I winced; I was not worthy of her forgiveness.
“All pains can be healed, my precious one. The question is, how long do you plan on forsaking yourself to grovel at her feet?”
“As long as it takes,” I said without delay.
“You are no longer hindered by her mortality, so that could prove to be a very long time. However, if you wish to win back the love, but most importantly, the trust, of the woman you love, time will no longer matter to you. Day and night will cease to exist, and her forgiveness will become your only purpose in life. It is a very long and painstaking process, ask your father.”
“What should I ask Toran?”
“You know that I stabbed him?” she asked with a mischievous smirk.
I nodded.
“Do you know why I stabbed him?”
“No, he refuses to tell me the story,” I admitted.
“I will happily tell you the tale. Toran was the High Commander of the Finnish Legion of Vampires, this you know. However, what you do not know is that he was a real piece of egotistical shit, to say the least. My lovely husband thought that he could take whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, and didn’t think twice about it or the consequences behind his actions...when he drank. While he was visiting Western Russia, one of the Pashas ordered a caravan of concubines and I was one of them, stolen from my bed while I slept, my husband’s throat slit so he couldn’t fight them.”
I gasped; that was news to me.
“We were paraded in front of the men like slabs of meat at auction. I still have nightmares about it. However, when I remember that I stabbed one of them, it makes me smile and feel slightly better. Sorry, I am getting distracted. Your father was one of the men being entertained by the Pasha, and nearly all of them tried to claim me, naturally. Toran was unarguably the best fighter, and they were not going to risk a beheading over a woman. I was chained and taken to his quarters, and when he came in and tried to bed me, I stabbed him in the chest.”
“Oh,” I said in a choked whisper.
“I did not know what Toran was, and imagine my surprise when the bastard did not die. Instead, he snapped back, fangs and all, and bit me. Once I woke with the hunger, I was irate. It was rather interesting I suddenly disappeared in a cloud of smoke,” she said with a chuckle. “Toran turned me accidentally, it was never his objective of course, he was merely trying to nurse his wounded pride since he was bested by a concubine.
“Whether it was pity or guilt, I still do not know, but he professed his dedication to me and swore to be by my side and protect me from those who wished to do me harm. I did not understand his words or where his concern was coming from, and when I ran from him and was nearly consumed by the sun, I was even more livid. I did not say one word to him for many years. I hated him. Hated what he did to me. Hated what he made me. Hated the way he looked, tasted, smelled, his voice...simply his presence irritated me to levels of madness that were stab-worthy. Every day of every hour he apologized, for everything, even that for which he was not responsible, and that made me want to stab him even more.
“Eventually, my distain turned to respect. From watching him and being by his side, I learned much about the man whom I now call ‘husband’. He is fearless and endlessly compassionate, determined and selfless, was a man of his word, and never once in the years that I was by his side in silence did he touch me or try to get into my bed. Eventually, I told him to stop apologizing, and if he wanted to make amends, then do so. Toran tracked down the men whom took me and killed my husband, and he slaughtered them and freed their caravan of captives...I will admit, it was more than I thought he was going to do,” she mumbled the latter and I tried to keep from chuckling. “Eventually, I agreed to marry him after another century, and we have been together since.”
I nodded. “Mum, you are seriously twisted and stubborn.”
“Indeed I am,” she agreed with a smile.
“Do you think Miss Jay Dee will eventually forgive me?” I whispered.
“I do not know,” she admitted. “You two are truly destined to be together, however, what you said was very harsh and it broke the young girl’s heart. Miss Jay Dee is so much like you, my precious one. She does not enjoy the life of immortality in which she was born, yet she is doing the best she can through unimaginable odds. Miss Jay Dee smiles and tries to play peacekeeper, even to those who wish her harm and do not respect her. From what her mum was saying, she has always turned the other cheek, even when she should not. However, you hurt her on a level that she cannot simply turn away from, or overlook. You were her first, the one she gave herself to, the one she marked as hers and only hers for all eternity, and she asked for nothing from you in return. Openly, Jay Dee gave you her heart, love, trust, soul, and body. You gave the same, but then you snatched them away, leaving her questioning everything about herself. Even I would not forgive you so readily for that.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled and she pulled me to a stop.
