by Maisey Yates
“Because it’s dangerous. And it doesn’t make any sense. And it has the potential to destroy this,” she said, waving her hand around the kitchen. “Our family. Which was so hard won. For years it was just you and me, Mom. It was good, don’t get me wrong. I know you did your absolute best, and in spite of the fact that we went through hard times we were happy. We were.”
“But they were very hard times,” her mother said. “I know that things were better when we moved to the ranch. And I don’t think for one moment that I was the best mother to you that I could have been. Not when I was under so much stress all the time. Not when I worried about basic things like keeping a roof over your head. I know that our lives were better for having them in it. For having that family.”
“Yes,” Chloe said. “Exactly. That was when it got better. And I do love Jackson and Calder like brothers. I do. And Savannah and Lauren are like sisters to me already, and my nieces are so precious. Visiting you and having us all together like this is so precious. And me having stupid, inappropriate feelings for Tanner can’t ever disrupt that.”
Her mother looked out the window, and then back at Chloe. “Does he have feelings for you?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does,” her mother said. “Let me tell you something, Chloe. Trust is the hardest thing to give when it’s been abused. And you had your trust abused again and again as a child. I appreciate that you feel like I did the best that I could. Your forgiveness for the mistakes I made means more to me than you can ever know. But the fact of the matter is, even though I tried to shoulder all the burdens, I know you took them on, too.”
Her dark eyes, so like Chloe’s, were full of hurt. Full of regret. “I know you did. You had to worry about where we would live. You couldn’t trust that you would have a room to come home to when school ended on any given day. You couldn’t trust that one of the men that I tried to make things work with would be kind, or that he would stay. You were thrown into any number of situations where most children could have just trusted that their basic needs would be met, and yours weren’t. I’m sorry. It took me a long time to figure out how to get things together, and in order to do that I had to trust Jim. It wasn’t easy. And our marriage was never the easiest, and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry that it was the example that you did have. But I loved him. I loved him, and I didn’t stay with him just for security. Because that wouldn’t have been a better lesson to teach you. I stayed because what we had was worth fighting through the hard stuff. It was worth fighting through his issues, his own difficulty opening himself up. After the boys’ mother left things were hard for him. It was difficult for him to fully open himself up to anyone. From his sons to his wives. And the fact of the matter is, he did try to push me away when things got to real. But I wouldn’t go. I wouldn’t be pushed away, because I finally recognized all of that for what it was. The exact same thing I was doing. Trying to keep someone from knowing me. From lulling me into a false sense of security.”
“I had no idea,” Chloe said.
“Of course not. You were a child, and I don’t know why you would have ever been able to sort through any of that. But I know that it sticks with you. I know it’s there under the surface. It’s the foundation of what built you.”
“But, Mom,” Chloe said, “you can’t seriously be advocating for me being in a relationship with my stepbrother.”
“I want you to be happy. That’s what I’m advocating for. I meant what I said to you last night. I wouldn’t mind if you went and moved across the country for a while and found yourself some freedom. But if freedom for you is him, then you should go after that. It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks.”
Chloe felt miserable. Miserable and like a timid little mouse hiding underneath the furniture. “I’m not worried about what anyone thinks, I’m worried about it ruining our entire family structure.”
“I believe that you’re worried about that a little bit, but I think you’re much more worried about being hurt. I think you’re much more worried about trusting and having that trust abused.”
“He said he loved me,” Chloe said. “But I don’t understand how he could. He’s...he’s so beautiful and strong and wonderful, and he’s everything I’ve ever wanted, and I don’t understand how I’m not for him. And he told me that I was. But I don’t understand. I don’t understand how I could be so special to him.”
“Oh, Chloe,” her mother said, pulling her into her arms. “I did more damage than I realized.”
“You didn’t,” Chloe said.
“You should know what you’re worth, baby girl, and if you don’t, I don’t know who else to blame.”
“I don’t know, maybe my father who wouldn’t stick around?”
“I tried to be enough.”
Regret lanced Chloe. “You were. You were, and I don’t want to hurt you.”
“This isn’t about me. It’s about you. Don’t worry about hurting my feelings. I’m just sorry. But I also can’t lie to you and say that loving him means it will solve all your problems. Because you know it won’t. Love solved a lot of my problems, Chloe, but then I had some new ones. Loving somebody does mean opening yourself up to being hurt. Loving someone means having to try, having to put in an effort. Loving someone means you can’t protect yourself. And I think in the end, that’s what you’re really afraid of.”
Chloe stared down into her coffee. She couldn’t really deny her mother’s words.
They went so nicely with all things Tanner had accused her of before. Because if she tried to make things work with Tanner, then she would have to trust him. She would have to open herself up, all of herself, and not have any self-protection left at all.
Tanner had been a form of self-protection, and then he had suddenly become available. And it had terrified her.
Because the reality of Tanner had the power to devastate her in the way that the fantasy of him couldn’t have.
