“Katie! I got here as quickly as I could. What in the world is wrong?” The voice, filled with both panic and concern, broke into her thoughts.
She turned toward the sound of it. William strode toward her and took hold of her waist. She broke away from his grasp and stepped back. “Go away, William, please…just go away.”
He moved toward her again and cupped her face with his hands. “What happened? Are you ill? When is the last time you’ve eaten?”
Again she moved away from him. “Does it matter?”
His eyes filled with confusion. “Of course it matters. I could feel something wrong, terribly wrong, but I couldn’t get here until now.”
“No, I suppose you couldn’t. Not when she required so much of your time, right?”
“She?” He shook his head. “Katie, what are you talking about? You must know I’ve been working with—”
“A beautiful girl with a soft, lilting laugh and long, golden hair?”
He drew his brows together. “What?”
She closed her eyes against the pain of the memory. To her horror, tears overflowed the boundary and cascaded down her cheeks. “Please…please don’t lie to me. Don’t you know that’s far more malicious than the truth could ever be?”
“There is no woman, Katie, golden-haired or otherwise.”
She held up a hand. “I saw you with Laura Lea Erickson after you left me Christmas night. I saw you.”
He took a half-step back as he searched her eyes. “How did you—”
“Does it matter how I found out about the two of you?” she cut in. “The fact is, I do. Though I’m sure you’d rather I didn’t, right?”
“I don’t know what it is you think you know. But whatever is going on inside that beautiful head of yours, you’re not even close to the truth of the matter.”
“Don’t, William, please don’t—”
He firmed his jaw. “Okay, let’s go ahead and talk about this. Did I ever date Laura? Yes, once upon a long time ago, I did. She wasn’t the only woman I dated either, there were many of them along the way. That’s what single mortal men and women do, don’t they? Did I ever fall in love with any of them? The answer to that question is yes. To some degree I did hold affection for a few. Despite that affection, I never once considered taking any of them to the altar. Do you know why? Because somewhere in my soul, I knew none of them were you.”
She huffed out a breath. “And while you waited for me to make my grand entrance, you passed the time with other mortal women?”
“Stop, Katie. You’re not making any sense. What makes you think I would do something like that?”
“Gustavus showed me.”
Anger replaced the confusion in his eyes. “Surely you know Gustavus filled your head with lies, Katie. Tell me you know that.”
Unable to speak, she shook her head and sniffed.
William took her into his arms. He held her fast as he gazed into her eyes.
Despite all attempts, she couldn’t escape.
“Look at me, Katie. Look hard and see that what I say is true.”
She did as he asked, but still said nothing in return.
“Just like the fire in the Jameson’s barn, Gustavus created a deceitful fabrication just so he could cause you a great deal of pain. There is no truth in the scenes he created. Not then and not now, do you understand that?”
She took in a tattered breath and held on to it for dear life.
“I love you and only you. Trust the part of you that knows this. You know you have filled every part and particle of my heart. The profound love we have for each other has endured for eons of time, Katie. Nothing and no one can change that now—unless you let it.”
Her fragile heart couldn’t chance acceptance despite the sincerity—maybe even the truth—she saw in his eyes. She swallowed past the knot in her throat. “In Normandy, when we first met face-to-face, you said you’d stay out of my life if that’s what I desired, isn’t that right?” The words came out in a pitiful sort of whisper.
William dropped his hands and took a half-step back. He shook his head. “Don’t do this, Katie. Please for the love of Heaven, don’t do this to us.”
His pain tore at her soul. Despite the agony, she couldn’t give him what he wanted. She couldn’t. “I need…I need you to…to go away. I can’t. Please understand…and don’t come back.”
He dropped his gaze for a moment. His agony, his suffering, shot like a blazing arrow through her heart.
As he lifted his head and gazed into her eyes, she saw both acceptance and resignation mingled with his pain. “So be it.”
Katie opened her mouth to take back her words. Somehow she must take away the anguish and the sorrow she inflicted.
But she was too late. Far too late. William had already disappeared.
Chapter Seventeen
“You all right, Sarge?”
The question cut like the sharpest of swords through his soul. No. No, he wasn’t all right. He may never be all right again. Nonetheless, he turned toward Richard Barnett and smiled as best he could. “Rest assured this isn’t the worst moment of my life.”
True enough. The worst moment happened the last time he saw Katie and she said—
“If you don’t mind my saying so, you’ve looked pretty rough around the edges here of late,” he said. “Is there a reason for that and is there anything I can do to help?”
William shrugged off his concern. “Worry not, all is well.”
“You aren’t having trouble with one of the newer guys, are you?”
“No, for the moment the men are all fine.”
“Okay, not my business. Got it. See you next time.” With a firm grasp, Richie shook his hand and took his leave.
At last, all of the soldiers at this gathering had left his home save one. The one that remained behind shouldn’t surprise him. He looked Don in the eye and nodded. “I thought you’d be the first one out of here since Rachel is anxiously awaiting your arrival.”
“She is.” For a time he held his peace. All the while, the man probed his eyes. “The unfortunate thing is I can’t leave. At least I can’t leave until you tell me whatever it is you don’t want any of your friends to know.”
