‘Poor Bessy!’ said Margaret, turning round to her. ‘You sigh over it all. You don’t like struggling and fighting as your father does, do you?’
‘No!’ said she, heavily. ‘I’m sick on it. I could have wished to have had other talk about me in my latter days, than just the clashing and clanging and clattering that has wearied a’ my life long, about work and wages, and masters, and hands, and knobsticks.’
‘Poor wench! latter days be farred! Thou’rt looking a sight better already for a little stir and change. Beside, I shall be a deal here to make it more lively for thee.’
‘Tobacco-smoke chokes me!’ said she, querulously.
‘Then I’ll never smoke no more i’ th’ house!’ he replied, tenderly. ‘But why didst thou not tell me afore, thou foolish wench?’
She did not speak for a while, and then so low that only Margaret heard her:
‘I reckon, he’ll want a’ the comfort he can get out o’ either pipe or drink afore he’s done.’
Her father went out of doors, evidently to finish his pipe.
Bessy said passionately,
‘Now am not I a fool, — am I not, Miss? — there, I knew I ought for to keep father at home, and away fro’ the folk that are always ready for to tempt a man, in time o’ strike, to go drink, — and there my tongue must needs quarrel with this pipe o’ his’n, — and he’ll go off, I know he will, — as often as he wants to smoke — and nobody knows where it’ll end. I wish I’d letten myself be choked first.’
‘But does your father drink?’ asked Margaret.
‘No — not to say drink,’ replied she, still in the same wild excited tone. ‘But what win ye have? There are days wi’ you, as wi’ other folk, I suppose, when yo’ get up and go through th’ hours, just longing for a bit of a change — a bit of a fillip, as it were. I know I ha’ gone and bought a four-pounder out o’ another baker’s shop to common on such days, just because I sickened at the thought of going on for ever wi’ the same sight in my eyes, and the same sound in my ears, and the same taste i’ my mouth, and the same thought (or no thought, for that matter) in my head, day after day, for ever. I’ve longed for to be a man to go spreeing, even it were only a tramp to some new place in search o’ work. And father — all men — have it stronger in ‘em than me to get tired o’ sameness and work for ever. And what is ‘em to do? It’s little blame to them if they do go into th’ gin-shop for to make their blood flow quicker, and more lively, and see things they never see at no other time — pictures, and looking-glass, and such like. But father never was a drunkard, though maybe, he’s got worse for drink, now and then. Only yo’ see,’ and now her voice took a mournful, pleading tone, ‘at times o’ strike there’s much to knock a man down, for all they start so hopefully; and where’s the comfort to come fro’? He’ll get angry and mad — they all do — and then they get tired out wi’ being angry and mad, and maybe ha’ done things in their passion they’d be glad to forget. Bless yo’r sweet pitiful face! but yo’ dunnot know what a strike is yet.’
‘Come, Bessy,’ said Margaret, ‘I won’t say you’re exaggerating, because I don’t know enough about it: but, perhaps, as you’re not well, you’re only looking on one side, and there is another and a brighter to be looked to.’
‘It’s all well enough for yo’ to say so, who have lived in pleasant green places all your life long, and never known want or care, or wickedness either, for that matter.’
‘Take care,’ said Margaret, her cheek flushing, and her eye lightening, ‘how you judge, Bessy. I shall go home to my mother, who is so ill — so ill, Bessy, that there’s no outlet but death for her out of the prison of her great suffering; and yet I must speak cheerfully to my father, who has no notion of her real state, and to whom the knowledge must come gradually. The only person — the only one who could sympathise with me and help me — whose presence could comfort my mother more than any other earthly thing — is falsely accused — would run the risk of death if he came to see his dying mother. This I tell you — only you, Bessy. You must not mention it. No other person in Milton — hardly any other person in England knows. Have I not care? Do I not know anxiety, though I go about well-dressed, and have food enough? Oh, Bessy, God is just, and our lots are well portioned out by Him, although none but He knows the bitterness of our souls.’
