“It isn’t your fault you know. That they got taken.”
The words were so aligned with my thoughts that for a moment, I thought that they had come from me. But the southern American drawl gave the voice away as Delagio’s. I shifted as he pitched up next to me in the pool of light provided by a set of bright lamps fixed to the head of the ship’s bridge.
“How did you know I was thinking that?” I asked, turning my head slightly towards him.
“Because if your face was any longer, your jaw would be dippin’ into the Dark Sea.” He had a marble in his palm, which he yo-yoed up and down, as if it were connected to his finger. “And you like to blame yourself for things that go wrong. Wasn’t hard to put two and two together.”
I gave a humourless chuckle and he patted me on the back. “C’mon bud, tell Uncle Del your woes.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
I took a deep breath. “I was thinking that I should never have bought us through here. It was selfish of me.”
“Well that’s a dumb set of thoughts.”
“Why?”
He shrugged. “Well, how exactly is it selfish? Sure ya wanted to find ya dad, and in my book that’s totally understandable.” He tapped my arm. “But I think you’re also forgettin’ that big ol’ mark. The way I see it, the moment you defeated The Sorrow and that Darkness thing possessed you through that tattoo, our journey through the Veil was written in stone. Hell even the Elementals talked about it.”
“That’s my other worry,” I said, being very careful to choose my next words. “Lafelei said that the Elementals weren’t getting involved – that they would remain observers favourable to our cause. But then Cetus turns up.” I thought about the images the god had shown me of my death. “I must be doing something wrong, taking us towards some kind of bad path. Like Lightwarden Garrat said, I’m dangerous.”
Delagio flicked the ball up into his hand and caught it, holding it still for a few moments. “Lightwarden Garrat don’t know shit. He’s a coward who’s decided to bolt at the first hurdle. He could have grown a set and agreed to help us, but he decided to take the Highwarden’s get out of jail free card instead.” He made a clicking sound with his teeth. “But that whole Cetus thing we all talked about did make me come up with another theory.”
“Yeah?”
He turned to face me, gesticulating with his hands as he spoke. “Okay so think about it, what was the one thing that changed as a result of Cetus arriving last night?”
“I didn’t kill the Hydra Queen.”
“And what was the knock on effect of that?”
“Lightwarden Garrat refused to join us in Concavious and take us to Yornheim.”
“Bingo.”
I tried not to let my shock show. What he was saying was directly in line with what Cetus had shown me in my second vision. The ship we were attacked on and kidnapped from was I’orin.
“What do you mean?” I asked, like I didn’t know.
“I don’t know really, like I said, it’s just a theory. Well more like chaos theory actually. What if the whole purpose of it arrivin’ wasn’t to save the Hydra – I mean after all, that bitch attacked us first – but rather to stop the Lightwardens from joinin’ us? I mean if anythin’ could cause you to change your mind, it’s a visit from your local deity.”
“Maybe.”
Can that be a coincidence? Am I being paranoid or does he know too much?
“I guess we might never know, but that’s the whole thing ain’t it? Us mortals without the benefit of all that heavenly foresight, we have to fumble around in the dark.” He slapped me on the back. “You’ll drive yourself crazy wonderin’ if each step you take is the right one, so you just need to take those steps. And stop beatin’ yourself up, okay dude?”
I sighed and before I knew it the need to confide in my friend outweighed my suspicions. “I know, and you’re right,” I said. “But it’s more than beating myself up, Del. For the last couple of weeks I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what the Darkness said to me, back when it was still possessing me.”
“What was that?”
“That my choices would destroy everything and everyone I love.” I sighed and stared out at the waves that lapped against the sleek hull of the warship. “Even the Elemental Lafelei said that many would suffer due to my actions, and that the choices I make would shape the future.” I turned to face my friend – or who I hoped was my friend – my emotions making my words thick. “Look at what’s happened since we arrived here. A city was almost razed to the ground, countless died, and three of our friends were taken by one of Hades’ Highguards. That attack can’t be a coincidence Del. It just can’t.”
“But that ain’t your fault.”
“Isn’t it? You say that we didn’t have a choice to come here, but we did. I could have sacrificed myself back when I was possessed and let the Sorrow die with me. I knew how dangerous I could become and what I was potentially capable of. But instead of doing what was right for the greater good, I selfishly wanted to keep going, to cling onto the life I’d built with Gabriella and all of you guys. Regardless of what you say, I made us come through here – I wanted my dad back, and I wanted to be the one – the one who could defeat Hades just like I killed The Sorrow, and end this Ageless War.” I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat. “I wanted the glory.”
Delagio considered my words for a moment and then nodded. “Two answers for you bud. Firstly, you’re actin’ like there’s somethin’ wrong with wantin’ glory. Shit man, you ask any Guardian what they really want and after a bit of diggin’ they’ll tell you it’s glory. We put our asses on the line every single day for the Alliance and do we get any thanks for it? The hell we do. A quick pat on the back and then its off to the next mission. I mean damn, up until a couple weeks ago the general public didn’t even know we existed, and now they do it’s with begrudging acceptance rather than celebration.”
