“So, that storm last night,” Savannah said once the coffee was ready and my hands were curled around the warm mug. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you and our conversation . . .” She made a face, as though there was nothing to say for what had happened last night. “I’m sorry it happened while you were in town, but it tends to happen around here this time of year. Thankfully, the area didn’t really see any damage.”
“Just a storm, Rae.”
A shiver rolled down my spine as Sawyer’s words and his comforting touch played through my mind. So vivid, it was like I could feel him whispering in my ear, feel the way his fingers had slowly trailed down my arms and across my body.
I cleared my throat and the memory away, nodding as I did. “Part of the fence broke at the ranch.”
The instant Savannah’s eyes turned downcast and briefly shot in the direction of her husband, I began mentally cursing myself.
I couldn’t imagine what that was like for them.
To only hear what was happening on the ranch through Sawyer, and then to have some girl come to town and know the goings on . . .
“Have you talked to Nathan?” I asked, trying to remove the uneasy feeling that had begun settling over us. When Savannah’s head tilted in confusion, I hurried to clarify, “The ‘vulture.’”
“Oh.” A startled laugh tumbled from her mouth as her gaze darted toward the ceiling. “No. No, we haven’t spoken to him since he arrived.”
I played with my mug for a moment, wondering what all to tell them.
I was painfully aware they’d heard me speaking with him the night before, but there was still that twisting in my gut that told me I couldn’t bear getting their hopes up for a future that might one day change.
“Hunter didn’t sell,” I finally said, deciding to keep Nathan and Hunter’s conversation to myself.
The relief that poured from Savannah as she turned to Beau was palpable.
Neither of them said anything, but I knew this moment was too private for me to remain in the middle of.
But no sooner had I taken a step away than the kids came running in, their daughter yelling excitedly when she saw me standing there.
“Miss Rae!” she shouted as she barreled into me.
I held my mug out in front of me, careful not to let any of the hot liquid spill as I hugged her.
“Hi, Quinn,” I said when she pulled away enough to look up at me with an ear-to-ear grin.
That smile somehow, impossibly, grew wider at my first recollection of her name.
She did a little jump and twirl, keeping my coffee-free hand in hers as she did. “We’re gonna bake death-by-brownies and a cake! Will you help us this time? Please, please, please?”
My eyes widened comically. “Death-by-brownies? Those sound dangerous.”
“They’re the best ever,” her brother said with an exaggerated groan from where he hung from the island. “And Momma never makes ’em when we asks. Only when she wants ’em. So, I don’t asks.”
Savannah swatted playfully at him with a towel, her honey-colored eyes rolling. “I would absolutely love it if you baked with us, Rae. But if you had other plans, no pressure.”
My knee-jerk reaction built in my throat, but I felt myself faltering the same way I had when Sawyer had asked me to stay again that morning.
Felt myself wanting to just be there.
My head moved in a jumbled mess of nods and shakes. “S-sure,” I stuttered. “I mean, if you’re okay with the absolute possibility of me destroying the kitchen and your desserts in that order.”
Savannah’s surprised excitement morphed into an amused smirk as she pointedly looked from the girl still attached to me to the boy trying to steal some of the ingredients off the counter.
“Nothing can destroy a kitchen like these two.”
“Hey!” Quinn said, turning on her mom with a glare that was offset by her giggle.
“Really,” I began as the girl led me toward the island, tone serious, “I’m fairly certain I can burn water.”
“I doubt that.” Savannah gave her belly a loving caress before clapping, a brilliant smile lighting up her face. “You have no idea how excited I am that you’re gonna help me.” At that, she sucked in a gasp and looked to Beau. “Get Sawyer over here, he needs to help.”
My stomach dropped and chest twisted in agony. “Oh . . . oh, no, I’m sure he, uh . . .” I swallowed thickly, head shaking fiercely as I did. I caught Beau’s hardened stare and looked away, clutching my mug tightly as I said the only truth that came to mind. “I think he probably wants a break from me.”
A scoff tumbled from Savannah, the sound somehow equally as adorable as the woman herself. Her disbelieving stare settled on me before moving back to the ingredients. “That’s the last thing Sawyer wants from you, Rae. Trust me.”
I didn’t respond, I wasn’t able to.
I simply started back up with my earlier mantra that this was for the best as Savannah turned on some music and the kids eagerly grabbed their aprons and put their stools in place.
As we measured and laughed, and I somehow managed not to destroy anything, I continued to tell myself that I would be fine . . .
Eventually, I would be fine.
* * *
“No, Miss Rae!” Quinn said, my name leaving her on a belly laugh. “You have to pour it into the pans.”
I lifted the bowl of cake batter closer to my face. “Into my mouth?” I asked, fighting a smile as she and her brother fell into another fit of laughter.
“Miss Rae,” Wyatt said as he grabbed my arm and tried to force them and the bowl down. “You have to do it like this, or else Momma won’t let you lick the spoon.”
The way he’d whispered the words, as if letting me in on a trade secret, had my smile breaking free. “Oh, yes, of course,” I whispered back.
