I’m frozen in place and can’t say anything now. This is serious.
So when Dennis laughs and shakes his head and offers his hand, again, to Magnus only to be ignored, he walks around us and then swiftly shows himself the exit.
I’ve never seen Magnus’ face looking so tight and angry. He closes his eyes briefly, bringing his left hand to his face, massaging his temples. “Cindy, give me a moment alone with Shaleigh, please.”
My body tenses as I realize I’m in double trouble now. Magnus’ trusted right-hand woman nods and walks away, leaving me alone with my boss slash boyfriend. If he’s even still that.
“This comes to me… as a surprise, Shaleigh, truly,” he says, choosing his words carefully. “Is there any truth to this?”
I cross my arms. “I did not steal from anyone. I did not defraud anyone. Sure I had a bad upbringing, maybe even have a record — misdemeanors, no more. And let me tell you something, growing up an attractive black teenager surrounded by scummy law enforcement bullies like Dennis means you’re always going to be targeted. These are guys who will constantly try to corner you and get you to do what they want. That’s why I left.”
“Well,” Magnus absorbs what I’m saying, “I suppose this answers the first question I should have asked you — if you knew this man.”
“Yeah. Dennis. My ex.”
Magnus doesn’t seem to have an outward reaction to this. He seems to just soak it all in, trying to understand everything. “This just made me realize I know so little about you.”
“But that’s because you’ve never asked…” I reply softly.
The stress from all this has me blurting out apologies. “I’m so sorry, Magnus. I… I never meant for my past to catch up with me. I’m not a strong person. Every time I’ve been dealt a bad hand, my first reaction is to run away from it. Not anymore. I like where I am, what I’m doing, who I’m around. And you’re to thank for that.”
“Shaleigh…” Magnus tries to say, his hands lifting slowly to hold my shoulders, but I twist and step back. I can’t be touched right now. I am too fragile.
My eyes water up. “I’m sorry. I’m not strong.”
“Like hell,” Magnus replies, shaking his head.
“This is just how I am. Dennis is a bad person, and worse, he’s the kind of bad person who’ll hide behind the protection and power of a badge, just like he always has. I don’t even know how he caught up with me, but I can guarantee you that the moment I left home, he’s been looking for me. This is the moment of his triumph.”
I wipe the tears away from my eyes. “There’s going to be nothing but trouble from here on out. The last thing I want is for you to be hurt by it too. If… if…”
“If?” Magnus asks, lifting his head.
I don’t want to say it. I don’t want to give voice to the fear and doubt that’s in my head. “If you want me to quit, I’ll quit. Thank you for the opportunity.”
“Shaleigh!” he says, the boom of his voice surprising even me. “What’s gotten into you?”
“Like I said, I don’t want you to be hurt by me and my actions.”
“I can fight my own damn battles,” Magnus says, with the trademark cockiness I’ve come to know, and sometimes adore, in him. “I care about you enough to fight for you too.”
Normally these are words that would be a source of great comfort to me, but I can see clearly now.
And what I can see is the truth — that I made my bed, and now I have to sleep in it.
“I’m sorry, Magnus, it’s just that… I understand everything now. That this is my battle, that I brought it on, and it’s karma for running away and abandoning my family. Of leaving my grandma, my friends, just so I could get away from Dennis after his slaps turned into punches and kicks. I understand that I don’t deserve anything.”
Magnus steps back, his face registering shock and pain.
“We deserve to break up,” I whisper, and close my eyes. It’s no use. I immediately start crying again.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“Are you sure about this, girl?” Phil asks me, shifting his weight uncomfortably in the car as he drives. “It’s not too late to back out.”
“Back out? Only for… what? For him to escalate things further?” I counter, my head in my hands as I sit in the passenger seat. My head in my hands: now that’s something I’ve been doing nonstop this whole damn day.
