“I feel so stupid. How could I have thought I was in love with that insane jerk?”
Raine sat back, and took both Gwen’s hands in hers, and squeezed.
“You were not stupid. Not ever, not for a moment. He was more than a jerk, he was evil, Gwen, and you can’t be expected to have known that. He fooled you, and used you in the worst possible way. He fooled all of us. It’s not your fault.”
Gwen didn’t quite nod, and Raine didn’t know what else to say, so remained silent.
“I told him things, about us, being friends, about you—just general stuff, but he might have used the information to hurt you, I didn’t know. If you had gotten hurt, I never could have forgiven myself.”
Gwen was on the edge of tears again, and Raine put her hands on either side of Gwen’s face, and spoke firmly. “Nothing that happened here is anyone’s fault but Neal’s. He’s sick. I am so sorry you are paying so dearly for this, Gwen. You don’t deserve it. You just don’t deserve it, hon.”
Gwen nodded, sighed, and sat back against the couch.
“I thought you were getting wine.”
Raine smiled. “Tea, Gwen. It’s only one in the afternoon.”
“So?”
“I don’t have any wine, but I might have some chocolate chip cookies in here somewhere.”
Gwen smiled, the first real smile Raine had seen. They went into the kitchen to sit.
“So how are things with you and Jack? I’m so glad he was okay. I would have come to see him in the hospital, but…”
“He understands completely.” She sat, sighed. “Things kind of…blew up the other day. He was mad that I wanted to come home.”
“Why would he be mad about that?”
Raine looked sheepishly at Gwen. “Well, I guess I didn’t go about it very well. I moved back home while he was in the hospital, and didn’t let him know.”
“Ouch. Raine, sheesh.”
“Well, c’mon! It’s not like we were really living together, not like I ever agreed to that. We never even discussed it, he never asked me what I wanted.”
“What do you want?”
Raine stared out the window.
“I don’t know. I guess we’ll have to wait and see if what we had was real or just part of the situation. I don’t know how to trust what he feels…what I feel.”
“What do you feel?”
Raine couldn’t answer. Words jammed in her throat, feelings in her heart. Gwen smiled again.
“Raine, it’s pretty clear that you love him.”
“I do?”
“Yeah. And he is nuts about you, too—has he told you?”
“Yeah.”
Gwen prompted her eagerly. “And you said…?”
“Um, well, I wasn’t sure—how can he be sure he loves me? I care about him, and I want to be with him, I told him that—”
Gwen collapsed back in her chair. “So he spilled his guts to you, and you told him thanks, I care about you? Oh, God, poor Jack. That is the worst.”
“What do you mean poor Jack?” It came out in a squeal, and had her up and stomping to the sink again, then back to the table. “He shouldn’t have assumed so much, he just had it all so neatly planned, and without talking to me about it at all.”
“You didn’t tell him you had moved out, either.”
“That’s different—I never moved in on a permanent basis. He should have known.”
“C’mon, Raine—the guy basically laid his life at your feet, and you stomped on it.”
Gwen got up to go get the tea, and came back to the table. “Listen, I know you are afraid, and that it’s a risk. Believe me, I know what it feels like to fall down on the wrong side of a risk.”
Raine started to speak, but Gwen was on a roll, and continued. “But there’s no gain without risk. I jumped too quickly with Neal, didn’t know enough about him. But as much as my ego has taken a bruising, losing Neal was not a fatal blow. We didn’t have what I see when I look at you and Jack—that connection, that passion—I wanted us to have it, maybe so much I missed the signals. If you let go of what you have with Jack, Raine, I think it will be one of your biggest regrets. He’s one of the good ones.”
Raine absorbed the words, unsure what to say. Her mind was going a mile a minute.
“Raine, stop thinking—just feel—how does he make you feel?”
She sighed, fidgeted with her cup. “Safe. Cared for. Special.”
“Desired? Passionate? Happy?”
Raine nodded, feeling uncomfortable. “Yeah. I know it’s not just sex, it’s more. I just don’t know how much more. I don’t know how I am supposed to know. How can anyone know?”
“Well, you just have to trust your heart. And his. Think of how you felt when you knew he was seriously hurt, about the time you spent together at the house, and how you felt when you went to stay with him in that hospital room—every day.”
Gwen leaned across the table, squeezed Raine’s hand and looked at her intently. “I know I didn’t deserve what happened to me with Neal—neither did you. But you do deserve Jack. You have to go for it, Raine—admit how you feel to yourself, and then let him know. It could be the only good that comes out of this mess, aside from putting that asshole in prison.”
Raine nodded, and sipped her tea, and knew Gwen was right. Overthinking things wasn’t going to make them clearer. She had hurt him. She was so caught up in her own baggage that she hadn’t put it down long enough to think about how her actions were affecting him. She had to stop hiding behind her wounds.
She missed Jack—it was the plain truth. The truth she had been struggling with since she had left him. She had hated walking away from that house with every step she took. She had felt empty every second since. She hadn’t ever really known love, but she thought, maybe, she was knowing it now. And, at the moment, it hurt.
“I think Jack’s due back in town today. I guess I have some Christmas shopping to do.”
