by Mark Gimenez
"Aubrey, let's not see each other again until you decide."
"But, Beck … you and J.B. and the kids, y'all are the only family I got now."
"I know."
Aubrey walked out, and Beck leaned his head back. He closed his eyes. Grady was right: he had learned more about the people in this town than he wanted to know.
The fax machine rang.
Beck opened his eyes and glanced at the clock: 12:57 A.M. He had fallen asleep. The fax spat out two sheets of paper. Beck stood and stepped over to the machine. He picked up the pages and read the test results: Chase Connelly's DNA matched the DNA of the semen recovered from Heidi's body.
He read the entire report and felt depressed. Fax in hand, he walked out of his chambers and climbed the spiral staircase to the second-floor courtroom. The Christmas lights at the Marktplatz across Main Street lit the room sufficiently, so he didn't turn the lights on. He sat behind the bench. He felt tired. There would be no justice for Heidi Fay Geisel.
"You must really like your job."
Beck jumped. Standing at the entrance to the courtroom was Chase Connelly.
Chase coughed. "Working this late on New Year's Eve, you must like being a judge." Chase walked slowly up the center aisle and glanced around at the courtroom. "You know, I'm reading a script right now, a legal thriller. The hero's a lawyer in a big law firm who uncovers a secret, the law firm hiding some kind of environmental disaster their rich client caused. He decides to go public, so the bad guys chase him. He's running, fighting, shooting—'Rambo Goes to Law School' or something like that."
"There's not a lot of gunfire in a corporate law firm."
"Except in the movies." He glanced around. "So where does the accused sit? Up here?"
Chase climbed into the jury box and sat.
"That's for the jurors. What do you want, Chase?"
"I want to know if I should take that role."
"How would I know if you should star in some movie?"
"Because you get to decide my next role: Rambo lawyer or prison inmate. Which is it, Judge?"
"Neither."
"I didn't finish college, Judge. You'll have to explain that. Am I going to prison?"
"No, Chase, you're not going to prison. You did it and we know it, but the DNA results came in too late. The statute of limitations ran at midnight."
"So there's nothing you can do to me?"
"There's nothing the law can do to you."
"Guess I'll take that role then."
He coughed.
"Why'd you come out here, Chase?"
"Because I didn't want my daughter to see me getting arrested. I figured if it was going to happen, might as well happen here. Guess I made the trip for nothing." The weight of the world seemed to lift from Chase Connelly. "Hey, Judge, how about some free legal advice?"
"What's that?"
"Do I still have to pay the mother? I mean, twenty-five million, that's a pretty steep price for a perk."
"Chase, the price you paid was a lot higher than that. The law can't touch you now, but life can. It already has."
Chase stood and smiled like a movie star. "I like my life, Judge. A lot more now. Damn, I feel like a new man."
"Don't take that role, Chase. You won't finish it."
"Why not?"
"Because you're not a new man. You're a dead man."
The smile left Chase's face.
"Is that a threat, Judge?"
"No, Chase, it's a medical fact. You've got AIDS."
"Bullshit."
"Your blood samples, Chase. DNA tests on blood are run on white blood cells—red blood cells don't contain DNA. That's why your tests took so long—the lab had to run extra DNA tests because you've got almost no white blood cells. Then they ran an AIDS test. The lab tech wrote on the report, 'If this guy catches a cold, he's a dead man.' How long have you had that cough?"
"A month."
"Have you lost weight?"
"Fifteen pounds."
Beck sighed. "You killed her and she killed you."
"What do you mean?"
"Heidi was HIV positive. You gave her cocaine, she gave you AIDS."
"That bitch!"
Chase fell into the juror's chair and put his hands on the railing and his face in his hands.
"Oh, God."
Dr. Janofsky's tests on Heidi's and Slade's blood had revealed that both were HIV positive. Beck figured that Slade had contracted the disease from shooting steroids with dirty needles at those Austin gyms. Then he had infected Heidi. And she had infected Chase Connelly.
