by Jenna Stone
He trapped her next moan with his lips, moving his tongue into her mouth, demanding complete possession. She opened widely in response to him and he deepened the kiss, slanting his lips over hers again and again. Anna felt her knees going weak, and she trusted Rowan’s strong arms to support her as she succumbed to the assault of his kisses. He was hard and hot against her, his tongue hungry to give her the taste of his desire.
Rowan was the first to regain control, and gently ended the kiss, slowly drawing away from her so that he was again hovering just centimeters from her lips. His breath was ragged, and it was obvious that the kiss had shaken him as much as it had affected Anna. He was ashamed of himself for taking advantage of Anna in her moment of weakness, ashamed that he had given in albeit momentarily to the lustful desires of his body. He should have never allowed himself to touch her, he should have been stronger.
Anna bowed her head in defeat, letting her feelings for Rowan rise to the surface, it was impossible to deny them any longer. Rowan kissed her on the forehead, and exhaled slowly, trying to regain his shattered control.
“And, I’m scared of you, Rowan,” she whispered, lowering her head to his chest, relishing the feel of his strong arms around her as he held her close. “I’m scared that you’re going to break my heart.”
“I’m scared too,” he admitted shakily, pulling her away from his chest and forcing her to look up at him. “Because I ken that yer heart’s no mine tae have. I’m no meant tae have ye, Anna,” Rowan said with a forlorn expression, caressing the side of her face. He forced himself to withdraw his hands from her body, and quickly turned and walked down the hallway to the room he would share with his brothers, leaving Anna standing alone with her fears in the hallway.
Chapter Five
Anna awoke just after dawn, not having slept very well on account of the emotions reverberating from her confrontation with Rowan in the hallway last night. She fought to push him from her thoughts, but was unsuccessful. She wondered what she would say when she saw him this morning, how awkward it would be between them. Anna pulled her dress on over her shift and quickly ran the brush through her hair, opting to tie it back today to make traveling easier. She closed the bedroom door behind her, held her chin high, and went down the stairs to meet the Murray brothers.
Malcolm and Rowan were waiting impatiently for her by the front door of the inn, clearly eager to get on the road.
“Good morning, sleepyhead,” said Malcolm cheerily as he smiled at her and gave her a cold biscuit for breakfast. “Ye’ll have tae eat it on the road; we need tae go meet Quinn straight away.”
Anna felt Rowan’s eyes burn across her flesh, and she looked over at him, he was standing rigid as a board in the doorway of the inn. He held eye contact with her for a moment longer than was comfortable, jaw clenched tightly, then walked out into the street without speaking to her. Anna had expected it to be uncomfortable between them after what had happened last night, but she had not expected Rowan to treat her so coldly.
She followed after the brothers, who were walking briskly towards the North end of the village. It was difficult to keep up with them, and she had to jog twice to close the distance that their hell bent strides had put between them. She wasn’t sure what the hurry was, but it was evident that the Murray’s were on a mission to meet Quinn, whatever he had been up to. They followed a primitive road to the North, closeted on both sides by densely forested terrain.
About a half mile outside of the village, Quinn whistled, and stepped into the road from where he had been concealed in the deep undergrowth of the forest. Trailing obediently behind him were two horses, their reins grasped tightly in Quinn’s right hand.
“Good mornin’ tae ye,” Quinn said, eyes sparkling mischievously.
“Aye, it looks tae be quite a good morning,” Rowan said, nodding in approval of his brother’s most recent acquisition. Quinn reached forward and handed the reins of a large sorrel horse to Rowan, who took them handily, and reached his outstretched hand up to the muzzle of the horse so that it could smell him. “A canty lass, are ye?” he spoke softly to the horse as she nuzzled him, stroking her velvety muzzle.
Anna watched as Rowan introduced his smell and his touch to the mare. It was clear that he loved horses, and evident that he had a way with this animal that he had only just acquired. She watched as his large hand patted the mare approvingly on the neck, and slid down her whither.
