A Leap of Faith (Mail-Order Brides 8)

by Annie Boone

  “May I pet him?”

  “Yes, but, come around here to his front. Let him see you. Never, ever step behind a horse. One kick and he’ll break all your ribs in one blow. If he kicked you in the head it could kill you.” Marcus spoke sternly, and it made Gillian feel like a child. Still, she respected his experience and walked around to the front of Sam. When she was close enough, she looked into his eyes and gave him long strokes down his nose.

  “He sure likes this, doesn’t he?”

  “Sure does. He enjoys attention, for sure.” He stepped back and eyed her skeptically. “Don’t tell me this is your first time touching a horse?”

  “Yes, I think it is. Mother always scolded me if I got too close to the animals. She never liked for me to get dirty. I didn’t even get to have a dog or a cat.”

  Marcus snorted. “And yet she allowed you to come here? To live the rancher life? Now that’s peculiar. Actually, it’s quite an unbelievable story.”

  Gillian didn’t have to correct him. Her face revealed it all. She’d never been able to hide her feelings or her thoughts.

  “She doesn’t know you’re here, does she?”

  “No, you’re right.” She hung her head in shame. “She doesn’t know. I think she’d be livid if she did.”

  “Well, how does that make me look?” His face shook with anger, causing the horse to back away. Gillian immediately felt attacked and she took a step back, too.

  “My relationship with my mother has nothing to do with you. She doesn’t even know you. How can it matter one bit how you look?” She spoke softly, but she hoped he got her message.

  “What you’ve kept from her has everything to do with me! You’re here for the sole purpose of becoming my wife! If you don’t think that concerns me then we have a big problem!”

  There. It had finally been spoken aloud and not just in letters. She was indeed brought here to be his bride. His gruff treatment of her had made her unsure of his intentions. He had not regarded her in a manner that she always thought a suitor would behave. She didn’t expect flowery words and gentle caresses from someone who was still a stranger, but she didn’t think he would pay her so little attention. She thought he would try to get to know her. At least a little.

  Gillian couldn’t respond to his angry outburst. He was furious, and she was too embarrassed to say any more. So instead of staying there to stand her ground, she fled out of the stables and back into the house.

  When she shut the door behind her when she reached the house, she collapsed on a chair and burst into tears. The reality of her actions weighed heavy on her shoulders. She must have looked like a fraud to Marcus. Looking at it through his eyes was an ugly picture. She didn’t know how to set this right.

  She didn’t even know if she wanted to work on making it right. She sadly realized that she didn’t belong in New York and she clearly didn’t belong here. She was a failure in both worlds. What could she do?

  “What’s going on?” Jenny walked in, wiping her hands on her apron. She was covered in flour and she was holding a big stirring spoon. It looked to Gillian that the highly capable Jenny had already started preparing lunch.

  Gillian quickly wiped away her tears. “Nothing. Nothing at all.” She tried to smile up at her new friend.

  Jenny walked over and sat beside her. “You know I’m not buying that. Come on, you can tell me. What did my uncouth, grizzly brother do now?”

  “Oh, Jenny, it’s not his fault. It’s mine.”

  “Well, I truly doubt that.”

  Gillian knew she couldn’t lie, especially now that Marcus knew the truth. He would just tell his family. It was best Jenny heard it from Gillian herself. She didn’t have it in her to keep up the charade, anyway.

  “I didn’t tell my parents that I was coming here, or what I was planning to do when I got here. They think I’m in Boston visiting my cousin, Harriet.”

  Jenny took a deep breath, but her expression of concern didn’t change. “Well, that is a big deal, I suppose. But you’re not a child anymore. Even if they didn’t give their blessing, they couldn’t stop you from going anywhere or doing anything that you want to do. So marrying Marcus, if you want to, is your decision.” She paused for a moment then asked the obvious question. “Do you want to?”

  Gillian wrapped her arms around the middle of her body, giving herself a much needed hug. “Even if I did, I don’t think it would matter. He’s outraged and he feels I’ve been deceitful. I’m sure he’s not interested in me if he ever was.”

  “So you do?”

  “Do I what?”

  “Want to marry him?”

  “I don’t even know, Jenny. I barely know him. I only arrived yesterday so there’s been no chance for that. We didn’t even take time to correspond to get to know each other through letters, so everything about him is completely new to me. Honestly, I’m not sure of anything right now.”

  Jenny placed her arms around Gillian’s shoulders. “You traveled across the country based on one letter. Something must have sparked inside you to get you on that train and all the way out here. I may have placed the ad, but it was Marcus who responded to you, and Marcus alone. He didn’t even let me see the letter before he sent it. Said it was between him and you. So you see? There was some connection. There had to have been.”

  Gillian shook her head, barely hearing Jenny’s words. “I doubt it. I think I pursued something that wasn’t really there. Perhaps I just wanted it so much that I took the first chance I got to leave.”

