“Uh, no. We were fighting the werewolf.”
Charlotte sighed after I spoke, and she closed her glowing eyes.
“Ahh! You should have listened to the voicemail. I told a joke.”
“Oh, uhh, well I can listen to it--”
“It’s one of my favorites. Here it is:” I heard Satan clear his throat across the phone line, and Charlotte made a heavy sigh.
“A poor man walking in the forest feels close enough to God to ask, ‘God, what is a million years to you?’
God replies, ‘My son, a million years to you is like a second to me.’
The man asks, ‘God, what is a million dollars to you?’
God replies, ‘My son, a million dollars to you is less than a penny to me. It means almost nothing to me.’
The man asks, ‘So God, can I have a million dollars?’
And God replies, ‘In a second. ’Ha!”
Satan started laughing, and I looked to Charlotte so that she could explain the joke to me. It didn’t really seem that funny, but then again, I didn’t have quite the same sense of humor that the Lord of Evil had.
“It is funny because it was just like him. Ha!” the demon king laughed again.
“Did you take care of that werewolf? How about the vampire? I’ve got the next assignment ready for you.”
“Ummm, no, uhh actually,” I said after a thousand better sounding answers flew around in my head and then exited before I could speak them.
“No? Wadda you mean? No? Sherman, I’m not paying you to go on vacation with your girlfriend. You’ve gotta be taking out the garbage. Actually, she’s gotta be taking out the garbage. You’ve just gotta tell her which sack to lift. This isn’t rocket science.” Satan’s voice didn’t sound very angry, it just sounded a bit annoyed.
I still didn’t think that pointing out to him that he wasn’t actually paying me would be very smart.
“He is really powerful, Satan. He kind of, uhhh.” I looked again at Charlotte, but she was leaning her head against the window of the car, and she didn’t seem that interested in our conversation. “He hurt Charlotte.”
“He hurt Charlotte?” he seemed a bit surprised.
“Uhh, yeah. He, like, really hurt her bad.” I kind of thought that the succubus girl should be having this conversation with him, but she didn’t seem to be conscious anymore. She was still breathing, but I worried about trying to carry her up the stairs to our new apartment. I didn’t think that I had the strength.
“Where is she?”
“She’s in the car. I managed to get her here. She is--”
“I guess it is an alpha. Probably has healing.”
“Healing?” I asked.
“Yeah. Like in those comic books with the guy that has the claws.”
“Wolverine?” I asked, and I did a bad job of hiding my surprise.
“Yeah, that guy. A lot of the stronger alpha wolves get magical powers. The ones that get the healing are a bit hard to kill. You have to use silver, or fire. A lot of silver or fire. I mentioned that to you both when I briefed you before the mission. You’re gonna have to figure out how to do it.”
“But he knows about Charlotte, and --”
“Does he know about you?” Satan asked. “Does he know you are trying to kill him?”
“Uh. No,” I confirmed.
“Good. So you just need to get some silver and put the death on him old fashioned style.”
“Old fashioned style?” I asked.
“Sherman, Sherman, Sherman. I can’t be doing all the thinking for you. I’m giving you Charlotte to work with. If you are gonna tell me that she just isn’t good enough that’s fine. I’ll send another one of my girls to work with you, and Charlotte can come back to hell.”
“Oh, okay, she is hurt. If you can send someone to--”
“Of course, the one I send would probably become your new partner. I don’t have much use for a succubus assassin that isn’t very good at her job. It’s a shame. Charlotte used to be one of my best. I’ve got plenty of others though, and they are all excited about getting to know you a lot better. Just say the word, and I’ll replace what you’ve got with a new model.”
“No. That is okay. I’ll get it figured out with Charlotte,” I said quickly.
“Good!” He growled. “That’s the kind of can-do attitude that I’m looking for with my pawns. Keep it up and you’ll do well for me.”
“Uhhh. Okay,” I said.
“So I’ll follow up with you tomorrow. You should be able to have it all taken care of by then.”