He’s right, we’re like machine parts, always required to keep working, and replaced when we fail. Except now, I’ve become the part they want to use over and over again to get the job done.
Delagio gestured towards me. “Most Guardians would kill to be in your boots. To have people call them the Sorrowslayer, to be the one who stands out from the Guardians, the Huntmasters and even the Sages – to be one of those who made a real difference. Why wouldn’t you want to become the one who ended the Ageless War too? If I had the means to do it, then I’d roll that dice man, even if the risk was high and there was little chance of mah numbers comin’ up.” He shrugged. “Beyond the glory, it’s the only real answer isn’t it? It’s the only way any of this ever really stops.” He spun his marble around his index finger. “Otherwise we all just keep going around and around until the whole damn ride falls apart.”
I’d never heard Delagio be so candid and serious before. His style had always been one of jokes and playfulness. But now here he was, piercing right through all the crap with his on point observations. I was lost for words.
Del snatched up the marble with a flick of the wrist and gestured the closed hand at me. “Secondly, don’t you dare beat yourself up for wantin’ to live. It’s the only reason that this whole war wasn’t over centuries ago. Regardless of what we think about some of the Luminar’s attitudes and behaviours, y’all got to admire their determination. They refuse to give up and roll over for the Umbra. We’re no different. Just because death comes with our paycheck, doesn’t mean any of us actually want to die. Before you joined us last year, you had a tough life man – struggled to fit in and make friends.” He placed a hand on my shoulder. “Now you have a two families, and a gal who would live and die for you.”
His eyes glistened with emotion as he spoke, and for the first time I saw a different Delagio, one that hid behind all the banter and fun. I saw pain. “The woman I loved betrayed me, and for a while afterwards I wished that I was dead,” he continued. “Our relationship had a lot of ups and downs,
on and offs. I put that down to clashin’ of our bold personalities and cultural differences, but ah guess I was wrong. To know that the whole time I loved Rachel, she was working with the SOS and thinkin’ of ways that she could destroy us was utterly hearbreakin’.”
He shook his head with sadness. “It was Sage Faru who helped me through that dark period. He reminded me that we were part of a family and that her betrayal had affected everyone. That although she wasn’t who she said she was, she had probably loved me in her own way. But most of all he reminded me that this family she had betrayed still cared about me and wanted me around them. He made me realise I still had all you guys. No one who is loved lives an empty life, man.” He took a deep breath and placed a hand on my shoulder. “Sorry, I’m going off on a personal tangent here. My point is that wanting to live to stay with those you care about is not a crime.”
“Even if doing so puts them in danger?” I asked.
He nodded. “Absolutely. From our point of view anyway. We don’t live normal lives, so the normal rules don’t apply. You ask Gabriella what she would want – to be safe or have you around, and I know straight up what she’d say.”
I was surprised when I felt a small smile appear on my face. Delagio’s words were the most refreshing I’d heard in a long time, and he’d actually managed to remove some of the guilt that I felt about what had happened, replacing it with renewed determination. I keep allowing myself to fall back into the old habits of loathing myself and viewing myself as the bad guy. I’m not perfect, but I am not a bad person. Sure I’ve made mistakes, but everyone makes mistakes, I’m not a natural leader who was given the tools to bring about a revolution, I’m just a guy trying to do the best with the hand I was dealt. I didn’t choose to become a target of Hades and his twisted forces. But now I actually have the power now to make a real difference in this war, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit by and let it go to waste while my friends suffer at the hands of my enemies. I’m going to find them, I’m going to find my father and then I’m going to kill Hades.
“Thank you Del…really,” I said.
Delagio copied my smile with one of his own. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “Look at me gettin’ all upset. The whole point of this was to cheer you up.”
“You have.”
“Well I’m not done yet.” He dipped a hand inside his jacket and pulled out a slightly squashed box, before handing it over.
“What is it?” I asked.
He rolled his eyes and chuckled. “Why do people always ask that? Just open the damn thing.”
I flipped open the lid and was surprised to see a small cake sitting inside, with an upended matchstick stuck inside it.
“I figured that with everythin’ going on you might forget that it’s your birthday today…but I didn’t. I had the on-board cook whip this up.”
I stared up at him, utterly confused. “It’s…it’s my birthday today?”
“Yep. We might be in another world, but as far as humans are concerned, it’s August seventh. Happy eighteenth buddy!” He clapped me on the shoulder.
Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. “Oh my god…I haven’t even thought about it. I’ve been so busy with everything that….”
“I know man. You’ve been through a lot lately…we all have. It’s not much, but I wanted to do something.”
“Thank you so much, Del. I can’t believe I forgot that it’s my eighteenth birth- ”My words stalled in my mouth as I remembered that it wasn’t just my birthday. Gabriella is my soul twin, we were born at exactly the same time.
Delagio’s grin faded. “I know what you’re thinkin,’ bud. And we’ll celebrate with her, just as soon as we get her and the others out of whatever hellhole that psychopath took them to.”