“I just can’t,” she said.
“Then I think it’s time you went and found your freedom. Because if you stay here with him, and don’t let yourself have him, you’re clipping your wings for sure.”
CHAPTER TEN
“WHAT CRAWLED UP your ass and died?” Jackson asked as Tanner swore when he missed the target yet again.
“Nothing,” he insisted. He lied.
“Right. Okay. But you’re a terrible shot today, and you’re being grumpy about it.”
“It’s nothing,” he said.
“Right. Well, it seems like it’s a pretty serious nothing if you ask me.”
“I agree,” Calder said.
“Shut up.”
“Make me,” Calder said.
Tanner was about to bang both of his brothers’ heads together. None of this was any of their business, and if they had a clue what was bothering him they would be scarred onto their souls.
And that made him want to tell them. It made him want to take control of it that way. Because why the hell not? Really, why should Chloe get to control the whole thing? Why should she be able to tell him no, and use the family as an excuse? When, really, she was scared. She didn’t trust him. Or she didn’t know how.
“It’s Chloe,” he said finally.
Jackson and Calder’s heads whipped around. “What?” Jackson asked.
“Chloe. She is my problem.”
Jackson and Calder exchanged knowing looks that made Tanner want to punch them both. If they had any idea...
“Did you finally figure out she has a crush on you?” Jackson asked.
He blinked. They had known that Chloe had a crush on him? And they had thought that was all it was? They hadn’t realized that Tanner wanted her?
“No,” Tanner said. “She rejected me. After I had sex with her.”
“What the fuck?” Calder asked.
Jackson might have said something sim
ilar, but he slammed his forearm over his mouth. It was mildly satisfying to see that he’d succeeded in shocking his brothers to that degree.
“Yep. So now you know. You were so curious. And now you know.”
“I want to go back to not knowing,” Jackson said, his face contorted with disgust.
“Too late,” he said. “You were nosy, so you got the story.”
“What do you mean she rejected you?” Calder asked.
“I said I was in love with her,” Tanner said.
“No shit,” Calder said. “You’re in love with her?”
“Yeah,” Tanner said. “I have no idea what in hell to do about that.”
Jackson’s expression took on a solemn shade. “Nothing you can do about it,” he said. “Once that happens, and once you’re ready to admit it... There’s just nothing for you.”
“Great,” Tanner said.
“But you already knew that,” Calder added. “Because if you didn’t, you sure as hell wouldn’t have said anything to us.”
It was a good point.
“What am I supposed to do?”
“I mean, I suggest not being a dick. Because when you reject their offer of love they leave in the dead of night and you end up heartbroken, and you have to crawl back to them on metaphorical broken glass. My experience,” Jackson said, and Tanner knew that he was speaking of his relationship with Savannah, and the rough patch they’d hit before they’d ultimately decided to spend forever together.
“Coming on strong doesn’t hurt,” Calder said. “You’ve got to basically offer the whole world. Hold nothing back. That’s what I would do. That’s what I did.”
“Yeah, yeah. I get it. The two of you have functional love lives.” He shook his head. “But none of you fell in love with your stepsister. Anyway, she said we couldn’t because of what it would do to the family.”
“She’s hilarious,” Jackson said. “Because we all know that she likes you. I’m much more surprised about you liking her. That I never got a whiff of.”
“Me, either,” Calder confirmed.
“Nice to know I hid my inappropriate feelings for so long. They were definitely there.”
“Did you tell us so that... What? So you can tell her that everything’s fine?”
“No, because I don’t think that’s a real problem. I think it’s an excuse. She doesn’t trust it will last. I just want to take away all her excuses.”
“I’m not college-educated or anything,” Jackson said. “But I think that might be your first problem.”
“What?”
“I think you shouldn’t focus on taking anything. I think you have to figure out just how much you can give. And you’re going to have to keep doing it until she can find the trust. It doesn’t matter what you think she should know or see or feel. She’s been hurt. And if we were completely unaware of your feelings for her, I imagine she didn’t know about them, either. She’s going to need those reinforced.”
“I don’t know what to give.”
Calder shrugged. “Everything.”
“What does that mean?”
“I don’t know,” Jackson said. “It’s kind of open-ended and vague. It’s something you’re going to have to figure out for yourself.”
“You guys are my younger brothers, and this is really annoying. Getting advice from you.”
“I imagine it’s even more annoying to be dependent on that advice,” Calder said smugly.
“Yeah,” Tanner agreed.
“Everything is going to be the thing she needs,” Calder said, overly sage in tone.
“That is a mouthful of nonsense,” Tanner said.
“Is it?”
And immediately everything clicked into place for him. There was no woman on earth who would ever entice him to make such a rash or impromptu decision. But she did. Because he suddenly realized what she needed.
She needed someone who would go all the way and hold nothing back. Someone who gave all their trust so that she could begin to give hers.