“Tomorrow?” I wasn’t actually thinking about killing Dr. King tomorrow. Instead, I was thinking about the podcast interview Charlotte had committed me to, the wrestling practices that had made my entire body sore, and the fact that my partner might not be well enough to go to school tomorrow. How was I going to do any of those things alone?
“Yeah. I’m confident in your go getting attitude. You remind me a lot of me. Maybe a bit less handsome, and muscular, and evil, but you’ve got this charm that I really like. Would just be a shame to kill you if you didn’t do as I asked.”
“Kill me?”
“Naw! I’d never do that, Sherman! We are pals, and pals don’t kill each other. That is kind of why Charlotte is there,” Satan explained.
“Wait, Charlotte is here to kill me?” I felt my blood freeze.
“Naw, Sherman, you are getting all confused. You need to focus on the mission. If you don’t get it done, I’ll just have to kill Charlotte and replace her with someone that doesn’t have all those feelings for you.”
“Does Charlotte have feelings for me? How do you--”
“Oh! I just remembered that I’m missing an episode of The Bachelor. My DVR is going, but I’m gonna need to get some snacks ready. Do you ever watch that show, Sherman?”
“Uhhh. No. Isn’t it like, about a guy that dates all these women to--”
“We’ll have to watch an episode when you come back to Hell. We’ll talk later. Toodles!”
My phone went dead and I double checked the screen to ensure that he’d actually hung up. I put the phone back in my pocket and then looked at Charlotte. Her breaths leaked from her blood stained mouth in ragged gasps, but her face looked peaceful. I guessed that the demon woman was tough, but I didn’t know how damaged she actually was, and I didn’t want to risk hurting her any more by moving her.
But I couldn’t leave her in the car. She’d said she could hardly keep her disguise up, and for all I knew, she looked like an actual winged succubus instead of a human girl. No, I’d need to carry her up to our apartment, and get her into bed without anyone seeing her.
I got out of the car and ran to the stairwell. It was a bit after seven, and I figured that people were either eating dinner or watching TV, so I didn’t see anyone. I ran back to our car on aching legs, and then unlocked the passenger door where Charlotte was passed out.
Half a minute later I had her in the apartment resting on her sleeping bag on top of her cot. We’d bought the camping equipment on the way to this city, and the rest of our meager possessions were still boxed up in the living room.
“Charlotte?” I asked as her head rolled to the side. She didn’t answer, nor did it look like she was breathing anymore. I reached out hesitantly with my fingers and rested them on her throat. I didn’t know if succubi had pulses, so this might have been futile, but I did feel a slow beating.
I recalled the last time she had been seriously injured. Charlotte had seemed to heal completely when I kissed her. That had to be because she was a succubus, and they fed off sexual power. Should I kiss her now? The idea made me a bit nervous because she was unconscious. I didn’t want to take advantage of the situation. In the Bugatti, she had returned my kiss, and that might have been how she recovered. I didn’t know for sure how the magic worked. I didn’t think she was going to die, so I would wait until she woke up. Then I would ask her if she wanted to kiss me.
I moved from the side o
f her bed and then went back down to our car. Both of our backpacks were in the trunk, and I took them back into the apartment, used all the locks on the front door, double checked out the window that no one was watching us from outside, set a full glass of water on the floor beside Charlotte, and then brushed my teeth. She hadn’t awoken when I finished getting ready for bed, and I guessed that she just needed to sleep for the full night. Our rooms were across the hall from each other, and I left both of our doors open so that I could hear if she called out for me.
I was beyond exhausted from all the physical activity combined with the stress, and sleep came to me just as my head hit my own pillow.
Chapter 7
“Are you going to be okay here alone all day?” I asked her over our breakfast of cereal and toast.
“Yes, I’ll be fine,” she grunted as she reached across the table with her left hand to grab the carton of milk. Her arm shook when she picked it up and she missed a bit of her pour into the bowl.
“I can help!” I said as I reached to assist her.
“No, I’m fine. Just need some time to recover.” Her words came out with a bit of a growl, but she didn’t look at me.
