by Stacy Eaton
It became a game with him popping in and out of places I had been, my balcony, the garden, the weight room, and the beach. One time he phased to my bedroom, and I found him lying on my bed.
“You’re lucky that when I follow you, I don’t land in the same place that you do,” I threw out to him playfully.
He grinned, “Yeah, that would be really bad, wouldn’t it?” He chuckled deeply. “You have the hang of this, you know these places. Let’s try places that you don’t know.”
Before I could respond, he was gone. I reached for him internally and found him. His signature was pretty easy to follow now. I allowed it to surge through me, but unlike before, strange colors and sensations tickled my insides this time as I moved to an unknown place.
I blinked to see Montgomery sitting on a couch, reading something. He smiled happily at me.
“Playing hide and seek?” he asked as I grinned back at him.
I hadn’t thought about that, but we kind of were. “Yeah, I guess so. It’s kind of fun.”
I watched Montgomery close his eyes for a moment and his brow crinkled slightly, then he opened them again.
“Sorry, had to check in with a charge. He is having a rough time these days.”
“Oh, I remember, you don’t have to go down to help people.” I sat down on the couch next to him and glanced up to see Brock lean against a doorjamb.
“Right, we don’t always have to leave here. Eventually, when you get strong enough, you don’t ever have to leave here. You can do it all inside your mind, although it is nice to visit the living arena and see what changes down there, technology moves so fast.”
We both laughed and I turned to see that Brock was gone. I had not felt him leave. I spun around to see if he was behind me and reached out for him, but he was no longer in the room with us.
“Where’d he go?” I asked Montgomery.
“Isn’t that your job to find out?” He quirked an eyebrow.
I focused and reached out for Brock, quickly finding his energy and allowing myself to follow.
I landed on a dark balcony that faced out over the gardens.
“Whose balcony is this?” I asked as I turned to the railing. Some of the flowers below seemed to glow in the darkness, a soft breeze floated around me, bringing their scent.
“Listen and you will know,” he whispered as he stepped up beside me.
I stood still and listened, the night was quiet, but I could hear soft sounds coming from behind me. I turned to face the door, the sound of kisses and soft words reached me. A voice I knew quite well was saying something about doing it again. I felt a blush rise up on my cheeks.
“That’s David!” I said in a rushed whisper. “Is he doing what I think he’s doing?”
Brock grinned, “What, you think we don’t make love in heaven?”
The heat in my face scorched my skin with his words. “Brock phase, please, come on. I don’t want to stay here and be accused of being a Peeping Tom.”
He chuckled quietly and phased away. I followed just as quickly, and we landed on a boat dock. The water was softly lapping against the wood underneath. Brock sat down, letting his feet hang over the edge. He patted the wood next to him, and I moved to sit.
“You have something against people making love?”
“Of course not, but I don’t need to listen to them. People deserve their privacy, especially during intimate times like that.”
“In this world, Coralenna, we celebrate. We share in these moments. Making love is a beautiful thing, much different than on Earth where it can be dirty. Here, it’s perfect, not dirty, not something that people don’t want to talk about or share. People here share it with others. It connects us, helps us be one, and makes us feel good.”
“Are you saying people have sex with other people all the time, and there is nothing wrong with it?”
He studied the half moon, the light casting a glow on the side of his face that I could see, enhancing the sharp jut of his chin.
“There is nothing wrong in loving someone.”
“In my world, you only love one person at a time.” Mitch’s face replaced the view of Brock before me, and I turned away from him.
~ Brock ~
I saw Mitch coming back to his seat, and I phased back to the Realm. I immediately searched out Corey and found her fighting her inner demons in the martial arts room.
I watched her; she knew I was there. She was strong, physically and mentally. She would give Joe a run for his money if she could learn what she needed to know.
I didn’t want her to be connected to Mitch, but I didn’t want to lose him to the other side either. He was a good man, and he deserved better, much better. Maybe my own demons were fighting within me when Corey stopped and tried to catch her breath. Maybe that was why my voice came out so harshly and I all but demanded she do as I told her to do.
I was not surprised by her rebellion, and it gave me the time to calm my warring emotions. When she stepped up beside me on the beach, her citrus scent scorched my nasal passages and burned into my mind.
She had always loved that lotion. I had watched her apply it hundreds of times, but until this moment, I had never smelled it mixed with her perfect heavenly scent. If she never wore it again, I would never forget the incredible smell.
The training was more of a game. She caught on quickly, much more quickly than most, and before I knew it, she was easily following me from one place to another, relaxed and with a smile on her beautiful face.
Maybe that was why I landed on David’s balcony. I wanted to see how she would react to the way we cared about people. Would she accept the openness that we shared here?
Thoughts of holding her and loving her grew more intense each time I saw her. The tightly-wound tension between us practically cracked with electricity when we stood inches apart.
Would she one day be able to love me? Or would I lose her before I’d even had her?
“There is nothing wrong with loving someone.” The soft sounds of water lapped under the dock we sat on. I felt her almost playful mood shift as I spoke. I knew her thoughts went to him again.