A regrettable awkwardness settled into the rest of my work day after Magnus was pulled away from his conversation with me by Cindy. It should have felt like a lifeline, but what it felt instead was the dread of knowing an axe is hovering over me. I worked like a drone until it was time to go, blinking away tears and the feeling of anxiety that Dennis is getting ready to do worse things to me.
By the time I left work, I wasn’t even sure if I was going to come back to it the next day. Worse, I didn’t even know if Magnus wanted me to.
But what mattered more was the way Magnus nodded ever so slightly when I told him we deserved to break up. He agreed. He can say all he wants about how he cares for me, how he’ll fight for me, but the moment I suggested we break up — he was gone, just like that.
I literally could feel him blink away any feelings he had for me.
Part of me is convinced I’m reading him wrong, that the way he looked so hurt was a sign that I didn’t really get him and the complex way his emotions work. The reality is, I’m not even sure about anything, let alone such a complicated man.
“Shell?” Phil nudges me again.
“Uh… I’m sure about this,” I groan.
Dennis texted me the moment I got home. Just a time and a place. There’s no need to threaten me either: he knows I’d show up.
He knows I have to.
It’s not like I’m doing this because there’s an automatic part of me that’s been conditioned from all his abuse and gaslighting that makes me just have to go along with his wishes.
No, and I don’t want to come off as trying too hard to be noble here, but no. This is about making sure that by going ahead with this and keeping all my friends and family from the damage, I’ll be able to ensure there’s one fewer potential victim to the evil deputy’s manipulations and machinations.
When we get to the empty parking lot, Phil shows me his phone. He’s got 911 ready on speed dial, in case things go south.
The irony makes me laugh. “He is the police,” I remind my roommate.
I wasn’t expecting the bitter resentment in his voice as he answers me. “In some bumfuck town, maybe. But not here. He can’t get away with what he’s done to you, girl.”
My nod to him is automatic, unable to figure out the right words to say. Just having him waiting around keeps me at a disadvantage — Dennis will note that I disobeyed his instruction to come alone.
I’m not that stupid. There’s no telling what he might do if it was just me and him alone. Not that Phil is exactly the most reliable bodyguard, but it’s a little reassuring to know at least one other person has my back.
Because it sure feels like I don’t know if Magnus can be that guy.
“Okay, I’m here,” I call out after I’ve stepped out of the car, walking towards the center of the empty parking lot. I can feel the goosebumps rise all over me, and holding the shudder back of my low-key terror is difficult. This is a negotiation, after all, and I’m starting off poorly.
Dennis is holding all the cards here.
I watch all the pillars, wondering if he’s hiding in the shadows, like some sick fucking creep. Yes, of course he is: I spot him, his face illuminated by his phone as he leans against a wall.
The light from his screen makes his smile, full of teeth, look even more sinister.
“You came, baby,” he says, lifting his phone up to chest height.
“What the fuck, Dennis?” I ask, flinching. I fan my hands out in front of me, ready to cover my face. “You’re recording me? You’re such a creep.”
“Call me whatever the fuck you wa
nt, honey,” the deputy continues grinning. “Fact is, this is an official investigation — and this meeting requires documentation, you know, for evidence purposes.”
I know what he’s trying to do. He’s trying to disguise himself with his authority… and he knows that most people are too caught up in their terror to question his motives, to question his methods. “You’re lying.”
“Say whatever you like. Like I said, this way you can’t lie about it afterwards. Like you did with your big ol’ boss just now, baby. Think you can outrun me? Bullshit. You’re always gonna slip up, and I’m always gonna find you.”
There’s a distance of about eight or nine yards between us but I want to get close just so I can spit in his face. There’s nothing but malice written on Dennis’ face, and I find myself regretting I used to find him attractive. He hid his evil behind his good looks: angular features, a square jaw with a shit-eating grin that quickly revealed everything there was to him.
A stalker. An abuser. A monster.
“So, what is it you called me here for, huh, Dennis? Trying to bundle me up into a van and drive off back to Georgia?” I taunt him.