“Tanis, be the man that I know you are. Miss Jay Dee saw the wonderful man beneath the surface, and he is the man she fell in love with, not the cynical asshole whom is bitter at the world and hates everyone around him. Jay Dee fell in love with the Tanis Ashton that I see when I look upon you, the Tanis that you keep from the world in fear of your brother and sister ruining him. You deserve to be happy, as does she, and if you make each other happy, then come hell or high water, somehow you will make amends and she will accept you back.”
“Do you truly believe she will forgive me?”
She smiled warmly. “I pray she will. I must admit, I was scared that, with their commonalities in mechanics, cars, and heaters, that it may have been the other one, as much as I love him and want to see him happy as well, but I prayed for centuries that it was you. You, my precious one, deserve her love and to be happy more than anyone.”
My brow furrowed. “Huh?” I asked, scratching my head.
“I think we need to go shopping through the catalog!” she beamed with a face-consuming smile, changing the subject. “I know the perfect piece.”
“Thanks, Mum,” I whispered and hugged her tight. “Perhaps I should take up praying as well.”
“Possibly, it might help. Word to the wise, my precious one,” she whispered in my ear. “If the girl will not talk to you, talk to those whom the girl talks.”
I nodded my understanding: Jarvis, Yahto, and Cain were going to become my new best friends, and fast.
“Sweetheart, you have to go to school today. It’s been a week.”
“No!” I yelled for the millionth time. “Leave me alone!”
Why won’t anyone leave me alone? All I want is to be left alone, to hide in my room like a coward, and refuse to face the world.
Is that too much to ask?
Obviously it is since no one has left me alone since my birthday.
That asshole, whose name I refused to think or say, made my birthday the greatest day of my life. But, not to be outdone, he then quickly made it the worst.
Even now, I start to tear up thinking about it.
His words kept echoing through my mind, ripping at my heart and soul. Never in my life had I felt more dirty, ashamed, and disgusted of what I am than I did that night, and still did over a week later.
In his opinion, I was nothing more than a disgusting mutt, a dog of inferior birth, who shouldn’t be breathing the same air as him.
Asshole.
“You need to eat something,” Mom argued.
“I’m not hungry,” I mumbled.
“You don’t have a choice, so get your melancholy ass downstairs.”
Goddamn moms.
I rolled out of bed and sulked down the hall, stomping loudly down the stairs as I went. Once I hit the living room, a knock came at the door.
Instantly I was growling, thinking it was a trap.
I sniffed; not Jerk-face.
I opened the door and standing there was a deliveryman with a large vase filled with three dozen roses.
> “Delivery for Jay Dee Lightfoot,” he said with a smile.
“Stay,” I growled, causing him to jump, startled, and grabbed Jarvis’ wallet off of the table and took a twenty from it. “I want you to deliver these back to sender. Here’s twenty bucks for your time.” I took his pen and scribbled the address on the signature line and broke each rose, just as he broke my heart. “Tell him I said to go get a tan without his ring,” I snarled before slamming the door in the stunned, and very confused, deliveryman’s face.
“That wasn’t very mature,” Jarvis informed from the kitchen doorway. “And you owe me twenty bucks.”
I flipped him off and pushed past him before flopping down at the kitchen table.
Like a stereotypical teenager who got her heart broken, I glared at everyone and everything, even the food.
I hadn’t eaten in days. I hadn’t showered. Hadn’t gone to school or to work. I was pretty damn confident that I had been wearing the same pajamas I went to bed in on my birthday.
Cain stayed with me all weekend while her boyfriend hung out with Steffen. I refused to let him in the house; already one vampire too many has an open invitation to my home. I still hadn’t figured out a way to recant that invitation either. Cain told me to forgive him, that he was confused and stunned, he’s old and set in his ways, and blah, blah, blah.
