That’s not what I stopped me.
Shit can happen, and birth control doesn’t always work. Dallas and Lucy thought they were careful and then got pregnant with Maven. I gulp. Cameron got pregnant when she was on the pill two years ago. Even though we hadn’t planned it, we were excited. Then, we lost the baby ten weeks later. I never want to feel grief that hard again.
It nearly killed us.
We spent months mourning our loss, and the fear of another miscarriage put stress on us.
Maybe that’s what killed our relationship.
“I’m sorry,” I say when Stella gets into the SUV.
Jim has a few days off, so I’ve been driving her around.
I keep the keys in my hand. We’re not leaving until she hears me out.
“What I said came out wrong,” I go on. “I’m not experienced with this shit.”
She shakes her head without looking at me.
“Say something, please. I feel like a fucking piece of shit.”
She glares at me. “You had a girlfriend for nearly a decade. You’re experienced. Hell, you’re more experienced than men who have screwed dozens of women because you were there for your girlfriend not only physically but emotionally.” She shakes her head. “I get it. I’m not your type. You don’t see me for me. You made that clear from day one.”
“I’ll admit I was wrong for judging you in the beginning, but I’m fighting with myself on what to do here. I explained why taking that step for us wasn’t a good idea. I’m moving in two months. We’ll never be able to have a relationship.”
She crosses her arms. “Why does it have to be a relationship? Why can’t we try something casual?”
“Do you think we can honestly do that? Only sex?”
Maybe she can, but I can’t.
I’ve never been able to separate my feelings with sex because I’ve never had to.
“I don’t know, but I feel like we need to do something. I can’t stop wanting more with you. Why can’t we try? If it doesn’t work out, you can walk away without giving me a reason. I won’t ask any questions.”
Casual sex has never interested me.
She frowns when I shove the keys into the ignition.
“We should get going,” I say. “Don’t want you to be late.”
“You are the most confusing person on this fucking planet,” she groans.
She stays on her phone while I follow the GPS instructions. My thoughts roam with every passing mile. Maybe casual sex is something I need to try.
I was monogamous for years. That didn’t work out.
Maybe it’s time for a change.
We can both use each other.
Nineteen
Stella
I’m forcing a fake smile while staring at the script in my hand.
I did my makeup and rode thirty minutes in traffic hell for this?
I hate it.
The character sucks.
The storyline sucks.
And the cherry on top is that my management company loves it and wants me to take it as my next gig.
Fuck my life.
Margot, the next damsel in distress, is not the role for me.
I took the role with my last movie to get my feet wet in the industry like my team advised, but I refuse to continue playing the naïve woman needing a man supporting her to survive. That’s not the career path I want.
This chick stalks, yes freaking stalks, a man she met in a coffee shop because he resembles her ex-boyfriend. She then proceeds to ruin his fiancé’s life in order to get his attention, and they fall in love in the end.
This is a love story?
I can’t play the role of a desperate and obsessed psychopath.
Sure, I’ve been crushing on Hudson since he moved in and have made sexual advances like a cat in heat, but I’m not standing over his bed at night and watching him sleep. I stupidly didn’t do my homework and read the script before coming, but I was too busy. Not to mention, my management team made it sound mandatory.
“Stella.”
The feminine voice startles me, and I look up at the producer and casting director as they stare at me in question.
“Huh?” I ask.
“I asked if Eli will have an issue with you having another man as a love interest,” she answers with annoyance. “Some men don’t want their girlfriends making out with other men.”
I bite back my smart-ass comment for the sake of my career. Maybe if I tell her Eli is a possessive freak who will cut my toes off if I kiss someone else, they won’t give me the role, and management won’t be up my ass about it.
“Uh no,” I mutter. “He knows how the industry works. We both do.”
Yes, I’m a chicken shit. Sue me.
She stacks her papers and presses them against the table. “Perfect. We’ll be in touch.”
I deliver another forced smile and exit the room, passing a row of other women auditioning to be Margot The Maniac.
Hudson jumps up from his chair when he sees me, and I follow him outside to the SUV. He’s still on my shit list. I’m humiliated by what happened. I was there, completely bared to him, and he walked away as if it was nothing. If he thought his bullshit apology in the car would make it better, he’s stupid.
“How did it go?” he questions, turning on the car.
I cross my arms and sulk in my seat. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You didn’t get it?”
“I probably did.”
“Then why does it look like someone told you your dog died?”
“Because I’m having a pretty shitty day, thanks in large part to you.” I hold two fingers inches apart from each other. “We were this close to having sex.” I stretch them out, emphasizing my aggravation. “Not only did I lose the opportunity to possibly have the best sex of my life because the orgasm-giver turned out to be a complete a-hole, I then had to leave and audition for the stupidest role in the world.”
“Look, I’m sorry. What I said wasn’t what I meant, and I’ll continue telling you that until you forgive me. I can get annoying as fuck, too, trust me.”
“If that’s your plan to make me feel better, it sucks ass.”
