Desperate

by Sylvia McDaniel

  Annabelle stepped up beside Zach. “Here, let me take your hat.”

  “I can show you where you can wash up,” Ruby said as she took him by the arm and led him into their parents’ bedroom where a pitcher of water and a towel waited on the butternut washstand. “As soon as you’re finished, we’ll have dinner,” she added before closing the door.

  Meg shook her head at her sisters. “Poor man.”

  They giggled.

  These two would certainly keep any man Meg contemplated marrying on the matrimony road of integrity. She knew what they carried beneath their skirts, and those little persuaders carried enough kick to make any man sit up and take notice. One shot would be all that was necessary to get him back in line.

  “He’s handsome,” Ruby exclaimed with a grin on her face.

  “A sheriff’s wife. I think that fits you,” Annabelle said with a smile. “I made a buttermilk pie for dessert.”

  Meg stared at her sisters. Sure, there were times she wanted to strangle her two siblings for their constant nagging and fighting, but then there were times when she didn’t know how she could live without them. They were always there for her. They were her family.

  “Thanks, girls. This means a lot,” Meg said.

  Zach came out of their parent’s bedroom, holding up his hands like a two year old. “I washed up.”

  “Let’s eat,” Meg announced.

  He pulled out her chair, and she sat at the end of the table. “Please, Zach, you’re our guest of honor. You sit in Papa’s place.”

  He frowned, but he pulled out the chair she gestured at and sank down.

  “How about a slice of ham?” Annabelle invited.

  “Thank you.”

  Ruby smiled at him. “Annabelle baked a buttermilk pie for tonight. We haven’t had pie in ages. She hates to use all the eggs for pies.”

  Meg frowned at her sister. He didn’t need to know how desperate they really were. He didn’t need to know how much they needed a man who could make a living for them.

  She cut into the ham and took the first bite. It was succulent and moist, and she had to chew extra hard when she thought of how she’d acquired the meat. Someday she’d repay the Moore’s for the stolen property. Someday she’d have enough money that she wasn’t worried about starving. Someday she’d earn enough money from her dressmaking designs to live a good life.

  Zach took a bite of his ham. “Where did you get this ham? This tastes really good.”

  “It was given to me.” For a moment, Meg almost choked on the lie she’d told.

  “Ho Chinn gave it to Meg,” Annabelle said.

  “He’s not far from the Moore’s, is he?”

  “His business is about three doors down,” Meg said reluctantly, not really wanting to confirm what she could see were suspicions forming in his mind.

  Zach stared at Meg, and guilt washed over her, causing her insides to cringe with the knowledge that he knew. God, she hoped it didn’t show on her face. She was serving the sheriff a stolen ham. Could she go to jail?

  Zach stared with disbelief at Meg, his forehead in a crinkle like he didn’t quite understand. “Tom Moore is known for his smoked hams and turkeys. This tastes so much like what he sells.” He paused and shook his head “He reported one stolen today. Said he stepped into the house to get another ham, and when he came back, the one he’d left cooling was gone.”

  Meg swallowed and smiled. Her food sat like a rock in her belly as cramps rippled from her intestines. “Oh, no. I hope he finds out who took it.”

  Zach laughed and stared at Meg, his brown eyes knowing. “Ho Chinn doesn’t give anything away. I think I know who took the ham, and they won’t be taking another one, will they?”

  Meg tried to smile, but her face felt stiff. Her lips refused to work, and her tongue felt glued to the roof of her mouth. Oh, God, he knew she’d stolen the ham, and now her sisters would know of her thievery.

  Annabelle looked at Zach and then at Meg. “Meg McKenzie, what is he saying?”

  “You didn’t get this ham from Ho Chinn, did you?” Zach asked.

  “Please tell me we’re not eating stolen food,” Annabelle declared.

  Meg looked at her sisters and then at Zach. She sighed, closed her eyes and confessed. “We were hungry. Ho Chinn hasn’t paid me yet, and I didn’t want to fry up another hen tonight.”

