Tears began to sting the backs of my eyes, and my lips began to quiver, as I stood silently staring at her, pleading with her not to question me further. But I knew Georgia better than that. She'd never let me off that easy.
I gripped the phone like a vice, as she came to stand in front of me, placing her hands on my shoulders, and dipping her head to look me in the eyes. "Hailey, Jesus, you're shaking like a leaf. I think you've had enough for one day," she admonished. "I'll take you home."
I shook my head back and forth adamantly, saying, "I can't go home. I need to see him." I held up the phone, as if making my case. "He won't answer...he's not answering!" I blabbered out emphatically.
Georgia dropped her hands to her side and stood up, peering at me with confusion, as she said, "Honey, what happened? Who are you trying to call? Michael?"
"Wha?...No!" I blurted out, trying to shove past her, although I hadn't thought of calling Michael until she'd mentioned it. At this point, it would probably be the wiser thing to do, but reason never did factor in where Kellan and I were concerned. "I need to see Kellan," I said concretely, throwing my purse over my shoulder, and heading for the door.
Her heels clicked forcefully behind me, as she caught up to me and spun me to face her, shooting out, "I'll call Michael for you, then, because you've obviously lost your ever loving mind!"
I wrenched out of her grip, narrowing my eyes on her as I replied, "Michael's my professor, Georgia, not my goddamn shrink."
"Well you obviously haven't been paying attention in his class," she shot back.
"What in the hell's that supposed to mean?" I bit out.
"What is it with you?" she questioned, her tone harsh. "You have daddy issues or something?"
I rolled my eyes. "Stay out of it, Georgia."
"The last time I stayed out of it," she gestured with air quotes, continuing, "He left you in pieces. And who was there to help you put them back together again? Huh?" She didn't give me time to respond before jumping back in. "Me! Oh, and let's not forget your husband!" she emphasized. "The man who actually loved you. Kellan breezes in here, and you're just going to forget everything he did to you, and fall right back into his trap? You think I can't see the way you two have been looking at each other? You both disgust me. Jesus, Hailey...the body's still warm," she admonished.
Tears welled up in my eyes and a lump formed in the back of my throat at the mention of Jordan. I pointed my finger at her, and gritted out, "You don't know what you're talking about!"
"I know Kellan wouldn't have sacrificed his life for you!"
Chapter Six
Hailey
Georgia promptly dismissed me and stomped off after her tirade, leaving me standing alone with my jaw wide open, and confused as hell at her cryptic words. I knew there would be no more talking to her about the subject, especially where Kellan was concerned.
My mind was reeling after our altercation, my appetite was nil, and I didn't think I could stand another sympathetic look or handshake from anyone else for the day, so I tucked my tail between my legs, and headed home.
Here I sit, once again in my empty house, feeling desolate, alone, and a shell of a woman. Georgia was right; I should be ashamed of myself for even allowing Kellan's presence to poison my mind. But apparently, my body has a mind of it's own. Stop it- what is the matter with you?
No matter how many times I tried to reason with myself as to how wrong it was to be thinking of Kellan, seeing him in person, after all these years, had kicked up so many emotions I had fought to rid myself of for so long.
Why did he have to come back now when I'm at my weakest? If Jordan were here by my side, I wouldn't be giving Kellan the time of day. I keep trying to remind myself of the fact that he left me with no goodbye, no explanation- he just vanished. He had turned my whole world on its axis in an instant, so easily, and without cause. And I have resented him for it every day since he disappeared.
So why am I suddenly giving in to my disgraceful, selfish wants? Why am I so quick to dismiss his transgressions against not only me, but Jordan, as well? I guess I was foolish to think time heals all wounds.
It was so much easier to sweep my feelings under the rug when he was so many miles away from me. It was my only saving grace. Luckily, Kellan will be gone tomorrow, and I can get on with my life; a life devoid of him. I did it once, and I can do it again. Distance. Distance is what I need.
******
Kellan
For the second time in the last two days, I gather up my belongings, and stow them in my car, anxious to get Jim's 'talk' over with, and get back to my life in Reno. The last few days have been exhausting, and I need to get back to the normalcy of my everyday life. Being back in this town has done nothing but stir up old ghosts I've worked years to wash away.
Firing up my engine, the lyrics of "All Signs Point to Lauderdale" by A Day To Remember flow into my mind, echoing my thoughts, and my need to get out of this town that reeks of death. The death of loved ones, the death of friendship, the death of my love for Hailey. If I stayed here any longer, I knew my own death was eminent; I'd die inside a little more each day.
Arriving at the bar, I shut down my inner thoughts, and tried to prepare myself for what I feared could only be more dismal news from Jim.
Dreading this little 'chat', and hoping to get back on the road as quickly as possible, I apprehensively approached Jim's office door. I was kicking myself for not taking the opportunity to make off like a thief in the night several hours ago. But the better part of me, if there is one, had agreed to meet with him this morning. Being that I'd let him down in the past, I would never be able to face him again if I took the coward's way out now; not that I ever planned to see him again, but I was standing on principal alone. Since the bar didn't actually open for a couple more hours, and knowing that I wouldn't have to deal with prying eyes, it gave me some sort of solace at least.