“There isn’t—”
“Before you finish that sentence, know that I know you’re in pain. I can see it. I have seen it, even if others cannot, even if others do not, or if they would rather not pry because of it. On the other hand, I’ll not leave here until I understand the reason for your grief—plain and simple.”
“I appreciate your concern. Really, I do. However, there’s not a thing you can do about my present circumstances. Go on now. Rachel is waiting for you.”
Don eased himself back against the cushion and propped his foot on top his knee. “Yep, she sure is and so am I.”
“You can’t fix the pain. No one can. So go ahead and go—your lady waits. Take advantage of each moment you can. They are most precious.”
“I’ll not argue with that. Nonetheless, a while back you sought me out when I would rather you hadn’t. My despair and my reluctance didn’t stop you from digging out the details I wanted left alone. Though I didn’t tell you at the time, nor have I spoken of it since, you helped me deal with the heartache more than you might’ve guessed. Now if it’s all the same to you, I’ll return the favor. What has happened between you and Katie?”
“What makes you think this has anything to do with Katie?”
“Because I recognize that look in your eyes. I also know you’ve not visited Katie for quite some time now even though you’ve had ample opportunity. In addition, Rachel knows something is terribly wrong with Katie as well. She says Katie avoids her whenever possible. When she does get through to her on the phone, Katie keeps their conversation way too short. Rachel says she has used a number of excuses for this. None of them hold up under scrutiny. Without question she knows something is wrong. Very wrong. We both do. So with all due respect, Sergeant Griffin, spill it. Know
that I won’t leave until you do.”
William took a seat in the chair across from him. “Okay, if you insist on doing this, you’re right. I haven’t seen Katie for a while. You see, the last time we were together she asked me not to come back. Ever. I’ve obliged the request. Does that satisfy you well enough?”
“That doesn’t make sense. She loves you.”
“Perhaps at one time that might’ve been true. I’m not so sure anymore.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. The kind of love you have for each other doesn’t disappear overnight and you know it.”
“No, but it might die over time if one believes a vicious lie long enough.”
Don dropped his leg and stomped his foot on the ground. “Enough already. What vicious lie? Tell me straight out what happened, William. Don’t make me drag it out of you. I hate it when you do that.”
He shrugged. “I don’t know all of the details myself. All I can tell you with any certainty is that sometime after I left her on Christmas night, Gustavus paid her a visit by way of a dream. At least I think he used that method. He inferred that I had—and am having—dalliances with a least a couple of women. Maybe more. Who knows what spewed out of that twisted mind of his? The images he conjured left her more devastated than you can possibly imagine. I can tell you right now, Don, I’ve never, ever, seen her in such pain. No matter what I said or did, I couldn’t fix the damage.”
“Didn’t you tell her the foul miscreant conjured another bald-faced lie in order to cause her pain? She should know by now just how good he is at that. Look what he did to me and Rachel.”
“Of course I did. I reminded her of all that as well. I told her I loved her and only her. Not a thing I said got through to her though. Nothing I said mattered. Somehow Gustavus caught wind of her past insecurities and vulnerabilities. Maybe he heard her discuss them with someone or simply guessed. Who knows? Regardless of how he found out, he used them against her—against us.”
“Oh, man. I can’t believe the sadistic old weasel would sink that low. I’m telling you right now, Hell is too good a place for the likes of him.”
“Maybe that’s why he avoids it.” William rubbed a hand against his chin. “Anyway, I should’ve seen it coming. In another dream Katie had shortly after her first visit with Rachel, he said he’d exact his vengeance. I didn’t think much of it at the time. In fact, I told Katie the dream probably came from her worry and nothing more. Rather than dismiss it, I should’ve prepared her for such an event. If I had, this might not have happened.”
“I’m so sorry, William. You know time has a way of healing things, though, don’t you? We see that here all the time among the soldiers within our ranks. I’m sure once she’s thought about it long enough, she’ll realize that everything Gustavus said and did—”
“No, I don’t think so. At least not for as long as Katie’s mortal. I’m not so sure there’s hope even come the day she’s not.”
“Don’t say that. In fact, don’t even think it for a single moment. You can’t let Gustavus destroy you as well.”
William turned his gaze toward the ceiling. “You didn’t see her, Don. You didn’t see the expression on Katie’s face, or the anguish in her eyes. I don’t know if anything can heal it now.”
“Let me talk to Rachel. Maybe if she just drops in on her when she least expects it, she can talk some sense into her.”
“No, please don’t do that. In fact, promise me you won’t tell her about any of this. She shouldn’t suffer any more pain than what she already has at the hands of her father. If Rachel finds out, she’ll take responsibility for it. You know that just as well as I do. That’s a weight she shouldn’t carry.”
Don dropped his head for a moment as he gazed at the floor. “You might be right about that. Have you told Isaiah about any of this yet? Perhaps he can help us find a solution.”
“No, I haven’t talked to him. There isn’t anything he can say that will change things. In fact, there isn’t anything anyone can do. Just let it go, all right?”
