by Judy Duarte
“I can see where you’d be upset about her moving in when you’re not sure how you feel about her.” Poncho took another sip of coffee. When Clay didn’t respond, he asked, “How do you feel about her?”
“I care about her. A lot. She’s sweet and funny. And the sex is out of this world.”
“It sounds to me like you’re falling for her.”
Clay pondered that possibility for a beat. “Maybe so, but I don’t want to rush things. And my mom has always tried to force my hand.”
“Forgive me for not seeing your mom as the villain in all of this. She’s a great lady. And you’re lucky to have someone who loves you like that, even if she still tries too hard to keep you on the straight and narrow.”
Guilt thumped Clay like a wallop to the chest. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t complain, especially to you.”
“I might’ve had a crappy upbringing,” Poncho said, “but I’ve seen a lot of kids who’ve had it worse. And you, my friend, had it good. If you doubt that, I’ll take you on a tour to Kidville, the children’s home, and introduce you to some of the little boys I mentor.”
Poncho was right. Clay really didn’t have anything to complain about. But the flight mishap had sent him into a tailspin, and he’d been trying to recover control of his life ever since. He took a sip of coffee. It was supposed to be a fresh brew, but it had a bitter taste.
As things began to fall into perspective, Clay felt even worse than when he’d walked into the Donut Hole. Instead of his frustration with Rickie, he now had to deal with his guilt.
“Did you tell her you wanted to take things slow?” Poncho asked.
“Sort of.” Actually, he’d meant to. “This whole thing has me unbalanced, and I have to admit that I didn’t handle it very well.”
Poncho laughed. “I hear that love can really throw a man off stride.”
Clay grunted. Damn. Not only had he acted like a Neanderthal, he sounded like one, too.
But the more he thought about it, the more he realized Poncho might be right.
“I’m not sure if it’s love, but I have some pretty strong feelings for her. I guess I’d better apologize. She must think I’m an ass.”
“Probably, but if you tell her how you’re really feeling, I think she’ll forgive you.”
“That’s the problem. I was going to try to explain, but she didn’t let me. Instead, she flipped out.”
“Let me guess,” Poncho said. “You went for the just-one-of-the-guys approach. Not a good idea, man. Women are wired differently. They’re more in touch with their feelings, and it can really ruffle them when a guy isn’t being honest with his emotions or with whatever he has on his mind. And you, my friend, are pretty tight-lipped when it comes to stuff like that.”
“Tell me about it.” Clay pushed aside the éclair, deciding it had looked a lot more appetizing in the glass display case than it actually tasted. “Believe it or not, I probably would have come to that conclusion on the way to the ranch. And then I could have told her, if she’d followed me there, like I thought she’d do. But she turned right and headed for the interstate. I’m pretty sure she drove back to Jeffersville.”
Poncho crossed his arms. “Sounds to me like you ran her off.”
“I didn’t mean to.”
“She’ll come around.”
Clay wasn’t too sure about that. “She made it pretty clear that she didn’t need me—now or in the future. And maybe that’s true. Hell, she’s just reconnected with her sister—at least, she’s located her, and soon she’ll get to see her for the first time in years. So she won’t be alone anymore. She has a real family to rely on now.”
“You know what I think?”
Clay had called Poncho so he could blow off some steam. And he’d expected his friend to tell him he was right. Although he was getting the feeling that wasn’t what he was going to hear. “Go ahead and tell me.”
“You’ve been running scared of family-type commitments for as long as I’ve known you. And you’re afraid that a solid sense of home and hearth is going to change things. And it will. But in your case, I think it’s a good thing.”
Clay was going to have to chew on that for a while. He glanced across the table at his friend, who was staring at him like he was a suspect in an interrogation room.
“What do you think?” Poncho asked.
“You’ve got a point.” More than one, actually. Clay found himself thinking about Rickie all the time, and whenever he did, a warm feeling filled his chest. He liked being with her. And he wanted to make life easier for her.
As reality dawned, he had to face the truth. And as tough as it might be, he’d have to lay his cards on the table, starting with Poncho.
“Okay,” Clay said. “I’ll admit it. My feelings for Rickie are too strong for my comfort level. And ignoring them has made it worse.”
“So what are you going to do about that?”
“I’m going to let her cool off for a bit. Then I’ll drive to her house and apologize.”
“Sounds like a wise decision. And I recommend taking some flowers. You owe her, dude.”
Clay didn’t take time to finish his coffee. Instead, he pushed back his chair and got to his feet. “I’m going home. Thanks for talking me off the ledge.”
“Hey. That’s what friends are for.”
Ten minutes later, Clay arrived at the ranch. He didn’t see Rickie’s car, indicating he’d been right—she’d gone home to Jeffersville. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t apologize to his mom first. Over the years, he’d built walls to keep her at a distance, and not always in subtle ways.
He’d start by telling her that he loved her, that he appreciated her unabashed acceptance of Rickie. And that he was going to try to be more understanding of her motherly ways in the future.
But the moment he walked into the kitchen and spotted Granddad warming a can of chili beans on the stove, he realized his mother wasn’t home. And that wasn’t like her.