I carefully poured the batter into the two awaiting round pans, then set the bowl down dramatically. “Ta-da.”
Both kids shot one of their hands high in the air, trying to yell faster and louder than the other, “I call spoon!”
Savannah looked from the kids to me where she stood in front of the oven, her lips pursed in uncertainty. “I don’t know who won that one. Rae?”
I lifted my hands in mock surrender. “I managed to not completely botch both recipes, and the kitchen is still flame-free. I think that’s more than we should ask of me.” I sent her a wicked grin as I reached for my second cup of coffee, my body tensing when Beau appeared beside me.
He’d come in and out of the kitchen a few times since we’d begun baking, but only to grab a water or something else before he was on his way again, doing other things for the bed and breakfast.
I hadn’t realized he’d come back.
“Hello,” I said hesitantly and tried to get my heart to start up again.
It was unsettling to look at someone who resembled Sawyer so much, yet radiated such anger that it seemed to alter his appearance entirely.
And right then? That anger was directed at me.
His midnight stare was as cold and cruel as ever as he leaned forward, resting his arms on the granite and sliding a phone in front of me.
“Babe?” Savannah’s tone was drastically different than before. Soft, yet demanding, with a hint of worry weaving through.
But he didn’t respond and his gaze didn’t waver.
After a moment, I finally looked at the screen of the phone. To the messages there.
Beau: Savannah wants you here.
Beau: she and that girl are baking with the kids.
Nearly a half-hour passed before Beau had sent another message.
Beau: Saw . . . Savannah asked where you are. Get your ass over here.
Sawyer: You were right about Rae . . .
Sawyer: She’s engaged.
I was thankful I’d already set my mug down. Because my arms shot out in an attempt to grab hold of something—anything—to keep me standing when my knees gave out and it felt like the world wen
t dark.
When everything came rushing back, my head was wildly shaking. “No” was falling from my lips over and over again.
I finally tore my stare from the screen to Beau, my voice a strained whisper when I claimed, “I’m not. He can’t—no! I can’t—I have to—how did—oh God.”
My breaths were coming in short, quick bursts.
I was trembling violently.
I hadn’t known I was crying until I realized I could no longer see Beau or the kitchen and a sob wrenched from me.
Savannah and Beau were talking around me, but I couldn’t focus on their words. I couldn’t focus on anything other than the fact that Sawyer wasn’t there, and he thought I was engaged.
Fucking Jack.
“I have to go,” I cried out and pulled from Savannah’s arms.
I don’t know when she’d rounded the island or attempted to put her arms around me. I don’t know where the kids had gone, or how long before they’d left the kitchen—and a part of me felt horrible for taking that time of baking with their mom and ruining it. But there was a much bigger part that wanted to find Sawyer and try to explain.
Wanted to run far away and forget any of this had ever happened.
The warring wants and pains and lifelong instincts whipped around inside me until I wasn’t sure what I would do or where I would go even after I had my purse and keys in hand and was running back down the stairs.
After driving around somewhat lost in the town of Amber for a while, I’d found my way to Sawyer’s house and then the ranch.
He hadn’t been at either.
The only person I’d found had been Hunter, who’d barely spared me a glance before telling me Sawyer wasn’t there, as if he’d already known who I was.
Then again, he’d never seen me and this was Amber, so, I guess it hadn’t been hard for him to figure.
Every call to Sawyer had gone unanswered, and by the time I was hurrying into Brewed, I was feeling desperate.
Emberly’s expression when she saw me come through the doors told me everything.
She knew.
She was furious.
She absolutely would not be the person to tell me where Sawyer was.
“I’m not engaged,” I said as I hurried to the counter. “I swear to you, I’m not. Please tell me where he is.”
Her stare drifted to the side before falling, her head lowering as it shook in response.
“Emberly, please.” The words came out twisted with hopelessness and agitation. “Please tell me where he is.”
“What does it matter?” she asked softly before meeting my eyes. “You plan to leave, right?” Without giving me a chance to answer, she continued on. “Why hurt him more by going through the motions?”
“He doesn’t—I never—” A strangled cry crept up my throat. “I never wanted to hurt him, and this lie hurts him.”
She seemed to waver, her rage shifting into worry and sadness. When it looked like she was about to relent, she begged, “Tell me he means something to you.”
My lips parted, though I didn’t know what my response may have been . . .
A kneejerk denial.
A twisted version of how I felt.
A truth I wasn’t ready to acknowledge.
But just then a woman came out from the back, stealing any words that had formed. Her brows rose in surprise when she saw me standing there. “Well, hey there! Welcome to Brewed.”
Emberly gestured from me to the woman. “This is my mom, Tori. Mom, this is Sawyer’s . . . well, she’s Sawyer’s . . . you know what, never mind, it’s complicated. This is Rae,” she rambled under her breath.
“So, I leave, and Sawyer decides to get him a girl? About time . . . that boy, I swear.” The woman nudged Emberly with her shoulder and smiled wryly at me. “Well, it’s good to meet you. I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch your name,” she said as she reached over the counter to shake my hand, her expression falling when I jerked away as if her touch might kill me.
