It was hard to let go of some of his hate toward humans and his biased views, but he’d realized that Phoenix was right and that he was punishing himself. He understood that he still needed work and that he couldn’t just expect everything that he had felt and thought for so long to change in a split second, which was why he had taken the biggest step he’d ever taken by seeing a professional. He’d only had one meeting so far, but for him, it was a huge effort to change his life for the better.
His second step was coming to Kenzie’s home to apologize to her. He had some other things to say, and knowing that she was leaving, he couldn’t put it off any longer.
After Sawyer realized that Kenzie wasn’t going to answer, he looked down at his watch. Eight thirty. Not that late, and Naya had confirmed that Kenzie would be home all night, packing up her things for tomorrow, and he had seen her car in the parking lot.
Why isn’t she answering?
He sighed because he really wanted to do things right, which meant being a gentleman by knocking on her door and waiting for her to answer and invite him in. He rapped his knuckles on the wood again, a little louder this time. He waited another minute or so before he turned around and reluctantly walked away. He supposed he would just have to call her even though he wanted to talk to her in person.
He got to the end of the hallway before he stopped, turned around, and marched back to her door. Screw being a gentleman. He couldn’t do this over the phone. He’d broken in before. What was one more time? Besides, what if something had happened to her, and he had just walked away? He snorted at his lame justification for entering her home illegally, but lame didn’t stop him from proceeding. He promised himself that he would sit quietly and wait for her to come home, if she were out, and that he would sit in full view of the door so as not to scare her like the last time he’d broken in.
Sawyer jimmied the lock and slipped in. The apartment was dark, except for the kitchen appliance clock and the streetlights illuminating the room through the open curtains. Boxes were everywhere, and it made the fact that Kenzie was moving all the more real. Any hesitancy he had before about entering her apartment without permission completely disappeared. He needed to see her before she left.
Sawyer put his nose in the air and sniffed. He smelled the distinct scent of lemon, but it wasn’t from household cleaner. It was Kenzie. Funny how he’d never admitted to himself what she smelled like before, but now, there was no mistaking the aroma.
With her fragrance so strong, Sawyer knew she had to be there, so he was confused as to why all the lights were off in the apartment. He quietly walked to her bedroom and pushed the partially closed door open all the way. Lights from the parking lot penetrated the room, and he was surprised to see Kenzie’s outline in her bed. Knowing the early hour of the night, he was worried at first until he saw the rise and fall of her chest under the covers.
He was unsure of what to do next. Last time he’d come into her room while she was sleeping, he’d scared her. He didn’t want to do that again.
Kenzie’s cat, who had been sleeping on the end of her bed, suddenly perked up and started meowing when she saw him. He stepped into the room and swept the cat up before she woke Kenzie, who stirred in her bed. The stupid cat had a hard-on for him. She’d stopped meowing and started purring as soon as he picked her up. He was trying to do things the right way, but everything was getting fucked up.
He gave the cat a few more rubs and a pep talk about being quiet before he set her down. Then, he approached Kenzie and lightly put his hand on her leg to gently shake her. He figured it would be less scary if he was at her feet rather than looming over her. But she didn’t move.
He stepped forward and rocked her hip next. She still didn’t wake up.
Reluctantly, he sat down next to her on the bed, hoping that would be less frightening when she awoke. He brushed her hair out of her face and whispered her name.
Chapter Thirty-Two
“KENZIE. KENZIE.”
She heard her name from far away and realized that her dream was changing, which was a relief. She’d been dreaming that she was standing on the edge of a cliff with Naya and Sawyer standing at the bottom, looking at her with confused eyes. She had wanted to go down there, but she’d known that the fall would kill her.
But now, her dream was transforming into something better. She felt fingers brushing her face as her name was being whispered in the dark. She opened her eyes to see Sawyer crouching over her with a look of concern on his face. At first, she didn’t understand because Sawyer didn’t worry for her. Then, she understood, and it made sense that she would dream of this before leaving her home.
She reached up and touched his jaw. “You’re back.”
He furrowed his brow. “I’m back?”
She ran her fingers over his lips and face, taking advantage of her dream. “Yes. Amnesia Sawyer, you’re back.”
“What makes you think that I’m not regular old Sawyer?”
He’s so silly. But, of course, Amnesia Sawyer wouldn’t understand how Memory Sawyer was. “Because I can see that you care, and there is no disgust in your eyes.”
He closed his eyes, as if he were in pain. When he opened them again, he looked sad. “That’s really how I look at you? Like you disgust me?”
She shrugged. “Yes.”
She didn’t understand why he was talking to her about this. It wasn’t important right now. She had no idea how long she’d been sleeping or when her alarm would wake her, and she didn’t want to waste time talking about Memory Sawyer. In all the weeks she’d been home from their ordeal, she had never once dreamed of Amnesia Sawyer, and she feared that this would be the one and only time that it would happen. Even though it wasn’t real, she wanted to enjoy the moment while it lasted. She didn’t want to talk about how Memory Sawyer—the real Sawyer—hated her.