“Where’s Mom?” he asked.
“She left a note for you on the table.”
Clay snatched it and read his mother’s handwriting. “Oh, God.” His heart sank to the pit of his gut, and his thoughts spun out of control.
He looked at his grandfather, as if the older man could fix this situation, but he couldn’t. “Rickie’s been in a car accident. She’s at the hospital.”
He hadn’t needed to tell his grandfather. The note had been open and in plain sight. Or else he’d been here when Mom left.
“Why didn’t someone call me?” Clay asked.
“Rickie asked your mom not to, and I figured I’d better respect that.”
“Dammit. I’ve gotta go.”
“That’d be a good idea, son. She’s at Jeffersville Memorial. Your mother should be with her by now.”
For once, Clay was grateful for his mother’s constant presence—he’d never want Rickie to be alone at a time like this. “Thanks, Granddad. I’m heading there right now.”
Clay hurried out of the house, jumped into his pickup and drove as fast as he could without risking a ticket or an accident of his own.
This was all his fault. If he’d kept his mouth shut or chosen his words more carefully, Rickie would have gone home with him as planned. He hoped her injuries weren’t serious, that she and the babies had survived the crash. He couldn’t stand the thought of losing them—any of them.
Clay pushed down on the gas pedal, determined to get to his new little family as fast as he could.
* * *
Paramedics wasted no time in rushing Rickie to the hospital, where the ER doctor diagnosed a concussion then sutured her head wound. Her obstetrician arrived minutes later and examined her, too. Dr. Gomez also checked the babies’ heart rates, which were strong and healthy. Then she ordered medication to stop labor, although the contractions had already eased a bit.
After their consultation, both medical professionals decided Rickie should stay overnight for observation.
Rickie wasn’t about to argue that decision. She was just glad to know the twins were okay. It had been scary for a while. But from the moment of impact and all during the ambulance ride to the hospital, she’d held her panic at bay.
Yet the minute Clay’s mother entered the room, with her brow furrowed and maternal concern splashed on her face, tears filled Rickie’s eyes and a lump of emotion balled up in her throat.
“I got here as fast as I could,” Sandra said. “Honey, are you okay?”
You. The woman’s first thought had been about her, not just the twins. That meant that whatever maternal affection Rickie had sensed from Sandra was real. And not only an attempt to have a relationship with her grandbabies.
“Yes,” Rickie said. “I’m all right. And so are the twins.”
“Thank God. I prayed all the way here.” Sandra, who was now standing beside the hospital bed, took Rickie’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.
That loving gesture touched Rickie’s heart, and in spite of her best efforts to hold herself together, the tears overflowed and spilled down her cheeks. Before she could thank Sandra for coming, for responding so quickly to her distressed phone call, Clay entered the room. He appeared worried and deeply concerned, but she wouldn’t let that weaken her resolve.
“What happened?” he asked. “Are you all right, Rickie?”
She swiped at her wet cheeks and lifted her chin. “Yes. I’m fine.”
“I know you’re angry with me,” he said. “And you have every right to be. I was an ass.”
“Yes, you were. Apology accepted. So feel free to go on about your day.”
The corner of his eye twitched, indicating her curt brush-off had hurt.
“All right,” he said. “I’ll go. But not until you let me explain.”
Rickie glanced first at Sandra, who continued to hold her hand, watching the two of them while clearly biting her tongue. Then she returned her gaze to Clay. “I’m listening, but my response will be the same.”
He blew out a ragged sigh. “I did some soul searching and realized a few things. Over the years, I built a wall around my emotions. I considered them a sign of weakness. So the idea of having a wife and kids has always scared the heck out of me. It would make me too vulnerable.”
Rickie had figured as much. It was nice that he could admit it, although that didn’t make her feel any better about pinning her heart on him. But she let him continue to get things off his chest.
“When you came to town, pregnant with not just one baby, but two, I scrambled to make sense of how I felt—about you, about us, about becoming a family. It’s not a good excuse, but it’s the only one I have. And the truth is, I love you, Rickie.”
She wanted to believe him, but she’d been abandoned before. And Clay had disappointed her several times already. If she didn’t have the babies to consider, she might have given him a pass. But she couldn’t take a gamble like that. Not when he might harden his heart and hurt the kids someday.
He made his way into the room, although he maintained a respectful distance. “When I heard about the accident, reality slammed into me. I was afraid I’d lose you—and the babies. At that point, I finally felt some of what my mom went through when my dad died. She’d been devastated, and I can see why she’d be afraid to lose me, too. As a kid, I thought she was smothering me. But she only wanted to protect me. I get that now.”
Sandra’s eyes welled with tears, and she nodded, confirming the conclusion he’d come to.
“I might have gone a little overboard at times,” she admitted, “but son, I love you more than life itself.”
“I realize that now, Mom. And I’m sorry. I’m going to be a lot more understanding of your feelings from here on out.”
Apparently, he thought Rickie should be more understanding, too. But even though she wanted to believe that he’d had some kind of emotional epiphany, she was afraid to. He’d flip-flopped on her one time too many.