Chase's face turned up to Beck. He was crying.
"What am I supposed to do now, Judge?"
"Go home, Chase. Go home to your wife and daughter."
Beck went home to his wife. He read her last emails.
My dearest J.B.,
Julie is with me. She gives me morphine. It feels so good. Better than a bottle of wine. Beck is with me, too. All the time now. I try to act brave for him, but I'm not. I'm so afraid.
One last favor, J.B. Please don't let Beck make your mistake. Encourage him to let another woman in his life when the time is right, someone who loves him and my children. He will think he can't fall in love again, but he can, he will, and he should. He kept his vows to me, and now I release him from those vows. I want him to love and be loved again.
Love, Annie
A final secret: Annie had appeared so brave in the face of death, but she had been afraid. Beck turned off the computer. He finally knew his wife, thirteen years after he had married her and a year after she had died. She had been right on so many things about him, but she had been wrong on one thing: Beck Hardin would always love only a dead woman.
FORTY-FOUR
"Hi, Judge Hardin!"
Beck waved at the Main Street business owner. Downtown was quiet. January was the slowest month of the year; all the credit cards from Christmas shopping came due in January.
"Judge!"
Beck waved. Everyone knew the judge in a small town, and the judge knew them. He knew too much. Beck didn't want to be their judge anymore. This town wasn't good enough for its judge, and he wasn't a good enough judge for this town.
"Judge Hardin!"
Beck waved absentmindedly but then spotted Kim Krause waving at him from across the street. He waited while she darted across Main Street. She had an armload of books.
"Hi, Kim."
"Hi, Judge. I like your shirt. Scary, but not as scary as those suits."
Beck was wearing the Tommy Bahama shirt Jodie had given him for Christmas, jeans, and his new cowboy boots.
"Judge, I just wanted you to know, I'm taking those computer courses, over at the community college."
"Good."
"And I deleted our nude photos, mine and Heidi's."
"Better."
She grabbed his sleeve and pulled him down and kissed him on the cheek. When she pulled back, she had tears in her eyes.
"I miss her. Heidi."
"I know you do."
"Thanks, Judge."
"Good luck, Kim."
She walked east, and Beck walked west. He had left this town without a mother and had returned without a wife. He had changed, and his hometown had changed. He was a different man living a different life. It wasn't the life he had dreamed of, but it was the life he had. And he had his children.
"Judge Hardin!"
He again snapped out of his thoughts and saw Julio Espinoza and Nikki Ernst walking toward him. When they arrived, he said, "Julio, Nikki. How are you kids doing?"
"Great," Nikki said.
"How's it going at school?"
"It is quiet," Julio said. "The Latinos are gone. And I will be gone soon, too."
"You going to UT?"
"No. To Rice."
"Me, too," Nikki said.
"Are you guys …"
"Dating? Yes, Judge, we are."
"What'd your parents say, Nikki?"
"About Julio or Rice?"
"They had a cow. Or I should say, a goat. But they'll get over it—in twenty or thirty years."
"Nikki, can I talk to you … privately?"
Beck stepped away from Julio a few paces. Nikki followed.
"We'll be just a minute, Julio."
"What is it, Judge?" Nikki said.
"Nikki, Slade's autopsy showed he was HIV positive."
She said nothing.
"Nikki?"
She sat down on a bench. Beck sat next to her. She stared at the sidewalk.
"You should get tested, Nikki."
She shook her head slowly.
"We never had sex. Of any kind."
"You knew?"
"I thought. When he told me those other guys at the gyms had injected him, I knew that wasn't good. I told him to get an AIDS test, but he wouldn't. So I wouldn't." She sighed. "You know, underneath all that football star façade, he was a good guy. But his father pushed him so hard, and the steroids changed him."
She was crying now. She leaned her face into his chest.
"Stay on your track in life, Nikki."
She sat up and wiped her face.