That wasn’t going to happen any time soon.
Jerk-face wouldn’t take his damn car back. If it wasn’t so pretty and innocent, just a pawn in his sick, twisted game, I would have taken a baseball bat to her.
She was way too pretty and innocent to, in good conscience, hurt.
A steady stream of packages, flowers, balloons, singing telegrams, you name it, had come to the house, and each was declined and sent back.
I wasn’t happy when I found out that Jarvis had gone shopping-shopping with Jerk-face. I told Jarvis to give him the stuff back, but he refused and told me to get over it.
Men, ha! Why did they seemingly always side with each other?
“So,” Dad started, “how’s it going?”
I glared at him.
“Well then,” he said with a chuckle. “You need to get yourself together and get over it.”
“No shit? Why didn’t I think of that?”
No one missed my sarcasm.
“Sis, aren’t you always the one who says to turn the other cheek?” Jarvis asked and smiled wide.
“That’s the bible, dumbass. When are you leaving? I’m tired of your damn optimism,” I sneered.
That was only partially a lie. I wasn’t looking forward to Jarvis going back to school. When he left, it’d mean that I was all alone again.
Great, now I’m crying, again.
Jarvis hugged me. “I’ll be back for Christmas. You won’t even notice that I’m gone,” he assured me.
And his reassurance caused me to cry even harder but I wasn’t entirely sure why. It could have been the lack of food, lack of sleep, or the nonstop chick flicks I had been watching for almost two weeks straight. Usually I was all about kung fu and action movies, but chick flicks seemed more appropriate.
For a brief, passing moment, I saw asshat’s face on Mr. Darcy. I pictured myself as Elizabeth Bennett when he proposed to her the first time, and pretty much belittled her and talked shit about her upbringing, lack of fortune, and family.
Yeah, I could totally relate.
However, the happy ending wasn’t possible in any way, shape, or form. My romance hit the skids right after the insult. Unlike Elizabeth Bennett, I was strong and wouldn’t roll over on my beliefs or who I am just because some super hot guy apologizes and pays off some douche to marry my annoying little sister—not that I had a sister or anything, but still.
Against my better judgment, I stopped fighting my parents and agreed to go to school.
It took me half-an-hour to get the brush through my hair. It had become a blonde haystack that was trying to turn into dreadlocks; the white Rastafarian in Western Washington look didn’t work for me, to say the least.
Jarvis drove me to school in Mom’s car. I refused to lay a finger on the BMW. He walked me to class, bullshitted with the teacher well after the bell; I think he wanted to make sure that I didn’t freak out and run from the room screaming like some psychopath when Jerk Faced walked in. I looked out the window the entire period, hoping and praying that the seat next to me would remain empty.
When the bell rang, I breathed a sigh of relief because Jerk Face never came, so Jarvis kissed me goodbye now that he was sure I wasn’t going to freak out at school...
He gave me much more credit than my lack of mental well-being at the time deserved.
No one said anything to me for the next two periods; I guess I looked like a crazy bitch still, and the bitches whispering about how I marked a vampire wasn’t something to broadcast to the school.Yahto hinted that I looked a bit cracked out and insane; I couldn’t argue with him there because that was exactly how it felt...the insane part, not the crack part.
I shared fourth period with way too many vampires for my liking, not that I had anything against most of them.
“Hey girlie,” Romeo greeted and forced a smile before hugging me.
I didn’t return the embrace but it didn’t stop him from doing it.
“How are you doing, you look like hell!” he lovingly informed me.
“Thanks, I was going for the depressed-emo-constipated-sparkly-vampire-lover-who-can’t-act-her-way-out-of-a-wet-paper-bag look. How’d I do?” I dryly commented and rolled my eyes before slumping down on the floor and pulled my knees to my chest.
I wasn’t really in the mood for gym.
