by Maisey Yates
He took her cocoa out of her hands and set it on the nightstand, placing his own beside it, and then he stripped down as quickly as possible. She said nothing, watching his every movement.
“Come over here and keep me warm,” he said, pulling her up against him.
She giggled. And he couldn’t remember if he’d ever made a woman giggle like that before. Like that silly, breathless excitement they showed in movies. He shouldn’t like that, either. That should worry him. Concern him. But it didn’t. Instead, he wanted to cling to it. Claim it for himself.
“Do you wear these pajamas at home?” he asked.
“Only around Christmas time,” she said solemnly. “They have reindeer on them, Tanner. Anytime would be ridiculous.”
“Sure,” he said, letting his hands slide down her back, moving to cup her butt.
He groaned as he took a handful of her, squeezing, before going back to stroking. Working his hands beneath the waistband of those reindeer pants and relishing the soft, silky feel of her skin.
She wiggled against him, draping her leg over his, her hand resting on his chest, stroking him, moving down to his stomach, and lower still. Her eyes met his, her lips parted slightly as she curled her hand around his length.
He closed his eyes, and then forced them to snap open again. He wanted to look at Chloe while she touched him. He wanted to be fully present, fully aware of the woman who had her hands on his body. Because this was everything, and so was she. This woman who was made of every fantasy he’d never wanted to have.
He had thought the snow was an inconvenience. But now, right about now, it was looking like it was his Christmas present, too.
Those soft hands, that beautiful body, yes, all that was for him.
And when she stripped those pajamas off and revealed the full beauty of herself to him again, when she pleasured him, with her lips, her tongue, her whole body, and when he sank into her again, just as the clouds cleared and a shaft of moonlight slid into the window, illuminating her all in silver, he was sure that this was going to be the best Christmas of his life.
CHAPTER SIX
TANNER WOKE UP with Chloe tangled around him in the early hours of the morning. He looked outside, angling his head, keeping one arm firmly wrapped around her as he did. The sky looked clear. It was a pale blue, but there were no clouds, and the sun was shining. It had that cold look to it, like the rays were far too peaked to cast any warmth down below. Like they might freeze into golden shards and break off before they were able to hit the earth.
But it wasn’t snowing.
The warm weight of her soft body against his was like every fantasy he’d tried so hard to never let himself have. It wasn’t just physical satisfaction, lying here with her like this. It was more. It was deeper.
It was terrifying.
“Chloe,” he said roughly. “Wake up.”
She stirred slightly, and he got out of bed, leaving her there. Then he started to collect his clothes.
He made his way downstairs, where there were people still sound asleep all over the lobby. There was a sign hanging on the desk.
All roads are plowed.
Well, good. That was what he was here to find out.
He ignored the kick of disappointment in his stomach. He shouldn’t be disappointed about the fact they needed to leave. What had happened last night was good, but it needed to be contained there. It was his one chance. His one chance to explore that fantasy, before putting it to rest again. And it was done. Now they were going to get on with this trip. Get on with the holiday.
He went back upstairs and found Chloe partially dressed and with a strange look on her face. It was so different than the way she had looked last night. She seemed guarded now. Diminished.
And he should be glad about that, too. Not resentful that his beautiful, generous lover was gone.
“Are the roads open?”
He nodded wordlessly.
“Good,” she said, her tone overbright. “Now we can get on with the trip. And see...everyone. I’m excited to see my mom.”
“Yeah,” he agreed.
There wasn’t really anything else to say.
They packed up the rest of their things in silence, and by the time they were back in the truck, Chloe had descended into total silence. Tanner figured that was a good thing, and he could go ahead and put his focus on driving.
The road was cleared, but the banks on the side of the road were built up high, and he didn’t want to hit any patches of ice and slide into them. The way up to the mountain cabin was still a bit slick, and he gritted his teeth, trying to keep his focus on that, rather than recurring memories of what had happened the night before. Of how her body had felt. How it had tasted. How much he wanted her then. And how much he wanted her still.
When the cabin came into view, they both let out relieved breaths. He would have laughed, but he didn’t want to acknowledge it. Didn’t want to acknowledge the fact it was so obvious the two of them were tense.
“We’re going to have to do better than this,” Chloe said softly.
“What do you mean?” he asked, digging into the denial, as he pulled his truck around to the front of the two-story home with large windows overlooking the mountains around them.
“You know. You can’t even look at me. We can’t talk to each other. And we can’t be behaving like this when everyone sees us.”
“I think everyone will be distracted by themselves,” Tanner said. “The kids will do a pretty good job of filling in all the spaces.”
“Why isn’t it easy?” she asked.
She sounded genuinely confused.
She’d been a virgin, and he’d love to blame that for why she was confused now. But the fact of the matter was, he’d had sex with plenty of women and had no trouble talking to them the next day like all they’d done was shake hands.
But he’d never thought this would be easy. Not Chloe.