"Judge, thanks for keeping me on track, that day in court."
They stood and returned to Julio.
"How are your folks doing?"
Julio smiled. "They are doing well. My father, he is building rock full-time with Señor Gil. He is very happy."
Beck had introduced Rafael Espinoza to Gil Johnson. Rafael had invested $500,000 in a new rock works venture with Gil, which entitled him and Maria to a green card. The Feds call it "Green Card Through Investment." Everyone else calls it "Citizenship for Sale." Thanks to Quentin McQuade's money, Rafael and Maria Espinoza were able to buy their way back into America.
"Good. How's your mother?"
"She is pregnant, so she is happy also. Mi madre, she says it is all because of you. She says you are the good judge."
The law is found in statutes and codes and rules and regulations. But wisdom can't be found in a law book. Wisdom is found in life. In death. And every day in between. And justice isn't found in a courtroom; it's found in the human heart.
"Judge, you got a minute?"
Standing in the door to his chambers were Earl Danz and his ex-wife, Lynnette. They were holding hands. Beck stood.
"Earl, Lynnette … come in."
"Judge," Earl said, "we'd appreciate it if you'd marry us up again."
"Marry you?"
"We made a mistake," Lynnette said, "getting divorced. We'd like for you to correct that. Before we fly to Hawaii."
Fifteen minutes later, with Mavis as the witness, Judge Beck Hardin had performed his first marriage. When Mr. and Mrs. Danz turned and walked out the door, Beck could have sworn Lynnette was wearing a thong under her slacks. Mavis was wiping her eyes. Beck gave her an "I told you so" look.
She said, "Don't get cocky with me."
An hour later, Beck was sitting in his lawn chair on the balcony outside his courtroom; his new black cowboy boots were resting on the railing. The oak trees were bare, but the temperature was almost seventy, an Indian summer day in January in the Texas Hill Country. He was reading the first newspaper of the new year. On the front page was a photo of the first new baby of the year. Her name was Esperanza Peña.
"Mavis said you were up here."
Sheriff Grady Guenther ducked through the window. He pulled out the other lawn chair and sat.
"You steal one of J.B.'s shirts?"
"This one's mine."
"You ain't figuring on quittin', are you, Beck?"
"Thought about it."
"Hope you don't. I like working with you."
"Same here, Grady."
"So, did you hear the news?"
"What news?"
"Quentin shut down his development and left town. Moved back to Austin. Put everything he has here up for sale."
"No kidding? So all those mansions around his golf course won't be built?"
"Nope."
"What's going to happen with the golf course?"
"He closed it down. I drove out there this morning. Goats were grazing on the eighteenth fairway."
"Well, at least things will quiet down now."
"Don't bet the ranch on it. Word is, Quentin's gonna sell all that land to some Muslims. They want to build a mosque." Grady stood and started to climb back through the window but stopped and said, "Oh, J.B.'s in my jail."
"What?"
"He punched Bruno."
"Where?"
"In the nose."
"No. Where did he punch him?"
"Oh. Downstairs."
"What was he doing here?"
"He followed Bruno in."
"What was Bruno doing here?"
"Mavis said he was filing suit against Quentin. Said Quentin stiffed him out of six months' pay. Bet he's gonna have a tough time winning that case."
"You think?"
"Yep, I think."
"What did Bruno do when J.B. punched him?"
"Went down like a sack of potatoes, way I heard. Cussed in German, said he was gonna get up and kick J.B.'s ass."
"What'd J.B. say?"
"Said, 'That'll be the day.' "
Beck laughed. "Tell J.B. I'll come over and bail him out … in an hour or two. Guess I'll have to sentence him to community service."
"Punching Bruno, that was a community service."
Grady had left but Beck hadn't moved from the lawn chair when Jodie poked her head out ten minutes later.
"Mavis said you were up here." She sat and said, "Nice boots … and shirt."
"Thanks—for the shirt and for helping me with the kids the last six months. I wouldn't have made it without you."