She wished that his beautiful and finely boned hands were touching her, and not the horse. Her heart began beating faster as she remembered how Rowan’s hands had felt on her skin last night in the hallway.
“I think that ye’ll need tae pray for me again today,” remarked Quinn haughtily, snapping Anna out of the trance of watching Rowan gentle the horse.
“I’ll do that,” she whispered, glancing up at Quinn as he pulled the larger black horse from the forest and onto the primitive road. In less than twenty-four hours the Murray’s had both gambled and stolen horses. Anna silently wondered what was next for the Murray brothers.
“C’mon Malcolm,” Quinn said, deftly mounting the black horse. “Ye’ll have tae ride with me today. I could only find these two.”
Anna panicked, realizing that if Malcolm rode with Quinn, she would have to ride with Rowan. She glanced wildly in Rowan’s direction, and it was clear from the way that he gritted his teeth together and glared in her direction that he had reached the same conclusion.
“Actually, I think I’ll ride with Quinn today,” Anna offered cheerily. “We haven’t had much time to get to know each other,” she said, walking briskly towards the large black horse and raising up her hand so that Quinn could help her up onto the horse.
“Suit yerself,” he said, taking her hand and pulling her up onto his lap. She settled her skirts around herself and leaned back against Quinn. “Ready?” he asked, putting his left arm about her middle. “Hold on!” was the only warning that she got before he spurred the horse into motion and they took off like lightning down the road, leaving Rowan and Malcolm standing in the road.
They rode hard until the sun was high above them in the sky, seeking to put distance between themselves and the unlucky previous owners of the horses.
Quinn slowed the horse to a walk when he gauged that they had covered sufficient distance, deciding to give the horses a break from the hard pace that they had kept this morning. The stallion was lathered and sweaty, and snorted loudly in appreciation as Quinn let the reins go slack, allowing him to amble along slowly.
Following suit, Rowan reined his mare to a stop and allowed Malcolm to slide down off the back of the horse. Malcolm walked next to Rowan who still sat astride the mare, stretching his legs and giving her a respite from the burden of carrying two. Moments later, Rowan slid down from the mare and slowed his pace, lagging behind Quinn and Anna as he walked next to his youngest brother.
“What happened to you?” Anna said boldly, breaking the silence and seizing her opportunity alone with Quinn. His unusual manner and tormented eyes had perplexed her.
“What do ye mean?” Quinn responded, pretending not to understand what Anna was asking about. His body went rigid with tension beneath Anna, and she knew that she had struck a cord.
“You know what I’m talking about,” she prodded, placing her hand atop his on the pommel of the saddle. She patted his hand and continued, “It’s alright if you don’t want to talk about it, I should have never asked.” Anna pulled her hand away from Quinn’s and looked into the forest, collecting her thoughts. “It’s just that you aren’t like them, your brothers I mean. You seem broken…” she trailed off, unable to find the right words.
There was a long silence which caused Anna to regret having brought the topic up. She wondered how long it would take her before all three Murray brothers refused to talk to her.
“That’s because I am broken,” Quinn whispered, adjusting the reins in his right hand, astonished that Anna had seen right through his rouse of normalcy and straigh
t into his soul.
“What happened?” asked Anna softly, again placing her hand atop Quinn’s, and gently stroking the back of his hand with her thumb. She wanted to somehow ease his pain. She felt Quinn’s muscles relax beneath her, and he began to talk.
“Her name was Mairi,” he said, clearing his throat. The pain of speaking her name aloud reverberated through his body, and Anna felt him go tense beneath her once again. “And since they killed her, I’m just the leftover shell of a man. I doona think that it will do ye much good tae pray for my soul Anna, because it’s long gone.”
Pain was heavy in Quinn’s voice, and Anna knew that whatever had happened to Mairi had caused him to retreat into the solace her found in being quietly controlled, angry with life, not really living.