I wasn’t sure what I looked like, but I could imagine.
Because everything with Sawyer had faded the moment this woman had stepped into my view, only to be replaced with bitterness and rage.
“Rae,” Emberly snapped in a tone that let me know she’d already said my name a few times.
I tore my stare from the woman to Emberly, feeling that unfounded resentment I’d pushed away building and building as I looked at them standing next to each other.
“This is my mom,” she said sharply, blatantly conveying how rude I was being.
I glanced back to the woman in question. “Tori? Tori Olsen?”
“Yes,” she said awkwardly, her eyes shifting from me to Emberly in question. “And you’re Rae. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
A wrath-fueled laugh punched from my lungs. “Tori Jacobson?”
The woman went still as denial and dread filled her eyes. “Excuse me, what did you just say?”
I had waited for this moment my entire life.
And now that it was here, now that she was in front of me, I wasn’t sure I was ready for it.
It could’ve had to do with all the emotions already coursing through me, or maybe I was afraid of what her answer would be.
Then again, I think I always had been. It’s why I’d taken so long to finally come here once the private investigator had found her. It’s why I’d told him I didn’t want any details about her other than where she was.
Because I’d been afraid she would’ve moved on.
I’d been too nervous to know if her life had ended up perfect without me in it.
“I want to know why,” I finally said, voice shaking and words hitching when I’d told myself so many times that I would be strong when I faced her.
Her eyes searched me again and again, taking me in as if she couldn’t make herself believe that I was there, before going to Emberly. The terror and worry that filled her when she glanced that way had tears slipping down my cheeks.
I formed my trembling hands into fists and clenched my teeth when she returned her stare to me, and demanded, “Tell me why.”
“I don’t know . . . who are you?” But she was looking at me like she knew exactly who I was, and was terrified I would confirm it. “How—why did you say that name?”
“I want to know why!” I shouted and jolted at the responding, booming voice.
“Rae!”
I turned, my chest wrenching open seeing him standing there, looking at me as though he couldn’t understand what he was seeing and hearing, as though he didn’t know me at all.
One of my hands automatically reached for him and fell heavily to my side when he rocked back, as if I would’ve even been able to touch him from across the store.
My soul was screaming, begging me to go to him, to explain and hope he’d understand, but I felt myself being pulled back to the woman behind me.
A sound of frustration ripped from me as I turned to a horrified Emberly and Tori, and began clumsily digging through my bag until I found my wallet.
“I want you to know he left me.” I met Tori’s worried stare as I fumbled for the papers I was looking for. “He drank every day. He ignored me. And then he left me.”
Her chin wavered and eyes filled with tears.
“His parents? You might remember them. They hated me, and they let me know every day for five years before they left me too . . . with his sister. Then she left me with their other sister. Always the same, always reminding me of the burden I was to everyone for existing.” I slammed the pieces of paper on the counter and gritted out, “I want to know why.”
When she didn’t reach for them, I carefully turned them both over so they were facing up, and pointed to my dad’s writing that so clearly mimicked hers.
“That was the note he left me with,” I said through shallow breaths as I stepped away. “I’ve wanted to know for twenty-seven years why you would leave me. After talking with your daughter, I want to know what kind of coward leaves a three-
year-old with an abusive man. After talking with your daughter, I want to know why you felt the need to replace me—because that’s sure as fuck what you did,” I yelled, flinging my arm in the direction of Emberly. “Fucking Emberly?”
A sob broke from Tori and her body sagged.
I waited, giving her the chance to explain herself.
But she just stood there, hunched in on herself, crying and whispering things too soft for anyone to hear. And Emberly? She was looking between the counter, her mom, and me with something that went so far past denial and betrayal.
“I legally changed my name to Rae Jacobs when I turned eighteen,” I told Emberly and watched as Tori’s shoulders jerked and her head shook faster and faster—like she wanted to stop what was coming. “My name was Emberly Rae Jacobson. Imagine my surprise when I showed up here and you introduced yourself.”
I glanced to the side when Sawyer stepped into my line of sight and felt the last pieces of my soul die when he nodded behind me. “Think it’s time for you to go.”
This is why I told you I couldn’t stay.
This is why I run.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry.
I think I love you . . .
My entire being trembled, but I forced my back to straighten and met his stare before looking to the mess of emotions in front of me.
Taking them in and committing their expressions and this heavy, sickly weight pressing down on me to memory so I would never forget it, before I turned and left Brewed.
I didn’t speak to Savannah or Beau or the kids when I set foot inside Blossom, I just continued past their curious stares, up to the room, and began furiously packing.
After my first trip out to my SUV, Savannah was waiting by the staircase, holding her stomach and watching me with worried eyes, looking like she was about to petition me to stay.
After the second trip, Nathan was standing by my bedroom door, nervously shifting his weight from foot to foot, then started asking what had happened, and if Sawyer had done or said something. Pleading with me to talk to him, saying I needed to at least wait until things settled before I drove.
Fall in Love Book Bundle: Small Town Romance Box Set Page 167
