Secret Agent Mummy

by Steve Cole

  “I am sure they do,” said Sam. “They mean, Ooo, ooo, we are going to kill you!”

  “Maybe,” Niall muttered. “But don’t you think we should try to speak with them before you send them away – to find out what they want? If it’s as easy as that to get rid of them, why did Cleo bother to go into hiding at all?”

  “My friend, there are times when you think too much.” Sam nodded firmly. “We have saved the day! And now, it is time to perform my spell—”

  “GROAARRRR!” The lizard-man threw his blue crystal through the bars at Niall, who quickly ducked.

  “Enough, wicked demons from unknown stars!” Sam pointed a bandaged finger at the lizard-men, took a deep breath, looked at his foot and raised his voice:

  Whatever thy horrible planet of birth,

  Return there at once –

  be banished from Earth!

  A vortex of red light and heat swirled around the lizard-men. They groaned and GROARRED in dismay as the light grew brighter, and the heat strong enough to dry Niall off after his dip in the pool. When the unearthly glow faded, the monsters were gone.

  “There! Who’s the mummy? Me’s the mummy!” Sam did a not-very-good sand dance around the cellblock. “Did you see the strength of my spell, Niall? Now I have a true pharaoh to serve once more, I feel two thousand years younger!”

  “That was cool, Sam. Well done.” Niall carefully picked up the blue crystal. “I wonder what this thing was meant to do . . .”

  “Let us show it to wise Cleopatra,” Sam suggested. “She will know.”

  Niall followed Sam through the Pyra-Base, back to the wreck of the operations room. There was sand and rock and broken furniture all over the place. The emergency exit was open again, and a strong smell of fish wafted out of the gloom.

  “Ahh, my poor, beautiful fishy,” came a familiar feline voice. “OM NOM NOM!”

  “Great Mew!” cried Sam. “Are you well?”

  “What? Eh?” Mew peered through the exit with bits of fish smeared over her face. “How dare you! Am I not even allowed to calm my nerves with a marine-based snackette?”

  “What happened to Cleopatra?” Niall asked.

  “The Queen of Mean has escaped, just as she said she would.” Mew sniffed huffily. “That stupid Mumbum swept in and took her away—”

  “She is safe, then!” Sam sighed with happiness. “Praise Ra and all the most high gods!”

  “I’m not sure your friend will want to do that.” Mew looked at Niall. “Before she left, Cleopatra took that little yellow-haired person from your house. Mumbum carried them both away – to Ra knows where!”

  “WHAT?” Niall stared at Mew. “Then that important thing Cleo said she had to collect was Ellie! But where has she taken her – and why?”

  Chapter Nine

  Call of the Crystal

  Stuffing the blue crystal into his pocket, Niall ran out of the Pyra-Base and started to look around – perhaps Cleo had taken the Snitch by mistake, and dropped her back? But no – he could hear his mum calling from the garden: “Ellie?” She sounded anxious. “Ellie, where are you?”

  “She’s with the last of the pharaohs,” Niall muttered, keeping out of sight. “But why? Why would anyone but Mum or Dad want to take the Snitch anywhere with them on purpose . . .?”

  For a moment he imagined never seeing his little sister again. His first thought was, AWESOME! THANKS, CLEO! But, no – he knew he couldn’t just abandon the Snitch. Mum and Dad would be so upset, and besides, she was family. Deeply annoying family, but family all the same.

  “Ellie!” Mum called again. “Oh, where has she gone?”

  “Good question,” Niall muttered as he ran back inside the Pyra-Base.

  In the shattered operations room, Sam was drinking a large bottle of brown, vile-smelling goo. “Mmmm! My second fig, date, barley and poopiloop power-shake of the day. Would you like a gulp, Niall? It’s mummy-yummy. I can fix you one with extra poopiloop if you like.”

  “Never mind all that!” Niall cried. “We have to find out where Cleo and Mumbum took Ellie.”

  “Cleopatra must have feared for your small sister’s safety. That is why she took her away,” Sam said stoutly. “Your Snitch will be quite safe, I am sure. Sure as eggs are bananas.”

  “Eggs aren’t bananas, Sam.” Niall groaned. “Wait a sec. When Cleo left, she took that ASP thing with her, didn’t she?”

  “She did,” Mew agreed. “A most curious device.”