  Ruby threw down her fork, making a clattering noise on the plate. “Papa would not have approved. I think you need to take the rest of this ham back where it belongs,” she said quietly. “You took my money away from me when I’d done wrong. You need to pay for the ham.” She pushed her plate back, like she was done.

  Annabelle did the same, and they stared at Meg like she’d robbed a bank. What could she say? She’d been starving, worried they weren’t getting enough to eat, and desperate enough she’d taken what she needed at the time. It was her duty to take care of her sisters, and she was failing miserably.

  Zach looked at her sisters and then at Meg. “Ladies, there is no sense in this good food going to waste. I’ll talk to Tom tomorrow and see if we can set up some kind of payment arrangement. I’m sure Meg won’t steal again, will you?”

  There was a long moment of silence, as Meg sat there trying to decide if she would steal food again. What if they were hungry? With her working from early morning to dark and not receiving her paycheck, there was no way she could hunt or fish to put food on the table. She had so few options, and none of them included letting her sisters go hungry.

  There were only so many chickens out in the yard she could kill before they lost their eggs and the meat. She was working as hard as she could to feed them all, but it wasn’t enough.

  Laying her fork down, she glanced at Zach and then at the girls. “If I could earn a decent wage and get paid, there wouldn’t be a need to steal food. No need for us to all work at menial jobs, where we were treated less than respectably by our employers. You’re a man. You earn a decent living. You don’t know the feeling of going hungry.”

  Zach stared down at his plate. “No, I don’t. But I believe in right and wrong, and stealing is wrong. Are you that desperate?”

  Meg immediately jumped in. “Of course not. We just can’t find decent jobs that pay enough. I’ve been working for Ho Chinn for over a week, and I’ve yet to receive my money. If I could earn the same salary as most men, then there wouldn’t be a problem.”

  Zach picked up his fork and took a bite of the ham. “Is that why you wear men’s pants? Trying to be a man and earn a decent living?”

  Meg felt her stomach clench. Maybe she should just put up a wanted poster—the first man who bought her a dress won a complimentary steak dinner for two. She couldn’t allow her frustration with this question to reflect in her tone, but she was getting damn tired of repeating herself. “I wear men’s pants because a dress drags you down when you’re out trying to plow the garden or chase the cows or tame a horse. Skirts get in the way and can get you killed. I’m not ready to die.”

  They all stared at him like they’d reached an impasse in the meal. The sisters couldn’t get past Meg stealing their food; he couldn’t get past Meg’s pants, and she was suddenly thinking everything was lost. Why would he want to marry a woman who wore pants and stole hams?

  He looked around the table at the women gathered there. “You girls are on the hunt for a husband.”

  “Of course not,” Annabelle scolded.

  “What?” Ruby said, acting stunned. “I’m too young.”

  “You know I am,” Meg replied, staring him in the eye. She was not backing down. “I need someone to help me with the farm. Someone who’s willing to take on part of the responsibilities. Someone who will bring in some cash.”

  If he had a problem with what she’d said, then he shouldn’t have come tonight. He shouldn’t be here.

  Zach picked up his glass of water and glanced at Annabelle. “Let’s have that pie you were talking about. Then Meg and I will go for a stroll.”
r />   Annabelle smiled at him. “Coming right up, Sheriff.”

  *

  They stepped outside, and Meg glanced up at the stars shining overhead. A big round butterball of a moon stared back at her.

  Zach took her arm and placed it in the crook of his. They walked out into the yard where the cloudless sky shone brightly with stars and the coyotes howled with their prairie tenor. “I’ve never been around women like you girls.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I have four brothers. The youngest one is a bit of a troublemaker. You girls seem to get along.”

  Meg started to laugh. “No, not always. They were on their best behavior tonight.”

  “Tell me, Meg, do you find me attractive?”

  She stopped and stared at him in surprise. Didn’t he understand that’s why she’d chosen him instead of some other cowboy? Did he think she’d have chosen just any man?

