by Lauren Rowe
“Ooooooh, did you just drop a hint about your girl’s identity?” Zander asks.
“Whoa. I do believe I did,” Keane says, smiling broadly. “I didn’t even mean to do that. Ha! Just can’t help myself, I guess.” Keane’s entire face lights up. “Okay, now that I’ve unintentionally let the cat outta the bag, I might as well tell you: my dream girl is none other than the beautiful, smart, funny, and sexy-as-hell Maddy Behind the Camera.”
I lower the phone in my hand into my lap, my entire body trembling, and look at Keane.
Keane touches my hand and raises the phone back up, nonverbally instructing me to keep watching.
I look back down at the video, as instructed, but I can barely focus.
“Now, sadly, Maddy Behind the Camera doesn’t know how I feel about her,” Keane continues in the video. “She thinks I wanna be ‘just friends’ because that’s what I stupidly told her when I last saw her—because I’m a fucking idiot.”
Zander laughs. “And a dick.”
“And a dick. That’s right. But I’ve come to my senses. So, in just a bit, I’m gonna hop a flight to L.A. and do whatever I have to do to make my dream girl agree to be mine-all-mine-‘til-the-end-o’-time.” He motions to his hair in the bathroom mirror. “Which, of course, means this shit’s got to go, son. Because a guy can’t gallop into town on his white horse and try to swoop the girl of his dreams off her feet with hair he dyed to impress another man’s woman.”
I can’t watch anymore—my heart’s about to burst. I lower the phone to my lap and look into Keane’s blazing eyes. “Keane,” I breathe, my heart racing.
“I’m sorry, Maddy,” Keane says, his face mere inches from mine, his eyes burning. He slides his palms onto my cheeks, making me shudder at his touch. “I’m sorry I made you feel like you’re anything less than my dream girl. You’re amazing. Perfect. Incredible. Beautiful. And I’m a total and complete dick.”
“You got the razor fired up, Z?” Keane’s voice says in my lap. But I’m not paying attention to the video anymore.
“My heart’s been aching without you,” Keane says. “Even worse than my balls.”
I laugh.
Keane leans in as if to kiss me, but just before his lips press against mine, he stops short, his thumbs rubbing gently against my cheekbones. “I’m in love with you, Maddy Milliken,” he whispers, his voice barely audible, his eyes on fire.
Emotion surges up inside me. “I’m in love with you, too, Keane Morgan,” I whisper, barely able to choke out the unbelievable words.
Keane plants his soft, warm lips against mine, sending my body into a state of near-euphoria, just as the sound of a buzzing razor wafts out of the phone in my lap.
After a moment, Keane pulls away from our kiss, looking drunk. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist my ebullient charm.” He beams a smile at me.
I giggle. “Well, gosh. I’m only human, Keane.”
“Let’s get out of here, Honey Bunches of O’s.” He throws a bill onto the table, grabs my hand, and leads me out of the restaurant into the night. For a full block, we walk in silence, our hands clasped tightly, our chests heaving, making our way with purposeful strides toward my apartment five long and tortuous blocks away. “Oh my God,” Keane breathes, his hand firmly intertwined with mine. “I do believe this right here is the granddaddy of all ‘quiet moments of magic.’”
I feel like I’m floating down the sidewalk next to Keane, being propelled by wings on my back and a jet engine between my legs. “Best ‘quiet moment of magic’ ever,” I reply.
Keane squeezes my hand. “You do realize I’m totally obsessed with you now, right?” he says. “You totally shoulda made me sign a waiver, brah. You’re not gonna be able to get rid of me now.”
I giggle and nuzzle my nose into Keane’s shoulder as we walk, breathing in his delicious scent. “How long are you in town? Do we have time for a marathon sesh tonight?”
“Hell yeah. My return flight is tomorrow at noon.” Keane grins. “But I’m only going home to pack up all my shit for the move next week.” He abruptly stops walking, forcing me to do the same. “I’m moving to L.A., Maddy—I got offered the role of the token-white-guy in that all-black Magic Mike rip-off.”