‘I ask your pardon,’ replied Bessy, humbly. ‘Sometimes, when I’ve thought o’ my life, and the little pleasure I’ve had in it, I’ve believed that, maybe, I was one of those doomed to die by the falling of a star from heaven; “And the name of the star is called Wormwood;’ and the third part of the waters became wormwood; and men died of the waters, because they were made bitter.” One can bear pain and sorrow better if one thinks it has been prophesied long before for one: somehow, then it seems as if my pain was needed for the fulfilment; otherways it seems all sent for nothing.’
‘Nay, Bessy — think!’ said Margaret. ‘God does not willingly afflict. Don’t dwell so much on the prophecies, but read the clearer parts of the Bible.’
‘I dare say it would be wiser; but where would I hear such grand words of promise — hear tell o’ anything so far different fro’ this dreary world, and this town above a’, as in Revelations? Many’s the time I’ve repeated the verses in the seventh chapter to myself, just for the sound. It’s as good as an organ, and as different from every day, too. No, I cannot give up Revelations. It gives me more comfort than any other book i’ the Bible.’
‘Let me come and read you some of my favourite chapters.’
‘Ay,’ said she, greedily, ‘come. Father will maybe hear yo’. He’s deaved wi’ my talking; he says it’s all nought to do with the things o’ to-day, and that’s his business.’
‘Where is your sister?’
‘Gone fustian-cutting. I were loth to let her go; but somehow we must live; and th’ Union can’t afford us much.’
‘Now I must go. You have done me good, Bessy.’
‘I done you good!’
‘Yes. I came here very sad, and rather too apt to think my own cause for grief was the only one in the world. And now I hear how you have had to bear for years, and that makes me stronger.’
‘Bless yo’! I thought a’ the good-doing was on the side of gentle folk. I shall get proud if I think I can do good to yo’.’
‘You won’t do it if you think about it. But you’ll only puzzle yourself if you do, that’s one comfort.’
‘Yo’re not like no one I ever seed. I dunno what to make of yo’.’
‘Nor I of myself. Good-bye!’
Bessy stilled her rocking to gaze after her.
‘I wonder if there are many folk like her down South. She’s like a breath of country air, somehow. She freshens me up above a bit. Who’d ha’ thought that face — as bright and as strong as the angel I dream of — could have known the sorrow she speaks on? I wonder how she’ll sin. All on us must sin. I think a deal on her, for sure. But father does the like, I see. And Mary even. It’s not often hoo’s stirred up to notice much.’
CHAPTER XVIII
LIKES AND DISLIKES
‘My heart revolts within me, and two voices
Make themselves audible within my bosom.’
WALLENSTEIN.
On Margaret’s return home she found two letters on the table: one was a note for her mother, — the other, which had come by the post, was evidently from her Aunt Shaw — covered with foreign post-marks — thin, silvery, and rustling. She took up the other, and was examining it, when her father came in suddenly:
‘So your mother is tired, and gone to bed early! I’m afraid, such a thundery day was not the best in the world for the doctor to see her. What did he say? Dixon tells me he spoke to you about her.’
Margaret hesitated. Her father’s looks became more grave and anxious:
‘He does not think her seriously ill?’
‘Not at present; she needs care, he says; he was very kind, and said he would call again, and see how his medicine
s worked.’
‘Only care — he did not recommend change of air? — he did not say this smoky town was doing her any harm, did he, Margaret?’
‘No! not a word,’ she replied, gravely. ‘He was anxious, I think.’
‘Doctors have that anxious manner; it’s professional,’ said he.
Margaret saw, in her father’s nervous ways, that the first impression of possible danger was made upon his mind, in spite of all his making light of what she told him. He could not forget the subject, — could not pass from it to other things; he kept recurring to it through the evening, with an unwillingness to receive even the slightest unfavourable idea, which made Margaret inexpressibly sad.
‘This letter is from Aunt Shaw, papa. She has got to Naples, and finds it too hot, so she has taken apartments at Sorrento. But I don’t think she likes Italy.’
‘He did not say anything about diet, did he?’
‘It was to be nourishing, and digestible. Mamma’s appetite is pretty good, I think.’