“Shit.” He pinches the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. “I acted like an idiot. Not for the whole condom situation, but for how I treated you.” He signals between us. “You and I both know it’s not going to end well if we take this step.”
“You didn’t even give it a chance.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. So damn sorry. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
His apology doesn’t help. The urge to call him a coward is hanging on the tip of my tongue, but it’s no use. His mind was made up about me from the moment he landed at LAX.
I cross my arms. “Fine, and I’m going to keep you to that, by the way.”
“I know I’m in the wrong, but can you at least give me credit for eating your pussy until you fell apart on my tongue?” His tone changes from apologetic to cocky.
He does have a point.
He didn’t exactly leave me high and dry.
More along the lines of panting and soaked.
I sigh, not willing to let him win yet. “What orgasm? I was faking it, so you wouldn’t feel bad.”
He throws his head back. “Oh Hollywood, you may be an actress, but that wasn’t acting.”
I give him a dirty look. “Whatever.” My stomach growls. “I know you like to withhold me from life’s necessities and all, but can you at least feed me? I’ve already been starved of another orgasm from you.”
He grins. “A life necessity, huh?”
I can’t hold back my laugh any longer.
“There’s that smile.”
My smile collapses into a frown. “Don’t. I’m still fucking livid at you.”
He chuckles, aware he’s winning this round. “Where to?”
I give him directions to my favorite sushi joint a few miles away. I’m letting him off the hook too easily, but
he’s right. Sex without a condom would have been reckless.
I have no idea what’s going on in his downstairs area. I mean, I don’t think he has anything, but you never know. At least one of us was thinking rationally.
I can’t get pregnant. My head aches at the thought of it. I can barely take care of myself, let alone be responsible for another human. I have someone who schedules my manicures, for Christ’s sake.
He pulls up to the curb in front of the restaurant and unbuckles his seatbelt. “Do you want me to grab you takeout, or are you meeting someone and I’ll wait out here?”
“Give the keys to the valet,” I direct him. “We’re dining in.”
“We’re?”
I nod when he signals between the two of us to clarify.
“Not a good idea, Hollywood.”
“Am I that embarrassing to be around?”
“Yes. Look at you, all perfect and sexy. I’ll get made fun of for days if I hang out with such a creature.”
I unbuckle my seatbelt and push his side. “Come on. I’m starving, and my sushi craving is killing me with every second we’re having this ridiculous conversation.”
He doesn’t move. “Did you say sushi?”
“Sure did.”
He shakes his head. “Nu-uh, I don’t eat that raw fish, seaweed shit.”
“Who doesn’t eat sushi?”
“Me, that’s who. I already let you convince me to spend my morning twisting my limbs into positions that my balls will never forgive me for. I draw the line at eating that shit. I like my fish fried, baked, anything but raw.”
I roll my eyes but laugh. “Too bad. I’m not eating alone.”
I open my door and jump out without waiting for his response. He curses under his breath as he joins me and hands the valet the keys.
“Pain in my ass,” he grumbles while opening the door for me.
“Payback’s a bitch.”
“You sure they don’t have burgers here?” Hudson asks, turning the menu front to back a few times like he’s missing something. “There’s a hidden menu you don’t want me to see, isn’t there?”
“Try the damn sushi and quit being a diva. I’m sure you’ve eaten worse.”
“I absolutely have, but not when I’ve had the choice.”
“How about you try this, and I’ll let you choose dinner, deal?”
He smirks. “You plan to share another meal with me?”
I look down in an attempt to hide my smile. “Possibly.” I do! I do!
He slides his menu to me from across the table. “Order me whatever you’re having.”
When the waiter brings our sushi, I make him take the first bite. Hudson stares at it with a scrunched-up nose and slowly picks up the chopsticks. He pinches the chopsticks together, picks up a roll, and examines it before shoving the sushi in his mouth.
“Admit it,” I say, when he starts chewing. “It’s not bad.”
“Fine,” he groans, swallowing it down. “You win.”
I clap my hands and squeal.
“Settle down. I’m not saying I want to eat it every day of my life.”
With a smile, I grab my chopsticks and dig in. That’s when they walk in, and I nearly choke on my food. Hudson’s attention shoots to me in worry while I force myself to swallow down my bite.
“Here I thought the humiliation of today couldn’t get worse,” I mutter, narrowing my eyes on the movement behind him. My stomach churns when the couple sits down at a table on the other side of the room.
Hudson turns around to see what’s caught my attention. “I’d like to think you had a pretty good start to the day.” He shifts back around. “Who’s the dude?”
I haven’t seen Knox in months, nor have I wanted to. His hair is grown out, and he’s gained weight, but he looks happy. The smile on his face is a reminder of when we were young and in love—before the industry beat us up.
His new girlfriend is with him. I recognize her from the tabloids and have been questioned about her in interviews, when people ask for my autograph, or when the paparazzi just want to be assholes.
Everyone wants to know what I think about the woman who allegedly stole my boyfriend.