He closed his eyes again. “I really am an asshole,” he said, seemingly to himself. When he opened his eyes and looked at her, he said, “I’m so sorry, Kenzie.”
She just smiled and continued to touch him. His apology was nice, but she didn’t understand where it was coming from. Memory Sawyer would never apologize, and Amnesia Sawyer didn’t remember anything he had done, so it seemed she was dealing with a new Sawyer. But that was okay because Dream Sawyer didn’t stop her from touching him.
He clutched the hand that she had been using to touch his face and hair. “I’m serious. I am so sorry for the way I have treated you.”
Again, she didn’t know why he was wasting time telling her this stuff. She wanted him to take off his clothes and make love to her. She wanted the last time she was intimate with Sawyer to be making love, not the jealous, hate-fueled fucking that he’d given her on New Year’s.
Not knowing what to say to get Dream Sawyer to stop talking about how he’d treated her and move on to other things, she simply said, “Okay.”
“No, Kenzie. I need you to understand that I was in the wrong. I need you to accept my apology.”
If that’s what it takes. She smiled at him. “Apology accepted.”
His shoulders slumped with relief. She hadn’t realized how tense he’d been. Well, she was about to make him even less stressed.
She reached for the bottom of his T-shirt and tried to pull it up.
He put his hands on hers, stopping her movements. “What are you doing?”
She thought that was obvious. “Taking off your clothes.”
“Why?”
She was beginning to think Dream Sawyer was stupid. “So, you can make love to me.”
He yanked her hands off his shirt. “Kenzie, I didn’t come here for that. I’ve messed things up with you before with sex.” He shook his head. “No, we aren’t having sex until we talk more. I haven’t even said the things I’ve come to say.”
Kenzie blew out a breath of frustration. “This dream is not going the way I want it to.”
“What dream? Kenzie, this is real.”
She reached up and
cupped his face. “Aren’t you sweet?” Even though things weren’t going the way she wanted them to, she knew that the real Sawyer would never come to her house and tell her that he was sorry for being an ass. No, this was definitely a dream.
He leaned down and touched his nose to hers. “And you are frustrating, woman.” His tone was a mix of teasing and irritation.
“You wouldn’t have me any other way,” she teased back.
He lost all humor and said, “You’re right. I wouldn’t. I want you just the way you are.”
The words were spoken so seriously that she felt the beginning of tears in her eyes. But she didn’t want to cry. She didn’t want to wake up and be tormented with this Dream Sawyer. That would just be too painful. Sex, no matter how intimate it was, was something she could live with and replay in her mind. This sweet, accepting Sawyer was just her mind being cruel to her.
Why do I continue to want what I can’t have?
Knowing that she needed to stop things from progressing to where her heart would break all over again, she pulled his head down and kissed him.
He growled into her mouth and began running his hands all over her. Before he could change his mind, she grabbed for his shirt and ripped it over his head while he did the same with hers. Immediately bringing their lips back together, they continued to kiss as she pushed off her pajama bottoms and reached for the button of his jeans.
After they were both naked, Sawyer sat up, pulled back the covers, and...just stopped.
“What’s...wrong?” she asked through her heavy breathing.
Sawyer stood, threw the comforter back over her, and put his hands up in the air. “I told you that I didn’t come here to have sex with you.”
Kenzie took in his glorious body. Had he always been this sexy, or was her imagination building him up in her mind? She paused at his groin and tilted her head. Now, that part of him she was sure she was exaggerating, but that was beside the point right now.
She looked back to his eyes. “That huge erection you’re sporting says otherwise, big guy.”
Sawyer instantly swung his arms down to cover himself.
Kenzie clicked her tongue in disappointment.
“He’s not in charge. I am.”
She flipped back the covers on her bed and opened her legs in response.
Sawyer groaned, as if he were in pain. “I’m serious, Kenzie. I am not having sex with you.”
She opened her mouth, but he seemed to know what she was going to say before she said it. Of course, he was part of her imagination, so it made sense that he could anticipate her next words.
“I’m not fucking you or making love to you either.”
She closed her legs, frustrated. “You’re no fun.”
He sat at the end of the bed with his side facing her and ran his hand through his hair. “I’ve heard that before.”
They seemed to be at an impasse. He wasn’t going to have sex with her, and she was suddenly afraid her dream would end. She had to think of something quick before he disappeared. She wasn’t ready to say good-bye.
“Kenzie.”
She looked up at Sawyer, not realizing that she’d been staring into space.
“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to hurt your feelings. This happens to be something I feel very strongly about. I don’t want you to hate me tomorrow. Besides, you’re obviously tired.”
“That’s ridiculous,” she said with a yawn. “I wouldn’t hate you tomorrow. I could never hate you. I might not like you and some of your actions sometimes, but I could never hate you. I love you.” She yawned again. “But I am tired for some reason.” How she could be tired when she was already sleeping, she didn’t understand. “Will you at least lie with me?”
Sawyer slowly stood and stared at her, as if in shock.
“What?”
“I can’t believe you said that,” he whispered.
“Said what?” She was confused. “Asking you to lie with me?”