Gwen smiled, and the old sparkle came back into her eyes for a moment. “Attagirl. Go get him. And remember, I’ll want all the details.”
They laughed, and Raine felt more alive than she had in her whole life. She knew exactly what to give Jack for Christmas.
HER NERVOUSNESS was all-consuming. She had never done anything like this in her life. Obviously. If she had done things like this before, she would not be so nervous now. She would be cool and calm and ready to go like she always imagined she would be like when she had thought this was a good idea, and in the shops when she had gotten this entire deal together—stop! God, she was rambling in her own head. Silence. Relax.
This may not have been a good idea, but it was all set to go now, no backing out, and she had to see it through. God help her.
She’d bought a Christmas tree, decorations and candles. She had decorated it in Jack’s bedroom. She then put one brightly wrapped box underneath. She took the pretty quilt from the bed and laid it out on the floor beside the tree.
She looked at the clock and hoped he would come home before she completely lost her nerve, but not before she was completely ready.
She had called him, left a message on his cell that she wanted to see him and would wait for him at his house, so he knew. Ducking into the shower, she soaped and shaved and shampooed with the fragrant accessories she had bought herself, ignoring the totals that had added up on her credit card. It was Christmas, after all. Time to splurge.
She dried off, applying the exotic lotion she’d bought, and slipped on the bright-red, lace flyaway baby doll she had purchased that afternoon. She looked in the mirror and her eyes nearly popped out—it sure didn’t hide much. But she was done with hiding, so she took a deep breath and turned, examining herself in the mirror. Not half bad, really.
The top barely contained her breasts, and parted at the middle to show off her trim waist and inny belly button. The small, triangular scrap of lace that lay over her abdomen made her feel sultry and sexy. Daring, even.
She slipped on a furry whi
te garter and felt a sense of anticipation flow over her. She fluffed and dried her hair, applied a deep red tint to her lips. She didn’t need any other makeup, her cheeks were flushed enough with anticipation. She had never seduced a man before. Furthermore, she had never seduced a man she loved before.
It was five minutes to seven. God, she hoped he was still coming home tonight.
Taking a deep breath, she went into the living room and checked the champagne she had bought, lit the candles she had placed on each stair leading up to the bedroom. She lowered the lights and, finally, put on the satin Santa hat she had bought, just for fun. Then she returned to the bedroom to wait. It was just past seven. She hoped he wouldn’t be very late. She had called him at four. Not that he would come running just because she called.
BUT HE HAD. Pulling up to the house, he saw her car, and had no idea what was going on, or why Raine had left the vague message on his phone. But he had listened to it twice, just to hear her voice more than anything else. It had only been a day, but he missed her like hell. He frowned, why didn’t she answer the door? Pushing the door open, he only heard silence, and apprehension clutched at him as he turned the knob.
“Raine…where are you?”
He stopped for a moment, surprised, and then caught his breath and grinned like only a man can when he realized what was going on. Lowered lights, candles, champagne—oh yeah. He locked the door securely behind him and followed the candle-lit path up the stairs to his room, where the door was partially open, and soft lights blinked out into the hall.
He stopped dead in the doorway, losing his breath completely in the wash of stunned desire that swept over him when he saw her. She was laid out on a green blanket under a Christmas tree. The scrap of red lace that barely covered her gorgeous body turned his mouth dry in seconds. The room was dark except for the blinking tree lights that played over her skin. She tilted her head provocatively, bending one leg up at the knee, tempting his eyes to follow the movement, and smiled at him.
He moved into the room, staring at her, his eyes dark with desire, his voice choked.
“Raine…what? You look…amazing. But…”
“I’m your Christmas present—I hope you like it. I know it’s a few days early, but I couldn’t wait to…give it to you.”
Jack stood over her, felt himself go hard in a flash, and regarded her silently, unsure of what to say. So he just lowered himself to the floor next to her, leaned over and touched his mouth to hers.
He had so much to say, was feeling too much, it all log-jammed in his chest. He’d been furious with hurt, but that quickly melted away into desire. He’d meant just to give her a hello kiss, but his soul caught fire just from the scent of her, and the kiss became more demanding. She pulled away, and he groaned, almost falling over to follow her, needing more.
“Uh-uh—you have to open your present first.”
“But you are my present.”
She smiled, all nervousness gone as she read the pleasure in his eyes, and she let herself absorb the peculiar but wonderful sensation of female control and power. She pushed herself up slowly onto hands and knees, letting him have a full view of her breasts and behind as she leaned over to reach for the box under the tree.
She handed him the box, smiling seductively when she noticed his erection straining against his pants; reaching down, touching him there for just a moment, lightly, her eyes lit with need and mirth.
“Wow, and you don’t even know what’s in the box yet.”
He growled and reached for her, wanting only to tear off her wrapping and enjoy the gift of her hot, sweet body, but she leaned back, and gestured to the box.
“You have to open this first. I have to see if you like it. Then we’ll go from there.”
Jack’s hands trembled as he took the box and ripped through the wrapping paper, thinking only that he knew he would love whatever it was—a watch, a tie, socks, for God’s sake—anything—he didn’t care as long as when he was done he could go play with Raine under the tree.
