Emily shook her head, “No. No way. Not this time. I refuse to let this one get away. Not with what he’s doing here.”
Blaustein’s eyebrow raised, “What do you mean by that?”
Emily looked at him as she would a child doing a monkey impression. “You can’t be serious. You must have interviewed them by now.”
“Interviewed who?”
“Oh my G- the nymphos! Do I have to spell it out for you? The late night ‘disturbances’? The increased rattling in the walls?”
It took a few seconds for Blaustein’s pot-addled mind to make the connection, but when it did it hit him, it hit him hard. “Are you saying that it’s… breeding?” he asked in horror.
His first hospital, a stepping stone gift from his mother, and now there was a chance that the place was infested with murderous dildos. The exploding feeling had disappeared, and had been replaced with a much more implode-y one.
“That’s exactly what I’m saying, doctor. And if we don’t do something there’s a real chance that it could be the end of New York as we know it.”
Blaustein’s hair was starting to stand on edge, like his body knew that he was being watched.
“You can feel it too, can’t you?” Emily asked, noticing the steadily increasing shakes emitting from Blaustein’s body.
He nodded. “What the Hell is that?”
“You know what it is. The question is what you’re going to do about it.”
Immediately images of himself stalking the halls with a flamethrower popped into Blaustein’s fear smothered mind, but then another thought replaced it. The thought that maybe, just maybe, for the first time in his adult life, the weed was making him paranoid.
He didn’t want to believe it. It’d have been like finding out his best friend in the world had secretly been a malicious toaster all this time.
This thought confused him greatly. Did his brain mean the toaster at a wedding? Or the evil metal box of death that electrocuted him so many times?
Doctor Blaustein was considering going to therapy.
“Ok, Emily, I think I’d like to end our session here,” he said, still questioning the toaster conundrum, “we’ll see how one more night goes, after that… Well, after that will be after that.”
Emily scoffed, “Do you really think we’re going to survive one more night?”
Night Three
Emily’s door swung open once again on the third night and the storm continued to roar at the institution’s walls, but she had no hesitance. Instead of creeping through the halls like a rat, she walked purposefully toward the nymphomaniac ward. No screams had echoed through the hospital, yet, but Emily knew that this was her only opportunity to fight back against the quickly building army of DilDozers.
However, by the time Emily reached the ward, three men had already been killed, an upgrade to the standard night patrol. They must’ve foolishly thought that more men equaled a lesser chance of dying. Now, all they were was a huddled pile of beaten and strangled bodies.
Then Emily saw something rising up out of one of the orderlies throats, a faint red glow pushing through the skin of his neck. She knew what was to come, but stared on all the same. It took the creature a few more seconds of wriggling and writhing to escape the confines of the orderly, but when it did and saw Emily it panicked and disappeared back inside the man.
Emily fought the urge to puke, lifted a key card from one of the orderly’s belts, and decided to press on. There was nothing she could do for the men, but she still had a world to save.
She followed the delighted moans for what felt like hours, but was literally less than a minute, until she found a sealed door. The owners of the ecstatic “Mmm”s and “Aaah”s were just on the other side, waiting to be freed from their horrible prisons. Emily still didn’t believe that these people could possibly still be having a good time with this, not really.
She pushed the key card to the door’s panel and pushed through once the little green light came on. The cacophony of sound was almost too much to bear, and it didn’t help that Emily was still in the midst of trying to come up with her plan. For all intents and purposes, she knew what she had to do, it was just a case of how. Like she’d said to the doctor, last time she’d just run and trapped DilDozer, she hadn’t done anything close to attacking it.
She shook away the defeatist attitude and continued down the ward, which was yet another long hall lined with rooms and the occasional twist and bend. There was something not right with the layout of this building, something that made Emily truly uncomfortable whenever she thought about it.
It was once she came to the end of a long bend in the hall that she saw her first young DilDozer, slithering its way out under one room’s door, and into the one across from it.
The infestation was only getting worse with each passing “Oh God yes!” and Emily had no idea how to defeat them at even this level. The energies that surrounded her were Biblical to say the least.
As Emily stared down the fluorescent bulb and lightning lit hall, it became abundantly clear what had to be done.
~
“It’s two in the Goddamn morning! What the Hell do you want?” the doctor yelled as Emily barged into his office, completely forgetting to ask why she was out of her room.
“Three more people are dead Blaustein, and it’s only going to get worse unless we do something about it.” Emily said between puffed, panicked breaths.
“Slow down, what do you mean three people are dead?” Blaustein asked, peeking out the door to see if the patient was being chased before shutting himself in with her.
Emily started pacing in what little space the office had for it, “The DilDozers, which there a lot of by the way, they killed them, and pretty soon they’re going to be coming for us.”
