by Liz Talley
Ryan stopped talking.
“So?” Jess prodded, not understanding why a walk home would necessitate such a huge change.
“The bum looked at me like he could see who I was. Then he shook his head, like he felt sorry for me. Him feeling sorry for me. I had just sold my discovery to a huge pharmaceutical company for a few million dollars, and he felt sorry for me?” Ryan paused, giving a little laugh. “At first I was offended. But then he pointed his long finger at me—and it was like something from a Charles Dickens novel, I swear—and said, ‘You need a dog. Go with him, Ace.’”
“I told him I didn’t want his dog. I was allergic, and besides they were messy and needed constant attention. But the bum looked at me and said, ‘Well, that’s what you’re missing, huh? Some dirt.’” Ryan held out his hands in a you see what I mean gesture.
“And because a drunk bum said you needed some dirt, you walked away from—”
“No, it was more like the final nail in the coffin, so to speak. I mean, the guy was pretty wasted, and I didn’t really trust his brand of therapy, but it was a lightbulb moment. I could see I wasn’t truly living.” Ryan drew a circle in the sand with his big toe. “As I climbed the stairs to my apartment, I realized I’d never had a fight with a woman. Hell, I’d never had a relationship with a woman. I didn’t have buds to drink with … I had never even been drunk. No pets. No prospect of children. No silly songs to sing. Nothing. My life was … a vacuum. I’d missed out on so much by living this plan my parents had conceived for me—or maybe it was one I never questioned. Either way, it pissed me off.”
“So you quit your life?”
Ryan smiled. “No, I didn’t quit. I started living, truly living. I became a man who didn’t live for work. I needed more than scientific discoveries to keep me warm at night. I needed to plunge myself into a life worth living.”
Jess shook her head. “That’s … mind-boggling.”
“Not really. It’s the smartest thing I’ve ever done. I’m having experiences, getting dirty, making mistakes, doing all the things I never got to do because I was too busy being a prodigy … which, by the way, is a synonym for nerd.”
Experiences. That’s what Benton had said he wanted. Benton had gone through high school and college dating only Jess. The day they’d graduated from high school, she’d tossed her cap into the air with the rest of her class, and Benton had kissed her and told her they were in it together. And she’d believed him. They’d married six months out of college, obtained jobs close to Morning Glory and bought a fixer-upper. They’d carefully set their feet in the lines they’d sketched out.
But Benton, too, hadn’t thought out what it would be like to marry the girl he’d started dating when he was a freshman. He hadn’t been thinking about experiences. He’d given up being a single guy with his own place, he’d forgone dating women who didn’t have curly hair and a past with him. Personally, Jess had always thought those sorts of experiences overrated. Why would Benton want anything but a woman who loved him? But Benton had wanted more, the way Ryan had.
Jess didn’t tick that way. She’d always known what she wanted—a flexible career, a white picket fence, and a family smiling back on yearly Christmas cards. She’d seen her American dream laid out in a ten-step plan. Do this. Then that. Go here. Wait. Move ahead.
For a while, it had worked.
Until that word cropped up—experiences.
“So what did your parents say?” she asked, still trying to wrap her mind around the fact he’d chucked everything he’d worked for. And why? Because he thought he’d missed out on things that weren’t all that great. Waking up in vomit after a huge party … not fun. Fighting over who didn’t pay the water bill … still not fun. Bad guitar music, stinky dogs, and songs about farts … perhaps somewhat fun, but not worth tossing out winning a Nobel Prize.
“Who cares what my parents thought? I had scholarships, and though they helped me with living expenses, it didn’t give them the right to control my life. They’d planned my life for me—rushing me through high school, making me go to physics and computer camps all summer long. They lobbied the counselor to allow me extra course loads every semester. My father chose the medical school I attended, and he was crushed I didn’t take the surgical residency offered to me by Johns Hopkins. So, no, they aren’t happy I ‘threw away my career to catch fish.’ In their minds I’m wasting myself. That’s the phrase used every time I call. So I don’t call much. They don’t seem to mind.”
