Her heart shattered into a thousand pieces, hurting in a way that it hadn’t since Richard’s death. She had not realised until he said those words how much she did care for Thrand.
Over the past few days, she had come to like him—no, like was too mealy-mouthed of a word. She had kept telling herself that it was desire and passion but it was more than that. She admired his courage, his ability to think on his feet and the way he reacted so calmly to each new threat. And how he gave her confidence to try new things. She considered him more than a friend. But what she felt for him was very different from the quiet and uncomplicated love she had had for Aefirth.
Cwenneth drew an unsteady breath and moved away from the comfort of his body. She wrapped her arms about her waist. She had to get this right and understand what he was offering, not be seduced by the nearness of his body. ‘You mean after Jorvik and speaking to the king about Hagal. Things have to be done in their proper order, Thrand. It is foolish to speak of such things until then. Aud has already lost one mother.’
The words if I remain alive and am not returned to Hagal hung in the air between them.
Thrand’s eyebrows drew together. He made a cutting motion with his arm. ‘I mean not bothering to speak to the king about Hagal and departing immediately for Iceland to begin a new life. The rumour of the kidnapping will work against you. Hagal would claim I seduced you and a woman’s words are not to be trusted. I can see the purpose in his rumour now. He seeks to discredit your testimony. And we have become lovers, Cwen. How could I lie about that?’
Cwenneth closed her eyes. He was right. She should have considered Hagal would seek to blacken Thrand’s name once he learnt who had rescued her. He certainly had wasted no time in spreading the rumour that Thrand had kidnapped her. ‘Will he try to get you blamed for the slaughter as well?’
Thrand made an annoyed noise. ‘He can try, but Halfdan knows what I am like. I’ve never kidnapped a woman before, nor have I murdered in cold blood.’
‘But those murders need to be avenged.’
‘Narfi, the man who committed the murders, is dead. Is it necessary for you to risk your life for something which will not change the course of history or bring the dead back to life?’
Cwen pleated her gown between her fingers. ‘And when we are in Jorvik, waiting for the ship to be ready? Hagal knows that I am alive and with you. He wants me dead because of what Aefirth did to his cousin.’
‘Hagal would have to fight me, something he has avoided doing for years, despite my attempts at provocation. Your brother has me gone. Everyone is happy. Just not in the same way we had planned. Plans can change, Cwen. For the sake of the child, they should.’
His words thudded through her. ‘But the marriage contract? My dowry?’
‘Betrothals are put aside all the time.’ Thrand made a cutting motion with his hand.
‘It seems a shame just to allow Hagal to have my dowry. He will use the gold for bribes.’
‘Your brother can sue Hagal for it. It is what the courts are for. I’ve more gold than I could ever spend in ten lifetimes.’ He put his hand on her shoulder. ‘We have to think about saving an innocent child’s life. It is what my mother would have wanted.’
Cwenneth stared at Thrand as the enormity of what he offered washed over her. Her dreams lately had been full of what would happen once she reached Jorvik. The only thing which had calmed her was waking to have Thrand’s arms about her and watching the rise and fall of his chest.
She knew deep in her heart that she’d never truly relax until she had proof that Hagal was dead. But Thrand was right—Edward could try pursuing Hagal through courts for the dowry. She could send word once she was in Iceland.
A tiny smile crossed her lips. Edward would not be able to do anything about her living the life she wanted to lead. No more threats of a windswept convent. Or marriages to further Edward’s power.
‘It is very tempting to believe we could do this.’
Thrand stepped closer and laced his hand through hers. He brought their knuckles up to his lips. ‘Seize this chance to give that boy the perfect mother and a new start in Iceland away from all the politics and killing.’
‘Flattery. And you have no idea what I was like. Far from perfect.’ Cwenneth’s cheeks flamed, and she pulled away. If he touched her again, she’d agree to everything. She scuffed her boot against the packed dirt of the barn floor and tried to stop her imagination from building longhouses in the clouds. ‘Sometimes I was far too impatient, too concerned with running Aefirth’s estate, rather than attending to my child. I should have done more when I had the chance... There are nights I wake up in a cold sweat, remembering all the chances I once had and neglected.’
‘You need another child in your life. If you and your husband had had another child, you would not have proclaimed you could not mother that child because Richard had the misfortune to die. Whatever else happens, Aud needs a mother and he likes you. Even I could see that.’
Cwenneth’s throat closed. Somehow it had felt right to be holding a little boy again. She had savoured his little-boy smell and the way he kept finding things for Thrand to look at. It made her remember Richard, but in a good way, rather than in the heavy regretful way she had fallen into. ‘I like him very well. I could come to love him.’
Thrand’s face clouded and his shoulders hunched slightly. ‘Then it is me who is the problem. You have no desire to be married to me. I understand. War and battle have made me, but I will try to be a good father. I swear it on my parents’ grave.’
‘I never said that!’ Cwenneth protested before he had a chance to leave. She knew if she let him walk away, her one opportunity for a life would slip past. He might not be offering marriage for the reason she had hoped, but he was offering. And he was right. Jorvik could be very dangerous for the both of them. Thrand might dismiss Hagal’s threat to him, but she couldn’t. Iceland could save his life.