Blaustein took in a deep breath and then released it, “This is supposed to be my quiet time, ok? And instead of sitting on my nice, comfy couch, I’ve been spending the entire night tearing up the internet looking for anything I could find on this DilDozer. You wanna know what I found?”
“Fan-fic-”
“Fan-fiction! Lots and lots of disturbingly detailed fan-fiction written by women twice my age. And now you’re telling me that this middle-age soccer mum’s fantasy is coming to kill me?” Blaustein stopped to do some more breathing, clearly he was a lot more worked up than Emily, and he was handling it significantly less well than she was.
Emily was just uncomfortable now, shocked free of her fear of the DilDozers occupying the same building as her. “Do you… do you need some alone time or something?”
The doctor did his best to stop his vibrating hands and shook his head, “No, no, I’m good. Just… tell me what we need to do.”
Emily smiled, she knew the doctor wasn’t going to like her solution, but the thought alone of all the little monsters meeting the crisp doom made her feel warm inside, “We have to burn it.”
Blaustein donned his confused expression once more, “Burn what?”
“Everything.”
Day Three
The two, after spending a full hour calming down the hyperventilating Blaustein, spent the rest of the night plotting on how best to burn down the place that Blaustein’s mother was so insistent about not getting so much as a chipped tile.
“Are you sure this is going to work?” the doctor asked, “Won’t the sprinkler system douse the fire before it can do anything?”
Emily shook her head, “Not if it’s an electrical or oil fire, that’s why there aren’t any in the kitchens.”
Blaustein frowned, he still wasn’t fully convinced on the whole ‘burning his livelihood to the ground’ shtick, “Ok, but just how are we meant to do that? You said so yourself, this place is crawling with… DilDozers. How are we meant to get past them?”
“Easy, we take it nice and slow, they should still be defending their ‘incubators’ until people start to wake up which won’t be for at least another hour. We move now, and we move fast.”
&n
bsp; The doctor shuffled in his shoes, “Can you run through the plan one more time? I want to know exactly what I’m doing.” he lied.
Emily didn’t buy it though, she knew that the man was just playing for time, but she figured it would be easier to entertain his cowardice for the time being and be able to go into this scheme of theirs excuse free.
“We leave your office like there’s nothing going on, and start walking to the cafeteria. Once we’re there we get into the kitchen, which you’ll unlock, and from there it’s just a matter of making the gas go boom, hopefully in such a way that gives us enough time to get the Hell out of here.”
Blaustein was trying his hardest, really, but he still found himself wanting to crawl into the corner, curl up, and have himself a little cry. Then he started thinking about his brother, who was many things, brave not being one of them, however, in the face of a dildo that could emasculate an elephant he’d helped this patient escape.
“Alright. Let’s do this.”
The hallway to the cafeteria was dimly lit with the early morning sun that slipped through Blaustein’s open door, and, to both of the heroes’ relief, there wasn’t a DilDozer in sight.
“Where do you think they are?” Blaustein whispered.
Emily shrugged, “I don’t know, let’s just keep moving. You never know when they’ll be on us.”
Blaustein gulped and nodded.
It was strange, not only was there no DilDozers, but there wasn’t a single one of the patients making a fuss either. No slamming their fists on their doors, no inane screaming, not even the one who was convinced she was a rooster made a sound.
Nothing but the sound of the two sets of shoes clomping on the linoleum floor pervaded the deafening silence that echoed throughout the entire institution could be heard. It was maddening.
Eventually though, the two reached their destination; the windowless door to the kitchen just beyond the cafeteria.
“What do you think’s waiting for us in there?” Blaustein asked nervously as he fumbled around with his keys.
Emily looked around the empty tables, for some reason she felt like she wasn’t burning down a mental institution, but rather her old high school. It probably had something to do with it being a very similar environment. “Nothing. If there were something I’d have felt it by now.”
“Well, that’s good, isn’t it?”
“I don’t think so… Doesn’t this all seem a little too easy?”
Blaustein unlocked the kitchen and put his hand on the doorknob, “Yeah, like we’re going to fling this door open and I’m going to get ripped apart by a hundred angry dildos. Heh.”
The two exchanged looks for a while before Emily opened her mouth, “Maybe I should-”
“Yeah I think that would be for the best.” Blaustein said as quickly as possible before swapping places with Emily.
The second Emily put her hand on the doorknob her whole body started to tremble with fear, like she knew something horrible was going to happen when she turned it. Emily wasn’t the type to turn tail and run though.
She took in a deep breath through her nose and started Lamaze breaths to pump herself up, before twisting the handle and throwing the door open to reveal
“It’s empty.” she almost shouted in relief, “It’s empty…” she repeated to convince herself that it was true.
“Uh… Uh glumberfard…” Blaustein said in response.