I didn't bother knocking on his door, as it stood slightly ajar. It was a few minutes before nine, and I knew Jim would be expecting me. I prided myself on being punctual.
Upon entering his office, Jim looked up from his paperwork that he seemed to be poring over, and gave me a sincere smile, beaming, "Just the man I wanted to see," as he waved me in and stood, extending his hand to mine.
While I wasn't big on formalities, I returned his firm handshake before saying gruffly, "Well, you've seen me. I'd like to say it was nice seeing you, too, Jim...but under the circumstances..." my voice trailed off.
"Yeah, goddamn shame we had to meet up again this way," he mumbled, shaking his head back and forth.
I took a step towards the door as I said, firmly, "Well, ya never know. Maybe we'll see each other down the road sometime." I doubted it.
"Whoa, whoa, there kiddo. I didn't ask you to stop by to give you my parting wishes," he said, abruptly halting my hasty exit. Nodding his head towards the chair sitting directly across from him in front of the desk, he added, "Take a seat. I have a proposition for you."
With one hand on the doorknob, I ran my other hand through my hair, and blew out a frustrated sigh. Giving Jim a sidelong glance, I said with annoyance, "Whatever you're selling, Jim, I'm not buying."
"Do me a favor and hear me out," he replied with resignation.
After a few moments, I slowly made my way to the chair, plopping myself in it, with little regard to propriety. I figured Jim wasn't about to let me off the hook so easily, and I was beginning to feel caged in as I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans, before tucking my hands into the pockets of my lightweight hoodie.
"Look, Jim, I need to get going; I've got a long drive, so can we get this over with?" I grumbled.
Chuckling, Jim lumbered over to his chair, taking his time to sit, and then tented his hands on top of his desk, as he looked at me reverently with a slanted smile.
"I have a feeling I might be able to change your mind about that, son," he said cryptically, as he continued to smile at me.
Disinterested, I bro
ke my gaze from his, and stared towards the door, replying, "If you think I'm spending one more day in this shit kicking town, you're wasting your breath."
"Okay, okay," he conceded, throwing up his hands in surrender. Expelling a long breath, he continued, "I've got some news, and I wanted you to be the first know. And I'm trusting you to keep this between us."
"Jesus Christ, Jim," I huffed out. "Don't you think I have enough secrets on my shoulders right now?"
"I'm not asking you to keep secrets, Kellan. I'm just asking for a little discretion until we can get this all sorted out," he tried to explain.
"We're wasting daylight, here. Is there a point coming up anytime soon?" I barked out impatiently.
Jim stood and began pacing the floor before his eyes met mine again. He scrubbed his hand over his face before blurting out, "Gail and I are moving." When I didn't respond, he continued, "Her aunt lives up North in Bakerton. She's getting on in years, and Gail refuses to put her in a home. We've decided to go stay with her."
"Great...send me a postcard," I said dismissively as I stood to leave.
Quickly stepping in front of my path, he exclaimed, "Wait! Give me a chance to get this out, will ya? You owe me that much." Growing increasingly agitated by the moment, I stood silently, waiting for him to continue. "I'm selling the bar," he said, looking to me expectantly.
"Great," I shrugged. "You have a buyer?" I mentally slapped myself, as I realized I was only dragging out my stay by asking questions, when I honestly wasn't interested in the answers.
"I have someone in mind," he returned.
"Cool. Good luck with that, man. I hope everything works out for you, Jim." I held out my hand for him to shake, as I sidestepped him, latching onto the door handle as if it were a lifeline. I was beginning to feel suffocated.
"I was hoping you'd stay and run the place," he stated matter of factly.
I dropped my hand, as Jim never made a move to return my gesture, and chuckled sarcastically. "No thanks. I have a job," I stated with finality.
Blocking my exit, Jim jumped back in. "I'm not talking about just a job, Kellan. I'm offering to sell you the place," he confessed. Continuing to try to convince me, he went on to explain, "Look, business is steady, and the staff is solid...well for the most part. I even followed through on your suggestion, and hired your old next-door neighbor. You'll be walking into a turnkey business, Kellan, and you know this place inside and out. This is a no brainer." He looked at me anxiously with a wide grin on his face.
After looking at him, momentarily dazed, I responded, "Thanks for the opportunity, Jim, but I already told you I have a job. I can't just up and shirk my responsibilities, pick up my life, and move half way across the country."
"Ah, horseshit!" Jim bellowed. "You're afraid."
Looking at him with indignation, I replied, "What the fuck am I afraid of, huh?" He gave me a knowing look, and I continued to counter him. "I told you...I have a job, a life, and it doesn't include..." I trailed off. Sighing, I said, "Regardless...I don't have the money," hoping my plethora of excuses would get him off my back. There was no way he could argue with that aspect.
"That's not an issue," he stated flatly.