He clenches his fists. I can tell I’m getting to him. But then he renews his smile and relaxes slightly. “You don’t have to be so hostile, baby. Remember all the good times we had?”
Yeah, for about six weeks, followed by years of torment, I resist saying.
“Well, let’s say we can go back to those days,” Dennis offers, taking pains to make himself sound perfectly reasonable. “I’m ready to make amends for all my mistakes.”
“Misdeeds is a more accurate term, you asshole,” I tell him.
Latching onto my rage, he jerks himself forward and laughs when he sees me flinch backwards, nearly stumbling and falling.
“Jesus fuck, Shell, you’re so jumpy!” Dennis says, laughing. Then as he sees me all stony, he laughs again. “Fucking hell, okay, so let’s say it’s misdeeds, not mistakes. Just words. I don’t give a shit, I just want you part of my life again. Come back home, baby. We’ve all missed you. Me most of all. But you know what? Your dear old nana, too. You know her Alzheimer’s is getting worse, right?”
This is too much. “Fuck that,” I turn away from him. “Don’t you bring her up.”
“I’ve kept the bulk of your story away from her, don’t worry, baby,” Dennis says, his eyes flashing with an evil I am shocked to have to personally witness. “In fact, I’ve been visiting and explaining to her that you’re working late nights, that’s why you’re never around. She’s glad I’m still there, though, because at least there’s one person out there she can rely on.”
I can’t say anything. My jaw just drops.
“Problem is, I may have, uh, failed to correct her dementia-inspired suspicion that you’re working late nights and never coming to visit because you’re some kind of stripper down at the Pussy Willow. Remember that place? Remember how we used to have our dates there, you getting free Mojitos on ladies nights, me getting free whatever the fuck I want every night because everyone respects a man with a badge? Jesus fuck, those were good days, Shell.”
“You asshole,” I repeat, spitting the word out.
“Now, here’s the offer, and don’t worry — this offer is going to stay on the table, because you may hate me now but you’ll still take me up on it later, when you come to your senses. Maybe if I have it my way, when you, ahem, cum to your senses. I’ve missed that from you, you know, baby,” Dennis grins wider.
“What the fuck are you even saying?” I say, my heart sinking as I realize how he’s manipulating me all over again. A one-time offer is something I’d know is in bad faith. But by stringing it in front of me like this, he’s telling me that he’s willing to wait… knowing that eventually I’ll do anything to help save my grandma.
“I’m saying you can get the slate wiped clean, Shell. Everything back in order. Record corrected, so on, so forth. All you gotta do is say yes.”
I have to say yes, I tell myself. I’ll never be safe until I do.
“Go on, baby, just say yes.”
I clench my teeth, thinking pursing my lips and staying silent will somehow keep my heart from breaking.
He lifts an eyebrow, waiting for me to answer.
“No. No, and fuck you,” I eventually say. A wave of relief floods me… but it’s instantly replaced with a new sense of terror. Who knows what Dennis might resort to now that I’ve actually uttered the words he hates the most?
But he stands firm. The grin disappears, and I see violence in his eyes. I’m all too carefully aware of the distance between us, and how he can close in to me in a matter of seconds.
I reel away and Dennis doesn’t laugh this time. Instead, he watches like a predator. He opens his mouth as I keep backing away. And then his words confirm I was right to be so careful:
“Promise you this, baby doll. This won’t be the last you’ll see of me.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
To tell you the truth, I’m a little surprised to see Magnus waiting for me, sitting on the step of my house as I come out of the car with Phil.
My roommate shoots me a look and I raise a hand to calm him down. “It’s okay,” I murmur. “At least, I think.”
“You’ve been through way too much shit to have to deal with anything like this anymore, girl,” Phil says. “I’ll wait for you inside. Just call if you need me.”
I stop and wait for Phil to walk past Magnus, who he greets with a nod and a soft hello, before I return my gaze to the billionaire.