  “She used it to take energy from Ellie, to bring herself back to life . . .” Niall was starting to feel very worried. “Cleo is old, right? Incredibly old. If a little bit of Snitch made her feel young and alive again . . . perhaps she needs some more to stay that way?”

  “I am sure you are mistaken, my friend,” said Sam. “But do not get your overpants and underpants tangled together.” He put down his energy-drink and pressed a picture of an eye painted on the wall beside him. “All Mumbum’s suits have a built-in tracking device. I can find him anywhere – and where we find him, we shall also find my queen and your sister, yes?”

  With a low rumble, a large stone control panel marked with squiggly symbols slid out of the wall. Sam pressed a hieroglyph that looked like a dog. A bleeping noise started up close by. Niall looked around amongst the wreckage – and saw an orange stone on the floor, vibrating in time with the bleeps.

  “Is this Mumbum’s tracking device?” Niall picked up the stone and found two torn wires sticking out of it. “It’s been ripped out and chucked away.”

  “On purpose?” Sam hurried over; now, even he looked worried. “I suspect . . . your small sister did it. Cursed be her unexpected knowledge of technology from Ka-Ba!”

  “Come off it, Sam,” Niall retorted. “Only Cleopatra would know that Mumbum came with a tracking device. She must have pulled it out because she doesn’t want to be found.”

  “By those wicked lizard-men!” Sam sighed. “Oh, my poor queen . . .”

  “There must be some other way we can find her,” said Niall helplessly.

  “Oh, don’t fuss so,” said Mew, yawning. “I’m sure that ridiculous dog’s-bottom will come back soon to check his master is well. And when Cleo sees that the coast is clear, she will return with your sister.”

  “I guess. But when will that be? Mumbum will need time to recharge after another long journey – and my mum’s already going loopy.”

  “Fear not!” said Sam. “I shall banish her cares with a spell of gentle sleeping.”

  Niall had seen Sam do this before. “You mean you’re going to whack her with a shaddap wrap and knock her out cold.”

  “Yes,” Sam said. “I shall return!”

  “Thanks, Sam.”

  As the mummy left, Niall sat down on a chunk of stone and pulled the blue crystal out of his pocket. “Cleopatra said she’d seen those lizard-things before. How come they showed up here just after she did? Where did they come from, anyway?”

  Mew prowled over. “Where did you find that blue gem, hmm?”

  “One of the lizard-men chucked it at me.” Niall sighed. “It doesn’t seem to do anything.”

  “Pretty, isn’t it! Blue as a sea full of fish! Mmmm, fish . . .” Mew reached out and touched it with one paw. “MIAOOOWWWW!” Her fur stood on end and her tiara fell off. She could not pull her paw off the jewel – which had started to glow.

  “Mew?” Niall frowned. “What’s going on?”

  “Herb bracket shonky lamp-finger,” said Mew in a spooky voice.

  Niall blinked. “Huh?”

  “Mongoono!” The cat looked at Niall, wide-eyed. “Mongoono jellyfish cupboard!”

  “Arrgh – this is no time to go bonkers!” Niall tried to pull the crystal away – but it seemed to be stuck to Mew’s dainty paw with superglue. “Let go!”

  “Bongo,” said Mew, staring into the crystal’s depths.

  “Let go!”

  “Bongo! Sabba tooom!”

  Sam reappeared in the operations room. “Al
l done! Your mother sleeps like an old person on a bed of reeds.”

  “Thanks, Sam. But now we’ve got another problem.” Niall held up Mew, who was still gripping the crystal with a rapt expression on her face. “Look!”

  Sam gulped. “Has the crystal bewitched her?”

  “Jump lolly pigeon drawer.” Mew shook her head so hard her bandages flapped. “I mean, there is a voice in the crystal,” she said faintly. “Different language. I’m trying . . . to bathrobe . . .”

  Sam stared at her. “To what, Great Mew?”

  “To translate, I mean!” Mew hissed. “This crystal . . . it contains a message. A message for the mind!”

  “But that lizard-thing was holding it like a gun,” Sam reminded her.

  “Maybe not,” said Niall. “Maybe he was holding it out to us. He was chasing us to GIVE us the message.”

  “Have they no papyrus where they come from?” Sam grumbled. “Cursed be their alien way of communicating! What does the crystal say, Great Mew?”