After their conversation ended, William went to his study and sat down at his desk. He opened the drawer and retrieved his journal. For a while he gazed at the cover and found he didn’t have the heart to flip it open. Where he once found solace in writing down his feelings, the thought of doing so now caused even more pain. He tossed it back inside the drawer and headed outside to his garden. Countless flowers were in full bloom. One in particular caught his attention. He had never before seen one with such exquisite beauty. In his opinion, the rose looked as if it created itself especially for his beautiful Katie. Any other time, he might’ve taken it to her. Once given, he would take delight in the radiant smile she’d give him in return.
The thought grabbed hold. What if he did? What if he put it on the table next to her bed as she slept? Would she understand and accept the deep love the rose symbolized? Such a visit wouldn’t really break his promise, would it? After all, he would make sure she didn’t see him.
Scant moments later, with rose in hand, he crossed the boundary that separated her realm from his. As he knew he would, he found her fast asleep. Her lashes were still wet with the tears she had shed before she had fallen into a deep slumber. He knew Gustavus didn’t cause them. With the very real threat of Hell hanging over his head, he knew the worm would never devil her again. So why did she cry? Did she mourn the loss of their relationship as much as he did? If so, could they find their way back to each other, even if that moment didn’t happen until the end of her life?
Though perhaps quite foolish, he would cling to that hope with all of the strength he had left. He found he couldn’t do otherwise no matter how hard he tried. William gazed at the rose in indecision. Perhaps he shouldn’t leave it after all. But then again—
He placed the rose on her bedside table then sat down on the edge of her bed. For a while he drank in the beauty of her face. He took comfort in being at her side, even if he didn’t belong there. The thought nagged. Once again he recalled the last time he and Katie were together and the words she had said.
No, he didn’t belong here anymore. She’d made that quite clear.
With a heavy heart, he took the rose and slid it off the table. He stood, leaned down, and kissed her full on the lips. “I am so sorry for what Gustavus did to you. If I could take you back in time and prevent the incident, I’d do it in a heartbeat. You know that, don’t you?” he whispered. “Nonetheless, if somewhere deep down inside you can still hear me, know that you still own my heart and soul. They are yours without condition. I’ve always loved you, Katie. I will always love you and only you. Nothing can or will ever change it.”
****
The persistent hammering on her front door awakened Katie. She sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She drew her knees upward and wrapped her arms around them. So tired. Fatigue consumed her. As she dropped her head and closed her eyes, the knock sounded again. Louder this time.
“Katie? Open the door this minute or I swear I’ll knock it down!”
“I’m coming, Mom. I’m coming.”
Despite her exhaustion she slid out of bed. She donned her robe as she headed for the door. The moment she opened it, Diane barged in. Though unnecessary, Katie swept a hand toward her sofa anyway. “Come on in and make yourself comfortable. Can I get you a cup of tea or something now that you woke me up on my one and only day off?”
“Stop. Just stop. I’ve had enough of this nonsense, Katie. I won’t stand for it a second longer. Do you hear me?”
She covered her mouth and yawned. “Enough of what nonsense, Mom? I haven’t got a clue what you’re talking about?”
“Oh, yes you do. I want to know what’s going on. I’m not leaving here until you tell me.” She held up a hand as she narrowed her eyes and gave her a sideways glance. “Don’t test me on this. I promise you’ll lose the battle. I’ve been patient long enough. I know something is terribly wrong and I’m tired of waiting for you to tell me what it is.”
A lump formed in Katie’s throat as she shook her head. “Please, Mom, don’t—”
“Don’t what? Don’t care about you? Don’t see the sadness in your eyes? Don’t see the weight you’ve lost? Don’t ask for the cause? I did that once before. I will not make that mistake again.”
She took in a shallow breath. “No, what I—”
“Does this deep sorrow you carry have something to do with that soldier of yours?”
Katie’s mouth dropped as she stared at her mother. “Wha…what soldier? What are you talking about?”
A slight smile emerged. “I thought that would get your attention.”
“I don’t—”
“I’ve seen him you know.” Diane lifted her brows. “Are you surprised?”
Her fingers traveled to her throat. “When did you see him? Where?”
“In the hospital while you were in your coma. In fact, I saw him on several occasions over the weeks you spent there. He watched over you with a ferocity that would intimidate Attila the Hun himself, I’m sure. Still, I couldn’t help but notice you slept far more peacefully whenever he stood at your side. I knew then you sensed his presence. You took a great deal of comfort in it. In fact, I think you took far more comfort in his presence than you did in ours. That alone told me you were very familiar with him, so you needn’t deny it.”
“Well, I won’t then, but—”
“Good. Now we have that out of the way, we can move on.”
“You weren’t afraid of him?”
“Not in the least. Should I have been?” Her mother shook her head and tsked as she patted the cushion next to her. “Oh, for Heaven’s sake. Stop staring at me like I have my head on backwards and come sit down.”
The lump in Katie’s throat grew as she sat down next to her. “Now, is he the problem? If so, you need to tell me what’s going on between the two of you.”
She squeezed her eyes shut. “Please, don’t ask me—”
“Sorry. I can’t do that. Besides, you need to get it all out. I promise you’ll feel much better after you do.”
Love Letters from Heaven Page 20