“My ex,” I answer.
“Do you want to leave?” Hudson asks in a lowered voice.
I shake my head. “No, it’s fine.” I grab another roll. “I’m good.”
He doesn’t look convinced. “Do you still have feelings for him?”
I hate being asked that question. “God, no. Our relationship wasn’t healthy. What bothers me is I’m scared I’ll never have that.”
“Have what?”
“Someone who looks at me like he does her. Real love. The shit they preach about in the movies they want me to star in.” I rub at my eyes.
Don’t cry. Please don’t cry.
Hudson takes a sip of his water. “Why do you think you’ll never have that?”
I shrug. “I don’t know.”
“You’re young, Stella. Give it time. Don’t give up.”
“You haven’t given up on love?”
“Fuck no. I won’t let a cheating woman stop me from marrying, having kids, and ending up a happy man. Cameron’s betrayal was only a speed bump in my life, and her behavior won’t force me to live the rest of my life alone. Fuck that. I’ll end up happier than I would’ve been with her.”
I take a deep breath, feeling like it’s my turn to share something personal. “My only dating experience is him and a fake boyfriend. I’m not sure I even know what love is. I thought I loved Knox, and it hurt like a bitch when we broke up, but maybe that’s because it’s all I ever knew. But after a while, it almost felt like a relief. We weren’t meant to be, and it was time we quit wasting our time. You know what I’m saying?”
He smiles. “No explanation needed. My dating history is worse than yours. One girlfriend. No fake ones. I’m the wrong person to judge or offer love-life advice.”
I give him a hard look. “I told you no more talk about fake relationships.”
“Are you still in one?” He leans forward, resting his elbows on the table. “It would make me incredibly happy if you weren’t.”
“I think you know the answer to that.”
The awkward silence comes back.
His voice is the one to break the tension. “Was your ex also in the business?”
“You really don’t know who he is?”
“I wouldn’t ask if I did.”
“He’s Knox Rivers.”
His nose wrinkles in disbelief. “You dated that dude?”
“Sure did.” I can tell he’s heard the stories about Knox. Most of them aren’t good. “He wasn’t always like that. People change. He was different when we were sixteen. He was monogamous and not the guy who only banged models.”
“He cheated on you?”
“No.” It’s the truth, but people don’t believe me. “We broke up and got back together a lot. Sometimes two or three times a week. It was during those times we’d hook up with other people. Never when we were together.”
“Sounds like a stable relationship.”
“Very stable. I think us going through the phases of stardom together gave us a bond we were afraid of breaking. We understood each other’s lives and leaned on each other when people were making ours hell.”
“Your parents weren’t there for you?”
I shake my head. “That’s another reason we clicked. Both of our fathers were absent from our lives … until we made it big, of course. Our moms were also similar: there every step of the way, taking money from us, until they could survive on their own with that money. I haven’t heard from my mom in weeks.” I shake my head and release a bitter laugh when it hits me.
“What?”
“You have the picture perfect family, and I barely have one.”
“Every family has its problems. I’d never judge you for something you can’t control.”
“I wish I had what you do. A happy home.” I stare at him
, smiling at the thought. Whatever lucky woman who steals Hudson’s heart is going to have a great life, and I’m already jealous of her.
“I was blessed with that, yes. Being a good man like my father is one of my biggest goals.”
I smile. “That’s adorable.”
He looks almost offended when he leans in to whisper to me. “Don’t refer to me as adorable again, Hollywood. I’m not a pretty boy, or any of that shit that you’re used to. I don’t mind dirt underneath my fingernails. I don’t wear tuxedos or do that black-tie bullshit unless it’s for a wedding. I’m not adorable. I’m a fucking man.”
Twenty
Stella
I walk into the living room and collapse on the couch in exhaustion.
It’s been a long day.
I glance over at Hudson sitting in a chair while texting on his phone.
“Alright, smooth talker,” I say. “It’s time for you to live up to your promise.”
He slips the phone into his pocket and gives me his full attention. “Huh?”
“You promised to make up for your asshole behavior earlier. I expect you to honor that.”
“How would you like me to do that?”
I smirk. “Preferably naked.”
He chuckles, shaking his head. “There are plenty of ways to have fun other than fucking, Hollywood.”
“You’re right.” I hold up my hand and start to count on my fingers as I list off my answers. “There’s licking. Sucking. Kissing.”
“With no fucking?” he cuts in. “Sounds like all your ideas end up with a bad case of blue balls.”
He dodges a pillow when I toss it at him.
“Why do you have to be so complicated?” I groan. “Don’t you want to get laid? Hasn’t it been like what, a year for you?”
“Only nine months, thank you very much, and there’s no disputing I’d enjoy getting laid. You saw my cock earlier, didn’t you?”
Damn straight I did.
He was hard as a rock.
I rub my thighs together remembering how his thick cock had twitched in excitement. “Why are you pulling away then? We want the same thing.”
Just a Fling Page 10