  Jenny huffed. “Well, then ask yourself this: Do you still want this life? You gave up everything, and took a leap of faith.”

  “I jumped blindly. I didn’t think it through like I should have. I prayed about it, but I don’t think I waited for an answer.”

  “But you did jump.”

  Gillian met Jenny’s intense gaze. Her eyes were blue like Marcus’s. But darker. “So what are you saying?”

  “I’m saying,” she said her voice softening into a gentler tone. “That you came here with the intention of marrying my brother. Don’t discount him just because he lost his temper once. He likes to follow the rules, and he had every right to be upset for what you revealed to him. I think you both need to give each other another chance. Starting now.”

  Gillian sighed. “You’re right.”

  Jenny gave my shoulders another squeeze. “I usually am. Don’t forget that!”

  Chapter Seven

  Marcus did not forgive her as quickly as Gillian hoped he would. In fact, she started to worry that he wouldn’t forgive her at all. The atmosphere between them was tense. It felt dark and cloudy, though not quite stormy. His aloofness continued and he wouldn’t stay in the room with her. He didn’t eat his meal with Gillian and the family that night.

  Gillian was reading by candlelight in the main room after Jenny and Mr. Edwards had gone to bed. She couldn’t sleep so she decided to stay up so she wouldn’t keep Jenny awake with her tossing and turning. She heard the front door open and boots scraping the wooden floor.

  She turned her head to see Marcus coming in and hanging his hat on a peg in the entry way. He swung around to walk into the room and stopped short. Clearly he hadn’t expected her to be up. He looked up to the ceiling and sighed heavily.

  “Waitin’ up for me? I guess you want to try to justify your actions,” he said, still looking up at the ceiling.

  “No, I wasn’t waiting for you,” Gillian responded. “But I’m glad to see you. I was worried about you. Are you hungry?”

  “I don’t need you to worry about me. I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time.” He lowered his head as he spoke, but still didn’t look at her.

  “I know. I just thought you might like to know that someone cares about you.” She held her right hand out and tried to emphasize that she was speaking from her heart.

  He turned his head and looked directly in her eyes. She was taken in by his rugged good looks and his captivating blue eyes. “Gillian, I’ve k
nown you for two days. I have people who care for me already. I don’t need anyone else. I especially don’t need a liar in my life.”

  Gillian inhaled loudly. She was surprised and dismayed at his direct reference to her deceit. “I can’t believe you consider what I did to be such a terrible deed. I did mislead my parents, but I have always had every intention of telling them the truth when it made sense to do so.”

  “What will they think of me? They will think I was involved in tricking them. I won’t have a part of that,” he bellowed. He was agitated and obviously still angry.

  “You don’t have a clue what I left behind. I was miserably unhappy. My life was run completely by my parents. I had no say in my future. I wasn’t allowed to make any of my own decisions. I will not accept your outburst since you know nothing about my motivation. And furthermore, I’m offended that you haven’t even bothered to find out why I did it. You just assume that I’m a liar and a cheat without knowing anything of m circumstances. So, you may think you have a right to be angry but I’m certain that I have more of a right to be angry with you. So there!” Gillian’s voice had escalated to a very loud level by the time she got to the end of her statement.

  Marcus just stood there looking at her. His beautiful blue eyes were round with surprise, but he didn’t appear to be moved by her impassioned speech.

  Gillian decided that it was best to walk away from him. She felt that he was not going to open up and she wasn’t willing to argue further. If he didn’t want to accept her with what he considered to be baggage, then fine with her.

  She walked out of the room and never looked back. She quietly opened the door to the bedroom expecting it to be dark, but the oil lamp was burning on low. Jenny was sitting up in bed.

  “I’m sorry I woke you, Jenny. I didn’t realize I’d gotten so loud,” Gillian said.

  “It’s fine. I was just hoping that things would smooth over with Marcus. Looks like he’s still mad.”

  “He is. I’m not going to let him brand me as a terrible person for something he won’t even try to understand. Maybe he’ll think about it and then give me a chance to explain.” Gillian took off her robe and crawled into the bed. She hoped she would be able to sleep.

  “He will, Gillian. I think he just needs a chance to sort it all out in his mind,” said Jenny. “Let’s worry about it tomorrow.”

  Soon Gillian heard Jenny’s deep breaths and knew that she had fallen back asleep. She wasn’t able to fall asleep so easily with so much on her mind. The sun was almost coming up and she had only dozed on and off. She knew this was going to be a long and difficult day in more ways than one.

  ***

  When Jenny got up to start breakfast, Gillian rose with her to help. She didn’t know if she would be staying here or not, but she wanted to do her part even if she’d only be here a short time. The two young women worked in silence to get the meal ready. The events from the previous night heavy on their hearts.

  When Marcus came in for his breakfast, he looked tired and a little groggy. Clearly, he hadn’t slept well, either. The meal was eaten hastily and silently. Even the normally chatty Jenny was quiet.