"Y'all are doing better?"
"Meggie hasn't wet the bed in two weeks. And Luke and I, we talk now."
"Good."
They sat silently for a while, then Jodie said, "Are you moving back to Chicago?"
"I've thought about it. But the kids seem happy here … and they've bonded with J.B. And he's bonded with them. I'm just not sure I belong here anymore."
"Beck, most people spend their lives searching for where they belong. I know I belong here. It's not a perfect town, but no town is. But it's a good town and it's my town. I'm here and I'm staying and I'm going to fight to make my town better. You belong here, too. In this town and in this courthouse. It's a better town with you as our judge."
Beck thought about her words.
"J.B. said it's not the town, it's just a few old-timers in the town who are afraid of change. He's right. He's right about most things. Yeah, Jodie Lee, I'm staying." Beck checked his watch. "That reminds me, I've got to bail J.B. out of jail."
"J.B.'s in jail?"
"He punched Stutz in the nose."
She smiled. "I love J.B."
"He loves you. Says he wishes he were younger, says he'd marry you even if you are a lesbian."
"That's sweet … I think."
"Annie knew my secretary bought all her presents."
"You mean like, birthday and Christmas? From you?"
Beck nodded.
"Not good."
"I thought I was too busy to do it myself. I wish I could go back and do it all over again. I'd do it right this time."
They sat silently, and Beck thought of his dead wife and his new life that she had known he would have before he did. He had to leave J.B. to know the father he had been, and his wife had to die for him to know the woman she had been.
"Gretchen came into the store," Jodie said. "She asked about you."
"Did she mention her needs?"
That look. "No."
Beck chuckled. "Well, I don't think it would've worked with Gretchen. But I'm glad she's Meggie's teacher."
"Annie wouldn't have wanted you to be alone."
"You want me to date Gretchen?"
"No. But I don't want you to be alone. Beck, you need a woman."
Beck reached over
and patted her knee. "Well, Janelle's already got the best woman in town."
Jodie slapped her hands on her knees and abruptly stood as if he had said something wrong. He looked up at her; she was looking down at him with a funny expression.
"No, she doesn't. She's dating a widower down in Luckenbach."
"She's cheating on you? With a man?"
Jodie rolled her eyes. "Oh, for God's sake, for a smart man you can really be dense sometimes."
"What?"
She took a deep breath and exhaled like an athlete about to perform her event. Then in one quick movement she bent down, grabbed his face, and kissed him full on the lips. She stood straight and said, "I'm forty years old, I'm a crazy liberal, and I love you, Beck Hardin."
She ducked through the window and was down the spiral staircase before he could recover: he had never been kissed by a lesbian.
He stood and went to the railing. When Jodie appeared on the sidewalk below, he called out to her.
"Jodie!"
She stopped, paused a second, then turned to face him.
"But you're a lesbian!"
Several passersby stopped dead in their tracks and looked up at Beck, then at Jodie. They shook their heads and walked on.
"That's what they said, Beck. I never said that."
Now that he thought about it, she never had said that.
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why'd you let everyone think you're a lesbian?"
"So every lonely goat rancher in the county wouldn't come into my bookstore looking for a wife."
She had a point.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I wanted us to be friends first."
They now stared at each other; it was an awkward moment, so she turned away and walked fast down the sidewalk—but she stopped at the Eagle Tree. She stood there a long moment as if she were admiring the sculpture. Then she whirled around and marched back toward Beck. She stood directly below the balcony and looked up at him. The breeze blew her red hair across her face.
"I have needs too, Beck. I'm going back to the bookstore. I'm closing at five. If you want to tend to my needs, come on down. If you don't, we'll always be friends."
She turned and walked away and didn't stop this time. Beck watched her all the way down Main Street until she disappeared around the corner. Beck plopped down into the lawn chair.
Tending to needs. With the town lesbian. Who wasn't.
I'll be damned.
