by Zoey Parker
My cock started twitching and I flopped back on my back, staring up at the ceiling. I closed my eyes and tried to count sheep, but nothing was working to make me drowsy. Even breathing exercises didn’t help, though I would have rather cut off a finger than admit to someone like Katie that I sometimes tried to meditate when I couldn’t sleep.
Finally, I got up out of bed and shuffled into the bathroom. There was a little white bottle of pills on the counter. Frowning, I picked them up and stared at the label: E-Z Doze, it said, in big blue letters.
“Oh, so that’s how you got to sleep,” I muttered, glancing back in the bedroom at Katie. She still hadn’t moved since I’d come to bed. “Well, two can play at that game.” Taking the cap off the bottle, I tossed a couple of pills into the palm of my hand and knocked them back with a big glass of water.
Walking back to bed, I crashed down and pulled the sheet over my hips. Katie snored on, oblivious to me. I closed my eyes and tried to relax. Already I was starting to feel woozy and kind of distant, like I was slipping away from the rest of my body. These pills are nice, I thought to myself.
I was standing in The Silent Havoc clubhouse, near the bar, with a beer in one hand and Katie standing close by. We were having a party and the guys were going wild, splashing beer everywhere and pouring it down their throats. Katie looked at me with a flirtatious grin on her face. She winked and turned to the side, showing off her amazing figure. Her red hair was gleaming in the low light; she looked absolutely stunning.
“You look great,” I told her as I pulled her close and nuzzled her neck. “You’re so sexy, Katie.”
“I knew you’d say that,” she said. “I love being with you so much.” She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. Before I could move, she walked away, swishing her hips. I felt my cock twitch in my pants and reached down to grab it.
Some of the guys started walking towards me with weird expressions on their faces.
“Hey, guys, what’s up?” I threw my arms up in the air. “Long time, no hang.”
Kenny looked at me sternly. “What are you doing here?”
I frowned. “Yo, what the fuck are you talking about? This is my club,” I said defensively, reaching down in my pocket for the knife I knew was there. Something felt wrong—this was Kenny, not a stranger, and I didn’t know why I suddenly felt like attacking him. But before I knew what was happening, I started hearing chants of “Fight!” coming from the other guys.
“Kenny, I don’t wanna do this, man,” I said, backing away and holding up my hands. “I told you, I wasn’t responsible for Matthias’s death. I had nothing to do with it!”
Kenny didn’t reply. His eyes flashed dark fire and he looked as menacing as ever as he crawled slowly towards me, hand reaching for the back of his waistband. I closed my eyes and shuddered as Kenny pulled out a gun.
“You wanna talk now, asshole?” Kenny said. He stepped so close that I could smell his musk and odor of cigarettes. “You wanna talk now?”
I glanced around, looking for Katie. I didn’t want her to see this, but the clubhouse wasn’t that big. When I spotted her, she was still smiling. She waved to me with one hand bent in a sexy little curve.
“Yo,” I said to Kenny, in a warning tone. Panic was boiling in my stomach and a cold trickle of fear was making its way down my back. “Yo, don’t do this. Not here, not in front of the girl.”
Kenny’s lips curved into an evil smile. I felt my heart pounding against my chest as we squared off, staring at each other.
“Come on,” I pleaded. “Let’s go outside, at least.”
“How did you even get in here?” Kenny’s tone was cruel and mocking. “How did you get inside, huh, you punk?”
“This is my clubhouse,” I said. “We’re The Silent Havoc, and this is where I belong.”
Kenny shook his head. “You got a fuckin’ mistake there, boy,” he said in a low voice, pulling a knife out of nowhere and waving it front of my body. “Now you wanna go home before we carve you up?”
Axel jumped down from where he’d been sitting on the bar and strode cockily over to me. I thought he was going to grab Kenny and tell him there had been some kind of mistake, but instead he glanced up at me.
“What’s this asshole doing here?” Axel asked Kenny. “I haven’t seen this dickwad in ages.”
“Guys, enough,” I snapped. “Stop fucking with me! It’s me, Jace! Jace Carver!”
“What?” Axel squinted at me. “What the fuck are you talking about, you fucking weasel?” He grabbed me by the collar and yanked me over to the mirror. When I saw my reflection, I gasped. I didn’t look like me at all, I looked like Troy. My face was skinny and pale and blond hair tumbled over my brow. My expression, even though I was horrified, was a combination of a sneer and a scowl. My blood ran cold as I moved in the same way mirror-Troy moved.
“Guys, it’s not who you think,” I said loudly. Kenny grabbed me and yanked me back towards the middle of the room. “I’m not Troy! It’s not me! It’s Jace!”
Kenny and Axel threw their heads back and laughed uproariously. “That’s a fucking good one, man,” Kenny said. “Come on, outside, like a dog.”
I shook my head and backed away in panic, waving my hands in front of me. Axel and Kenny advanced, looking eviler by the second. When I looked for Katie back over in the corner of the room, I didn’t see her. “Where’s Katie?” Anger and fear flashed through my body. “You guys better not have her! You’d better not have hurt Katie!”
