She sat with him easily supported. “No freckles.”
“No freckles,” I confirmed.
“But your eyes.”
“Yep. They’re getting closer to Leo’s shade every day,” Astrid added.
“He’s amazing,” she whispered, and I could hear the emotion back in her voice. “You know, when I’m not in such a good mood at having just met my nephew, you and I are going to have a talk.” Gwen didn’t take her eyes from Finn, but there was no mistaking who she was talking to.
“Oh, why wait? If you’ve got something to say, spit it out. I’d rather get this over with.” Astrid crossed her arms and sat back in her seat, pushing the plate of Chinese away.
“Okay, then.” Gwen swung her gaze to us. “Why did you do it? You kept his son from him. Didn’t bother to tell him and made one hell of an assumption when you came to see him. Hell, you were too busy being shocked you didn’t even try to find out what the real story was. That doesn’t sound like you have my brother’s best interests at heart. And I have a problem with that.”
“Well, as you don’t have a baby, or know anything about Leo and me, I’d say you should keep your opinions to yourself. I’ve already apologised, and I regret my actions, but understand this, I made my choices to protect my son. He is the only person in my life that I base my decisions on. Not me, not Leo: Finn. He will always come first. I will never apologise for that.”
“Right, both of you. Let’s calm down, shall we?” After all the fights I’d been in, this might have been the most intimidated I’d ever felt.
“We’re good, Leo.”
“Shut up, jerk face.”
They both chimed in together.
“Jerk face? You really call him that?” Astrid asked.
“It suits him. It stuck.” Gwen shrugged as if that were enough of an explanation, and I guess Astrid didn’t need more.
“I see. My brother and I hardly talk, let alone have nicknames for each other.”
“That sucks. Feel free to use jerk face for Leo whenever you like.” They both started laughing. And just like that, the tension between them evaporated, and I could breathe again.
Gwen went back to staring at Finn, and I saw the future I’d had in my mind and hoped for, ever since I put this plan together, right in front of me.
28
Astrid
“Good morning.” Leo was looking at me as I woke, and for a moment, all of the stress and worry about our situation was forgotten. His brilliant eyes were so easy to get lost in.
“Morning yourself.”
“So, what’s the verdict on the bed?” He grinned at me.
“You were right. It’s certainly comfortable. A girl could get used to this.” I stretched out and felt rested for the first time in months. “What are your plans for today?”
“I have clients at the gym and a class, but I’ll be back later. I wanted us to visit my parents later.”
I pulled the covers over my head. “What time do you have to be at the gym?” I muffled through the covers. If Leo was busy, I’d have to find a way to get some work done on the magazine, or I’d never get it finished.
“In an hour.”
“What made you quit fighting and start a gym?” I pulled the covers back down to look at Leo. If I’d come back to Bristol and found him still fighting in those clubs, I wasn’t sure I’d have told him about Finn.
And after everything, there were still those secrets in his past that he hadn’t shared. He’d preached about being open and honest, and I found I wanted to know about his previous life.
Leo rolled over and sat on the edge of the bed, his muscular back on full show. “It’s a complicated story.”
“More so than us?”
“In a way. My story is pretty closely linked.”
“You’re the one who said you wanted honesty. If it’s important to you, I want to know.” I reached out, ran my hand down his back and pulled him down to the bed.
“Promise me, if I’m going to tell you all of this, you’ll just listen. Not many people know everything I’m about to tell you.”
“Okay.” I lay back down, and we stayed side by side for a few moments. There was no noise from Finn on the baby monitor, and I hoped he’d stay that way until Leo finished telling me what he had to say. The weight of this conversation was already heavy between us.
“A few years ago, I was picked up at a gym and asked if I wanted to train to be a fighter. Seemed like a pretty cool gig at the time, and I was introduced to another guy that our trainer had found. His name was Maddison Ray.”
“Was?” I asked.
“Don’t.” Leo’s voice was as cold as steel and cut off any further questions I might have. “We trained together, were in each other’s corner. I wrapped his hands before the fights. We worked, fought, and played hard together. We were both making some decent money. I quickly picked up on some gambling habits to supplement my income, but I always swore I could walk away if I wanted.”
I had to bite down on my tongue. I was so desperate to ask questions but knew I’d risk Leo shutting off if I did.
“Mads was never satisfied with the fights that Zuri lined up for us. He wanted to make a living from this and was always pushing for the next big win. He took a stupid deal in London to fight. A payout. But he crossed the wrong guy. The deal meant he betrayed the girl he loved, but he did it anyway. And I knew it was wrong. I should have stopped him—I knew he was in over his head, but I was there for him regardless, wrapping his knuckles and warming him up. It was the wrong call. He was killed in the ring, Astrid. Right in front of my fucking eyes, and I could have stopped it.”
Misery and regret grated in his voice as he pushed the words out.
“Everything went to shit after that. Zuri needed a new fighter, a big deal, so he set me up. But as soon as I went back in the ring, all I could see was Mads. I lost. Badly, and I quit. I couldn’t do it anymore. But after a couple of months, I was more lost than ever. And that’s when my dad lined up a job with my uncle.”