“Chloe, I’ve been inside you,” he said. “It’s not going to be easy to pretend that didn’t happen. You don’t go back to normal from there. You just fake it.”
“But I... I wanted you. All that time. I don’t see why I was able to act a certain way around you then, and I can’t seem to do it now. All I can do is picture you naked.”
“We had a deal,” he said.
“Well, I was a virgin. And I didn’t know better. You should have known better.”
“You’re right. And I did know better. But I’m just a man. And men are stupid when their penises get involved.”
Her cheeks turned pink. “Don’t say that word.”
“Sorry. Any other words I shouldn’t say?”
“Yes. And I think you can guess most of them. Don’t say any words you wouldn’t say to a sister.”
His chest felt like a rock had fallen on it. “Well, that’s the trouble. You really aren’t my sister.”
“I know,” she said.
“But I guess I can pretend.”
Silence fell between them, the only sound the ticking of the engine as the truck cooled down.
“Ready?” she asked.
“You just said you weren’t ready.”
“I’m not,” she said. “But we have to be, don’t we? We have to go in right now and greet everyone. And pretend that none of that happened.”
“Just pretend it was a dream,” he said.
A dream he was wishing that he hadn’t woken up from.
But it didn’t matter what he wanted. No, what should matter was that everything needed to go back to normal.
It was the only thing to do.
* * *
WHEN THE FRONT door to the cabin opened, Chloe had to fight to paste a smile on her face, and not put an unnatural amount of distance between herself and Tanner. Acting natural was something much easier said than done, when she co
uld still feel her stepbrother’s hands all over her body. Thankfully, it was Savannah that opened the door and ushered them inside.
She needed a second before she could face down her mother. Her mother, who had always been just a little bit too good at reading her. Her mother, who would be shocked, appalled and angry if she ever knew what had happened between Chloe and Tanner.
The cabin was beautiful, Christmas decorations festooning every available surface. Pine boughs twisted around wooden beams, lights twinkling from beneath the dark green branches. Pops of red, cranberries on strings along with large velvet bows, were everywhere. It was clear that whoever owned this rental considered it their sacred duty to make the place as festive as possible. And for a moment, Chloe welcomed the explosion of cheer as a distraction from the decidedly uncheerful feelings in her chest.
Lauren and Calder were sitting on a couch in the living room, wrapped around each other, and Jackson was sitting in a chair opposite them, holding Lily in his lap. She was wiggling, clearly unamused at being restrained by her father. Jackson looked over at Chloe.
“Hi,” he said. “I am tired of chasing this one around and making sure she doesn’t trip and fall into the rock fireplace.”
“Yikes. I guess we needed some foam buffers for the hard edges,” Chloe said.
Jackson shook his head. “Everything is dangerous.”
It amused her still to see her stepbrother acting like a mother hen. Fatherhood had definitely changed him, in about a thousand amazing ways. But this was her favorite. He was so bold and brash before, and he still was when it came to himself. But when it came to Lily... He fretted, worried and protected. She could definitely see why Savannah had fallen head over heels for him.
Who could resist a man who was such a great father?
The thought gave Chloe a strange, hollow pang in her stomach.
Tanner would be a good father. She knew that he would be. He was a great uncle, and he had such a deep, serious sense of responsibility when it came to caring for what was his.
I wish I could be his.
She banished that thought and shoved it to the side. She wasn’t, and she wouldn’t be. And she needed to remember that.
“Where’s Mom? And where are the girls?” Chloe asked.
“The girls have been outside basically since yesterday,” Lauren said. “Frostbite is not a deterrent to this much snow. It’s kind of nice because usually all I get is sullen teenage behavior. So it’s refreshing to watch them enjoy something.”
“Your mom has been watching them,” Calder said. “I think she’s enjoying her instant grandma status.”
That created another pang in Chloe’s stomach, and it wasn’t fair. But the fact that her mother was not a grandma because of Chloe, and wouldn’t be anytime soon, if ever, stuck just a little bit right now. Because she’d had a taste of the ultimate fantasy, and now she was brooding about the potential of what life could be if things were different.
But they couldn’t be. And pondering it was all pointless.
It just didn’t stop her.
“Why don’t you put your things away?” Lauren asked. “I’m making sandwiches for lunch, and then I figured we could play some board games or something.”
Chloe felt like she hadn’t thought through just how domestic this whole situation was. The weather didn’t make it the most conducive to spending time in open spaces, and that meant a lot of inside time in close proximity with Tanner, but also with people all around them, watching their behavior.
“Sounds good,” Chloe said.
They gathered up their bags and walked up the stairs. “The two bedrooms down at the end of the hall are still free,” Lauren called out.
Tanner looked over at her, and Chloe swallowed. Then they made their way down the hall, and Chloe pushed her bedroom door open, so very aware of the fact that they were right next door. That Tanner was going to be sleeping right on the other side of the wall.