Kenny scowled. “You cunt,” he said solemnly. “You killed her, you asshole. Don’t fuck with me,” he added. “She’s dead.”
My eyes opened wide and I felt my jaw drop to the floor. I gasped. “No, I couldn’t have…I wouldn’t have hurt her. She was right there!” Spinning around, I pointed towards where Katie had been standing not five minutes prior. “I saw her! She came over and kissed me!”
Kenny and Axel obediently looked in the direction I was pointing. When I followed them with my eyes, I gasped. Katie was lying on the floor, motionless. Her slim torso was covered in blood and stab wounds.
“What the hell?” I gasped as I ran over to Katie’s prone body. She wasn’t breathing, but blood was still gurgling and gushing out of her wounds. When I held my hands up to cradle her head, I was shocked to realize they were covered in blood. It was me; I’d done it. I’d killed her.
“Troy, you deserve to die,” Kenny said. I heard his footsteps close in behind me. “You deserve to die, and we’re going to kill you”
It was the last thing I heard before I blacked out.
I woke up with a scream, bolting up in bed and covering my face with my hands. My heart was pounding so hard that I thought it was going to burst out of my chest and my palms were itchy with sweat. I could feel that I’d perspired all over the sheets, leaving an almost cut-out shape of a man. The room was flooded with daylight, and the other side of the bed was empty.
“Katie!” I yelled in a strangled cry. By now, some of the most vicious images of the dream were fading. I was starting to realize it had been absolutely ridiculous, but I couldn’t stop the fear and anxiety in my heart.
“What is it?” Katie ran out of the bathroom, her red hair thrown over one shoulder. She gazed at me with clear concern on her pretty face. “Jace, what happened?”
I forced myself to laugh. “Bad dream,” I said, waving my hand. “Were those pills in the bathroom yours?”
Katie bit her lip. “I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping lately,” she said. “I went to the doctor after Troy and I broke up and he wouldn’t leave me alone. I kept thinking he was going to break in and try to hurt me.”
He probably would have, too. I was starting to take Katie’s claims a lot more seriously now, and I felt bad for having doubted her initially. Troy was a horrible person, a really bad dude, and I didn’t want him anywhere near my wife. Not even in the same line of sight, or the same air to breathe. “I gotta go,” I said, getting out of bed and yanking on a pair of pa
nts. I hadn’t showered in over a day and my skin felt greasy but I knew I had to go see Rosa as soon as possible.
“What’s wrong?” Katie furrowed her brow. “Is Kenny coming back over?”
I shivered at the memory of the dream again. It had been really gnarly, and I could tell some of the images were going to stay with me for a long time. “Yeah,” I admitted. “I’m going to call him now. I won’t leave until he gets here.”
Katie nodded. She sat down on the bed. “Okay,” she said quietly. “I’ll stay here all day.”
“I’ve got some books and movies and stuff in the living room,” I told her. “You might wanna check some of those out.”
Katie didn’t look cheered. “Are you going to be out all day?”
I shrugged. “I have to go meet a friend about something,” I lied. “I shouldn’t be gone for too long. You want me to grab you anything on the way back?”
Katie wrinkled her nose. “I’ll be fine,” she said. “What do you want for dinner?”
An improbable smile crept onto my face. Here we were, the picture of domesticity. My wife asking me what I wanted for dinner as I was getting ready for the day. And some people told me I’d never be normal!
“What is it?” Katie frowned. “What’s so funny?”
I bit my lip. Somehow, I didn’t think she’d find the image as amusing as I did. After all, she was only out for comfort. “Nothing,” I said after a moment. “And anything’s fine. That chicken was great. Maybe tacos or something?”
Katie nodded. “I’ll have Kenny take me to the store.”
We stood facing each other. I felt an awkward tension in the room that I suddenly wanted to be away from desperately. Leaning forward, I kissed her briefly on the lips. They were warm and soft. When I pulled away, she looked both surprised and pleased. Her cheeks were pinking and her lips were slightly parted.
“See you tonight,” I said before I could do anything else. “I’ll be home later.”
Katie looked away as I let myself out of the room and closed the door behind me where I went to wait for Kenny.
The weather outside looked shitty, like it was about to start raining, but I climbed on my bike anyway. I wanted to feel the wind on my face and running through my hair. Sometimes, driving my bike felt more relaxing then getting laid. And right now I could use some relaxing.
When I got to Rosa’s house, I had to knock three times before she came to the door. She answered looking distressed, worse than she had yesterday.
I frowned. “What’s going on? You look like you haven’t slept in a few days,” I said, trying to poke her in the ribs and make her laugh.
Rosa twisted away before I could touch her. “Come in,” she said. She was staring at the ground with her hands in a knot in front of her. I walked behind Rosa. Unlike our last visit, there were no smiles, no laughter, nothing to make me realize I was with an old friend who I trusted more than most.
“So, what did you find?”
Rosa sat down. “I didn’t find anything,” she said delicately. “You know my job isn’t to do a DNA search on that letter.”