“You look like shite, more so than usual,” Georgiana agreed as she danced past me.
I flipped her off; I didn’t have the strength to do anything else.
Abigail and Steffen sandwiched me between them.
“Do you need anything?” she asked.
“A bullet with a vodka chaser?” I asked, hopeful.
Steffen laughed. “Now, now Jay, drinking is never the answer.”
I looked over at him annoyed.
“Or suicide,” he added with a chuckle. “I always pegged you for the forgiving type.”
I growled at him.
He put his hands up in surrender. “Bad joke. But seriously, Girlie, Tanis is so sorry. He’s been listening to depressing music at concert levels. There’s only so many times one can hear All By Myself before you want to kill yourself! Seriously, I haven’t gotten laid since before your birthday.”
Abigail smacked him in the back of the head, giving him a warning look.
“What? It’s true,” he argued. “It’s like the rise of Hitler-level forced abstinence all over again,” he whined.
Abigail’s mouth fell open with a popping sound and she looked at him with wide eyes. “Tell me you did not just compare your lack of a sex life to the persecution and mass murder of millions of my people but your people!” she hissed.
Steffen shrugged and reluctantly nodded. “Baby, that was a rough time for everyone involved, but, comparatively speaking without the added genocide, it’s nearly as bad. Everyone’s super depressed, well those with a soul!” he called out loudly, getting a middle finger from Georgiana in return, as he desperately tried to change the subject and ignore his snarling wife. “Jay, talk to him for a minute, just give Tanis sixty seconds. If you feel the same way after he says what he has to say then he’ll leave...he’s prepared to leave if that’s what you want him to do. Please, Jay? Everyone makes mistakes.”
I didn’t want to hear any of that.
Sure, it would have made it so much easier if Jerk-face left. It would be that whole out of sight and out of mind thing. But I wasn’t remotely strong enough to let him go if he did leave.
Be strong Jay Dee, be strong.
“Please?” Steffen whispered, looking intently in my eyes and his pupils dilated. “Please, just give him sixty seconds.”
“I’m a fucking wer
ewolf, that shit doesn’t work on us,” I snarled.
“Sorry,” he mumbled. “I forgot.”
“We’re done here,” I hiss and stood up, having to use the wall for support. I really needed to hunt, it was seriously taking its toll. I had never gone that long without feeding before.
“Are you okay?” they both asked, getting to their feet, and offered me a hand of support.
“Yeah, don’t worry about it. It’s a mutt thing,” I said coldly, and headed to the locker room to change. I was done for the day. I was going home, not going to work, but home. I might attempt hunting, but I wasn’t sure.
I honestly felt like I didn’t know anything anymore.
I was obviously wrong about the one thing in my life that I had never questioned. I thought that Jerk-face loved me and wanted to be with me...I thought he saw me for who I really was.
But I couldn’t have been more wrong if I tried.
Apparently I was nothing more than a quick screw, something to distract himself with...that is as long as I was human. Once my lack of humanity registered with him, with the extremely slow vampire, I wasn’t good enough for him. It would be a cold day in hell when I would be with someone who thought they were better than me. It was bad enough that I had to put up with that shit from nearly everyone else. But Jerk-face was supposed to be the one person that I didn’t feel like that around. Even if I eventually forgave him, there would always be weirdness. His words would always be in the forefront of my mind...I honestly didn’t think that I could simply go back to acting as if everything was okay between us. Knowing Jerk-face as well as I seemingly did, he would always be weird around me after his little ‘inferior bitch of servitude’ spiel if we ever attempted to move on with whatever it was that we started, and I couldn’t handle that.
“I am better and I deserve more than that. For once, I am thinking about myself,” I mumbled, trying to give myself a pep talk but it wasn’t helping in the least.
My house was empty by the time I got home. Walking around my empty home and cave-like bedroom made me even more depressed than I already was.
Forbidden Alliance: A Werewolf's Tale (Forbidden Alliance Trilogy) Page 27