His body was aching for hers—it had been so long. He lifted the top and wrinkled his forehead as he found the box empty except for a small piece of red stationery in the bottom. He reached down, lifting the paper and unfolding it. He read it to himself, and found emotions clogging in his throat. For moments on end, all he could do was stare at the paper.
This gift entitles the recipient to all the love I have to give. There’s more than I could fit in this box, as there is more than I could ever fit in my heart. I love you, Jack. Merry Christmas, Raine.
Raine thought she would die a thousand more deaths if he didn’t say something soon: he was still, staring at the note, and she felt as if she would pass out if he didn’t just say something. Then he looked up, and her breath caught. His eyes glowed with raw emotion, and he set the box and the note carefully aside.
Getting up on his knees, bringing them face-to-face, he drew her into a long, deep, drugging kiss. Pulling back, he looked into her eyes, and felt his world fall into place.
“Rainey—I love you…this is the best gift I have ever had, the best I will ever have. Tell me, though, I want to hear you say it.”
She wasn’t embarrassed when her eyes swam with tears, and she hugged him tightly to her, telling him over and over and over, until they were both laughing with sheer joy. She drew back, her face glowing with happiness as she looked into his.
“But that isn’t all of it.”
His eyes went opaque with desire, and he looked at her hungrily.
“I was hoping not.”
“Let’s get you out of these.”
Enjoying her new sense of confidence and control, he let her undress him, only helping minimally, until he sat completely nude and aroused before her. Her breath was shallow, and he raised his hand to cover her breast and pinch her distended nipple through the lace, tugging her down next to him when she moaned.
Love made need multiply exponentially, and Raine gasped when she heard the lace rip. His hands raced hungrily over her skin, touching her everywhere, his mouth capturing hers, kissing her deeply, plundering her while his fingers did the same. She came suddenly in helpless waves as she wrenched against him, moaning into his mouth. She was his, and she gave herself freely. Her hand stroked his cock as she recovered, and he gently pushed her back to the blanket, beginning to position himself over her, when she planted a hand on his chest.
“Let me love you, Jack. Let me take you.”
Jack sat back, praying to the universe for control beyond what a mortal man could possibly be expected to have. He laid back on the blanket, and watched her, smiling, her eyes hot and confident, her lush body flushed with the pleasure he had just given her. And wanted to again.
He heard himself curse hotly, not quite believing his own eyes as he watched her standing over him, her legs parted. She dipped a finger into the shadowy crevice between her legs and then trailed it up the firm flatness of her stomach, massaging the wetness from her sex on one nipple, then repeating the process on the other. He licked his lips, his body hard as a rock and frozen still, his fists digging into the blanket.
She looked down at him, wearing only the satin hat, drunk on power and pleasure, her sultry voice every man’s erotic fantasy.
“Santa thinks Jack has been a very good boy.”
He could barely talk, but tried, his breath heaving. “I have been very good, Santa. I can be even better if you come down here.”
She laughed, and the husky sound nearly drove him over the edge. She lowered slowly to one knee, and then to the other, leaning over him, letting her breasts fall forward, swaying in front of his mouth. She trembled with sensation as she ran her wet, hot sex along his erection, teasing them both.
Her own vision blurred when he moved up and drew one breast, salty and delicious with her own taste, into his mouth. He suckled one, then the other as she slid over him, until he lost track of where she started and he ended.
Needing him more than she had ever neede
d anything, anyone, she took him deep inside of her, glorying in the guttural cry that broke from him with the contact. She smiled, and almost lost herself again when he arched upward, driving himself into her. But she held on, no—not yet. Her breath came out in pants, and she smiled at him, pushing him back, moving her hips slowly. Taking charge.
She watched him, his skin taut, his head arched back, mouth moving in gasps of shock every time she ground against him. She knew what she wanted, what she wanted to give him most of all, and she knew it was within reach, recognizing the hot pleasure building in her.
She gave him everything—all of her passion, all of her trust, all of her love. She looked down into his eyes, and saw that he was offering her the same, and her heart burst as she lost control, loving him with all that she had.
He brought his hands up, grabbed her hips tightly and moved wildly under her. With him supporting her, she met his rhythm and rode him hard, arching her back as her orgasm consumed her. As the waves of it traveled through her, she declared her love for him when she felt him shudder underneath her, the heat of his climax shooting inside of her. Their voices blended, faded to murmurs; their bodies continued mating, until she fell against him, their hearts pounding, exhausted.
She lifted her head and kissed him tenderly.
“I do love you, Jack. I haven’t ever loved anyone, haven’t ever been loved. But I want to discover what it all means with you.”
He slipped his arms around her, holding her close, cherishing her words.
“I want to share it all with you, too, Rainey, but I have to say, I think we have one problem.”
She frowned against his shoulder. “What?”
He laughed softly, burying his face in her hair, inhaling the scent, and feeling—incredibly—his passion stirring again.
“This is only our first Christmas together, and I am not sure you can ever top this gift, sweetheart.”
Virtually Perfect Page 21
