by Stacy Eaton
“I’d keep you safe,” I winked at her when she glanced my way again.
“Okay, deal, next time you do the driving.”
We settled into some small talk as she drove about an hour north of where we both lived. We were far enough away that the chances of running into anyone we knew were slimmer. While we had never discussed it, I was sure that was why she had picked this location.
We climbed out of her car in a dirt parking lot and made our way towards a path that ran beside a large rushing creek. The sounds of the water relaxed us even further as we walked in silence for a few minutes.
She stopped to point out a large bluebird. “He is almost the same color as the center of your eyes,” she whispered.
I tucked her hand into mine, the texture of her skin soft as I ran my thumb over it. We continued until we came to a large rock near a small waterfall.
She led me to the rock, and we sat down with our legs dangling over the edge. Peace filled me as I sat by her side. We didn’t need to talk, the small glances we gave each other said enough. Just being beside her was enough. Well not exactly, I wanted more, I wanted to pull her into my arms and kiss her.
She turned to me as if I had voiced those words aloud. I pulled her to me just seconds after the vision crossed my mind. I slid my hand to her neck and led her lips to mine.
The kiss blazed an electrical path through every nerve ending in my body, and I pulled her body as close to mine as I could, but even that wasn’t enough. I needed more.
She seemed to agree because she shifted and broke the kiss apart to move back from the edge. She moved back into my arms immediately and we lay down on the hard stone side by side. My right arm under her head to support and protect it from the stone ground.
Her arm wrapped around my back, holding me close. Urgency was building within us, a need that was identical in both of us. She moaned into my mouth, and I swallowed it. I wanted to touch every inch of her body, feel every muscle move, and hear her cry out my name.
The kiss slowed, softened, and then she pulled back, her eyes glazed, her breathing fast.
“I don’t understand how you can make me feel this way,” the words slipped off her swollen lips.
“I know. I feel it, too.” I ran my finger over the soft pink lips.
“This scares me, Mitchell,” she whispered.
“What? What we are doing? We can stop. I don’t want to scare you, Corey.” I moved up on my elbow, giving her some space.
She shook her head, “No, not this. The feelings I have for you.” The touch of her hand caressing my cheek was like a slice of heaven.
“They scare me, too.” How could they not?
“Mitchell,” she hesitated before touching my lips with her fingertips, “I’m in love with you, and I can’t seem to stop falling more each moment I see you.”
My heart swelled. “Corey, I love you, too.” There was no hesitation, no conflict in these words; they were the truth straight from my soul.
I didn’t know when I had fallen, maybe the first moment we saw each other, or maybe the first time we had coffee. It didn’t matter. All I knew was that I loved this woman more than I had ever loved another woman, including Beth.
That thought sobered me slightly. Beth, my wife, the one to whom I had made a vow. I looked away. I had no right to tell Corey I loved her, not when I wasn’t free to do anything more about it. Guilt crashed over me like an angry wave.
“It’s alright, Mitch, I know.” Her soft voice reached me, and I embraced her tightly. When she pulled away, I let her go, but it felt like she took another piece of my humanity when she did.
She sat up and we took a few minutes to dwell on our own thoughts.
“I’m so sorry I have put you in this position. I had no right,” she whispered, her arms resting on her bent knees.
I reached over and pushed a soft lock of her hair away from her face, desperate to see her features.
“Don’t be sorry, Corey. Who would have ever thought that we could have this kind of connection, and so quickly? I know I never saw it coming.”
The sound of her laugh warmed my heart. “I know.” She shook her head, “It blindsided us, didn’t it?”
“Yeah, it did.” A few minutes later we got up and started heading back to the car. Our walk was peaceful but tense as we were both lost in our minds.
Before she unlocked the door to her car, she stopped next to me. Her flushed face revealed unbridled passion that ignited heat inside my body.
She stepped into my arms, and I pushed her back against the car, our bodies lining up so perfectly together. She pulled away from the kiss, lifting our entwined hands to study them.
“We fit so perfect together. Even our hands fit like puzzle pieces meant to be interlocking.”
I couldn’t argue with her words, so I did the only thing I could, I leaned in and kissed her one last time.
The ride was quiet on the way back to where I had parked, the music playing around us on the Bose stereo inside the cabin of her car.
Was it ironic that the song that played was one that talked about needing someone so badly, but not being able to have them?
~ Corey ~
The kiss sent shivers down my spine and brought tingles to parts of my body I never would have thought could tingle. Emotions roared through me that I could not control.
How was it possible to feel so much for a person so quickly? How was it possible to feel like our spirits were twisted together as if we were one being?
I wanted Mitch so much that I was tempted to offer myself to him right there on the rock with the stream rushing past us like the blood in our veins. There was no thought to anything, except for the single word that rotated through my confused mind: Beth.
Like dashing cold water on a roaring flame, it dampened the heat without taking the fire away. I pulled away from Mitch’s hold only to be overtaken with emotions again by the heated expression in his summer-sky eyes—not just passion, but a yearning I had never seen before.