“She grew up on the farm next tae ours, and I spent all of the years when I was about Malcolm’s age chasin’ after her, trying tae get her tae notice me,” Quinn said, chuckling softly as he remembered how hard he had worked to capture Mairi’s attention. “All the lads wanted her, she was beautiful…her hair was as black as the night sky, and she had these grey eyes that could look right intae yer soul.
Anna leaned back against Quinn and listened quietly, allowing him to talk. She could tell from the way that that his words spilled forth that he was now lost in his memories of her.
“I don’t ken what she finally saw in me, but when she gave me her heart she gave me the whole damn thing. Her love was like fire, it consumed me. With just one look of those gray eyes she could get me tae do anything for her,” Quinn smiled, remembering how it had felt to be loved so completely. “She was my best friend, we were inseparable.”
Silence fell between them again, and Anna began to understand why Quinn acted the way that he did, quietly withdrawn, distant. He was thinking of Mairi.
Anna focused on the steady, rolling gait of the horse beneath them, and waited for Quinn to continue. She felt guilty for bringing up the topic, for asking for Quinn to relive these painful memories. She wished that she could retract her naïve question, but now that Quinn was talking, bearing his soul to her, she felt committed and knew that she had no choice but to allow him to continue.
“Her father went with ours, they had been friends forever, and they never returned from the Rising.”
“I’m so sorry,” Anna whispered, intimately knowing the pain of losing a parent. “Quinn, you don’t need to tell me about this. I can see that it’s difficult, and I’m sorry that I brought it up,” Anna protested, wringing her hands together in her lap.
“I’ve not spoken of it since it happened, and now that I’ve started, it feels right tae let it out,” Quinn confided, speaking softly. “And ye seem tae be a good listener.”
“Just know that you can stop, I won’t press you further,” Anna insisted, feeling another pang of guilt as Quinn continued with his story.
“Before her Da left, he asked me tae take care of her, and I asked for his blessing for our marriage. I should have marrit her right then, found a priest and…” his words were wrought with emotion.
“You couldn’t have known, Quinn,” Anna whispered softly, knowing how miserable memories could be when you wished that you had done something differently.
“But I told him that I would take care of her, and I failed,” Quinn said, tears now threatening to flow from his eyes as he grieved Mairi’s loss again. “Rowan wanted tae go along with Da, he wanted tae fight with the Clansmen in the Rising, wanted tae help defeat the English. Da wouldna allow it, and forced Rowan tae stay behind so that he could help me protect Mairi and raise Malcolm. Da probably saved Rowan’s life…he’s always been hot headed, probably would have gotten himself killed tryin’ tae do something heroic in battle.”
Anna began to understand the challenges and struggles that the Murray’s had suffered in their short lives. Her heart went out to the brothers; losing both of their parents must have been so hard. Anna felt a pang of guilt as she realized that her financial problems were not so bad. Her problems paled in comparison to the hardships that the Murray’s had endured.
“Mairi left her parent’s farm and moved in with us, she took up in Mam and Da’s bedroom. We had a couple of months of happiness, those were the best weeks of my life, havin’ here there by my side, working on the farm and having her tae come home tae at night,” Quinn said, swallowing hard and trying to prevent further tears of weakness from falling. “I can remember so clearly how it felt tae kiss her, tae touch her…”
“I’m so sorry, Quinn,” Anna said, unable to find any words that might be of comfort to him. “I’m sorry that I brought this up…you don’t need to tell me anymore, I can see that it’s difficult…” she stammered.
“I ken that I don’t have tae tell ye this, I wouldna if I didna want tae,” Quinn said frankly. “It feels right tae let it out now, tae tell someone,” Quinn whispered, clearing his throat.
“Thank you for trusting me,” Anna whispered.