Jess thought that sounded terrible. She loved her parents. Her father was a dentist, her mother a dental hygienist. She had an older brother who lived three blocks from her parents’ house and was father to two towheaded boys who played T-ball and finger painted their aunt indecipherable pictures. Her younger brother lived with his longtime girlfriend in Oklahoma City. She talked to her family weekly. They were so tight sometimes she had to step outside to get a breath.
“I’m sorry, Ryan,” she said.
“Me, too.” Ryan started walking back toward Del Luna. “Let’s forget about the past and focus on the lo mein.”
Jess could see he was done with talking about who he’d once been. Maybe she should be doing the same thing. And she didn’t need an old drunk to point out what she needed in her life.
Like Ryan and Benton, she had experiences in her future. And the first one would be eating Chinese takeout on the beach with a nerd who’d grown into a hottie.
Not a bad start.
Chapter Six
Jess set her cell phone on the bench in the locker room. Three texts—one from her mother, one from Rosemary, and one from Ryan. She didn’t bother reading her mother’s text because she saw the name Aunt Sally embedded within. Her dotty aunt’s eightieth birthday celebration was that weekend, and Jess would miss it. Her mother wasn’t accepting of the idea, but Jess couldn’t ask to switch shifts when she’d just started the job. Rosemary was checking on her—
How are things going?
Ryan wanted to Hang out?
The last one gave her a little thrill even if it sounded more friendly than interested.
She texted Rosemary first.
Going good. Job is challenging. Beach is awesome.
Little dots appeared telling her Rosemary was responding.
So glad. Meet any guys?
Seriously?
Why not? You’re single now.
Cause I’m trying to get over the last asshole.
No need to mention Ryan at the moment. They’d enjoyed the impromptu Chinese dinner and catch-up session just over a week ago, and since that time, she’d received only one text from him—a sort of great seeing you text. She wondered if that would be last she’d hear from him since he’d said it was his busy season. After all, she didn’t need babysitting. Still, a teeny part of her ego was bruised. She’d thought they’d hit it off. Or maybe she wanted to cling to a little piece of home, and Ryan was all that was available.
True. But still, don’t be afraid to jump in with both feet.
Rosemary loved giving relationship advice now that she was engaged.
You’re talking about the ocean, right? Cause that’s all I’m jumping into. Later, gator.
See you soon, you big baboon.
Jess smiled at her friend’s parting comment. She missed her two buds, but over the past week, she’d settled into her new job, worked on her tan, and made friends with several of the other nurses. She’d gone to a late lunch with Becky Brewster and another nurse named Tanae Jackson on Tuesday. They’d invited her for happy hour at a local bar and grill when they cleared the operatory earlier. Felt nice to be treated like one of the girls.
“So are you going to Landsharks later?” Becky asked as she pushed into the locker room.
Speak of the devil.
Jess lowered her phone, her finger hovering over Ryan’s text. She wanted to hang out with him. And that was scary, because she wasn’t going to get involved with the Brain. That would be insanity. “Maybe.”
>
“Come with us. They have excellent mojitos, which hit the spot in this heat. Tanae’s boyfriend might stop by, and after a week of mourning my breakup with the biggest narcissist in Florida, I’m ready to stop being a hermit.”
Though she liked being asked, Jess didn’t actually feel like enduring loud noises, clinking glasses, and forced conversation. Besides, she was halfway through the first season of Orange Is the New Black on Netflix. And going with Becky and Tanae would mean missing her evening walk on the beach. The pair of dolphins that had been showing up all week might miss her. And then there was Ryan.