After seeing Dennis, the sight of Magnus should be something reassuring and good — but somehow I don’t have the energy for it. Instead I sigh.
“Long day,” Magnus remarks, enunciating both syllables carefully.
“You don’t even know,” I say. I have to do my best not to tell him about the Dennis deal. Some things are between me and the asshole alone. And what can Magnus do anyway? It’s not like he wants to do anything, plus, his idea of a solution would be to pay people off.
Dennis can’t be paid off.
“Gonna go straight to it,” Magnus says. “I made some checks with the sheriff’s department. Discreetly, of course. Nothing will be traced back to me, and especially not to you.”
“Yeah, right,” I sarcastically say, rubbing my temples.
“No, trust me. I have a fixer — a lawyer who handles some unpleasant tasks on behalf of his clients — with good contacts in the county he claims he’s working for, and he was able to piece a few things together,” Magnus says. “His credentials may be legit, but there’s definitely something that isn’t right about this.”
“No kidding.”
“Least of all is his absurd multi-state pursuit of you. I’m not saying you’re lying, but at least now I have the facts to help inform me, moving forward. Shaleigh, you’re not in trouble. I’m not letting you get in trouble. No matter what it takes.”
I want to step closer, but running away from one man doesn’t mean I should fall into the arms of another. Especially a man who I just broke up with today.
If I succumb to that and he allows it, that tells me a lot about his character. It shows he doesn’t really care about me, he’s just more interested in having me than taking care of my well-being. I may be paranoid right now, but I know I’m right.
“I’m sorry for how things worked out today,” Magnus says, bringing the volume of his voice down. “I wish we hadn’t broken up, but I understand why you said that. Is it possible you might change your mind?”
My head shakes automatically. “Not without some real accountability… for both of us. There’s a big gap where our relationship is and our relationship needs to be.”
I instantly hate myself for using that phrase — our relationship — because my heart instantly pangs with the realization that we don’t have a relationship right now, and everything here is just us talking about our regrets.
“I miss you, Shaleigh,” Magnus says. I watch his eyes, and instantl
y see the sincerity of his gaze.
At that moment, I find myself hating myself even more, for having to be so goddamn stubborn about these things. Yet there’s a reason for all that, and the presence of Dennis looming like an imminent threat is just proof that I’m right about this.
Magnus steps forward, gingerly, as if he wants to give me plenty of advance warning that he’s about to touch me. When I stand still and allow him to come close, his hug is beautifully executed, but my heart takes the damage. “Goddammit,” I murmur in his ear as he holds me.
“Don’t worry about a single thing,” Magnus tries to comfort me. “You’re not alone.”
But I am.
“I’m so sorry too,” I say, beginning to tear up again. “I’m sorry for being so stupid, for crying like this in front of the man I want. That’s you… and you might think that I have too much pride to ask for your help, but that’s not true. The problem is I’ve been running away from my problems for so long that I don’t know how to stop and turn around and face them.”
“You made it here, okay?” Magnus says, whispering as he hugs me tighter. “Everything will be alright.”
I pull away from him. My face is etched in reflexive anger. “Why do you say that? It’s not. Maybe for you it will. Maybe when you have billions of dollars and lawyers and fixers who can make problems disappear, everything will be alright. But I’m just some nobody. I can’t just pray that things will get better. Trust me, I used to go to church every Sunday. I don’t anymore.”
“Alright, how about keeping your distance from this Dennis just a little longer, then?” Magnus asks. He pulls out a keycard from his suit pocket. “This is a deluxe room at the Hilton. You can stay tonight. I know the general manager there, he’ll make sure to keep an eye out for the deputy. You’ll have physical distance. You never know what Dennis might try.”
“He’s a coward,” I agree, but I can’t take his help. He tries to hand the keycard to me but I push it back into his palm. “If I leave, he’ll just feel more empowered. He’ll know that I’m getting to him. And cowards only try shit if they know they hold all the power.”
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