“I’m so sorry, Leo.”
“The fight you saw me at—” Leo turned to face me for this part of the story. His face was ghostly pale, and his jaw tensed as if it physically hurt him to tell me this. “It was to get me out. I had no money, no savings, no prospects. But I could fight. However, since Mads died, I’d promised myself and him that I’d always do the right thing, make the right choices, no matter what.”
“Saving me. And saving Sawyer?” I asked.
He nodded. “I took the fight to set me up. I needed the money to open my gym. Zuri made back the money he claimed I owed him. And I won. I could walk away and do the right thing. Make something of my life instead of wasting it. I owed that to Mads.”
“And if I’d stayed or tried to talk to you, instead of jump to conclusions…” I let the sentence tail off. Hearing the full story gave me a fresh insight that only made me see how lucky we were to have found our way back to each other now.
“It doesn’t matter. What’s done is done.” Leo got up and headed for the bathroom.
“Mad Gyms. It’s named for Mads?” I called after him.
Finn chose that point to make his presence known, and I went in to check on him. He was happily kicking about in his sleeping bag with a smile on his face. It seemed sleeping in new surroundings suited both of us.
“I think I owe your daddy another apology. He should have been in your life from the very start.” Finn looked at me, but he was getting restless. His contented morning routine wouldn’t last much longer without milk.
“You don’t need to apologise again, Astrid. But you can make it up to me by staying.”
“Staying?” I asked. “We already are.”
“Not just for a visit. I don’t want to snatch days here and there. I want us to be a family. All together. All of the time. I want to be with you.” Leo turned my shoulders to face him fully, Finn still squirming in my arms. “I knew you were special the moment I laid eyes on you. It might
have taken you a little longer to catch on, but I’m pretty sure I’ve been in love with you since you walked into that gym.”
“Love?” Did he just say that?
“Yes. And while I don’t know if you feel the same, I know you feel something. And it’s deeper than just having a good time, or obligation, or anything else we could dress this up as. We’ve been pulled to each other since the first meeting. We are meant to be together, and I want you to be here with me. Not just today, or tomorrow. But every day.”
Leo ran his hand up and cupped my jaw, tilting my face to him. It was such a possessive move, and I could feel the strength and power in his fingers. But I also knew he’d never abuse that power with Finn or me.
“I need to get going. So think about what I’ve said. But know, I mean every single word.” And then he kissed me—scorching my lips with his until I felt drugged and needy.
“Bye, little guy. Be good for Mummy.” He headed back towards the bedroom. “Oh, and Gwen’s number is on the side. She wanted to see Finn again, and I thought she could help you if you needed to get some work done.”
“Wow,” I whispered to Finn. I took him downstairs and got the milk warming just in time. It felt like I was going through the motions after what Leo had just announced. Like my actions were detached from my body somehow. Leo didn’t have a rocking chair, so I got positioned on the sofa to feed Finn.
“Goodbye. See you later.” Leo kissed us both before leaving.
And then we were alone. The weight of the words Leo had just spoken resonated in my head and in my heart.
The house seemed eerily quiet with just us in it, and it was hard to shake myself from my internal shock. But I couldn’t simply go all ga-ga over this. After feeding Finn, I put him in his cot to play while I got dressed. I had a tonne of work to get through, but I wasn’t holding my breath on getting much achieved. My mind was on overload right now, and I couldn’t think clearly about anything other than Leo and Finn.
While Finn was happy, I took another walk around the house with a coffee in my hand. I tried to picture my life here—could I up and leave for good just because Leo had said the L-word?
I looked at the scribbled note on the table with Gwen’s digits. My brother and I had barely spoken in years. Hell, he’d not even bothered to visit Finn. Dad was a little better, but he’d always been disappointed in my choice of career, and now, that I was raising Finn, that too.
Gwen certainly had an opinion of me, and I wasn’t sure I’d be calling her up to help.
As if she heard my inner thoughts, the door opened, and I recognised her voice as she called through. “Hi, It’s Gwen.”
“In the kitchen.” I took a breath, not wanting to cope with another round of grief.
“Hey. Leo said I could pop over. I’ve got a late shift, so thought I’d try and get in another cuddle with Finn before you left.” She gave a sort of smile.
“Left?”
“Well, yeah. I assumed you were just indulging Leo with this visit.”
“Hang on a minute, what gives you the right to judge me like that.” I crossed my arms, feeling attacked for no reason.
“The past knowledge that you never took his side and didn’t bother to tell him you were pregnant. I'm going with that over whatever you decide to say now.” Gwen crossed her arms in symmetry as if she knew I’d have no comeback.
“I thought we’d cleared the air last night. And if you think I’m going to let you see Finn after talking to me like that, you better think again.”
“See, resorting to form already. You can’t use Finn as a bargaining chip to get what you want. At least have the courage to own your mistakes. And I’m his auntie. His family. I think I have a right to see him. I don’t have to like you for that.”
“Does Leo know what a bitch you can be?”
“Yes. He’s normally quite good at spotting them.” Her half-smile was all for show and did nothing to hide the taunt in her words.