Shaking my head in confusion, I asked, "How in the fuck is that not an issue? What the hell am I supposed to buy it with...my good looks and charm?"
That got a laugh out of him before he honed back in on the conversation. Raising his brows and waggling his finger at me, he said, triumphantly, "See...I got your wheels turning in that head of yours. I'll finance you...you can pay me back over time," he argued his case.
Clearly not getting through to him, despite my lack of subtlety, I finally barked out, "For the last time...I'm not interested, Jim."
His expression fell, as he relented, saying, "Well, if you change your mind..."
"I won't," I stated harshly, pulling the door open, and taking long, quick strides out of the bar.
Chapter Seven
Kellan
Jesus, what a clusterfuck that whole visit had been. Had I known I was going to be hit with the barrage of incidents that ensued, I'd have stayed planted in Reno, and sent out a card to Jordan's parents. Finding out the ugly details of Jordan's death, the news of him and Hailey being married, and Jim basically begging, rather than offering me to take over the bar, had all turned into one huge atomic bomb that landed right in my lap, and I was just beginning to feel the after effects of it.
The more miles I put between myself and Chambers, the more the dust had begun to settle. I was weary and worn out, both mentally and physically. Yet, as my thoughts wandered back to my reunion with Hailey, and our incidental brushes with each other, my mind had begun to reel with possibilities. I was suddenly anxious and amped up, gripping my steering wheel tightly as I pondered whether or not I had made the right choice to return to Reno.
Reno was no joke, and I would be stepping up to the big leagues, vying for a top spot, along with every other new bar hoping to stay afloat long enough to make their brand on the growing city. The competition was intense, and I'd be betting my whole life on one big hand to pay off. The odds of going bust were more likely than not. Jim's offer now had me second-guessing my options.
As I had passed the halfway mark between Chambers and my new home in Reno about an hour ago, I suddenly found myself at a desolate intersection with no other cars to speak of in sight. I was literally at a crossing point in my life. The choice to turn my car around and head back to the sanctity of familiarity was tempting, but so much shit had happened back there, and I wasn't sure if I could ever put the past behind me with it staring me directly in the face every day. Was I just deluding myself to think that I could ever go back, come to terms with a lifetime of disappointment, and make a decent life for myself? Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard spot.
Whether I pressed on towards Reno, or turned my car around and headed back to Chambers, I would still be taking a huge risk, despite Jim's reassurances. This was the definition of a catch twenty-two.
As my mind spun in a hundred different directions, I took in a shaky breath, picked up my phone and hit the speed dial with nervous anticipation. "Yellow?" Jim casually answered on the second ring.
With a hint of trepidation, I quickly blurted out, "Is that offer still on the table?"
******
Hailey
I'd been told, well basically ordered, by Jim to take some time off from the bar until I started feeling better. I highly doubted that would come anytime soon, and the brief time away, coupled with the spring break from school, was beginning to leave me feeling restless and without purpose. My classes would be starting back up next week, and I couldn't hide out from my responsibilities at the bar forever. It was nearing two weeks since I had had any human contact, save for a few phone calls from Georgia, Gail, and Jordan's mom to check in on me...which I thought was ironic. Shouldn't I have been the one calling his parents to see how they were doing?
Reflecting on the whole of the situation, I guess we're all going through the same loss; some of us are just coping with it better than others. Nevertheless, I was starting to feel lost in my own company and craving interaction with others. I'd been in nothing but pajamas for so long, holes were beginning to wear through my slippers. Besides, our checking account was dwindling, and the modest insurance policy Jordan had taken out would only go so far. Wallowing in my own misery was proving to be dismal, and it was high time I returned to work and tried to bring some semblance of normalcy back into my life.
Tomorrow is Saturday; exactly two weeks since Jordan was...since the last time I had seen him alive, as he kissed me chastely on the cheek before he walked out the door to head over to the bar. Ten forty a.m., to be exact. As he scurried towards the door, I yelled out to him, "Want a cup of coffee before you head out?"
Without looking back at me, he yelled over his shoulder, "No time, babe!" He slammed the door behind himself and honked the car horn twice as he sped off to work, leaving me roote
d to my spot in the kitchen, clutching the coffee pot. Little did I know he was absolutely right, and truer words had never been spoken...there would be no more time with him.
The next time I heard his name, it was on a whisper of the lips of a stout police officer with balding hair, and kind eyes. His partner stood a step behind him and was almost a complete counterpart of him, a younger man, maybe in his mid thirties, with a buzz cut. I could sense the solidarity between them. They mirrored each other's concern-filled look, each of them struggling to maintain eye contact with me, as the older officer said, "Mrs. Carson?" Bewildered, I simply nodded. "Is Jordan Carson your husband, ma'am?" he continued.
I'd watched scenes like this on TV...where the pair of officers, be it civil or military, coupled onto the clueless wife's porch to deliver news that was never any good, and with weary eyes, would offer up their services and heartfelt condolences.
Fire and Ice: Rekindled (The Fire and Ice Series Book 2) Page 4