‘Yes! and that makes it all the more strange he should have thought of speaking about diet.’
‘I asked him, papa.’ Another pause. Then Margaret went on: ‘Aunt Shaw says, she has sent me some coral ornaments, papa; but,’ added Margaret, half smiling, ‘she’s afraid the Milton Dissenters won’t appreciate them. She has got all her ideas of Dissenters from the Quakers, has not she?’
‘If ever you hear or notice that your mother wishes for anything, be sure you let me know. I am so afraid she does not tell me always what she would like. Pray, see after that girl Mrs. Thornton named. If we had a good, efficient house-servant, Dixon could be constantly with her, and I’d answer for it we’d soon set her up amongst us, if care will do it. She’s been very much tired of late, with the hot weather, and the difficulty of getting a servant. A little rest will put her quite to rights — eh, Margaret?’
‘I hope so,’ said Margaret, — but so sadly, that her father took notice of it. He pinched her cheek.
‘Come; if you look so pale as this, I must rouge you up a little. Take care of yourself, child, or you’ll be wanting the doctor next.’
But he could not settle to anything that evening. He was continually going backwards and forwards, on laborious tiptoe, to see if his wife was still asleep. Margaret’s heart ached at his restlessness — his trying to stifle and strangle the hideous fear that was looming out of the dark places of his heart. He came back at last, somewhat comforted.
‘She’s awake now, Margaret. She quite smiled as she saw me standing by her. Just her old smile. And she says she feels refreshed, and ready for tea. Where’s the note for her? She wants to see it. I’ll read it to her while you make tea.’
The note proved to be a formal invitation from Mrs. Thornton, to Mr., Mrs., and Miss Hale to dinner, on the twenty-first instant. Margaret was surprised to find an acceptance contemplated, after all she had learnt of sad probabilities during the day. But so it was. The idea of her husband’s and daughter’s going to this dinner had quite captivated Mrs. Hale’s fancy, even before Margaret had heard the contents of the note. It was an event to diversify the monotony of the invalid’s life; and she clung to the idea of their going, with even fretful pertinacity when Margaret objected.
‘Nay, Margaret? if she wishes it, I’m sure we’ll both go willingly. She never would wish it unless she felt herself really stronger — really better than we thought she was, eh, Margaret?’ said Mr. Hale, anxiously, as she prepared to write the note of acceptance, the next day.
‘Eh! Margaret?’ questioned he, with a nervous motion of his hands. It seemed cruel to refuse him the comfort he craved for. And besides, his passionate refusal to admit the existence of fear, almost inspired Margaret herself with hope.
‘I do think she is better since last night,’ said she. ‘Her eyes look brighter, and her complexion clearer.’
‘God bless you,’ said her father, earnestly. ‘But is it true? Yesterday was so sultry every one felt ill. It was a most unlucky day for Mr. Donaldson to see her on.’
So he went away to his day’s duties, now increased by the preparation of some lectures he had promised to deliver to the working people at a neighbouring Lyceum. He had chosen Ecclesiastical Architecture as his subject, rather more in accordance with his own taste and knowledge than as falling in with the character of the place or the desire for particular kinds of information among those to whom he was to lecture. And the institution itself, being in debt, was only too glad to get a gratis course from an educated and accomplished man like Mr. Hale, let the subject be what it might.
‘Well, mother,’ asked Mr. Thornton that night, ‘who have accepted your invitations for the twenty-first?’
‘Fanny, where are the notes? The Slicksons accept, Collingbrooks accept, Stephenses accept, Browns decline. Hales — father and daughter come, — mother too great an invalid — Macphersons come, and Mr. Horsfall, and Mr. Young. I was thinking of asking the Porters, as the Browns can’t come.’
‘Very good. Do you know, I’m really afraid Mrs. Hale is very far from well, from what Dr. Donaldson says.’
‘It’s strange of them to accept a dinner-invitation if she’s very ill,’ said Fanny.
‘I didn’t say very ill,’ said her brother, rather sharply. ‘I only said very far from well. They may not know it either.’ And then he suddenly remembered that, from what Dr. Donaldson had told him, Margaret, at any rate, must be aware of the exact state of the case.