  “I am trying to translate it,” said Mew. “Naturally, I am the only one capable of doing so. The crystal was meant for somebody in a position of authority . . .” She gasped, both paws trembling against the shiny blue. “It is . . . a warrant!”

  “A warrant?” Niall had heard of the word. “The police need warrants before they can search buildings and arrest people, don’t they?”

  Sam nodded. “It is like a permission slip from someone high up.”

  “Wait!” Mew gave a scandalized gasp. “Those lizard-men were police – SPACE Police. And their warrant was for the arrest of the evil intergalactic war criminal known as . . . Cleopatra!”

  “WHAT?” Sam jumped in the air. “No! Queen Cleopatra is no gala-ticking wart criminal! She is a wise and wonderful pharaoh!”

  “Not according to this.” Mew’s eyes were almost out on stalks. “Listen: We come to your world so we may catch that ruthless space pirate and cosmic destroyer Cleopatra of Egypt – also known as Queen Parthik of Bingbong, also known as Empress Vashti of Numpo, also known as . . .” Mew whistled. “She’s had all sorts of different names on all sorts of different planets – and she’s stolen things from every one of them! Oooh, I knew all along she was a wrong ’un!”

  “Impossible!” Sam was so cross that steam huffed out of his bandages. “Those lizard-things have made a mistake. Queen Cleopatra would never steal things. Well, apart from the hearts of her many admirers!”

  “Ugh!” Niall stuck out his tongue. “Sam, Cleopatra did say she’d made lots of enemies. And Mew, you said that her golden ASP was like nothing on Earth or Ka-Ba . . .”

  “Yes! Of course!” Mew nodded, still staring into the depths of the crystal. “The ASP is listed here – she stole it from an alien world. When the Space Police caught up with her in Egypt, Cleopatra faked her own death and disappeared into the ASP to put them off the scent . . .”

  “But as soon as the ASP was reactivated, the lizard-men got back on her trail.” Niall chewed his lip. “Now this ‘ruthless space pirate’ has taken off again – this time with my little sister.”

  “I hope with all my mummified heart that the crystal is wrong.” Sam’s eyes were full of sadness, and his bandages looked grey and limp. “We must find Cleopatra and learn the truth from her.”

  “You’d better be quick.” Mew looked at Sam and Niall gravely. “According to the crystal, the queenly Cleo ruins every world she visits. She has left a trail of dead specks in space where planets used to turn.”

  “And we’ve just sent the only creatures who could help us do something about it back to the other side of the galaxy.” Niall held his stomach. “It’s not just us and the Snitch in danger – it’s the whole world!”

  Chapter Ten

  Mission to the Red Land

  “With no way to find Queen Cleopatra, we are stuck,” said Sam sadly. “Up a coconut tree without a mango.”

  “What about your dream, boy?” Mew looked at Niall. “You said you dreamed of Cleopatra, and parts of that dream came true?”

  “Yeah, but in the dream we were just in the desert – could’ve been anywhere . . .” Niall froze. “Wait a sec. Mew, you might just be a genius.”

  “What do you mean, might?” Mew complained.

  “Desert – the old Egyptians called it the Red Land, right? Well, Cleo asked to look at part of the Red Land as it is today, remember?” Niall was thinking hard. “Why was she so bothered?”

  “Cleopatra wished to see the Temple of Amun-Re,” Sam recalled. “I took her there many times in the long ago past. She would stay for hours, letting no one come near.”

  “She must’ve been up to something there,” said Niall. “Maybe she’s gone back . . . She might be there right now!”

  “Let us see.” Sam rushed to the Time TV and pressed the remote. “Show us the Temple of Amun-Re in the Red Land of Egypt – as it is this very moment!”

  The blank screen blurred and showed desert sands stretching away from a patch of palms and green plants, just as Niall had observed before. The sky was the same rich, cloudless blue it had been in his dream.

  “It’s an oasis,” said Mew.

  Sam nodded. “The temple was built there so the weary worshipper could rest.”

  “And so Cleo could get up to stuff under cover of the trees,” Niall muttered. “Is the temple still there, or is it a ruin now? Can we see inside the oasis?”

  But the next moment, a familiar figure strode out of the lush green cover.

  As the Time TV’s uncanny camera zoomed in, Niall’s stomach tied itself in several knots. “Cleopatra!”