Sandra gave her son a warm hug, letting him and Rickie know that she forgave him, that she loved him and always would.
Rickie wasn’t going to be as easy to appease as his mother was.
As Clay eased closer to the hospital bed, his mom took a step back, allowing him to take her place at Rickie’s side. “If you’ll give me another chance, I’ll step up and be the man you want me to be.”
But could he be the man she needed him to be? It all sounded good. He was saying the right words, but she wasn’t convinced that he’d follow through. On top of that, her head ached. This wasn’t the time to make any emotional decisions.
Rickie glanced at Sandra, who’d taken so many steps back that she’d almost left the room. Then she looked at Clay. “I’ll need to think about it.”
“That’s all I’m asking for, Rickie. Just think about it.”
She already had, and she’d made a tentative decision. Actually, it was pretty solid, but the pain meds might be skewing her thoughts. Either way, she thanked Clay for coming, then said, “It’s probably best if you go now.”
“Okay. I will, but I’ll be back. I also want you to keep in mind the babies are going to need a father.”
Maybe so. But it would be better for them to never know him than to bond with a guy who might get tired of playing the dad role and leave.
* * *
Clay hadn’t wanted to leave Rickie’s room, but he hadn’t wanted to upset her, either. So he’d agreed to give her the time she needed and headed down the hospital corridor, determined to prove to her that he’d been telling the truth. And if that meant he’d have to drive all the way to Jeffersville each day, bearing a bouquet of roses and pouring out his heart, he’d do it.
It was weird, though. He’d been dodging his feelings for years, but facing them actually made him feel better. More focused, more secure.
Rather than stray too far from Rickie’s bedside, he went to the hospital cafeteria and bought a large coffee. Then he took it to the main lobby, where he took a seat with several other people who were either reading magazines or watching TV while they waited for word on a loved one’s condition.
He’d no more than taken a couple of drinks when his cell phone rang. He glanced at the screen and saw that it was his mom calling.
“I just stepped into the hall so I could call you. I’ve been talking to Rickie, and it might be a good idea if you came back to the hospital. I think she’s having a change of heart.”
He’d hoped she would. That’s why he hadn’t gone far. “What makes you think that?”
“We had a little chat about your father and how, in spite of his imperfections, I loved him. I told her that I’d give anything if he could be here now, if he could meet her. And that he would have been thrilled to know he was going to be a grandfather.”
“What did she say to that?”
“That she loved you. And that she thought you’d be a good father.”
“Thanks for the heads-up. I’ll be there in five minutes.”
“In that case, I’ll go to the cafeteria so I can give you two some time to talk in private.”
Had his mother always been that intuitive, that understanding? That supportive?
By the time Clay returned to Rickie’s room, she was alone. Her face was angled toward the window, as if she was gazing outside. When she heard footsteps, she turned to face the doorway, where he stood. She didn’t exactly break into a grin when she spotted him, but she didn’t send him away, either.
“Is it okay if I come in?” he asked.
She nodded.
He took a slow approach. “I realize things are a little crazy right now.”
“Yeah, they are.” She offered him a weak, tentative grin. “Part of it might be the pain medication they gave me.”
“And another part is because I was a jerk.”
“Yeah, that, too.” This time a full-on smile crossed her face, and he realized his mother had been right. Rickie had been thinking—and reconsidering.
“I’m really sorry,” he told h
er. “If you give me a second chance, I promise to do better in the future.”
“You know,” she said, “I spent years believing my sister was dead. Her loss crushed me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I was about to suffer another loss—the man I love.”
“If I’m that man,” Clay said, “I’m not going anywhere. And just to set the record straight, I’m glad my mother invited you to stay on the ranch with us. I’d like you and our kids to be close.”
“Are you sure?”
He nodded. “Yes, but there’s something else I want to tell you, something I’ve kept to myself, but you should probably know. Part of my moodiness and negativity had to do with the fact that I never wanted to be a rancher in the first place. But that’s the way things panned out. I’ve accepted it, and I’m going to make the best of it.”
“But that ranch has been in your family for years. What is it you’d rather do?”
He took a deep, fortifying breath, then let it and the raw truth slip out. “I’d like to do what I was trained to do, what I love.”
She nodded knowingly. “And after that flight mishap and your injury, the Army is out.”
“Yes, and so is being a pilot for a Life Flight helicopter, a local job that’s opening up. It would’ve been a cool, home-based option.”
“Why can’t you take it?” she asked.
“The damage to my optic nerve. Remember?”
Her brow furrowed, tightening the stitches on her head wound. She winced, then asked, “When was your last eye exam?”
“When I was at Tripler.”
“No kidding? Haven’t you had a follow-up?”
“I...uh... No.”
She scrunched her brow and winced again. “Why not?”
“I guess I was afraid to hear another repeat of that crappy diagnosis.”
“For a guy who’s always been Army strong, you’re pretty weak when it comes to facing your emotional side.”
“You’re right. And I’m facing it now. I love you, Rickie. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, raising our children.” He paused, waiting a beat before posing the question he’d been thinking about for the past hour or two. “Will you marry me?”
