in the cities- there were skyscrapers but I didn’t have to dodge them- my path was clear- a straight shot- I went over the ocean- over other countries- the main thing I remember was, at one point, I was heading towards this mountain, and I was scared I was going to hit it, and I was rushing towards it- and I got scared and closed my eyes and I closed them so tight and I was thinking, Oh God- I’m going to hit this mountain! but, after a minute, I opened them and I was past the mountain- I looked back and the mountain was behind me.”
“You went up over it?”
“No. I didn’t, no- I went through it, but I didn’t feel it...”
“Okay,” I said, carefully. I told him to go on.
“So, then, I kept going and going and going until I hit this… snow, all of a sudden, everything was covered in snow and ice was hitting me and it got real clear and cold. And for miles, I was flying over this flat ice– just, mirrored ice- it was so cold- as cold as can be- and then, finally I came to this wall of ice- I mean, that’s what it looked like- a wall of ice- and I stopped- stopped flying- and I stood up straight. I tried to put my hand through the ice but I couldn’t. I looked right and left and, I just knew, I just knew that was where the world ended. I remember thinking, Oh, this is where it ends. As far as I could see on either side of me, were miles and miles and miles of flat ice.”