  “Mummy? Boy?” Cleopatra stared out at them, her eyes dark with make-up. “Cat-thing?”

  “Cat-thing, she calls me!” hissed Mew, scandalized.

  “Have you dealt with the creatures who dared attack me?” Cleo continued.

  “Yes, my queen!” Sam saluted her. “I have sent them back from whence they came.”

  “Good.” Cleo looked thoughtful. “Others will be on their way here, of course. I must leave as soon as all is prepared.”

  “Leave for where?” Niall demanded. “Where’s my sister? What have you done with her?”

  “Or rather, ‘What have you done with her, my queen,’” Sam added quickly.

  “I forgive your impudence, boy,” said Cleopatra. “Your sister is keeping me company while I . . . take care of some business.” She smiled. “I assure you, I will let no harm befall the girl. Not ever.”

  “There! You see?” Sam sounded triumphant. “How wonderful and kind is Queen Cleopatra! I KNEW she could not be that evil space pirate, Parthik of Bingbong, or Vashti of Numpo! I was sure that she could not be a destroyer of worlds!”

  But Cleopatra’s eyes had narrowed to dark slits. “WHAT did you say, you mouldy old mummy . . .?”

  Niall took a deep breath. “Those lizard-things came to arrest you.”

  “They seemed to think you were a dangerous, alien old boot who needed to be dealt with!” Mew added.

  “I assure you, cat-thing,” said Cleopatra with a nasty grin, “there is nobody on Earth or any other planet who can deal with me!” She looked at Sam. “Don’t listen to those fools, Mummy. I am your queen. Come here at once, and serve me.”

  Sam saluted again. “Yes, your acting-slightly-strangely queenliness!”

  “On no account bring your friends – or I shall destroy you all!” Cleopatra looked up at the screen and held out her ring. “This can kill as well as stun . . .” As if to demonstrate, the jewel flared with light – and the screen went dead.

  “That rotten old bat!” said Mew. “She has destroyed the magic time camera!”

  “Blessed be her wanton vandalism of Ka-Ba technology!” said Sam loyally.

  “Oh, come on, Sam!” cried Niall. “I bet she trashed the camera cos she doesn’t want anyone to see what she’s up to.”

  “I shall find out,” said Sam. “I will go to her. Alone.”

  “What?” Niall couldn’t bel
ieve his ears. “No way! She’s got the Snitch. That means I’m coming too.”

  “I cannot take you, my young friend. Queen Cleopatra commanded me.”

  “Who cares?” said Niall hotly. “I’m your friend, and Ellie needs our help.”

  “Forgive me.” Sam shrugged sadly. “I was created to serve the pharaohs. To do otherwise is against the Secret Agent Mummy code.” He pulled down a bandage to reveal the ruby of transportation on his rib. “I should have just enough power to get to the Temple of Amun-Re. Farewell.”

  “I’m afraid this could be farewell for the entire planet,” Mew moaned. “But if by some miracle you DO get back, make sure you bring me a nice fresh fish from the Nile!”

  The ruby pulsed with life, and a crimson glow engulfed Sam.

  “Bye . . .” Niall recklessly leaped into the centre of the ruby lightshow. “And – HI!” He grabbed hold of Sam’s arm, clinging on tight.

  “No!” Sam shouted, trying to shake him loose. “I cannot help taking you with me!”

  “That’s the idea,” Niall agreed. “Next stop, Egypt – again!”

  The room vanished in a smear of rainbow colours, and the next second—

  RRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOSH!

  They were standing in the pitiless heat of the desert. Not just any old desert. The sands stretched out for miles around a small wooded oasis. The sun shone in a perfect blue sky.

  It was the desert from the Time TV screen. The desert of Niall’s dream.

  Sam stepped away from Niall. “You should not have come.”

  Niall shook his head. “Whether Cleo’s good or bad, I’ve got to find Ellie.”

  “If Queen Cleopatra sees you, we are both in trouble. You must hide.” Sam pointed to a large hole in the sand beside the oasis. “Hide in that, er, sinister-looking shaft leading down into the underworld beneath the desert.”

  “What is that?” Niall breathed, creeping closer. There was a large round metal lid beside the hole; it looked like a drain cover. But there was no sewer beneath the sand. The shaft widened near the bottom, and Niall could see thick cables connecting racks and racks of computer panels that flickered with light and throbbed with power.