“Oh my God!” I throw my arms around Keane’s neck, squealing and peppering his face with ecstatic kisses. “This is just the beginning for you, Keane. I know it is.”
“I couldn’t have done it without you, baby. The casting director said our videos were a huge part of why I got the job.”
I’m panting with excitement. “Oh my God. I’ve got so many more ideas for videos I’ve been dying to tell you about. This is gonna be so fun. And I’ve got another product placement offer to tell you about, too.”
Keane squeezes my hand. “Thank you for believing in me.”
“Oh, I do. So, so much.” I squeal again. “Where are you gonna live?”
“I’m gonna crash on my brother’s couch ’til Zander can get down here.”
I bite my lip. “No need to sleep on Dax’s couch,” I say coyly. “I’ll give you a key. Sneak in to see me any time you like, hot stuff.”
Keane grins. “I’ll come see you every night, sweet cheeks.”
“Please do, sugar lips.”
We stare at each other, both of us grinning, the heat between us palpable, until Keane grabs my face and lays another kiss on me, this one full of heat. “We’re peanut butter and chocolate, babe,” he whispers, his eyes blazing. He lets out a long, tortured exhale. “Oh my fuck. My balls are killing me, woman. Come on.” He takes my hand and pulls me down the sidewalk again, this time practically dragging me. “Is the sidewalk actually lengthening as we walk?” he asks, his voice strained.
“Just two more blocks. Tell your balls to stay strong and fight the good fight.”
“Longest two blocks of my life. Oh my God, I’m gonna bone the fuck outta you Lionel Richie style while bonin’ ya Justin Bieber style.” He grunts loudly.
“Justin Bieber style?” I ask, practically jogging to keep up with Keane’s loping strides.
“Yeah, now that we’re official, I’m gonna throw the big guns at you.”
“Justin Bieber is the ‘big guns’?” I say, snorting with laughter. “Well, that’s unexpected, I must say.”
“Laugh all you want, baby doll, but you won’t be laughing the minute I start bonin’ the fuck outta ya Justin Bieber style.”
I’m at a complete loss. My brain is scrolling through my limited knowledge of Justin Bieber song titles but nothing is making any sense. “Love Yourself?” I finally ask lamely. “That’s his big hit right now, right?”
“Hell no, dude. That’s all I’ve been doing exclusively for the past three weeks—‘loving myself.’ Fuck that shit.”
I laugh. “Well, jeez, I don’t know. I’m not a fan of The Biebs. The only other song of his I know is ‘Baby’—and God help me if you mean that literally.” I shudder.
“Oh, Jesus, no. Don’t even joke about that.” Keane stops walking and grins at me. “You really don’t know?”
“Dude, I told you—I’m not a fan of The Biebs. You’re just gonna have to tell me.”
Keane flashes me his killer dimples. “‘Boyfriend,’” he says, his eyes sparkling. “Doy-burgers, Mad Dog. I’m gonna bone ya boyfriend-style, Lionel Richie style.”
“Ooooh,” I say, returning Keane’s huge smile. I can feel myself blushing. “Wow. I think Justin Bieber just became my all-time favorite artist.”
Keane laughs and pulls me down the sidewalk again. “Come on, sweet meat. I’m dying. I’m a horse racing to the barn—a horse following the intoxicating scent of cherries.”
“Oooh, are we gonna pop some more cherries tonight?”
“Hell yeah. His-and-hers cherries. I’m gonna pop my ‘making love to my beautiful and smart girlfriend’ cherry while you pop your ‘getting boned to within an inch of your life by your handsome and happy boyfriend’ cherry.”
“Ooooh la la,” I sa
y, elation flooding me. “Oh, how I love cherries.”
We walk for another long moment without speaking, our hands clasped tightly, our bodies warming each other in the cool night. When we reach the front of my apartment building, Keane squares himself in front of me on the sidewalk and levels me with his startling blue eyes.
“I got offered the reality show,” he says matter-of-factly. “And I turned it down.”
“What? Why? I thought you were really excited about that one.”
Keane shrugs. “Turns out it just wasn’t for me.”
“Are you sure?”