But if she chose hanging with Ryan over trying to develop a social life, what did that say? After all, she didn’t know if Ryan considered her a friend, a potential romantic interest, or an obligation. Several times during the course of dinner, she’d seen him glance at her in an appraising way. His gaze caused delight to skip up her spine, giving her a tingle of anticipation, but the thought of going there with Ryan felt strange. It was hard to pull him out of the slot where she’d placed him long ago—sort of like wearing those weird aqua socks when you swam. Not uncomfortable just … not right. Besides, Ryan was three years younger than her, and even though she knew it was silly to let age stand in her way, she couldn’t deny there was a difference between being twenty-six and nearly thirty. Ryan still partied. And Jess didn’t.
Of course, something more with Ryan might not even be an option. The man had made no move toward anything more than friendship even if he’d checked her out over excellent Chinese takeout. He was a man, right? Men couldn’t help checking women out. DNA and all that.
Besides, going out with her coworkers would be good for her. Sorta like eating veggies. Not appetizing, but yielding good results. Tanae and Becky were friendly, funny, and actually seemed to like Jess. She needed to expand her social circle, and drinks with new friends would be a good opportunity to put herself out there. “A drink sounds good, but I need to shower first. Dr. Singh killed me today. I’ve never pulled so many instruments. I actually broke a sweat in the OR.”
Becky snorted. “He’s a prima donna. But if I needed to have a mass or something removed, he’d be the top of the surgeon list. He’s good.”
“Yeah,” Jess said, pulling off her top and gathering her pants. She dropped them in the laundry bin. “He is good. I guess I’ll meet y’all at Landsharks. Wait, where’s it located?”
“You know the shopping center with the Publix? Right past it. Can’t miss it. There’s a big shark head over the sign. I’ll be there around four thirty. Grab a table if you get there earlier.” Becky disappeared into a curtained stall, leaving Jess to do the same.
Jess grabbed her cell and typed, Going to Landsharks after work for drinks. Later? and pressed SEND. Maybe after she got home, she and Ryan could watch a movie. Or sit out on the deck and finish the bottle of pinot grigio she’d started last night. Or maybe he’d blow her off and do his own thing. She sensed he wasn’t sitting around twiddling his thumbs with nothing to do.
After showering and applying what little makeup she had, she left the hospital with time to kill. Since she hadn’t anticipated going anywhere after work, she wore a slightly pilled cotton top and her least favorite jeans. With that thought in mind, she drove around Bayfront Parkway and spied a cute boutique. There she scored a few flattering shirts and one dress that hit mid-thigh. Her mother would have frowned at that one, but Jess had the salesgirl ring it up anyway. After all, her legs were her best feature, and her mother wasn’t here.
An hour later, Jess stood outside the bar with the big shark mouth and garish beach signs. Becky had been right. Easy to find. She tossed her mostly dry curls over her shoulder and tugged at the hem of the short dress. Her tummy fluttered slightly, and she hated herself for feeling any doubt. That’s what this damn divorce had done to her—shaken the foundation of who she’d always been. Before Benton broke her, she’d been so confident, so bold, so sure of herself. She’d known exactly who she was. But now? Now she was a woman who’d been spat onto the beach, blinking water from her eyes and pulling her swimsuit from her crack. She’d fallen overboard while Benton powered off into the sunset with a florist … and then a veterinarian’s assistant … and currently a bartender at a restaurant in Jackson.
The upside was she was on a beach and about to have drinks with new friends.
And she wore a new dress.
And she was tired of thinking about her past. Time to eat her vegetables.
Jess pulled open the door and nearly ran smack into Ryan.
“Hey, there you are,” he said, grabbing her by the elbows and grinning down at her.
“What are you doing here?” Jess asked, noting Ryan looked amazing in a black T-shirt that hung up on his biceps and jeans that looked intentionally worn. Mirrored Ray-Bans sat atop hair that was much shorter than it had been last week. “What happened to your hair?”
“Eh, a new girl at the salon cut it. Pensacola is a military town, and sometimes they get carried away. Not exactly high and tight. I’m working the officer look. If only I had the white uniform to go with it. I could be Maverick.”
“And sing ‘You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling’?” Jess joked.
