I ran to him and put my arms around my progeny, soaking up his presence as he hugged me back. Had he finally forgiven me for not being around? It sure felt like it, at least that’s what I was hoping for. I was so overcome with gratitude on having him near and more than that, he had come on his own, that I wept.
“I’m so happy to see you,” I whispered.
“I’m happy to see you too, Rachel.” It wasn’t until later that I would remember how devoid of emotion his voice was in that moment. How flat and uncharacteristically empty it sounded. I was just so happy and surprised in that instant that my joy overtook any kind of suspicion or warning that should have made itself known, but my love for him blocked that out and reason eluded me.
He was wearing a long black coat and it billowed behind him as he made his way to the bed and sat down. “I think we should talk,” he said.
I could not have agreed more. I had spent the last several months desperate to talk to Leiv, but being too sick and preoccupied to do so. When I did feel well enough to speak to him he seemed uninterested, and at times his disinterest hid a veiled anger that I wasn’t sure even he was aware of.
“It makes me so happy to hear you say that, Leiv,” I said. “I was beginning to think you were never going to speak to me again.”
He looked away for a moment and into the air as if trying to find the words to speak, as if they’d be hidden somewhere above his head. “The truth is, Rachel, that I’ve thought about not speaking to you ever again. I’d be lying if I said otherwise.”
I sat and took his hand. “I know things haven’t been easy for you. You were turned suddenly and the person who was supposed to guide you has effectively abandoned you. I wish things were different. I’m doing the best I can and I promise you it will get better. You’ve got a long life to live now, and someday this will all be a memory,” I told him, remembering the conversation I’d had with Duncan not so long ago.
“It feels like I’m falling through a void. An empty, bottomless pit and I just keep falling, like there’s no place to land or even crash. And I can’t go anywhere without either Alexander, Holly or Duncan. I feel trapped on top of that.”
I tried to relate and realized I couldn’t. No matter what problems Gavin and I had faced that first rocky year of my transformation he had never been far from me. I had no understanding of what it was like to be newly turned with no proper maker/progeny relationship. “It must be awful for you,” I said. “We’ll figure it out though, I promise. Leiv, you have so many people who love and care about you. We all just want what’s best. The arrangements that have been made are to keep you safe. If I was truly doing my job you wouldn’t be going very far without me.”
“I know, but with you it would feel…right.”
This certainly contradicted his behavior. He seemed to recoil at seeing me lately and acted as if being in the same room with me was a burden unto itself. “Then why have you been avoiding me?” I asked.
“Because, it hurts…”
I had so many questions I wanted to ask him upon hearing that statement, but I stayed silent, letting him continue on.
“It hurts knowing that you don’t care about me any more than you care about the kids or your husband or the orphans. The orphans, Rachel! For god sake, they’re a bunch of strangers. Shouldn’t I be more important than they are?”
I felt a little relieved that he was showing some anger. It wasn’t what I wanted for him, but it was certainly better than the distant flat line we’d all become accustomed to from him. “I know, but I’m trying to keep them alive, Leiv. What happened wasn’t their fault and I owe it to them to try to save as many as I can.”
“But some of them have tried to kill you. And not even once, Rachel. Many times. I don’t get it.”
“I know, but it’s just part of their sickness. They’ll see reason once they get over the breaking of their bond. The bond they had with Angus was a hundred times more powerful than the one we have. Angus was a very old and strong vampire.”
Suddenly tears came to his eyes. Not tears of sadness or fear, but tears of injustice and anger. “You know, when I worked at the blood den I used to think vampires were so beautiful. It was this secret hidden world that almost nobody knew about, but me, I knew and I wanted nothing more than to be one of you. I thought it would take away some of the pain of my life. I was never wanted by my parents, and when I got sick they abandoned me entirely.”
“I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”
My attempt to comfort him seemed only to make his anger worse. “What do I have to do, Rachel? What do I have to do for some attention? Do I need to be your lover?” He grabbed me by the face with both hands and attempted to touch his lips to mine. He was strong but I was stronger and I pushed him away. I put my arms out to create some distance between us. My hands shook as my mind flashed back to years earlier when I’d had an unwanted physical encounter with Gavin’s brother, James. He had raped me in this very same room we were now sitting in and my hands shook with the memory.
“Leiv, I’m only going to say this once. Don’t do that. Don’t ever do that again!”
The look on his face said I’d wounded him and my words of warning caused him to double over, taking his head in his hands. “I’m desperate, Rachel. I need to be with you. I don’t want you like that, not in that way, but I’ll do anything…anything for you to be with me. Not being in the same space is becoming too painful.”
I came closer once again, placing my hand on his shoulder. I knew he had been having trouble coping, but up until that moment I hadn’t realized how much. “I’m going to try harder to be there. I promise.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Please, believe me. I love you, Leiv. You’re my blood and I’m going to do whatever it takes to help you. I had no idea you were hurting so badly.”
“Let me drink from you,” he said, his voice dripping with desperation. “I need your blood. I need to have you with me.”
Under normal circumstances this would have been a reasonable request, but at that very moment I had no extra blood to give. I was weak and needed to feed myself. “Soon,” I said. “I promise.”