“You look a lot better than you did last night,” I said, and the succubus raised her eyes to mine and tilted her head. Her wing was still torn, and she still had the giant bruise over her eye.
“Uh, well, you always look beautiful! But last night you were all covered with blood, and you weren’t talking, and it didn’t seem like you were breathing for a few moments. I checked your pulse, and it seemed like you were fine, but then I thought about ki--” I stopped myself mid-syllable, and the rest of the word bounced back into my throat. Charlotte didn’t need to know that I had wanted to kiss her while she was unconscious. That is all sorts of creepy. I thought about asking her if she wanted me to kiss her, but she did seem to have healed some, and I didn’t want to risk the embarrassment of her telling me no.
“I took a shower and changed,” she smirked at me and then gestured to her shirt. It was yellow and had a smiling sun embroidered between the curves where her perfect breasts peaked against the cotton.
“Oh. Yeah. Well, umm. Did you hear what Satan said on the phone last night?” I asked.
“Some, but I couldn’t stay awake anymore. Thanks for putting me in my bed.”
“Uhh. Yeah. It wasn’t a big deal. That is what friends do, right?”
“Friends?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Mmmm, we are friends right?” I asked, and my heart started to hammer in my chest.
“Succubi don’t have friends,” she said before she raised a spoonful of cereal to her mouth. It was Kix brand stuff, and the food looked like little yellow marbles.
“Well, you are my friend,” I muttered as I looked at my own bowl.
“I know. Sorry. You are mine as well. Sherman, I really like you. Thanks for taking care of me. Sorry that you had to do that. I didn’t plan for the werewolf to have that much power. What did Satan say on the phone? He said this bad joke and then I don’t remember anything else.
“He, uhh, said he wanted me to figure it out, and he wanted to talk again tonight.”
“I can’t go to school. This werewolf knows that I tried to kill him, and he’ll be able to smell me now. We need a new plan. I’ll think about it today while you are there. Maybe you can get more info on him?”
“He can smell you?” I asked.
“Yes. Well, there are probably a lot of scents at school. So he might not be able to pick me out of the lunchtime quad traffic, but he’ll know me if we are in the same room or if I walk next to him.”
“Oh, so you won’t be going to school anymore?” I asked with a bit of dread. I had suspected that this would be the case last night.
“No. It is too risky. You also need to be careful. He’ll probably smell the blood on you.”
“I took a shower, and--”
“You need to take another one before you leave, and wear some of the new clothes that we bought. You can’t take the car to school either, because it smells like me and it will get on you. So you’ll have to walk.”
“Okay,” I said as I looked at the clock. There was still plenty of time to make it there, but then I let out a gasp and shot to my feet. “I’ve got wrestling practice in twenty minutes!”
“Go take another shower! Wash yourself off twice,” she ordered, and I dashed back into my bathroom.
Ten minutes later I was opening the front door to leave. I was still dripping wet, and had new clothes on that I’d just taken out of one of my boxes. I carried my backpack in my arms, and I wondered if the werewolf would be able to smell traces of Charlotte on it.
“I’ll think of something today, just keep your head down. I won’t be able to protect you if anything happens.” She hadn’t moved from her spot at the kitchen table, and I wondered if she was actually feeling well. Should I ask if she wanted to kiss me? Would it make her feel better?
“Okay. Ummm. I guess I’ll see you tonight.” I realized I was chickening out.
“Yeah. I’ll see you tonight. Have a good day, Sherman.” The beautiful girl gave me a slight smile, and I felt a group of butterflies flutter in my stomach.
I had to run part of the way to school, but I got to the gym just as the rest of the team was suiting up. The boys all looked a bit sleepy, and there were no conversations about girls. Half a minute later I was changed and doing my warm up exercises on the mat with Coach Hellsig. My body was still a bit sore from yesterday’s training, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would have been. I felt a surprising amount of energy in my muscles, and I finished the warm up without feeling like I was going to die.