  “That’s why I asked you to dinner. You were the only man in town I would have considered.”

  “And what happens if I say no?” he asked.

  She gazed at him, her stomach falling to her feet. “I…I don’t know. There’s no one else from town. I may have to consider a mail-order husband.”

  Zach smiled at her and brushed the hair away from her face. “You’re beautiful.”

  “Nah,” she said, turning her face away. “I’m just a woman stuck wearing pants.”

  “Does that bother you?”

  “More than you’ll ever know,” she said, her voice whisper soft. “So, are you attracted to me?” she asked, thinking it was only fair to ask him the same question.

  “Yes, I am,” he whispered.

  His face was inches from hers. He was so close she could see the way his eyes flickered in the moonlight. Her heart was galloping like a runaway horse. Her lungs felt like they were being squeezed, and her face burned where his fingers had touched her skin. She watched as his lips lowered toward her own.

  She tilted her face up, eager to meet him halfway, wanting, needing this kiss like her next breath. His lips covered hers, and he pulled her up against him, smashing her breasts into his chest. He tasted of sweet buttermilk pie and moonlit madness.

  His lips devoured hers, his tongue running along the edge of her mouth. She’d expected to feel revulsion since she’d never been kissed before, but no, there was enough sizzle in this man’s lips to have her craving for something she couldn’t define. She didn’t want to stop. She didn’t want him to cease what he’d started.

  He broke off the kiss, and she moved closer, wanting more, not ready for this to end. When she opened her eyes, he was staring down at her. “I think I better go.”

  “Oh,” she said, startled he was leaving so soon. They’d just walked out the door. He hadn’t told her yet if he wanted to marry her, and she needed an answer. She had to know.

  He tilted her chin up and brushed his lips against hers once more. “Don’t be stealing anymore hams.”

  She stepped back and shook her head. “I won’t. I’ll take it back tomorrow morning.”

  “Keep it. I’ll pay for it as long as you promise you won’t steal again.”

  She sighed. “Thanks. It’s pretty sad when you have to buy your own dinner.”

  He laughed. “No. Dinner was good. The stolen ham was excellent, the vegetables wonderful, and the company sparkling. “

  Maybe he was interested. Maybe he was going to ask her to marry him. Maybe there was hope of saving the farm yet.

  Meg gave him her best coquettish smile and wink. “So are you going to give me the answer to my proposal or not?”

  He placed his hat on his head and gazed at his horse as if he wanted to make a quick get away. “I like you, Meg. I like you a lot. But marriage is forever. I need more time before I can give you an answer.”

  Disappointment gripped her, and she couldn’t restrain the frown she felt drawing her brows together. “I’m running out of time, Zach.”

  “What’s the hurry?”

  What did she say without telling him her reasons?

  “I need your answer no later than next Saturday.”

  Zach opened his mouth to say something and then stopped. He nodded. “I’ll let you know. Goodnight.”

  She watched as he rode off on his horse into the darkness. Why did everything have to be so hard? She understood his reasoning. She knew marriage was forever, but she was quickly running out of time. The bank loan would soon be due. She needed some quick cash.

  Chapter Four

  Meg opened the door and was greeted by her sisters with their arms crossed, their expressions a matching set of you-messed-up, waiting for her. Now she would have to face their wrath, and yet, she’d had no choice. She knew they were starving. They needed food.

  “All right, I stole a ham. I was wrong,” she admitted, throwing up her arms.

  “And you kissed Zach. I saw you,” Ruby said, her tone defiant. “I got into trouble for kissing boys.”

  “I’m older than you,” Meg said defensively.

  The memory of his kiss filled Meg with warmth in places she’d never before imagined. The sense that she was a woman, even though trousers covered her legs and a man’s shirt habitually covered her breasts.

  Annabelle’s hazel eyes were cold, her expression stoic. “You might as well feed that ham to the chickens. We’re not eating it.”

  “The chickens would be having a rich man’s feast. Zach is going to pay Mr. Moore for his damn ham.”