He cried, “Another promise. How long before it’s a broken promise like all the others?”
Before I could answer and assure him I wouldn’t break my promise to him, that I’d return to the house and feed him as soon as my body would allow, he burst up in one fluid motion and stood above me, a stake in his hand that he had retrieved from inside his jacket.
“What are you doing?”
“You feed and care for vampires who try to kill you. Maybe that’s what I need to do. Maybe I need to try and kill you. Is that how I get your attention? Is that how I convince you to feed me and be with me and teach me?”
“Leiv, I’m your maker. If you kill me you’ll be sicker than you’ve ever been in your life. The breaking of a blood bond sometimes takes years to recover from, and that’s if the clan actually lets you live.” I was trying to talk reason to him but I could see in his eyes that he was too far gone for that.
“Let me live? Of course they’ll let me live. They hate you. They want you dead. You’ll be dead soon. If not within the next few months than certainly within the next year. I’m going to be sick anyway.”
Despite the growing hysteria within him, he actually made perfect sense. In his own twisted way he had given this a lot of thought and had reasoned his actions out to their proper end.
“Leiv, you don’t really want to kill me, do you?”
Tears were streaming down his cheeks now. “Rachel, I hate you so much. Things weren’t supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be me and Alex, not me and you.”
“It’s still you and Alex. He loves you and you love him. If you do this you don’t know what’s going to happen. Don’t take a chance on throwing that away.”
He raised the stake above his head. “No matter what happens, it can’t feel any worse than it does right now. Nothing could eve
r feel this bad.”
“You’re wrong.”
With that he brought the stake down, aiming for my heart. What Leiv didn’t know, however, was that being his maker I could anticipate his deadly move about a half second before he had a chance to do it, and with speed quicker than could have been seen with human eyes I reached up, grabbed the hand that held the deadly stake, and twisted it off at the wrist.
The hand fell to the ground, still holding the stake for a moment before it turned to dust. Leiv let out a large howl and looked at me with an expression of surprise.
It was my turn to be angry now and I grabbed him by the throat, easily able to overpower him even in my weakened state, seeing as how he was my creation, and pinned him to the wall.
“You force my hand,” I said. “You are mine and I won’t have you running amok. You will pull yourself together, and hold yourself to a certain standard. Until you are able to do that you are going to stay here.” My voice reverberated off the walls in the old sanctuary and I realized I was speaking louder than I ever had before. Off in the distance the sound of heavy footsteps were barrelling down on the room.
I could sense it was my own maker coming to my rescue, but before Gavin could burst through the door I pulled Leiv forward, and with my other hand, snapped his neck. The young vampire slumped to the floor just as Gavin entered, two guards with him.
“Take him to a cell where he can recover and do not let him out under any circumstances.”
“Understood,” one of them said, and picked him up, slinging him over his shoulder as he and the other one moved out.
“I was too late,” Gavin said, his voice dripping with fear and regret.
“No you weren’t. I was never in any real danger. Makers can always overpower their progeny, you know that.”
“He could have killed you. It’s rare but it happens. Rachel, I’ve failed you.”
“Stop that! You didn’t fail me. You got here, I was just able to take care of myself. I can do that from time to time you know.”
Gavin backed up a step. “Yes, I know,” he seemed to have to force himself to say. “It’s just hard for me to accept that. You’re right. I’m sorry.”
I came closer to him and took him in my arms. He was trembling. Lowering my voice to a whisper I said, “There’s nothing to be sorry for. You’ve always been able to save me. I’m still here.”
His voice shaking he said, “But for how long? How long until someone whose moves you can’t anticipate or strength you can’t overcome decides to do the same. For god sake, Rachel, you created Leiv and look at what he did.”
I pulled away from him and led him to the bed where we sat down and looked him square in the eye. He was still shaking. “Gavin, Leiv is not well.”
He hung his head with a sigh. “I know. I think we’ve all known for a while, we just haven’t wanted to face it.”
“I agree. But now we have no choice. I don’t want anyone near him for the next little while until we assess what’s going on and try to figure out how to help him.”
“Even Alexander?”
“Especially Alexander.”
Chapter Two
Gavin had been correct in that Aries would make an effort to find me sooner rather than later because as we were heading home later that day we found ourselves coming face to face with both him and what was left of the small herd.
His mouth was drawn down in to a straight, hard line and he held his sword by its hilt as it swung in his belt. “You’ve betrayed me,” he said without preamble.
After the morning I’d had – almost being killed by my own progeny and then having to order him held in custody in a cell – I wasn’t in the mood for whatever game I was convinced Aries was playing.
“I haven’t betrayed you at all. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going home.”
Aries took a step forward and blocked my path. I could almost feel the anger radiating off his massive frame. Although he was markedly smaller than I was used to seeing him, he still cut a fearsome figure for anyone who may have wronged him, and he was obviously convinced that I had.
“You’ve let those…things mate and in a couple of hundred years they’ll be back and stronger than ever. Niads with vampire blooded children? It’s insanity. They may not have wiped us out entirely this time, but the next time they wake you can be sure they will.”