  When the torturous meal was over, Gillian started to clear the dishes. She heard Marcus clear his throat behind her and she turned her head instinctively to look at him. She was about to return to her work when he spoke.

  “Gillian, could I please have a minute of your time?” he asked.

  “Certainly.” She spun around and faced him. She tried to smile, but she couldn’t quite pull it off.

  “Let’s step on to the porch. I’d like to speak privately.” He glanced sideways at his sister and his father. They looked away self-consciously and he took steps toward the front door. Gillian followed him.

  When they were alone, Marcus spoke. “Gillian, I think it’s important for you to write to your parents today and tell them the truth. When you’ve written the letter, we’ll drive into town and post it. I thought about it all night long and I don’t think I can move forward with you unless you agree to do this.”

  “I will do it, Marcus. I’d planned to do it all along, just not this soon. I want to soothe your unease about me,” she replied. “I respect you and I want to make the most of our future. I’ll have the letter written by lunch time.”

  Chapter Eight

  It had been a month since she had ridden into town with Marcus to mail the letter to her parents. Gillian expected to have a response from them by now but there had been no return message. Gillian took their silence as disapproval. She was disappointed, but deep down she wasn’t surprised. She knew that it was likely that they would view her choice as betrayal.

  But there was no turning back now. She had committed to this life. She worked in the stables each day, and helped Jenny around the house. Learning to cook was exciting and challenging. Together, the women served meals, washed the clothing, and tended to the other animals at the ranch.

  It was not an easy life. Gillian went to bed exhausted each evening, and the mornings usually came much too soon. Waking up while it was still dark seemed wrong to her but she did it each day. Gone was the elite wealthy girl from New York. Gillian’s hands were now covered in calluses, and oddly enough, she took pride in that.

  Though she was disappointed in the silence from her parents, the silence from Marcus was heartbreaking. She was here for him. He was the reason she had embraced this life, yet there was still a chilly air between them.

  She knew she had feelings for him despite his gruff exterior. He was handsome, that couldn’t be denied. But beyond that, she could see that he was a good man. Down inside, he had a good heart. She just felt that he’d never had a reason to show his softer side. She had desperately hoped she could bring that out in him, but so far that hadn’t happened.

  Sitting between Jenny and Marcus on Sunday morning at Happy Valley Congregational Church, she prayed fervently. Dear God, please show me how to break through to him. Marcus is a good man but he needs someone to love him. Please let him see that I am the one for him. Please help him trust me. I know that you have forgiven me, please show him how to forgive me, too. Amen.

  She looked sideways at Marcus after she prayed hoping that God was already answering her prayer the way she wanted him to answer. Marcus didn’t seem to have softened up in the 45 seconds since she’d said “Amen.”

  As we left church, Marcus took me by the elbow and looked at me intently. He led me down the path that meandered into the meadow on the side of the building. Gillian wasn’t sure what to think, but she trusted God that maybe he was answering her prayer.

  They were well out of earshot of anyone in the church crowd when Marcus stopped walking and turned to her. “I reckon by now you’ve made up your mind?” he asked. His tone was rather serious and Gillian wasn’t quite sure what he meant.

  Gillian looked up at his handsome face and licked her bottom lip. She felt nervous and she had no idea what to expect. “What do you mean, Marcus?”

  “Well, it’s not exactly proper for you to continue to live under my roof and us not be properly married.”

  “What’s wrong with that, Marcus? I sleep in Jenny’s room and there’s certainly nothing um, unsavory going on.”

  “Gillian, the town folk are starting to talk.” He stepped closer to her. Gillian felt her heart beat faster inside her chest, and her palms began to bead with sweat. “Let me make an honest woman out of you.” His mouth twitched and Gillian was certain he would give her a deep grin, but instead he just said, “If not, then, I reckon it’s best you head back to the city. I’m tired of playing house.”

  She straightened her shoulders and tossed her head back. Men used to line up to court me, I thought, and this is how he is asking for my hand? It was an outrage. “Is that your official proposal?” The disdain was evident in her tone.

  Marcus held his hat by the brim and turned it round and round between his fingers. “Well, yes.” He shrugged like a child. “We both knew what this was about. No
sweet little courtship. And I won’t be the center of a rumor mill, and I doubt you want that either. So, let’s just get on with it and make things official.”

  She dropped her gaze to the hem of her skirt. It was gray with blue flowers. Jenny had made it as a gift when she first arrived. She bit her lip and admitted one of the reasons for her hesitation. “My family has not yet responded to my letter.”

  “Do you think they will?”

  Gillian took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “Honestly? No, I think their silence speaks volumes in this scenario.”

  Marcus put a hand on his hips and squinted to avoid the sun. His brow was starting to bead with sweat. It was hot out, but the severity of their conversation made it seem scorching. “I won’t have you marry me because you have no other place to go. That makes me feel, well, um. I don’t know. Used, I guess.”