“Nah. I don’t sing, and I haven’t lost any loving feeling. Yet,” he said with a smile, his words sounding awfully flirty as if they dared her to mess with his heart. He set his hand on the small of her back and steered her into the coolness of the bar. Tanae and Becky sat at a high top and waved as she came through the second door.
Jess approached the table with Ryan right behind her.
“We didn’t know you knew Ryan,” Becky said, grinning like a jack-o’-lantern and pulling Jess down on the stool beside her. Becky had long, straight blonde hair and eyes that twinkled. She wore too much eye makeup and red lipstick that Jess’s mother would call whore red, but not in a judgy way, because Donna Culpepper was known for her red lipstick.
“He lives in my complex,” Jess said, glancing over at Ryan, who was in the process of snagging a stool from another table. “I met him at a party.”
“She tripped over me. I got drunk and nearly passed out under Morgan’s deck. You girls know Morgan Mayeaux?”
Tanae shook her head. She had short ebony hair and beautiful caramel skin. “But I heard there was a party for your birthday. I was going to come by, but I forgot which condos you lived in. Del Luna, right?”
“That’s right. And Ryan was naked,” Jess said.
“You decided to go there, huh?” Ryan asked, lifting his eyebrows. He didn’t look mad, though. Smiling, he turned to Tanae. “Should have been there.”
“I sure the hell should have,” Tanae drawled. “So you took the birthday suit thing to heart, did you?”
Ryan laughed. “Well, I am young and stupid. Why not? And since Jess has already ratted me out, I can’t deny it.”
The butterflies in Jess’s stomach subsided. Ryan had come to Landsharks because she’d said she’d be here. He made her feel comfortable. Included. Normal. And maybe he was a little interested in her? Something inside her hoped that to be true even as she hoped it was not true. She tottered on a fence when it came to Ryan Reyes. “Just revealing the most interesting part of the party.”
Ryan leaned on the table, folding his hands and setting his chin in them. “So you thought it was interesting, huh?”
“Oh, I see what’s going on. You two,” Tanae said, wagging a manicured finger between the two of them, “are talkin’.”
“No, we’re just ol—” Jess caught herself as she was about to blurt out old friends. “We’re neighbors. Ryan brought me a nice welcome-to-the-Del-Luna pot of begonias and filled me in on all the good takeout places. Nothing going on.” Yet.
She winced for even thinking that last word. Doing Ryan wasn’t an option. She could still remember him as a kid in his cartoon T-shirts and too-big high-tops.
Ryan nodded. “She saved my life. I had to get her a pot of begonias.”
“Saved
your life?” Becky asked, lifting a finger as the waitress hurried by. The harried woman didn’t see her.
“Yeah, crabs could have eaten me alive. Have you ever seen a body after crabs have done their handiwork? Vicious crustaceans,” Ryan joked, smiling over Jess’s shoulder at someone sitting at the table behind her. He gave whoever it was a good two-or three-second appraisal. The feeling of anticipation dampened.
“Way to be obvious,” Tanae said, giving Ryan a look. “You’re sitting here with three of the hottest women in this town and looking at another woman. What’s wrong with you?”
“She smiled at me,” Ryan said, his gaze moving over the three of them. “I’m being polite by returning the favor.”
“Every woman smiles at you, Ryan. You’re serious eye candy, sugar,” Becky said, allowing her gaze to wander over Ryan’s broad chest and the defined biceps peeking out from his sleeves. Twelve years ago, Jess would have put down a hundred bucks against the likelihood of Ryan Reyes ever being called eye candy. And she would have lost. ’Cause he was so sweet to look at.
“The waitress looks busy. Why don’t I go to the bar and get you something, Jess? What do you want?” Ryan said, ignoring Becky’s obvious invitation for some flirty banter.
“You don’t have to do that,” Jess said, sliding one butt cheek off the stool. “I can get it myself.”
Ryan brushed her attempt to get up away. “I got it. What do you want?”