I wanted him to love me. I wanted him to know that those words flowed within my heart even though I fought against them. Had I fought hard enough? Of course not! If I had, I would not have been wrapped in his arms, lying on the rocks under a sunbeam sent straight from heaven.
I knew he felt the same. I sensed it just like I sensed the same need in him to kiss me and hold me.
The kiss we had while standing next to my car was almost like a goodbye—bittersweet.
As I drove back to his motorcycle, reality broke in, and the depths of my feelings and the passionate words that we spoke rushed back over me. Guilt accompanied them.
God, forgive me! I was as bad as my ex-husband! I had always sworn I would never prey upon a man who was married. I knew what it felt like to be cheated on, and here I was doing it to another woman. Anger and guilt were new feelings for me. Dear God, how do I deal with this?
Let go.
I know. I needed to let him go. I needed to send him home, let him lead the life he was supposed to live, not one of lies and deceit. What must he really think of me? What would he think of me someday in the future if our relationship did grow into something more? Would he always wonder if I would stray?
No. For his own good, and for my sanity, I needed to let him go. I glanced at the passenger seat. His head was turned towards the window, but the dark tint offered me a brief reflection of the soft frown on his face.
Just as I knew he wanted me, I knew he felt the same distress at our situation.
I parked my car beside his Harley, the dark paint and shiny chrome were almost ominous in the fading daylight. We sat quietly for a moment, both trying to come up with the words we knew we must say.
I shuttered myself, willing the strength to come to my mouth.
“Mitch,” I picked at a tread on my steering wheel, afraid to voice my thoughts.
“Corey, don’t say it. Look at me, please.” He spoke quietly and I responded to his plea. “Don’t say it. I know, I k
now.” His left hand cradled my cheek. I leaned into it, willing back the tears that threatened.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered as the first tear rolled down my cheek.
“Corey, please…please don’t cry. Oh God, Corey, you are tearing me apart.” He wrapped his fingers behind my neck and pulled me close. Our lips met in an emotional kiss that did not last long enough. A lifetime would not have been long enough.
With our foreheads together, we touched each other’s faces, memorizing the planes one last time.
“Go, Mitch.” I swallowed, “Please, go before I won’t let you leave.” My voice begged for two different things, for the right thing and the wrong one.
He was stronger than I. He pulled away and opened the door. He hesitated in the open doorway, and mentally I begged him to turn back to me.
He did turn back, but only to lean in to speak. “Be careful, Corey.”
“Always, Mitch.” I smiled as another tear slid down my cheek.
He closed his eyes and stood up, stepping back to close the door. I didn’t wait for him to climb upon his bike, and I didn’t trust myself enough to even peek in the rearview mirror as I drove away.
I held myself together until I walked into my house. The lights in the kitchen ceiling were so bright against the stainless steel and granite that I turned them off. Leaning back against the metal fridge, I allowed my body to slide down to the floor as the tears took over.
How I could cry for a relationship that had never existed did not make sense. I didn’t understand it. I only knew that my hope of true love, of being with the man who was the yin to my yang was over. No matter what, I could not come between a husband and wife. It did not matter what kind of a relationship they had, I would not do that.
My head knew the right thing, but my heart broke in ways I didn’t think possible. Had I cried this hard when I knew my marriage was over with Matt? No. I had gotten angry, shrugged, and walked away, wishing him the best.
I would not force someone to be with me if he didn’t want to—so maybe that was why this hurt so much. I knew Mitch wanted to be with me.
He wanted me, yet I could not have him, and I knew that. The tears slowed, and I wiped at my face with the backs of my hands. A peace stole over me as I sat there surveying my dark kitchen.
I had to let him go. No matter how much I cared about him, or how right I thought we were together, I could not keep him. He was not mine.
I stood and walked to my room. I pulled a nightgown from my dresser and entered the bathroom to shower. As the water ran, I stood outside the shower letting the memories wash over me.
I turned off the faucet and stepped away. I wasn’t ready to wash the last remains of him from me yet. I took off my shorts, undid my bra and slipped my arms out of it without taking my tank top off.
Climbing under the sheets, I stared at the ceiling, wondering how long it would take for my heart to mend. Within minutes, I felt my body relaxing and slipping off to sleep.
I woke early to get ready for day shift. Filled with mixed emotions, I got up and went to get my coffee. As I walked by my desk, I noticed my phone blinking. I picked it up to find a text message from Mitch that had come after I had gone to bed.
“I hope you are sleeping better than I am. I forgot to tell you I was off on Friday. Be safe at work. I will text you if I can.”
I read over the message a few times before deleting it. So he wouldn’t be at work today, at least I would not have to worry about running into him on a call.
I got ready with a heavy heart. I knew that although the temptation would be lessened, a part of me had hoped to at least see him at a distance.
My shift moved quickly, with one call after another. Even if he had been at work, our time to chat on the computer would have been hampered from endless ambulance, animal, and domestic calls from my dispatcher. At least something was keeping me busy and my mind occupied.