“Yeah. The pack of wolves is going to be eating from the carcass of the wooly mammoth tonight!” Dr. King did a little elbow pump when we finished our warm-ups. “The hunting is going to be good. Yeah. Now, I worked with Sherman a bit yesterday, but he’s getting into form real good. I’m gonna spend another quarter of an hour with him while you all pair up, and then we are going to run some drills. That will be it for the morning. Yeah. But don’t think that this means we aren’t going to have an intense night of practice!” He pointed a massive finger at the group of us. “No sirs. We are going to be going hard tonight, so make sure you are getting a good lunch in. Packed with meat and spices! Oh yeah! Let’s break up into pairs.”
The rest of the morning practice went by quickly. I expected Dr. King to mention something about the battle last night, but he didn’t say anything beyond showing me the wrestling moves and then asking me to practice on him. I did my best, but the wolf man was probably two feet taller than me, and outweighed me by at least a hundred and fifty pounds. After my dozenth attempt to do a takedown, I almost pointed out our size difference, but the man stopped me with a wave of his hand.
“You’re a scrappy monkey flying high up over the mountains in chicken hawk form. In the ring, we put everyone against equal sized opponents. Yeah, but in the squared circle of life, you might be off balance, or on balance, or anywhere in-between. But nothing means nothing, and you are going to have to learn the heart of a champion along with the brain for-taa-tude of a chess player if you want to beat someone that is a lot bigger than you. Oh yeah. So make sure you are executing the technique correctly. That is how you’ll make the dive and transform from the monkey to the stegosaurus.”
“Got it,” I said, even though I only really understood that I wasn’t doing the move correctly. I recalled what the muscular man had taught me a few moments ago, and realized that I wasn’t putting my glutes into the lifting movement of the take down with the snap he had told me. I did it again, and this time I managed to pull the giant wolfman’s leg out from under him. He tumbled down to the pad of the mat with a howl of glee, and I felt a smile come to my face.
“Now pin me!” he shouted as I frantically tried to grapple with the squirming giant. He was obviously going easy on me, but lifting his arm felt like lifting a couch while
I sat upon the cushions.
“There ya go. Oh yeah!” he encouraged when I locked his elbow in a loop I’d made with my own arms. I was lying on top of him, and he made a mock countdown before slapping the mat.
“You won! Oh yeah! Great job. Give me five,” he said after we had both sprung to our feet and slapped hands.
“Thanks!” I’d only been wrestling for a day, but I couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face. This was a lot of fun, and Dr. King was a great teacher.
“Yeah. Let’s do it a few more times, so it sticks to your noodle like glue in a sandbox. Drop me again!” he commanded, and I executed the takedown perfectly.
He had me do it three more times and then we started the drill work with the rest of the team. Finally, it was time for us to shower up and head to our first morning class. It was with Mr. Hellsig, and he told me that he would “see me again when the gods chose to spare our simple existences with one of their many gazes of causal assessment!” which I guessed was his way of saying: “I’ll see you soon.”
“You’re good, Sherman,” Titan said as he wrapped one of his stone arms around my shoulder. I’d never had a boy my age show me any sort of affection, and I half expected him to follow up the movement with a punch to my stomach.
“Ummm. Thanks. I feel like I don’t know what I am doing,” I said as we walked toward the locker room.
“Really? You seem to know the techniques. How long were you in Japan for?”
“Ahhh, I’m not-- hey, what is that?” I asked as I pointed to the trophy case on the wall. We were walking right by it, and one of them caught my eye.
“The trophies? What do you mean?” he asked as he took his arm from my shoulders and stepped closer to the glass. I wasn’t wearing my glasses, so it was a bit hard to see things from far away.
“That one isn’t a gold color,” I said as I gestured to the hunk of metal near the front.
“Ahhh, that was one that the school won the first year. It was the national championships.”
I looked at the trophy closer. It was a silver color, and the dense way it reflected the light of the gym almost made it seem like the real silver that I’d seen with the flatware that my mother would sometimes use for Thanksgiving meals.
Werewolf!: Hell High Book 3 Page 8