I rolled my eyes. “Cut the shit, Rosa,” I told her flatly.
She tossed her dark hair. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said. “And besides, there was only one result.” There was a folder on the table in front of her that I tried to grab but Rosa was quicker. She snatched it up and held it firmly in her lap. “You have to promise that you’re going to take me seriously,” she added.
“Of course I will.” I narrowed my eyes at her. “You think I’m some kind of hothead loser?”
“Of course not,” Rosa said. Her tone was fiery. “Sorry,” she added. “I’m just feeling really tense today.” She glanced away. “Work has been stressful lately.”
“I won’t keep you long, I promise. I just want to know about what you found.”
Rosa swallowed hard. I stared into her face. Her pupils were wide and scared, and her skin was slightly paler than usual. Sweat was beading on her forehead.
“You really don’t look well,” I chided. “Not getting enough sleep? Too many drugs?” I meant the last line as a jest; Rosa was straighter than an arrow. She drank, but no more than the recommended amount. She was one of the most reliable, boring people I’d ever come across.
“I’m fine,” Rosa replied carefully. She swallowed again.
“Come on,” I said. “You’re making me tense as fuck over here!”
“I have something important to tell you,” Rosa said softly, repeating her words from the previous night. “And at first, I didn’t want to tell you…” her voice trailed off. “I wanted to give it some time, to let myself do some research…”
“Tell me,” I growled. “You’re driving me fucking crazy! Did you find any prints? Any evidence?” Rosa didn’t answer. “Anything?”
Rosa nodded. “We found something,” she said softly. “We found prints that were a match in the state police database.”
I narrowed my eyes. “That could be any one of the guys,” I said in dismay. It was true; at some point or another, every member of The Havoc had been arrested, even for something minor, like possession.
“It wasn’t one of your guys,” Rosa said softly. She took a deep breath and looked deeply into my eyes. I saw there was no hint of humor, no laughter, nothing warm there. “It was someone else.”
I groaned. “Rosa, you’re killing me,” I told her with a long sigh. “Who?”
Rosa swallowed hard. She blinked at me and finally said, “The prints belong to Margot.”
I blinked at her. A wave of confusion passed over my head and I felt like I was spinning in the air, like I was going to fall flat on my ass and crash at any given moment.
“What?” I blinked. “Are you fucking kidding me? That’s impossible,” I added before Rosa could reply. “She’s been dead for years.”
Rosa licked her lips. “I know,” she said in a quavering voice. “I…I thought that, too. I had them double check, overnight, just to make sure they weren’t wrong.”
“There’s still a chance it could be someone else,” I argued. “Maybe someone with prints similar to Margot?”
Rosa shook her head. “I know you’re not a scientist, Jace, but the likelihood is very slim. You know that, don’t you?”
My vision was cloudy and blurred and I felt like I was going to pass out. I held my hand up and gazed hard at the floor. Margot. No. It couldn’t be, there was no way. Margot. Margot’s dead, remember? Anxiety was roaring like a wild animal in my chest, like a bear waking up from hibernation and remembering that it hasn’t eaten all winter. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack, or like all of my blood was going to rush to my heart at once and kill me. I couldn’t believe it. This was the moment that I’d dreamed of so many times, that I’d wanted desperately. I’d missed Margot so much. But it never felt like this in the dream, it never felt like a betrayal. It never hurt, it never made me feel like I was about to collapse on the ground.
“She’s dead,” I said in a shaky voice. “It…it can’t be her.”
“Jace, I’m sorry,” Rosa said gently. She reached across the table and tried to take my elbow but I twisted violently away and stood up, shaking.
“Is this a fucking joke?” I twisted my face into a sneer and glared down at Rosa. “Are you fucking with me? Are you mad about something?”
Rosa shook her head. Her eyes were big and scared, and suddenly I knew with absolute certainty that she was telling the truth. “Jace, I don’t know how her prints would have gotten on that letter,” Rosa said softly. “But they were definitely hers.”
Chapter 15
Katharina
When Jace was gone, I was feeling at a loss again. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how I was supposed to occupy myself with him gone for the day. Kenny had shown up and he was perched in the living room, watching TV again like usual.
“Hey, Kenny,” I said as casually as I could muster. “I think I’m go
ing to the store.”
“Okay,” Kenny replied. “Give me two minutes and I’ll be right with you.” He was glued to some reality show and I had to suppress a laugh. “This show is really good so far.”
I shook my head. “No,” I said. “That’s okay, you don’t have to come. I’ll just be a few minutes. Why don’t you stay here and watch TV?”
“Ha, nice try,” Kenny said. He got to his feet and clicked the television off. “Jace said I’m not supposed to let you out of my sight.”
I sighed and stamped my foot on the ground, aware of how childish I was acting. “I don’t need a bodyguard,” I said. “I think I was just being hyperbolic when I told Jace I wanted someone over here with me. I don’t have anything to be afraid of,” I said, trying to be convincing. “I’m totally fine, Kenny.”