At the very end of my shift, as I was heading back to my station, a vehicle caught my attention. I recognized the blue Ford truck that was pulled into the ice cream parlor by the emblem on the rear license plate. That particular emblem could only be used by sworn police officers.
As I was stopped at the intersection, the door to the store opened and a woman walked out holding the hand of a small child. Behind them was a man who was licking an ice cream cone. Our gazes met over his partially-eaten treat, and he stopped walking.
Both of us directed our attention to the child in front of him as the boy reached up to open the door handle of the truck.
He had a son.
The light changed color, and I turned to head towards my station without looking back. I needed to see that. I needed to know. He had never told me. Why?
I pulled into the station and parked my car. Slamming my hand against the steering wheel, I wanted to scream. Does it even matter why? Dammit!
I picked up my phone and scrolled through my contacts. Finding Mitch’s name, I deleted it from my phone.
Fool! I was such a damn fool! I knew there was a wife. How did I not know he had a child? Of course, I never asked. Wait, he should have told me. He should have said something.
The anger I felt for myself switched directions. I got out of my car, slamming the door as I walked towards the station.
When I got home, I changed clothes and walked down to my basement. Forty-five minutes of kicking and punching on the water bag didn’t lessen the anger. It wasn’t until I was well into the next forty-five minutes of Tae Kwon Do forms that I felt my body start to relax and focus on my slow, smooth movements.
The next day, I spent time at the station catching up on paperwork. Saturday mornings were relatively quiet and a good time to sort through things that needed attention.
My phone jingled a tone that told me I had a text message. I picked it up without thinking and glanced at the glass screen. My fingers began to tremble when I saw the phone number and the message, “Can you talk?”
I was tempted to ignore it or type back, I don’t talk to liars, but I wasn’t that kind of person. “Sorry, not right now, working on something.”
“Okay, when you have time, let me know.”
I set the phone down next to me and tried to focus on the report I was working on. Yeah, right.
Pushing away from the desk, I stared out the front window of our station. The road was quiet this early in the morning. Okay, dispatch, you can send me a call. Anything would be better than being stuck with my thoughts.
The microphone at my chest beeped with three tones and called the city officers for a robbery in progress. Okay, so I wasn’t dispatched, but I would head that direction to see if I could help. They only had a few guys on this time of day, and I knew they always welcomed the help.
As I walked to my car, I told myself I was going to search for the criminals, not try to get a glimpse of Mitch. I snorted to myself because even I knew that was a lie.
I listened to the description of the suspects while I drove down to the city streets at a good clip. One of the officers got on the radio and gave out a general direction of travel, and I set off that way, advising my dispatcher when I was in the area.
I saw two cops jump out of their vehicles and take off into an alley on foot. Where did that alley come out? I accelerated and drove around the corner, barely checking to see that the road was clear as I turned. I made another turn and stopped quickly at the end of the alley exit just as the subject ran out and slammed into the side of my patrol car.
It gave the pursuing cops a chance to catch up and put him face first onto the hood of my car.
“Corey, go back into the alley, about halfway through, he tossed a gun. Can you go find it?” Joe called out to me as he cuffed the guy up.
“Sure, Joe.” I took off jogging into the alley, the heavy weight of my belt bouncing on my hips. About a quarter of the way down, I slowed and started searching. It didn’t take long.
Beside a large brown trash receptacle lay a black Smith & Wesson semi-au
tomatic pistol. I turned to call down the alley and found myself staring at an approaching Mitchell. Damn.
His light blue uniform shirt fit tightly over his protective vest. The equipment spread out evenly over his duty belt around his thick waist. A waist I had wrapped my arms around. I blinked to clear the memory.
“I got it.” I examined the gun, half expecting it to get up and walk away. I felt more comfortable observing the weapon, deadly or not, than trying to face him.
I heard Mitch get on the private side channel of his radio and call Joe to tell him the gun was located. He stepped up beside me. The heat from his body spread over me even with the seven inches between our arms.
I shifted to move away from him. “You got this?” I glanced his way, but did not make eye contact.
The feel of his hand on my arm made my knees weak. I locked them to stop the quivering.
“Corey, we need to talk.” I lifted my vision from the dirty pavement in front of me to his worried expression.
One second was all it took for my resolve to start to shatter. The stress outlined on his face and the pleading in his eyes made me step closer to him without thought.
The fingers of his hand slid down my arm to my hand. All thoughts of the instrument of crime on the ground were forgotten as the urge to kiss him roared through my body.
So focused were we on each other that neither of us heard Joe walk up and clear his throat.
I pulled my hand back and spun around, flushing as I met raised eyebrows.
“Okay, you guys have this, right?” the fact that we had been caught in an inappropriate position made my words come out in a nervous rush.
“Yeah, we got it.” I watched him stare down Mitch for a moment before he turned to me, “Thanks, Corey.”
“Yep, you got it.” I walked away as quickly as I could without appearing like I was running, even though in my mind, I was.
One look! One simple touch and I was putty in his hands! Dear God, please give me strength! The blue sky above me, normally so serene, only reminded me of how much I loved to peer into his face. I shook my head and climbed back in my car.