The lump in my throat was back and I couldn’t swallow it away this time. I closed my eyes as the tears threatened to spill. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that even in the worst of times, Delagio still managed to remember that it was my birthday. It only served to reinforce what he’d just said. I can’t believe I suspected him. He’s not the enemy. He’s my family
“Thank you,” I croaked.
“No problems buddy,” he said patting my back. When we’d pulled apart, he produced a lighter from his uniform jacket and sparked the match to life. “Now make a wish.”
I stared down at the cake, and thought of my words. It wasn’t hard to know what to choose. I wish for our journeys to be successful – that we find Gabriella, Grey, Troy and my father alive. And then when they are all safe, I wish that I get the chance to put Crimson right through that bitch Lilith and her deranged father. I blew at the match and the flame winked out in a puff of grey smoke. Del gave another grin. Then he grabbed the cake and flung it overboard.
“Hey, what are you doing?” I gasped.
“Oh, the ingredients totally weren’t edible for humans, but it’s the thought that counts right?” I gave an incredulous laugh as he placed an arm around my shoulder and made me sway with him from side to side, whilst he sang ‘happy birthday’, exchanging my name for Sorrowslayer.
“So…I’ll be honest, I didn’t get you a gift,” he said with a grin. “But you can put in a formal request now, and I promise I’ll get it for ya when we get home.”
I looked at Delagio underneath the pool of light – his Stetson water stained and damaged from the battle, one section of it ripped by a Hydra Spawn’s fangs. “Actually there is a gift you could give me, but it’s not an object.” I said.
He raised an eyebrow. “Is that right? Okay, hit me.”
I leaned back over the side of I’orin, keeping my eyes on his. “I want you to tell me your real name, because I get the feeling it isn’t Delagio.”
“Alex…don’t,” he warned, his tone shifting from light-hearted to serious in a split-second. It was clearly a subject that he wasn’t comfortable with.
“You don’t have to tell me Del…and I promise I won’t force the issue. But you said yourself that we’re all family, and family share their secrets. Midnight told me what happened to his family and Gabriella told me what happened to hers.”
“So you’re nosy, is that it?” Delagio barked uncharacteristically.
“No Del, but I do care. I know that there’s something behind this whole thing, behind all jokes and subject changes. Like I said, you don’t have to tell me, but it can be good to tell someone the truth. And besides it’s my birthday…and you asked me what I wanted.” I gave a smile.
Delagio didn’t respond for a long while. When he did, it was to remove his Stetson– which he placed down on the top of a support strut – and sit down on a barrel, staring down at his clasped hands.
“Alex, Delagio is dead.”
33
In the Name of Forgiveness
My real name is Ricardo Diaz.
The people who know that also know that ah used to be a Huntmaster. That was back when I was servin’ at Blackwall, the Alliance base in Austin, Texas.
Before my Awakening I was obsessed with four things – women, drinkin’, drugs and baseball. A minor problem when you’re a teenager livin’ the high life, a major problem when you’re still obsessed with three of those four things after your Awakening.
I met Kieran Delagio on the first day of elementary school. We was both raised in Lockhart, a small city on the outskirts of Austin with a population ‘bout a third of Chapter Hill. Our folks bought us into school late, and we had to sit together in the hall whilst the teachers sorted everythin’ out. Kieran had a bunch of these baseball trading cards on him. He offered to show me. I’d been a baseball nut from the moment I learned how to walk upright. From then on, we was like white on rice.
I’m not sure when exactly I started callin’ Kieran by his last name, but he didn’t seem to mind much, in fact he seemed keen on it. The whole thing caught on pretty quickly, and soon everyone knew Kieran as Delagio or Del – even some of the teachers. When we weren’t at school, Del spent most of his tim
e at my place – either watching old World Series games my pa had taped, or playing catch in the yard. Del was happier at mine than at home. He’d never had much of a good family life – his folks married right out of high school, and by all accounts the cracks in their relationship had formed pretty soon after. By the time we was both fourteen, Delagio’s old man was a full-time drunk and his ma the local hussy, trying to recapture her cheerleader glory days by knockin’ boots with any guy who looked at her twice.
Del was quieter than me, and in a lot of ways, I guess he was a bit odd. Like he was always stealin’ his pa’s favourite Stetson, which didn’t fit at all, but he just loved it for some reason. I didn’t care that he was quiet; in fact it worked well with me being the loud one. All that mattered is that we got on like a house on fire.
Anyway we both practiced baseball hard enough that I started pitchin’ for Lockhart Lions when we reached high school, and Del got a spot as catcher. Whenever I was up there on the mound and he was crouching behind the batter, it was like we was communicatin’ telepathically. Together, we pitched more strikes than anyone in the team had ever done. Man we were good, and we earned ourselves a reputation. By the time high school was done, neither of us had trouble gettin’ places at the University of Texas on full sports scholarships, playing for the Longhorns under their baseball program. Del and me roomed together, we played on the same team together, and we sure as hell partied together. We were living the dream – two close buddies spending the best years of their lives with each other, hearing the crowd cheer our names, gettin’ the gals at the after parties n’ making a bunch of new friends in the process.
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