“In my world, you only love one person at a time.”
“This is your world now, Coralenna, you must accept that. Do you think it is not possible to love more than one person at a time?”
“Are you talking about emotional love or physical?” I saw her glance towards me, her feet swinging gently off the side of the dock.
“I don’t know, both maybe.”
“I believe in being faithful, Brock. If I love someone, I love only him. I give myself to only him.” She grew quiet after she spoke, and I allowed her to reflect.
“Would it surprise you to know I feel the same way?”
Her feet stopped swinging, and she turned to me. I raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to answer.
She searched my face, and I felt the need to squirm under her scrutiny, but I held still.
Her answer was not what I expected, “No, it would not surprise me.” She laughed, “Why such a look of surprise?”
I chuckled with her, “I don’t know. I guess I just expected you to think I was like everyone else.”
The smile stayed on her face as she turned away.
“I’m not though, like everyone else,” I grinned playfully.
She turned back to me, “I know, Brock, I can tell.”
We both went back to silence and relaxed with the soft breeze and gentle sounds of the water.
“Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt, Brock?” her calm voice broke the silence.
I couldn’t keep from staring at her as I answered, “Yes.”
“And did you know right down to the center of your being that she was right for you?” She met my gaze.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, “Yes.”
“Were you married to her?” she tilted her head as she asked.
Somewhat relieved that she had not noticed my distress, I turned from her before a
nswering. “No, I’ve never been married.” I stood up, “Let’s call it a night. You’ve had a rough day. Why don’t you go rest? I promise to give you peace tonight, if you promise me you’ll stay inside the Realm.”
“Well, that’s an easy promise.” She stood up and dusted off her pants. “I’ve kind of had my wings clipped, so I can’t leave even if I wanted to.”
We shared a smile, and she turned to walk away. The sight of her hips swaying and her bare feet gently touching the wooden dock entranced me.
She turned a few steps down, “Brock, what happened with the woman you loved?” Her face was in shadows but so familiar to me that I could picture her speaking the words and the questioning look that would be on her face.
“Nothing yet,” I cleared my throat, “I’m still waiting to see if she will love me back.”
If my feet had not been stuck to the spot by fear, I would have walked to her and taken her then.
“Brock,” her voice cracked on the breeze, “who is the woman?”
“Go rest, Coralenna, we have a lot to do tomorrow.” I phased from the dock before she could question me any further. Part of me prayed she would follow me; demand to know who I was talking about, while the other part of me feared that she was not ready to hear the truth—that I loved her.
Part 5 – The Return
~ Corey ~
“I don’t want to know, I don’t want to know, I don’t want to know.” I spoke the words almost like a chant over and over again as I made my way back to my quarters.
Brock’s last words haunted me. I told myself he wasn’t speaking of me—or could I be the one he was waiting to find out about?
With a muffled grunt, I punched the button on the inside of the elevator to take me to my floor, my emotions too conflicted to allow me to phase. I stood trying to see through the glass wall of the elevator, but with the darkness behind the glass, only my tense body was reflected back to me.
When the elevator binged, I spun around and slipped out the door just as it started to open, just barely sliding through sideways. The feeling that I was being chased tapped at my heels, and I moved quickly down the hall to my room.
At the front of my door, I stopped and stared at the door knocker. Once upon a time, my life had been equal, balanced, fulfilling. Once upon a time, I’d had the yin and the yang working side by side. Right now, it felt like the yang was seriously out of whack.
I pushed open the door and was afraid that I would find someone waiting for me on the other side. I listened to the quiet, the view to my balcony right in front of me: empty. I released a sigh, finally a chance to be alone.
Almost immediately I felt the weight of everything come to rest on my shoulders. I made my way to my bedroom and pulled out a soft, long T-shirt to wear. Climbing under the covers, I rested my cheek on the soft down pillow.
Silence echoed off the walls around me, not just in the room, but in my mind. There were no voices calling me, no feelings of sadness and pain.
Mitchell—the word filled the void as his face graced the back of my eyelids. My heart ached to see him. Are you dealing with this, Mitch? Are you still blaming yourself? Do you still miss me?
Memories of my last kiss with him settled into my mind, and I started to drift off to sleep.
~ Mitchell ~
Ninety-eight days…ninety-eight days ago you left my world. The thought raced through my mind as I revved the throttle on my bike and drove faster on the highway.
When I wasn’t working and the weather was at least somewhat decent, riding had become my new daily habit. The memory that I had never taken her for the ride she wanted stood forefront in my mind each time.
I would climb on the seat and rev the engine up, always pretending that she was seated behind me as I drove the curved mountain roads north of where I lived.
I put hundreds of miles on my bike with a memory sitting behind me, soft strong arms wrapped around my stomach, tight thighs pressed to my butt and hips.
She had trusted me. I had promised to keep her safe. I had broken that promise.