Keane touches my hair and sighs. “I’m one hundred percent positive.”
“Oh. Well, then, good for you. As long as you’re happy.”
“I am. Elated, I’d even say.” His beautiful smile lights up the dark night.
“So am I,” I say softly. “All the livelong day.”
“You’re awesome, Maddy. You know that?”
“Yeah, actually, I do.”
Keane chuckles. “Good. Never forget it—and don’t ever let some idiot-douche make you doubt it.” He strokes my hair again. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I won’t do it again, I promise.”
“Oh, Keane,” I say. I touch his cheek. “You can’t promise that—no one can. We’re only human, after all. Sometimes, we hurt each other. Just do your best and that’s all anyone can do.”
“God-damn, Maddy Milliken,” Keane says, shaking his head. He lets out a long exhale, wraps his arms around me, and nuzzles his nose into my hair. “And that right there is why I love you the most.”
Music Playlist for Ball Peen Hammer
“Love Don’t Cost a Thing”— Jennifer Lopez
“Candy Shop” — 50 Cent
“Smack That” —Akon
“Pony” — Ginuwine
“Stressed Out” — twenty one pilots
“Trip Switch” — Nothing But Thieves
“Like Real People Do” — Hozier
“Blue Jeans” — Lana Del Rey
“Itch” — Nothing But Thieves
“Ain’t No Sunshine” — Bill Withers
“Are You Gonna Be My Girl” — Jet
“Come As You Are” — Nirvana
“All Night Long” — Lionel Richie
“Boyfriend” — Justin Bieber
Acknowledgments
This book is dedicated to The Love Monkeys, my devoted and wonderful readers. Thank you for loving my characters as much as I do. Thank you to my Cuz and Baby Cuz for inspiring Keane-speak and for showing me every day that extremely cool dudes can also be affectionate and loving. What would I do without you boys in my life? I love you. Thank you to my entire family for all your support, love, and encouragement. You’re all supes kewl. I love you. Thank you to my team. I couldn’t do this without you. Thank you for believing in me and working so hard for me. And, finally, a special thank you to the talented and articulate male stripper in Los Angeles who spoke to me at length during my research. Your insights inspired me greatly in writing this book. Keep shaking that ass, son.
Author Biography
USA Today and internationally bestselling author Lauren Rowe lives in San Diego, California, where, in addition to writing books, she performs with her dance/party band at events all over Southern California, writes songs, takes embarrassing snapshots of her ever-patient Boston terrier, Buster, spends time with her family, and narrates audiobooks. Much to Lauren’s thrill, her books have been translated all over the world in multiple languages and hit multiple domestic and international bestseller lists. To find out about Lauren’s upcoming releases and giveaways, sign up for Lauren’s emails at www.LaurenRoweBooks.com. Lauren loves to hear from readers! Send Lauren an email from her website, say hi on Twitter or Instagram @laurenrowebooks, and/or come by her Facebook page by searching Facebook for “Lauren Rowe Author.”
Books by Lauren Rowe
(All books available in ebook, print, and audiobook)
The Club Series (a sexy, suspenseful, romantic, and hilarious saga about two charismatic brothers and the feisty, intelligent women who fall for them, to be read in the following order):
- The Club (The Club #1)
- The Reclamation (The Club #2)
- The Redemption (The Club #3)
- The Culmination (The Club #4)
- The Infatuation: Josh and Kat Part I (The Club #5)
- The Revelation: Josh and Kat Part II (The Club #6)
- The Consummation: Josh and Kat Part III (The Club #7)
- Ball Peen Hammer (a standalone sexy romantic comedy featuring characters introduced in The Club Series, with no prior reading required and no cliffhanger).
- Countdown to Killing Kurtis (a standalone psychological thriller featuring Lauren’s distinctive humor, unique characters, “what the f*ck!”-inducing plot twists).
Table of Contents
Ball Peen Hammer Copyright © 2016 by Lauren Rowe
Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55
Chapter 56
Music Playlist for Ball Peen Hammer
Acknowledgments
Author Biography
Books by Lauren Rowe
