She hadn’t wanted her child to feel that same longing, that same pain.
“I needed someone to talk to, and Griffin’s always been there for me...as a friend. He’s always been the person I turn to, the person I count on—”
“The person you were counting on to raise my child?”
“Chance—”
“How the hell did you expect me to be there when you’d already given me the ‘hit the road’ speech? I wasn’t there? I wasn’t someone you could trust? How am I supposed to trust you when you were the one keeping the fact that you’re pregnant a secret? You should have told me, Alexa. Me! As soon as you found out.”
“You’re right, Chance. This is all my fault. I really should have tried harder to get ahold of you. I should have—What? Dug out my Ouija board to let my dead baby daddy know he was going to be a father?”
Shock washed over his features, wiping away some of her anger. “I tried to get ahold of you, and I couldn’t. The cell number you’d given me went straight to voice mail, so I reached out to the last magazine you’d published with. They wouldn’t tell me anything other than that you were on assignment and then—”
Her voice broke as the memories, the pain she’d buried, denied, rose to the surface. As fresh as if she were just hearing the news. As real as if Chance was lying broken and bleeding a half a world away rather than living, breathing in front of her.
“Alexa...”
Ignoring him, she pointed a shaking finger into his chest. “So don’t tell me about what I should have done.”
“The reports were wrong. You know that. You must have heard that later. I’m here. I’m fine.”
“This time. But next time when you aren’t so lucky? When the reports are right? I know what it’s like to lose my parents. I don’t want to—I don’t want that for our child.”
“Alexa—”
Brushing the tears from her cheeks, Alexa rushed past Chance, not stopping when he called after her. Not surprised when he didn’t come after her.
But at least this time she was the one to walk away.
* * *
Chance didn’t know how most men reacted to finding out they were going to be a father, but as soon as the initial shock wore off, his first instinct was to run. As far and as fast as he could—which took him only a mile down the beach. The pathetically short distance and the amount of time it took him to get that far only added to the trapped, suffocating feeling.
You can’t outrun this one.
The mocking sound of his conscience pounded in his head, louder than the cool ocean air rasping in and out of his lungs, louder than the waves breaking against the shoreline. A million miles wouldn’t be far enough to distance himself from the panic that had set in the moment Alexa broke the news.
A father.
Bending at the waist, he braced his hands on his knees and wondered for a moment if he was going to be sick.
He was going to be a father.
He should have been excited. He should have been overjoyed. Instead, all he felt was...guilt. And fear.
Despite the risks he’d taken in life, Chance had never given much thought to dying. Not even with his list of close calls as a kid to the more recent bomb attack. Dying was inevitable regardless of how he lived his life. He could take calculated risks or he could live life in a bubble, but one way or the other, the end result was the same.
Worrying about it didn’t change a thing.
But the idea that he could have died without knowing he was going to be a father, that his child could have grown up without ever knowing him, hit hard. As hard as the blow Alexa had delivered in telling him she was pregnant in the first place.
Expect the unexpected.
It was a familiar motto in the field where things rarely went as smoothly as planned on paper. He’d learned to think fast and move faster. But as he stood on the beach watching the waves rush toward the shore, the sand beneath his feet might as well have been quicksand.
He couldn’t move, couldn’t think.
Alexa was right. For most of his adult life, he’d avoided commitment, ties, responsibilities beyond those that came with his job. Hell, even when it came to his career, he’d made the decision to work freelance, where he was able to choose which assignment to accept and which to turn down.
He had the freedom to pack up and hit the road—just like he had that morning in Santa Barbara when he’d left Alexa behind. Sure, he’d called a few weeks later after the assignment ended and he was back in town. Thinking they could pick up where they left off. But was she really supposed to be thrilled when he called with nothing more to offer than another weekend of sex and five-star room service?
Of course she wanted more. She deserved more, and now with a baby on the way... The only question was did Chance have it within him to give more? Or was he going to leave that to Alexa’s good friend Griffin James?
* * *
Chance wasn’t sure how long he stood on the beach, but the lights in the hotel were glowing by the time he started back. Music drifted through the night air, and a flurry of activity surrounded the large tent set up on the south lawn. The white canvas gleamed thanks to the moonlit night and the hundreds of twinkle lights shining like stars in the nearby trees. Staff members were scrambling around, calling out instructions to each other as they put on the final touches for the anniversary party. Place settings, water glasses and a red rose on every table.
Rory did an amazing job, but his sister was the last person he wanted to run into. Sucking in a deep breath, he turned away. The loose gravel path crunched beneath his uneven gait, but he pushed forward. If he could just keep moving, he’d figure this out. One foot in front of the other, and before long, he’d be—
Standing a hundred yards outside the hotel.
He had to talk to Alexa.
Too many important decisions, life-altering decisions, had to be made to let the silence fester and grow to the point where neither would be able to hear the other no matter how much was said.
As his foot hit the first step, a voice called out from one side of the wraparound porch. “Hey, Chance, photo shoot over?”