  “Why did you do it, Meg? We’re not starving,” Ruby asked, staring at Meg like she didn’t know her.

  What could she say regarding her actions? No, she didn’t believe in stealing, but they were trying so hard and getting nowhere. No matter how much she worked, it was never enough. “I’m sick to death of chicken. I can’t bring myself to kill a goat, and the cows are for the market. Plus, I was starving.”

  She walked over to the table and began to clear the dishes. “I’m not throwing out this ham. You can now consider it a gift.”

  How embarrassing for the sheriff to know she’d stolen the ham and then to agree to pay for the meat to keep her out of trouble. It was generous, as he could have taken her to jail. What would her sisters have done then?

  “Don’t ever steal food for us again, Meg. You know Papa would not have agreed with what you did,” Annabelle told her.

  “Papa is not here to help us put food on the table.” Weariness filled Meg’s soul, leaving her bereft, empty. There was still mending for her to finish tonight. And Zach had not given her an answer. What would she do if he said no?

  “Why didn’t you just buy the ham?” Ruby asked.

  “Because Ho Chinn hasn’t paid me yet. Have either of you gotten paid?”

  “No,” Ruby said.

  “I have some tips, though they’re not much.”

  “Enough to buy a ham?” Meg asked, her voice rising with sarcasm as she clenched her fists. If only Ho Chinn would pay her what she was due.

  “No.”

  “That’s why I stole the ham,” Meg said triumphantly as she finished clearing off the table and picked up more of her alterations. She worked day and night on these pieces of sewing, repairing, replacing broken buttons, and still, there was more work when she arrived at the laundry. More work and no pay.

  Annabelle began to wash the dishes. “Papa always told us to stay on the right side of the law. Don’t bring home any more stolen food.”

  Neither of them understood Meg considered herself a complete failure at taking care of them. She’d done everything she could and still it wasn’t enough. “I know what Papa thought about stealing, but I couldn’t watch the two of you getting skinnier and skinnier. It’s my responsibility to make sure you’re fed, and today I took matters into my own hands. I did what I had to do.”

  Ruby stared at her. “How is that any different from me earning money for Papa’s birthday present? Stealing is stealing. Wrong is wrong. Don’t do it again, Meg.”

  Meg sighed
. How could she argue with her sisters when she knew they were right? Hopefully everything soon would be settled. She and Zach would be married, and he could help take care of her sisters. She sought to marry him for the right reasons, not just because he could help, but she was trying as hard as she could. She felt like she was running through water, getting nowhere fast.

  And after that kiss this evening, maybe being married to Zach wouldn’t be bad. She wouldn’t mind spending time in his arms, his lips moving over hers. And the marriage bed…just the thought sent warmth spiraling through her body and giddiness filling her stomach. If kissing were that nice, what would marriage be like?

  ***

  While Meg’s body plowed the garden and took care of the necessary physical chores, her mind fantasized about the dress shop she’d own someday and the clothes she’d design. Doing the spring planting gave her plenty of time to dream. The ideas that flitted through her mind gave her hope and strength and helped her get the arduous chores done.

  She would have a different future someday. Someday her dreams would be a reality. Someday.

  The sun was sinking ever closer to the horizon, and her body ached from the day’s labor. A cold wind blew from the north, a not-so-gentle reminder that winter was not finished.

  She stopped, giving the horse a rest and her arms and her back a break. Almost done, she was ready to change out of these dirty clothes and spend the night working on the never-ending pile of mending.

  She glanced off toward the south and saw a man riding in her direction. Squinting her eyes, she realized it was Deke. He’d come back, and her sisters would be falling all over each other in their haste to attach themselves to the handsome bounty hunter. She had to beat him to the house to stop the carnage and protect him from her wayward sisters.

  Why was he returning so soon? Did he have news of Papa’s killer? Anxious to learn the reason for his visit, she slapped the reins on the back of the horse, and the plow moved at a fast clip.

  Quickly, she finished the last row and took the till and the horse to the barn. As she walked to the house, Deke rode into the yard.