“I’m not going to get into a fight with you. If you want to see Finn, have some fucking respect. You don’t get to chime in on Leo and me. That’s our business. Now, what do you want to do?” I wouldn’t let her come in here and walk all over me.
“Well, at least you have a spine.”
Neither of us backed down.
“Look,” Gwen started, relaxing her arms by her side. “I’m just looking out for Leo. He’s finally got things going for him, and then you come back into his life. I don’t want him to get his hopes up if you’re just playing him. And I do want to see Finn.”
“I’m not messing about. It’s none of your business, but I do care about Leo. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”
“Where’s Finn?”
“Up in his cot. I’ll go and grab him. Help yourself to a drink.” I headed upstairs, happy to break the tension that seemed as thick as a wall between us.
I handed Finn over to Gwen who changed before my eyes from this feisty smaller version of Leo into a smiling, cheery aunt. She didn’t say much else, so I hovered and went over some of my emails. I was behind on the magazine, but this edition wasn’t in jeopardy just yet.
“I know you’re meeting my parents tonight. They’re going to lose their shit when they see this guy.” Her voice did that baby-talk thing that everyone does. “Yes, they will. But they are going to love you. And Mum isn’t going to let you leave.” Gwen made faces at Finn and pulled several happy gurgles and squeals from him.
“He hasn’t told them?”
“No. He wanted to get things straight with you first. Are they?” She looked at me, pointedly.
What was I supposed to say? We were still figuring things out. And I had more questions than answers right now. But I was sure of one thing. I wouldn’t let everyone else railroad me into a decision I’d come to regret. I’d been foolish before. I wouldn’t be again.
After Gwen’s visit, I fitted some work around Finn’s routine, but my nerves about meeting Leo’s parents had got to me. It felt like everything had bloomed out of control, and now so many people’s happiness rested on my decision to stay with Leo.
“Hey, I’m home.” Leo came in, looking rough and covered in sweat. “I’m going to grab a shower before I do anything.” He still kissed me on the cheek. Funny, playing house was never on my agenda. I liked my life. Even with Finn, we had a routine and made things work. But my version of making things work seemed to be very different from what Leo was showing me.
I followed Leo upstairs and took the baby monitor with me. Finn was still napping—the cot seemed to be the magic remedy to prolong his sleep time.
I waited on the bed for Leo to finish in the shower. We needed to talk before visiting his folks later.
The water shut off, and Leo came into the bedroom with a towel wrapped around his hips—his very delicious hips. I hadn’t had the opportunity to fully appreciate his body in its full glory, and I realised that was a huge mistake.
“Hey.” He smiled, and his eyes snapped towards the door.
“Don’t worry. He’s still down.”
“All right then.” He climbed onto the bed with me.
“Talk first, play later.” I halted the rush of heat between us. We’d kept things pretty PG since visiting, and I knew it would only be a matter of time before the lust between us took over. But right then, there were more important issues that put a dampener on my libido.
“You've been thinking.” It was a statement.
“Yeah. You gave a hell of a speech before you upped and left this morning.”
“Just telling it the way I see things. I hear you had a visitor.”
“Don’t get me started with your sister. I wanted to talk about us.” I put my hands up. The last person I wanted in this conversation was Gwen.
“Us. Well, at least that’s a positive start.” He rolled onto his back and cushioned his head, with his hands interlinked together.
He wasn’t playing fair. All his body, laid out for me to stare at or touch, was a distracti
on from the words I wanted to speak. “I agreed to come back here with you to visit, but from this morning, and from what your sister said, you’re hoping for more.”
“Yes.”
“You don’t think this is all too fast? We’ve spent a couple of days together, and you want me to move in with you. Not only that, but give up everything I have to move in with you.”
“Yes.”
The single syllable answers were getting to me.
“Leo, be serious.” I pushed on the pillow at either side of his head to force him to take this seriously.
“I’m being deadly serious, Astrid. Listen.” He sat up and took my hands in his lap. “You are everything to me. I don’t even know how that happened so fast, but there isn’t a future I want without you and Finn in it. So get used to this.”
“But—”
“No. We’ve had too many false starts. But this is it now. You’re it for me. And if you say no, if you don’t move in with me, then I’ll come to live with you.”
I searched his eyes and found nothing but the truth. With what he’d told me this morning, I couldn’t comprehend him wanting to start again for anything. Although, as I thought that, my mind drifted to Finn—I’d do anything for him. Was it selfish of me to hope that Leo would do anything for me?
“Your business—everything you’ve done since Maddison—” I protested. The gravity of this conversation had grown immense, and emotion was swelling in my chest, threatening to overthrow my rational head. However, the rational part seemed to have been missing recently.
“Doesn’t matter. I can start again. But I can’t be without you. Not anymore. If London is where you need to be, we’ll work it out.”
I don’t know if it was the fact that he had offered, but that knowledge made it so much easier for me to say what I’d been contemplating all day. “But we can also be here? With your family and your business.” The words trickled out, complete with the nerves I had about saying them. It was time I stopped worrying so much and grabbed the chance I had in front of me. I should have learned from my mistakes, and certainly from what Leo had told me—you didn’t always have the time you think you did.
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