“Yer a good listener,” Quinn confided before clearing his throat again and continuing. “I was out working in the field when the English showed up at our farm, Malcolm came running from the house, eyes wild with fear and told me that they were holding Mairi in the house. I’ve never felt such fear, such rage in all of my life,” his voice was thick, muscles stiff as he recounted his emotions. “There were just sae many of them, it was a whole company of English soldiers sent tae clear out the Highlands, trying tae rid the land of any further uprising against their King. We had done nothing wrong,” Quinn said angrily, controlled rage ringing heavy in his voice.
“When I got tae the house, they grabbed me, it took at least three of them tae restrain me from getting tae her. Rowan was knocked out on the floor by the hearth, I wasn’t even sure if he was alive at that point. He had fought mightily tae protect her, but there were just tae damn many of them. They beat him within an inch of his life.”
Anna swallowed hard. She was English.
My people did this to you, Quinn.
Anna thought of Rowan and the courage it must have taken to fight off the English soldiers, knowing that he was so vastly outnumbered. She could visualize Rowan, beaten and bloodied on the floor. How had his spirit remained unbroken after this?
“He had loved her almost as much as I did,” Quinn chuckled, remembering how Mairi and Rowan would go after one another. “They fought like brother and sister, both of them were bloody stubborn, and they had a few rows fit tae bring down the roof. But there were other times when they were the best of friends, I think that their personalities were just tae similar for them tae get on well all the time. I do ken that he loved her, and he almost died tryin’ tae keep her safe.”
Quinn glanced over his shoulder to check on his brothers, thoughts having come back to Rowan at present. Rowan was still walking next his horse, leading her by the reins, chatting amiably with Malcolm, who was kicking the larger rocks out of the roadway with his boots. Quinn could tell that Malcolm was frustrated about something, and it appeared that Rowan was counseling him about whatever plagued him.
Quinn turned back around and readjusted himself in the saddle, collecting his thoughts. They passed a few more moments in silence before he began to speak again.
“Malcolm was so brave, he wasna yet 16 at the time. It couldna have been easy for him tae watch them beat Rowan; I’m still not sure how he managed tae get away and come find me in the field. I think that Malcolm thought they had killed Rowan, I just remember how wild his eyes were with fear.”
Anna now realized the importance of Malcolm reiterating to her that he wasn’t a child, and had been forced to grow up fast after the death of his parents. This sweet boy had seen far too much over the course of his short life. His brothers were now everything that he had left in the world.
“I can still remember the way that she looked at me, the piercing look in her eyes when I walked into the house. Her bottom lip was swollen and bloodied, and she had the beginnings of a black eye, and her hair was all amiss. I
ken that she must have fought like the devil against them, she and Rowan made quite the pair when they were riled up, but there were just tae many of the soldiers for them tae fight off. Seein’ her like that made me want tae kill them, but there was nothing that I could do, there were just tae many…” Quinn said, swallowing hard as he relived the emotions, the helplessness and regret that he felt about not being able to save Mairi.
Anna gripped Quinn’s hand more firmly, trying to show him that she now understood his pain, and offering her support as he continued to relive his horrible memories.
“The leader of the soldiers threw her up on the kitchen table, she fought like hell, but he was just sae much stronger than her… I tried tae get tae her, tae fight them off, it took three of them tae restrain me. He beat her badly tae get her tae stop fighting him, but she wouldna, stubborn as she was. Had tae get another man tae come and restrain her on the table.”
Hot tears flowed down Anna’s cheeks as she listened to Quinn recount the painful memory. These soldiers were English, they were her people, and she hated them for what they had done to the Murray brothers.
“They took great joy in beating me, laughing and taunting me as I continued tae try tae get to Mairi. There was nothing more that I could do…she was beaten so badly, she finally gave up and lay still against the table. When I saw the fight go out of her, I stopped resisting them sae that I could lock eyes with her, be there for her in the only way that I could,” he said, voice trembling, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. “Her eyes said everything tae me, they pierced my soul with the depth of her love, and I knew that she was saying goodbye. I mouthed the words telling her that I loved her in Gaelic, and she smiled ever so slightly. She held my gaze as he raped her, and there was nothing that I could do tae stop it.”