Gavin interjected. “That’s funny. When it came to vampires and satyrs interbreeding you didn’t seem to have a problem with that. At least the vampires went willingly.”
“What are you saying, bloodsucker?”
“I’m saying you’re no better than a common rapist.”
Aries let out an incredulous chuckle. “Rapist? I don’t think so. Tell him, little one. Tell him how spiritual it was. Tell him how loving it was. Tell him how much you enjoyed it the night our beautiful son was conceived.”
Without warning Gavin released his fangs, took a run and threw himself at Aries, knocking him to the ground. The satyr’s head hit the earth with a loud thump and he lay there, stunned. Years and years of pent up emotion burst out of Gavin and he reared up, punching Aries in the face, over and over again until his nose was bloodied.
Before any of the other satyrs could pull him off I grabbed Gavin and pushed him. He rolled off the beast and landed against a tree about ten feet away. “Damn it, Rachel!” he screamed.
“Stop it! Both of you! I won’t have this. It solves nothing.”
“No, my love. It would solve everything. I have nothing left to live for, and I have nothing left to lose. Let him come at me, and kill me if he can. You need not stand in our way.” Aries stood and Gavin did as well. “Come on, Gavin. Fight me. Kill me. Kill me for defiling your mate…over…and over…and over again,” he taunted.
Gavin’s eyes, now angry and blackened, never left Aries as he prepared to run at him again. In a split second I was in front of him. “No,” I said. “Don’t give him what he wants. He wants you to kill him, but if he dies, Ryan may die with him.”
Immediately Gavin’s demeanor changed and his breathing slowed. A few seconds later his eyes returned to normal. Then he addressed Aries, more calmly this time. “You and I will have our fight, and I will have my chance to kill you one day. Today is not that day, but mark my words, rapist, on the day you die it will be me that kills you.”
“You are all talk,” he said lowly to himself. “And because of your woman that boy is as good as dead anyway. We can’t survive with so few of us now.”
“Ryan will live,” Gavin declared. “We’ve found a way to save him from becoming what you are and make him what we are instead.”
“Your husband,” Aries said, “he dreams.”
I shook my head ‘no’. “He speaks the truth. Ryan may not need to become a satyr if we can turn him in time.”
“Isn’t that against your rules?”
“I make the rules now,” I said. “And I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep my son alive and with me.”
Aries was thoroughly disgusted. “What abominable act are you planning to circumvent nature?”
I didn’t answer. Neither did Gavin. I guess both of us felt we needed to keep our secret a little closer to the vest as far as Aries was concerned.
“If the boy is not a satyr, then what is he? What will he be? Anything less than what he was born to would be…just wrong.”
Gavin said, “You’d rather see him dead? Some father you are. You pretend you have so much love and concern for your offspring, but it’s a lie. Everything about you is a lie, Aries.”
I could sense another physical confrontation brewing in the way both of them were standing. Each taking their stance in preparation for another fight. “Enough! Go home, Aries. I will seek you out and talk to you soon. All will be explained. Ryan is still only a child and so none of this matters at this point.”
Aries dropped his aggressive posture and Gavin did the same. Aries said, “I warn you, little one, anything you try to do to change who
the boy is will only fail, or perhaps worse, turn him into something demented and unimaginable. When the time comes, if you do not see me, let him die.”
Aries turned on his heel and walked away without another word, the other satyrs flanking him. Gavin gave me a hurt look and then averted his gaze as he kept walking toward the house. I couldn’t help it. I had to read his thoughts. The moment I broke into his mind, however, I regretted it because he was thinking, not for the first time I’m sure, about the night I had spent with Aries that had resulted in Ryan’s conception. Thoughts of hurt, jealousy and pain were raging through his mind like a storm and I could feel his anxiety as we entered the house. Gavin headed for the stairs without looking back at me which was just as well because I was intercepted by Alex.
We can’t find Leiv he transmitted to me. I shook my head. I had been rummaging around in Gavin’s mind and now to have someone breaking into mine was a little disorienting.
“I need to sit down,” I said. “Please, Alex, come sit with me. There’s something we need to talk about.
Chapter Three
Rachel, what are you saying? He wouldn’t do that! That can’t be.
I could see the emotion in Alexander’s eyes, ready to well up and come pouring out. He was holding it in as best as he could, but within minutes of hearing the news he was in hysterics. He bolted from the table and ran for the door. I got there first and held him back as he flailed his arms above his head in protest.
“Listen to me. Right now we need to keep him at the sanctuary so we can figure out what to do for him. I don’t want to see anything bad happen to him either. We’ll figure it out. Right now his behavior is just too unpredictable.”
“What’s going on?” Holly’s soft voice said from the other side of the kitchen.
Alex bolted from me and ran to Holly, laying his head on her shoulder. She stroked his short blonde hair and rocked him in her arms. We were joined a moment later by Duncan.
“Leiv is in a holding cell at the sanctuary. He tried to stake me in my room tonight. He’s not in good shape I’m afraid.”
The Vampires of Soldiers Cove: Sacrificial Children Page 7