“Are you having a stroke?” Emily asked laughingly as she turned to face the doctor, but immediately turned somber when she saw him.
There was a faint buzzing sound emanating from his head, and, after a second, something came busting out of Blaustein’s forehead as he fell to his knees.
Emily didn’t wait for him to fall the rest of the way and instead locked herself in the kitchen. She wanted to give him more respect, a moment at least, but she had to do what she had to do.
The kitchen was relatively small considering how many people were housed in the institution, but that just meant it was easier for Emily to find a box of matches on a shelf just above the ovens and a tea towel hung over the oven’s handle.
“Come on you bitch…” Emily mumbled as she struggled to light the towel, “Aha!” she exclaimed as it went up.
She ran over to the fryers with the burning towel in hand, but let her face fall when she discovered the dismaying truth: the cooks drained the fryers the day before.
She started looking around while flinging the burning towel around wildly for whatever they kept their oil in and found what looked like a large industrial vacuum on stilts. The flames began to lick her fingers, and she could hear the DilDozers smashing against the doors, they’d apparently made the decision to start defending themselves.
Emily threw the cloth of fire at a roll of paper towel on one of the shelves before running over to the machine, grabbing up the nozzle and aiming it at the fire, “Burn baby burn.” she said in as an action movie-esque voice as she could muster before flicking the little switch on the side on.
Nothing happened.
She tried the switch again.
Nothing.
It was at that moment that she noticed the power cable coiled on the other side, “Oh for fu-”
A DilDozer cracking a hole in the door interrupted her, and she snatched up the cord and plugged it into the nearest outlet. The nozzle had no interest in waiting for Emily though, and started spewing slick, yellow oil all over the ground while the roll of paper towels started to send embers in the air.
Emily spotted two windows, but both were barred. Her only way out was the door she’d come through. She waited for the DilDozer to smash its way in before running at the door, slipping on the way and breaking through the splintered and damaged door before the thing had a second to react.
She was in pain, but didn’t let it stop her as the distinct phwoosh of flame spreading burned her ears. After a great deal of slipping and sliding, Emily found herself running headlong toward the lobby, but she was far from alone. A dozen DilDozers were hot on her trail, and the fire was spreading much faster than she’d anticipated.
She was inches from safety though, an unfortunate orderly using his pass to unlock the door right as Emily barged through. She didn’t stop to help him though, it’d just be the death of both of them.
In an act of unwitting bravery, the orderly slammed the door shut, but not before three of the DilDozers got through and burrowed their way into his body.
There was a rumble and an explosion as the fire reached the gas lines and, right as Emily passed the receptionist’s desk, tore a fiery hole in the lobby. She shook off the initial dizziness and discovered she was on the floor just a few feet from the lobby’s doors. Her body wanted to stay put, rest and recover, but her mind was stronger than that.
Emily sprung off the floor and, after discovering she’d broken a leg when she went to run, burst out through the lobby’s glass paneled doors, and before she could so much as breath in her first taste of fresh air in days, locked the doors on the burning institution.
She watched in delight as the evil creatures that had sought to wreak havoc on the world sizzled, melted, and burned, air escaping whatever pockets they had in their bodies made it sound as if they were screaming, Hell, they could’ve actually been screaming, it was all the same to Emily.
There may have been people inside that were still alive, but there were a lot more outside that would never have to experience the horrors of what Emily and the doctor did.
Emily was sure that once the firetrucks and police got there they would arrest her for mass murder, but she’d go to prison knowing that she did the right thing.
As she continued to watch the flames burn, Emily started to wonder what was taking the fire crews so long, the fire must’ve been burning for a least ten minutes at that point, and not a single siren or firetruck’s horn could be heard.
At first Emily blamed lax emergency service personnel, but then she turned around to face the city and was greeted
by something falling right past her nose. She jumped back in surprise and looked down to see a seven inch black dildo. She ran at it, catching it up and holding it as tight as she could. It writhed and hissed in its creepy way, there was no that she was letting it go though.
She opened the door to the institute a crack and threw it inside before letting out a sigh of relief. Then she heard a thump from behind her, and another, and another.
Emily spun on her feet expecting a fight, and instead saw a battle lost. Dozens, hundreds, of DilDozers slithering their way down the driveway and toward the city, which looked nothing like it had a few days ago.
Helicopters spun out of the air and smashed into the ground, screams rung all the way from Manhattan to New Jersey.
Emily was too late.
The world as she knew it was over.
The rise of DilDozer had begun.
If you enjoyed this be sure to check out Zachariah Dracoulis’ other works:
The Mulligan Planet [now free]
The Mulligan Planet 2
THE WASHBURNE CASE FILES
And More!
DilDozer 2 Page 2