Chance’s hand tightened on the railing as Griffin James stepped out from the shadowy alcove. Despite Alexa’s vow that she and the other man were nothing but friends, her words did little to ease the jealousy that had been eating him up inside since Griffin and Alexa had arrived. Not when Griffin was the man she could count on, the man she could trust, the man she’d turned to with the news that she was pregnant with Chance’s baby.
“Not just the photo shoot,” he warned grimly.
“Not just... Ah.” The puzzlement cleared from the other man’s expression as did his friendly smile. “She told you about the baby, didn’t she?”
“My baby,” he stated, though just saying the words was enough to make his head spin.
“You might be the baby’s father, but there’s more to parenthood than biology. Alexa knows that better than anyone.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Her own parents barely remembered they had a daughter. They left her behind for one adventure after another until they finally got themselves killed when she was eight.”
A child... Her parents had died when she was just a child. She’d spent so much of her childhood without them, growing up alone. And the fear he’d failed to leave behind on the beach clawed at him once more.
I almost died...
Chance clenched his jaw until his back teeth ached. So not funny anymore.
“They cared more about freedom and fun than family,” Griffin was saying, accusation slicing through every word. “Sound familiar?”
“I left because of my job.” Even to his own ears, the words sounded hollow. “I had an assignment.”
“Do you think that mattered to Alexa when she found out she wa
s pregnant and you were gone? Do you think it mattered when she thought you’d been killed?”
The questions were no different from the ones circling through his own mind. He couldn’t stop them. Couldn’t shut them up. Griffin, though... Chance’s hands tightened into fists. He had a pretty good idea how to shut him up. “I didn’t know she was pregnant. If I had—”
“If you had, then what?” Griffin challenged.
Chance opened his mouth, but when the words wouldn’t come, Griffin came to his own conclusion.
“Alexa needs a man who’ll be there for her...and for her baby. If that’s not going to be you, well, don’t be surprised if it ends up being me.”
“Like hell!”
* * *
“What is wrong with you?” Rory demanded, her eyes narrowed with an anger he hadn’t seen since he’d accidently decapitated one of her dolls when they were kids. “What were you thinking?”
Holding an ice bag against his jaw, Chance tried to meet his sister’s furious gaze. Not easy to do when his left eye was already swelling shut. Though Griffin James was tougher than he looked, Chance had gotten his blows in. If not for his injured knee, he would have taken the other man down in no time. As it was, Chance didn’t know how long they’d grappled together...before they’d both ended up toppling over the railing and falling from the porch.
Bloodied and bruised, the fall knocked the wind out of them, giving two of the hotel porters the opportunity to break up the fight. Chance didn’t know how Rory and Evie heard about it, but as soon as his sister arrived, she had pushed him into Evie’s office, out of sight of the guests.
Last he’d seen of Griffin James, Evie had been helping the man to his feet, offering to call a doctor and to comp his stay.
“Griffin James is a guest! What on earth would make you hit him?”
Chance locked his jaw and ducked out of the way as she raised a napkin toward his face. Even when furious, she was still trying to mother him. “We’ll be lucky if he doesn’t sue! Not to mention the damage this could do the hotel’s reputation. Did you even think about that?”
“He deserved it. You have to trust me, Ror.” He just wasn’t ready to explain all the reasons why.
His sister stared at him. “So in other words, no. You didn’t think. You just...acted. To hell with the consequences or with anyone else who might get hurt in the fallout.”
Tears glittered in her eyes, and Chance knew this tirade had nothing to do with the fight with Griffin. And the frustration that Chance hadn’t come close to burning off rose up.
It’s not my fault! he wanted to yell. He hated the hell those reports had put his family through, but he couldn’t change what had happened. “Rory—”
“No, don’t. Whatever you’re going to say, I’m sure I’ve heard it all before. This is your life, Chance. Go ahead and live like no one else in it matters.”
* * *
A part of Alexa wanted nothing more than to throw her clothes into her suitcases and book the first flight back to LA. She’d spent far too much of her childhood trying to carve out some tiny piece where she fit in, where she was wanted, where she belonged to force her way into Chance’s life.
He wanted her to go back to her world? Fine. Her grandmother had a team of lawyers on retainer. She could hide behind a wall of suits and never have to deal face-to-face with Chance again.
Only she didn’t want that. Not for herself or for her child. She didn’t want to outsource her emotions or hire other people to fight her battles. She needed to work this out with Chance, to come to some kind of understanding.
She’d dropped a bombshell on him and should have expected to be hit with some of the fallout. Her world wasn’t the only one that had been upended since that night in Santa Barbara. At least she’d had some time to come to grips with the news that she was pregnant. She’d given Chance all of five minutes before running off.
Hearing the door to the suite open, Alexa pressed the cool damp washcloth beneath her eyes a final time before hanging it on the towel rack and leaving the bathroom. The last thing she wanted was for Griffin to see that she’d been—
“Griff!” She gasped as she caught sight of him. His dress shirt was untucked, a grass stain marred one shoulder and the front... Bright red blood splattered across the pale blue silk. “My God! What happened? Were you mugged?”