He smiled and shook his head. “No. Never mind though.” He jerked his chin up. “Move your sexy butt over. I would love to lie with you.”
She moved to the other side of the bed to give him room.
Sawyer paused before lying next to her, his smile a full-fledged grin. “Do you promise not to try anything, or do I have to put my clothes back on?”
“I promise.” She held up three fingers. “Scout’s honor.”
“You were never a Boy Scout.”
“No, but I was a Girl Scout, so that counts for something, right?”
“Sure,” he said as he lay down. He put his arm around her, pulling her close.
She rested her head on his chest and breathed in his earthly scent. “I could fall asleep like this for the rest of my life.”
He squeezed her arm. “Maybe you’ll get to.”
She smiled sadly. She knew that wasn’t going to happen, but she wasn’t going to argue with Dream Sawyer. He didn’t seem to understand that all this wasn’t real, but then again, he wasn’t real, so in the end, it all made sense.
She started to drift, and she realized her dream was fading. She hoped her next one would be even better, but instead, she fell into a dreamless deep sleep.
Chapter Thirty-Three
KENZIE GRADUALLY AWOKE, buried underneath the covers. Still tired, she didn’t want to get up yet, especially knowing the big day that she had ahead of her. She’d rather just go back to sleep.
She tried to do just that since her alarm hadn’t gone off yet, but instead of sleeping, her thoughts turned to the two dreams she’d had last night. The first with her standing on a cliff had just been weird, as a lot of dreams were, and she briefly wondered what it meant, but she decided not to waste time trying to figure it out.
Her second dream had been something else. She moved her hands along her sides and legs just to confirm that she still had her pajamas on, which she did, and she found herself a little disappointed. It had seemed so real that she’d half-expected to find herself naked.
But, of course, Sawyer would never come to her in the middle of the night and apologize to her. It was better to not think about that right now. Still lying in bed, she felt like it had actually happened, and that made her a little sadder. She could think about it on her five-hour car ride today when her reality would be truly in front of her as she made her way down the highway.
Kenzie rolled onto her back, still leaving the covers over her. She was surprised with how rested she felt. Yes, she wanted to go back to sleep, but she’d thought that she’d be way groggier from her meds. It was almost as if she had slept later than she had planned.
Feeling a little worried, Kenzie stuck her hand out from underneath the covers and searched around for her phone. She hit her hand on the nightstand, which was weird because she knew exactly where that thing was, but it suddenly seemed to be taller than it normally was.
She found her phone and pulled it under her shelter with her. She hit the power button, and when she saw the time, she about had a heart attack. 7:28 a.m.! She’d overslept by several hours, and she hadn’t heard the movers knock on her door. Cursing herself and the movers for not calling, going by the lack of missed calls on her display, she threw back the covers, ready to give someone a tongue-lashing, when she noticed her surroundings.
“What in the hell?”
Kenzie had no idea where she was. This was not her room, and this was not her stuff.
“Oh God.” What happened while I was sleeping?
She knew that she’d had conversations and done a few things, like go to the bathroom and pull food out of the fridge, when she was on her migraine medication, but she had never woken up in someone else’s bedroom.
She looked down at herself to confirm that she was still in her pajamas. She hoped she hadn’t gone out in public like this. She obviously hadn’t changed into regular clothes. Had she found some guy and gone home with him, and that was why she had dreamed about Sawyer?
She dropped down onto the bed as her legs
gave out underneath her. She didn’t know what to do, and despite the fact that she and Sawyer would never be, it made her sick to think that she had found some guy and gone home with him. That was ironic because, before Sawyer, that had kind of been her thing.
She put her head in her hands as her mind began to race. She had no idea what to do. She needed to get out of there. She needed to call the moving company. She needed to get back to her apartment. She needed to go back in time and stop whatever had happened. She needed to use her brain and think.
She looked down at her phone. Naya! She would call Naya. Maybe she could have Vaughn come pick her up—after Kenzie figured out where she was. She pulled up the map on her phone and used the GPS to find out her location. She was in Eden Prairie. That was all the way on the Minneapolis side. She was never taking her medicine again, migraine or no migraine.
Now that she had her location, she could call Naya, and then after that, she could find out whose house she was in. And, just in case he was an ax murderer, she could warn him that someone was coming for her.
“Hello?” Naya answered the phone.
“Thank God you answered.”
Naya’s voice immediately went on alert. “What’s going on? Was he a jerk to you again? He promised that he would be nice if I helped him. I should have known—”
Kenzie cut her friend off, “What are you talking about? You know what? Never mind. I need your help. I have no idea where I am, except that I’m somewhere in Eden Prairie. I’m freaking out because I must have done something crazy last night. If I give you my coordinates, do you think Vaughn could pick me up?”
The other side of the line was silent.
“Naya?” Kenzie said, panicked.
“So...you have no idea where you are?” Naya asked calmly.
“Yes!” Why wasn’t her best friend more worried about her? “For all I know, I could be with a rapist or murderer. I’m lucky that I didn’t wake up tied up with duct tape on my mouth.”
“He might be a jerk, but I don’t think he’s that bad,” Naya said under her breath.
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