They might live together at home, but her room was downstairs, in a back corner, while his was up the stairs, with a whole lot of square footage and space between them.
Also, they hadn’t been back home since they’d slept together.
She had no idea how any of this was going to work. It all seemed so stupid now.
The feverish wishes of a woman who wanted, far too badly, to touch the man she’d always fantasized about, justifying and making up stories about how it would be okay if she did.
Hindsight was twenty-twenty, or so they said.
In this case, hindsight had very clear memories of Tanner naked, and she didn’t know how in the world she was ever going to forget that.
She wasn’t even sure she wanted to.
She was left with a host of uncomfortable feelings and questions, and no real desire to sit down and sort them out.
She went into the bedroom and closed the door firmly behind her, not looking at Tanner. She was going to rally, go downstairs and have lunch. She was going to be normal, and act normal, and she was not going to let what had happened between the two of them ruin anything. She was resolute and determined on that if nothing else.
Lunch went well enough, with Chloe making sure to position herself at the end of the table opposite of Tanner, so that she wouldn’t have to engage him in conversation. She focused on catching up with her mother, whom she hadn’t seen in a couple of months. They talked on the phone all the time, but it was different. They’d always been very close, because for most of Chloe’s childhood, it had just been the two of them.
They managed to get through board games without any sorts of issues, and at a certain point, the men wandered off and left the women to roll dice with the teenage girls. For dinner, Calder declared that he was going to fire up the barbecue underneath the awning outside, even though it was insane, but he cooked salmon for everyone, so no one complained.
Then, he lit a bonfire in a hollowed-out brick pit in the center of the patio area.
They all bundled up and went outside, setting up for roasting s’mores in the snow.
Again, Chloe was careful to position herself far away from Tanner. She was pretty sure they had actually managed to figure out a way in which they didn’t have to speak even two words to each other in anyone else’s presence today.
But she knew that wouldn’t last. “Anything new?”
Chloe’s head whipped around while she was putting a marshmallow on her skewer. Her mother was standing there, eyeing her far too intently.
“I... No. Not really.”
“No new students at the barn?”
“Oh,” Chloe said. “A couple. Yes, actually there are a couple.”
“Are you still living in the house? Or have you moved out to the cabin yet?”
Chloe blinked. Her mother should know that if she’d made any big changes, she would have talked to her about it by now.
“I’m still in the house.”
“Chloe,” her mom said, grabbing her own skewer and sticking a marshmallow on the end. “You need to be careful.”
Chloe felt like she was being pinned to the spot, and she was thankful that it was dim outside so her mother couldn’t see her face clearly.
“I need to be... Of what?”
“I’m just afraid that you’re letting yourself get into a very stagnant place. And I know that we had some difficult times when you were growing up. I know that we moved around a lot, and I’m sure that it felt haphazard to you. But I just want you to make sure that you don’t get so terrified of change that you keep yourself from experiencing life.”
“I’m not,” Chloe said, so relieved that this conversation had nothing to do with something that her mother had witnessed between herself and Tanner.
“That house is safety to you. And I understand that. When we moved to the ranch our lives changed for the better. And I loved it. But there’s a reas
on that even I moved away after your stepfather died.”
“I know,” Chloe said, swallowing hard.
“Do you? Because Tanner and Calder and Jackson made it absolutely clear that I was welcome to stay. But I needed to keep on in my journey. My husband was a huge part of that. I loved him dearly. Our marriage wasn’t perfect, no marriage is. Ours might’ve had more struggles than some, but I loved him, and that’s what matters. I grew on that ranch. I know you did, too. But I’m in a different part of my life now, and I mean to keep on changing. Not sit and never grow. Like plants, when your roots start to get too big for the pot you’re in, you need to transplant yourself. I needed to. I’ve got a whole group of friends in Arizona, and I love it. The weather is warm, I’ve picked up new hobbies. I go out dancing. He would have hated that. And I didn’t know I would love it. But now I’ve learned that I do. You have to... You have to go out and experience things sometimes. You really do.”
“I love horses,” Chloe said. “I love working with kids. I love what I do on the ranch. I truly do. I’m not afraid of anything. I just... Can’t you just grow where you’re planted?”
“I think it would have to be a pretty special circumstance.”
“Did you feel stifled there?”
“Not stifled, not really. But there was a definite way to life there. A definite way things work. I spent so many years as a young adult struggling. And then I found safety and security in that place, in that marriage. A consistency that truly allowed me to find out more about myself. When you’re not living just to survive, you grow so much stronger. But now I’m in a phase in my life that feels more about freedom.”
Chloe thought about last night. About the way it had felt to be in Tanner’s arms. That had felt a whole lot like freedom.
She imagined a life with him, a life where she was allowed to touch him the way that she wanted, kiss him the way that she wanted.
Love him the way that she really wanted.
That sounded like the ultimate freedom, and anything else felt a whole lot like hiding.