It hardly seemed possible that such a crime would take place in the quaint small town, but she couldn’t come up with a better explanation. Rushing to his side, she took his arm. “Did you call the police?”
Griffin waved aside her concern. “No, of course not,” he protested, his voice sounding thick and nasally.
Alexa stared down at him as he dropped onto the sofa, his head tilted back against the cushions, a cloth napkin held to his nose as he tried to stop the bleeding. “Why on earth not?”
“Because I didn’t think you’d want me to get your boyfriend’s ass thrown in jail.”
“Chance did this? Why?”
Hand still pressed to his nose, he shot her a knowing look. “Why do you think?”
Sinking onto the couch next to him, Alexa could practically hear her grandmother’s arch, aristocratic voice echoing in her head.
A Mayhew does not cause a scene.
“I told Chance about the baby, but are you saying he just jumped you?”
“Not exactly,” Griffin said, only it came out sounding more like nob exally.
“Griffin...”
“I might have pushed him into it.”
“Why?” Lifting her hands helplessly at her side, she protested, “You were the one who wanted me to tell him about the baby!”
“That doesn’t mean I didn’t want to punch him in the face for getting you pregnant in the first place.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Evie McClaren was very solicitous in taking care of me,” he said with a rakish wink he couldn’t quite pull off thanks to the bright pink bandage across his eyebrow. “I’m pretty sure she’s afraid I’m going to sue.”
“And...is Chance okay?”
“No worse off than I am. Unfortunately. Although his sister did look like she wanted to kill him, so there’s always that.”
Alexa dropped her head into her hands with a groan. Great. Now, thanks to her, there was a rift between Chance and his family. “I don’t understand why you had to do this.”
Sitting up straight, Griffin reached over and pulled her hands down. “Because you deserve a man who’s willing to fight for you. And I’m not talking about me.”
Alexa’s throat tightened with unshed tears, making words impossible...had she even known what to say.
“And now I think it would be best if I head home in the morning.”
“You’re leaving?” Somehow the squeak of panic escaped the lump in her throat. “But what about the research you were doing for your father?”
“I’m tired of playing by his rules, hoping that what I do will be enough for him to finally hand over my trust fund. Besides, I don’t get feeling from either Rory or Evie that they have any interest in selling the hotel. From what I understand, their aunt is the one who makes final decisions, and she’s off on some mysterious sabbatical that no one’s talking about.”
“I don’t want you to go,” Alexa protested.
“I know. But you need to do this on your own, Allie. I’ve been holding you back too long.”
“Holding me back from what?”
“From taking chances. From spreading your wings.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“If your grandmother asks you to host an event, who’s the first person you call?”
“The caterer.”
Griffin’s lips twitched. “The second person.”
“You,” Alexa admitted a little grumpily.
&n
bsp; “Right. Because you hate hosting or going to those kinds of events alone.”
“And because you’re my best friend. You’ve always been there for me.”
“I think I’ve been there too much. I’ve become your safety net. You’re going through life with me as your plus-one, knowing there’s no chance you’ll fall in love with me or end up getting hurt.”
As much as she wanted to argue, Griffin was right. If he hadn’t been overseeing the expansion of one of his family’s overseas hotels the weekend of the charity event in Santa Barbara, if he’d instead been at her side as he usually was, she very well might have refused when Chance asked her to dance and certainly wouldn’t have taken him back to her room.
“Isn’t not getting hurt a good thing?”
“It is, but not if playing it safe keeps you from finding real happiness.”
And as much of a mess as her life was currently in, Alexa couldn’t bring herself to regret the baby growing inside her... Or the weekend she’d spent in Chance’s arms.
“Do you really think I’m going to find that kind of happiness with Chance McClaren?” The words that were supposed to come out in an unbelievable scoff sounded far more wistful.
“I think you found something with him in Santa Barbara.”
Alexa shook her head. “I’ve told you that I wasn’t myself that weekend.”
“Maybe. Or maybe with Chance, that’s exactly who you were always meant to be. He fought for you. Clearly he cares about you. More than he’s probably willing to admit. And if you feel the same way, then it’s your turn. You need to show you’re willing to fight for him.”
Alexa had never been one to fight for herself, but to fight for Chance? For their child? That was one battle she had to find the courage to take on.
Chapter Seven
That’s exactly who you were always meant to be.
As much as Alexa wanted to pretend she didn’t know what Griffin was talking about, she couldn’t. For some time she’d wanted to break free of the carefully crafted walls she’d built around her world. She’d lived the past ten years as the face of the Mayhew Foundation, but she wanted to be so much more than that. To be more than a pretty face smiling for the media. To show that she had a mind, a heart, a body. To the public, to her grandmother, to herself...
How to Be a Blissful Bride Page 7