He turned back to her. His eyes grew wide. ‘Then you will do it? You will go to Iceland with me and allow Hagal to dig his own grave.’
She swallowed hard and did not give herself a chance to think.
‘Yes, I will do it. I will marry you, Thrand, and be Aud’s mother. We will leave for Iceland as soon as possible.’
He caught her hands and twirled her about, lifting her off the ground.
Round and round until she was dizzy.
All the ice vanished from his face. He seemed years younger, eager and excited. The way he looked caused her heart to turn over. It was no good telling her not to love him because she already did.
‘We should bring the girl Hilde with us,’ she said when he set her down and the world had stopped spinning.
‘Why?’ he asked. ‘Why should we take her? She seems well settled here.’
‘She looks after Aud and I don’t think they look after her very well either,’ Cwenneth explained with a smile. ‘It will be good to have another female to balance the two males in the family.’
He turned his face to her palm and kissed it. A great warmth flooded through her, but it was also tinged with regret. She wanted him to kiss how he’d kissed her at night, as if he desired her and only her. She knew he only asked because of the children.
‘Then it is decided. We will go to Iceland,’ she said briskly. She refused to mourn things she couldn’t have. ‘You, the children and I. We will live our life away from kings and politics. We will be free. Our freedom and a life well lived will be the sweetest revenge.’
He threw his arm about her shoulders and hugged her close again. She leant her head against his chest and savoured his warm, spicy smell. ‘Sounds like a good plan to me. Freedom to be the person I am is something I have always sought. My father refused to bow before an usurper. I could never return to Norway as long as the current king and his heirs are on the throne.’
‘What happens next?’ she asked, trying to be practical and not think about the thousand reasons why this might be a bad idea. ‘How do we get to Iceland? I have never considered it before. There must be a way.’
‘We will go to Jorvik and meet my men. Some of them may wish to join us. Helgi has often expressed a wish to settle in Iceland. He had made plans to go with Sven. It is only right that I extend the offer to him. I will buy a boat and hire any men we might need. It will be done before you might think. We will be there by midsummer at the latest.’
She laid her head against the broad expanse of his chest and listened to the steady beat of his heart. She tried to keep the sudden wild leaping of her heart at bay. Somehow against the odds, she might actually live to see another Christmas and then the new year and the spring beyond that. She had a future. It felt good—better than good.
He pulled her close, resting his chin on the top of her head. ‘It is time I rested my weary body and found another occupation for my arm. My father farmed after spending years as a warrior. I can do the same. My mother would be proud of me.’
‘But...but...’
‘We will buy a large tract of land and build a fine house as well as getting the right sort of boat for the voyage. Not a dragon boat, but a trader, a sturdy one which can carry livestock as well as people. I refuse to leave Myrkr behind. The horse has been a faithful companion for many years.’
She looped her arm about his neck and pulled his lips down to hers. ‘You talk too much, Thrand.’
‘Most people say I hardly speak.’
‘They don’t know you like I do.’
His mouth descended on hers, and she drank from it. Their tongues met and tangled. She allowed her body to say things that she knew she could never admit. His arms tightened about her and she could feel his arousal. A part of her rejoiced. He did desire her. She would make this marriage work. Even a mother like her was better than no mother. She wasn’t sure she could love them, but she could give them a better life. She had to stop wishing on clouds for things that were impossible, like Thrand actually loving her.
Thrand wanted her to look after the children. And she shared his bed. Many marriages started on a far worse basis.
A small cough sounded in the back of the barn, bouncing off the walls. They jumped apart. Cwenneth silently gave thanks that the interruption had not been a few heartbeats later. Even now, she knew she looked well-mussed and thoroughly kissed.
She turned her head towards the sound. Hilde stood there, with the rough shawl thrown over her shoulders. She had a worried look on her face and carried a torch. Her intent face relaxed slightly when she spied them.
Cwenneth gave Thrand’s hand a squeeze and went over to Hilde.
‘Aud wanted to know where you had gone. I promised him that I would look out for you. He likes you both. Aud doesn’t like many people. He misses his mother dreadfully.’ Hilde gave a disapproving frown. ‘Too many people have gone from his life. It isn’t right. He is a good boy. He tries hard. Was he born unlucky? Is that the problem? Father Athlestan says it is.’
‘Hilde.’ Cwenneth knelt down and took the girl’s cold hands in hers. ‘We have decided to take Aud and you, too, if you like. We will give your master some gold to compensate him for the loss of two such fine children.’
She glanced back at Thrand. He gave a brief nod. ‘Your master will be well compensated,’ he confirmed.
The young girl’s face broke into a wreath of smiles. ‘Where would we be going?’
‘To Iceland to start a new life.’
‘I don’t know where that is, but I would like that very much,’ Hilde said without hesitating. ‘I am a hard worker. Everyone says that about me.’
Cwenneth put her hand on the bony shoulders. She had wanted to have a little girl for such a long time, someone to teach to sew and to do so many things. She had never anticipated it ending like this. ‘I am sure you are.’