I pulled over to the side of the road, shut down my bike, and listened to the endless silence. Since the day of the funeral I hadn’t heard her voice in my mind or felt her presence. I was alone with my memories and my pain.
I stood at the top of an observation point, nothing but forest dotted the landscape in front of me. I pulled out my cell phone; our last text message conversation was still there. I rolled my finger over the message, reading the words one more time—not that I didn’t already have them memorized. I’d read them a thousand times, but seeing the words on the screen reminded me that it had once been real.
Before putting the phone away, I glanced at the clock, 1:52. I slipped my phone back in my pocket and climbed onto my bike. My order would be ready when I returned.
I drove the forty miles back, allowing the wind to brush past me and suck at the memories that gushed like a swollen stream over large river rocks.
The small strip mall lay just outside the city I worked in. I parked my bike and made my way inside the florist shop. Since my first visit to her gravesite, I had been coming here every week and picking up a special order.
The bells jingled as I walked in. The tinkling of the metal on the glass had a magical sound, and I felt the grimace on my face loosen for just a moment.
“Officer O’Reilly, I was just thinking about you,” the shop owner called out as she popped her head around the corner from the back room.
“Karen, I keep telling you to call me Mitch,” I smiled as I walked to the counter. When I had come in here months ago and asked if she carried the spotted toad lily, she had looked at me with evident surprise on her face.
Surprise filled her features when she asked why I wanted this particular flower, and I quickly explained it was my friend’s favorite. I had learned that about Corey during our twenty-question games on our in-car computers while we worked.
Tears misted in her eyes, and a small smile had crossed her lips when she’d mentioned there was only one other person who used to ask for those flowers and she had never hoped to have the occasion to order them again.
Since that day, she had made sure to get a small fresh supply each week for me. We never talked about where the flowers went or why, but she knew that I needed them to be gravesite ready without all the tissue paper and ribbons.
“I know, I know, but I have a hard time not respecting an officer of the law.” She laughed as she walked to the cooler on the side of the shop. My arrangement lay on the top shelf, as always.
“I appreciate that, but I’m not on duty, so please just call me Mitch.”
She nodded and laid the flowers on the counter. This week they were a little more purple with darker spots on the petals than normal. I reached out and gently felt the soft flower.
“I love the color of these Tricyrtis this week! The color is so rich-looking.” Karen was always excited about her flowers.
“Yes, they are.” I handed her the cash, the same amount each week, and picked up the flowers. “Thanks, Karen.”
Her smile was hearty, “No problem, Mitch. I’ll see you next week.”
“See you next week,” I called over my shoulder as I reached for the door handle.
Outside, I opened up one of my hard plastic saddlebags and slipped the delicate flowers into the space. I took care to close the lid so it would not pinch the flowers.
The ride to the cemetery was quick. I no longer stopped at the gate and braced myself. Now I roared right toward the lane that led to her resting place.
On the hill, her memorial stone stood proud in the late afternoon sun. Flowers in hand, I made my way to her plot.
The flowers from the week before had already been removed. The caretakers were now familiar with my schedule, they made sure the sad and wilted ones were gone when I came by with the next batch.
“Hi, Corey, how are you?” I stood in front of her stone, staring at it like I expected an answer. I sighed and
set the flowers down gently at the base when I felt no response.
Dropping down to the grass, I sat cross-legged and pulled at some of the dark green blades.
“It’s been ninety-eight days now. Ninety-eight days, man, I can’t believe that.” I shook my head and ripped up a handful of grass. I allowed the pieces to fall through my fingers back to the ground.
“I thought that it might start to get easier now, ya know? You’ve been gone for three months,” I raised my knees up and wrapped my arms gently around them, “three long months.”
“I can’t seem to let it all go. Every day I remember what happened. I see you lying on the ground, not moving, and it’s like it is happening all over again.” I lifted my face to the sky. Soft, light, fluffy clouds moved slowly over the blue above me.
“I miss you, Corey. I don’t know how to stop thinking about it. It consumes me. I can’t even seem to do my job these days.” I studied her headstone quietly for a moment.
“And that prick, Joe, do you know that he tried to get me to split some money he found on a dope dealer the other day? What a freaking idiot he is. We arrest this guy with a few baggies of crack on him, and he got a little over four hundred dollars from his pocket. He wanted to peel off two hundred and split it with me, said no one would ever know.” I shook my head.
“I don’t understand him these days.” I watched a vehicle pull along the lane near my motorcycle and turn the corner down another lane.
“Hell, I don’t even understand myself,” I mumbled. “I mean, I almost took the money. I’m not like that, you know that. It’s just—” I closed my eyes, “it’s just that I don’t seem to care—about anything.” I paused, thinking for a moment. “Maybe if I knew you were alright, maybe I could move forward.” I took a deep breath, slowly letting it back out. “I doubt it. I don’t think I will ever be able to move forward.”
I sat thinking for a few more minutes. I could only feel close to her beside her grave. Sadly, a cold marble stone was the warmest part of my week.
When I stood up, I kissed my fingers and laid them on the stone. “I miss you.”