And he was more than ready to do that. For her? He would do it.
“Okay, I might be getting frostbite. Because this is starting to make sense.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHLOE WAS STANDING on the deck looking out at the snowy view when she heard muted footsteps coming from behind her. She looked over her shoulder and froze. It was Tanner.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I came to talk to you.”
“Why?”
“Because we need to talk. Actually, I need to say some things.”
“Tanner...”
“No. You took a step out in faith with me when you asked for a night together. That was a lot. I know it was. And what did you get back from me? You got the promise of a single night. And then, because I was good and ready I told you that I loved you. But that wasn’t enough for you, either, and I actually understand why. You deserved more. You deserved better. From me. You absolutely did. But I didn’t understand that. I was waiting for you to give me something. I was waiting for give-and-take. You need a reason to trust me. And I haven’t given it. That’s not your fault, that’s mine. I love you. I love you, Chloe. I’m ready to give you anything. Any damn thing you want. I swear it. You can have it. I want to offer you this. Me. Forever. Marry me, Chloe. Make us a family. The most important family. It’ll be you and me. And it will be forever. I’ve never made a vow I haven’t kept, not to my father or the land, and I sure as hell won’t make one that I’ll break to you. You wanted to know how this was different. And why I had confidence that we could do this. It’s because we are not like anything. And I want to show you that. Be my wife. Be my everything.”
Chloe was stunned. The last thing she had expected when he came walking toward her with his eyes blazing was that he was going to propose. She’d thought he might yell at her, and she could understand why. But she hadn’t thought he was going to do that.
“But why... Why?”
“Because this is about trust. I am putting all of mine in your hands. All of it. I don’t have any more protection left, Chloe. I want you. Nothing else. No one else. And it’s been like that for a long time. For every reason that you’re special, for everything that you taught me. For the way that I feel when I’m with you, and the shady way I feel when I’m not. I want to be with you. I swear that I will give you everything that’s in my power to give. You have nothing to fear from me.”
And just like that, she felt her resistance crumble. Felt the walls inside of her start to give way. He was taking all her concerns and dealing with them. He was giving to her with no guarantee in return.
“I told Calder and Jackson about us,” he said. “At first because I was angry at you and I wanted to take away your excuses, but then because I was just desperate for some advice, and somehow, those idiots managed to get themselves wives.”
“They know?”
“They do. And they’re not shocked or upset or angry. But they did tell me that I was being a little bit of an idiot. Trying to strong-arm you into something, trying to take away your defenses. When I needed to set down my own.”
“I love you,” she said softly, her heart pounding like a butterfly trying to dry its wings. Tentative, hopeful. So very, very fragile. “I love you, and I’m so scared of what might happen if you don’t love me. I’m so scared to hope.”
“Let’s hope together,” he said. “Because if we do it together, then neither of us are sitting around waiting for something to happen. This isn’t a passive thing. Love is active. I love you. You love me. And we want it. If we want it, we’ll work at it. I see that with you and your horses, with your business. You’ve seen that with me on the ranch. It’s who we are. When we love something, we don’t let it die. And we’re certainly not going to let this die.”
She swallowed hard. “I know,”
she said. “I know you’re right. I was just... I hoped for it for so long, and I think I don’t really know how to have nice things.”
“I want to give you a whole lifetime of them. I do.”
“I want that,” she whispered. “With you. Only you.”
“What do you want for Christmas, Chloe?” he asked, his voice rough, the kiss that followed even rougher, leaving her dizzy.
“What I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember. It’s you, Tanner. It’s always been you.”
“You have it. You have me. Forever.”
EPILOGUE
“What do you little rascals want for Christmas?” Tanner asked, looking down at his niece, who was nearly three and had a comment for everything, and her little brother, who was one and had nothing but spit bubbles and very loud sounds.
They were all gathered at the family ranch house for a Christmas Eve celebration. They’d decided not to go up to a cabin this year, and Tanner felt like that was somehow more special. That this place, this home, was the most special place on earth to all the Reid brothers, their wives and their children.
“A pony,” Lily said, with utter confidence.
And he smiled, because he already knew Jackson’s plans for his daughter. “Do you think Santa could fit that in his sleigh?”
Lily looked worried at that.
Chloe slapped him on the shoulder, her wedding band glistening on her finger. It was such a nice distraction he didn’t even mind being slapped. But then, he didn’t much mind anything Chloe did to him.
“Of course, it could,” Chloe scolded. “Santa is magic.”
“He brought me a pony,” Ava said, grinning at her little cousin. “I’m sure he could bring one for Lily. Hers would be tiny!”
“And this year he’s bringing you a brother,” Tanner said, looking over at Lauren, who was nearly at the end of her pregnancy.
Calder was never far from her side, his hand perpetually rested in a protective fashion over her baby bump. “Or sister,” Calder said. “We don’t know what it is yet.”
Lauren smirked. “I do.”