‘Shall we go and inform your master?’ Thrand said.
‘And Aud? Can I tell him?’ the girl whispered. ‘He never liked sleeping with the pigs. He is going to be part of a real family.’
Cwenneth regarded the stall where Mrykr was tethered. Real family. She had given up hope and suddenly Thrand had given her more than she’d ever dreamt. He might not love her, but she couldn’t help loving him.
‘Shall we let Thrand do it?’
The girl nodded rapidly. ‘That would be best. He will think it is another of my games otherwise. We play what will happen when his father comes to claim him. Only I never thought it would be like this. Or that I would get to go as well.’
‘And this is what does happen,’ Thrand said. ‘Is it better than a game?’
Hilde’s eyes glowed. ‘Much better. It is a dream come true.’
‘I have never been anyone’s dream before. Nightmare, possibly. It feels good to be a dream.’
The little girl ran out of the pasture.
* * *
Later as they waited in farmyard for the farmer to get Aud’s things, Cwenneth slipped her arm through Thrand’s, breathing in the scent of straw, the final warmth of the evening sunshine and animal. She used to think barns were ugly things, but this one had a certain grace and charm to it.
She closed her eyes and made a memory. She opened her eyes with a snap.
‘How will we get to the coast? We can’t all ride on Myrkr’s back. Aud is far too young to walk any great distance.’
‘The farmer has agreed to sell us his cart and a horse to pull it.’ Thrand gave a husky laugh. ‘Did you think I lacked sense?’
‘But the roads...’ Cwen attempted to think her way around the problem. ‘It took us far longer to reach Acumwick’s lands than it should have.’
‘The roads may be muddy, but I’ve a strong back and can get it out of any ruts. I suspect Narfi wanted to go slowly for his own reasons.’
She shook her head in amazement. She hadn’t considered that. ‘How long have you have been thinking about this?’
‘When something is right, instinct guides you.’ He put his hand on the small of her back. ‘I’m well skilled at moving armies. Getting you and the children to the coast is little different.’
‘A family is very different to an army. You are going to be those children’s father, not their commander.’
‘We need to go to Jorvik by another route,’ Thrand said, changing the subject.
Cwen frowned and allowed it to go. But she silently resolved to make sure he understood his new role. ‘Another route?’
‘I hardly want to take the two children near to Hagal’s holdings. We know they are looking for us and we barely managed to slip through their net. It will take a little longer and we will have to go closer to Lingwold than I would like, but it is either your brother who does not know we are there or facing Hagal who is looking for us.’
‘Go past Lingwold, but never stop?’
‘Do you trust your brother with the children? With me? We both know he wants my hide nailed to a church door. You send the message just before setting sail for Iceland.’
Cwenneth pursed her lips. Thrand was right. They couldn’t take the risk. Her brother wanted Thrand’s head. He’d act and then ask questions. He might even believe the rumours about the kidnapping. ‘The last thing I want is Edward making trouble. I’ll trust your judgement on this.’
‘Spoken like a true wife.’
‘They won’t take you for Thrand the Destroyer.’ She linked her arm with his. ‘You will have a wife and two children. Something the Destroyer would never have.’
‘Then it is good that I am the man and not the legend.’
His laughter rumbled in the quiet evening. Cwen found it hard to equate this man with the silent stranger who had arrived at the farm only a few hours before. She had to hope his instinct was
correct and that they would be safe.
Chapter Twelve
‘Please, sir, what is Aud to call you?’ Hilde tugged at Thrand’s shirt after they had travelled a few miles in the grey early-morning mist.
The cart went little faster than a slow walk, but it allowed the children to rest. They had also been able to take some bedding and a bit of food. Progress was slow but manageable.
‘Why are you asking?’
‘He is worried and too shy to ask.’
Thrand looked down at the little girl. His experience with females was limited and with girls he had next to none. There had been only him and a few male cousins when he was growing up. He glanced at Cwen to see if she would answer, but she was occupied with readjusting Aud’s pack.
The boy had wanted to take all of his treasures and Cwen had managed to get it down to his most precious feathers and stones, but he wanted to carry it rather than storing it in the cart. Both Aud and Hilde had decided at the last stop to walk for a little ways. Thrand hadn’t objected as the going was muddy and it took all his concentration to keep the cart going.
‘Call me?’
The girl dropped her voice and glanced over her shoulder. ‘A special name. People in families have special names for each other. And we’re a family now.’
A family. The girl’s words caused the enormity of what he’d done on impulse to wash over him. The warrior who had resolutely resisted any complication or entanglement had voluntarily saddled himself with two young children and a woman. These people depended on him for their survival.
He frowned. He just had to approach it as though they were members of his felag, rather than his family. He had kept his men safe in the past.
‘It all happened so fast that I haven’t given it much thought.’ He gave Cwen a questioning glance. She nodded encouragingly. He found it impossible to get rid of the impression that she had put Hilde up to this. She wanted to test him. ‘Most people call me Thrand. And Cwen answers to Cwen. It is best to keep things simple.’
Saved by the Viking Warrior Page 17