‘Very probably they are quite aware of what you said yesterday,
John — of the great advantage it would be to them — to Mr. Hale, I
mean, to be introduced to such people as the Stephenses and the
Collingbrooks.’
‘I’m sure that motive would not influence them. No! I think I understand how it is.’
‘John!’ said Fanny, laughing in her little, weak, nervous way. ‘How you profess to understand these Hales, and how you never will allow that we can know anything about them. Are they really so very different to most people one meets with?’
She did not mean to vex him; but if she had intended it, she could not have done it more thoroughly. He chafed in silence, however, not deigning to reply to her question.
‘They do not seem to me out of the common way,’ said Mrs. Thornton. ‘He appears a worthy kind of man enough; rather too simple for trade — so it’s perhaps as well he should have been a clergyman first, and now a teacher. She’s a bit of a fine lady, with her invalidism; and as for the girl — she’s the only one who puzzles me when I think about her, — which I don’t often do. She seems to have a great notion of giving herself airs; and I can’t make out why. I could almost fancy she thinks herself too good for her company at times. And yet they’re not rich, from all I can hear they never have been.’
‘And she’s not accomplished, mamma. She can’t play.’
‘Go on, Fanny. What else does she want to bring her up to your standard?’
‘Nay! John,’ said his mother, ‘that speech of Fanny’s did no harm. I myself heard Miss Hale say she could not play. If you would let us alone, we could perhaps like her, and see her merits.’
‘I’m sure I never could!’ murmured Fanny, protected by her mother. Mr. Thornton heard, but did not care to reply. He was walking up and down the dining-room, wishing that his mother would order candles, and allow him to set to work at either reading or writing, and so put a stop to the conversation. But he never thought of interfering in any of the small domestic regulations that Mrs. Thornton observed, in habitual remembrance of her old economies.
‘Mother,’ said he, stopping, and bravely speaking out the truth,
‘I wish you would like Miss Hale.’
‘Why?’ asked she, startled by his earnest, yet tender manner.
‘You’re never thinking of marrying her? — a girl without a penny.’
‘She would never have me,’ said he, with a short laugh.
‘No, I don’t think she would,’ ans
wered his mother. ‘She laughed in my face, when I praised her for speaking out something Mr. Bell had said in your favour. I liked the girl for doing it so frankly, for it made me sure she had no thought of you; and the next minute she vexed me so by seeming to think — — Well, never mind! Only you’re right in saying she’s too good an opinion of herself to think of you. The saucy jade! I should like to know where she’d find a better!’ If these words hurt her son, the dusky light prevented him from betraying any emotion. In a minute he came up quite cheerfully to his mother, and putting one hand lightly on her shoulder, said:
‘Well, as I’m just as much convinced of the truth of what you have been saying as you can be; and as I have no thought or expectation of ever asking her to be my wife, you’ll believe me for the future that I’m quite disinterested in speaking about her. I foresee trouble for that girl — perhaps want of motherly care — and I only wish you to be ready to be a friend to her, in case she needs one. Now, Fanny,’ said he, ‘I trust you have delicacy enough to understand, that it is as great an injury to Miss Hale as to me — in fact, she would think it a greater — to suppose that I have any reason, more than I now give, for begging you and my mother to show her every kindly attention.’
‘I cannot forgive her her pride,’ said his mother; ‘I will befriend her, if there is need, for your asking, John. I would befriend Jezebel herself if you asked me. But this girl, who turns up her nose at us all — who turns up her nose at you — — ’
‘Nay, mother; I have never yet put myself, and I mean never to put myself, within reach of her contempt.’
‘Contempt, indeed!’ — (One of Mrs. Thornton’s expressive snorts.) — ’Don’t go on speaking of Miss Hale, John, if I’ve to be kind to her. When I’m with her, I don’t know if I like or dislike her most; but when I think of her, and hear you talk of her, I hate her. I can see she’s given herself airs to you as well as if you’d told me out.’
Delphi Complete Works of Elizabeth Gaskell Page 132
