by L A Cotton
I just need to forget.
"And to what do I owe this pleasure?" That deep silky voice my body longed to hear called out and I turned to face Kade.
Fuckety. I hadn't considered what I would say if I actually made it up to his apartment. But since he wasn't in his apartment, it was too late.
He arched his eyebrow and smirked that smug smirk of his. "So?"
"I, hmm..." Oh, fuck it. I launched myself at him, and Kade caught me. Slamming my lips to his, he growled low in his throat and backed us up to the wall. My legs hooked around his waist and his hands gripped my thighs.
Our tongues dueled, swirling around each other, licking and stroking. And it worked. Lust and need started to fill the cracks until I was panting into Kade’s mouth.
“What the hell?” Kade pulled away, his own breath ragged. He pressed his forehead to mine, still holding me in his arms, and closed his eyes. “What the fuck is going on?”
The gesture infiltrated the blissful state his kiss had rooted me in, but I didn’t think on it. I didn’t give it the power to send me crashing back to reality.
“Make me forget,” I whispered against his lips, feathering my mouth on his.
Without a word, Kade lowered me to the ground and wrapped his hand around mine. He slipped out his wallet, found the magnetic key card to the building, and pulled us through the door. Electricity crackled between us as he led me to his apartment. We crashed through the door, and Kade’s fingers made easy work of unzipping my hoodie. I clutched at his shirt, bunching it up in my fingers, needing him to be closer.
Scooping me up again, he walked me to the counter and dropped me onto it. He glided his hand down my cheek and collarbone, tilting my head to the side. His lips traced along my collarbone and my stomach exploded with a thousand tiny butterflies. This is what I needed…what I wanted.
“More,” I moaned into the silence of his apartment.
His lips curved up against my skin, and he smiled. Working his way up to my ear, he lingered and his breath tickled me. “What do you want?” It came out so quietly I could barely hear him. But I heard the emotion in his voice. The feeling there. Shit. What was I doing? Would he mistake this for something it wasn’t?
“Staci…” Kade’s lips left my skin, and his face came to meet mine. Blue oceans searched mine, and I gulped down my panic and replied, “You. I want you.”
Stepping back, Kade hooked his hands underneath his shirt, yanked it over his head, and moved to unbuckle his jeans. My tongue flicked over my bottom lip involuntarily. He was just so damn gorgeous; his ripped chest and that delicious v-shaped definition that disappeared into his opened jeans.
He moved toward me and slid a hand around to my butt. In one swipe, he pulled me close against him, stealing my breath. A hand wound its way into my hair and he claimed my lips. Softer this time, almost gentle. Somewhere in the back of my mind were warning bells ringing, but when Kade rotated his hips and his erection pressed into me, I was lost.
“You have too many clothes on.” He laughed, trailing his fingers down to the edge of my waistband. Slowly, he peeled my sweats down, leaving me sitting on his counter in just my bra and panties. His hand brushed along the inside of my thigh and shivers raced over my skin.
“I want to take my time with you, but seeing you sitting there like that, I’m not sure I can.”
Good, I almost cried out. The thought of him teasing me or making me wait was excruciating. I needed him now. As if my body heard my plea, my legs wrapped around his hips and crossed at my ankles, clamping him to me. His eyes widened, and I used his momentary surprise to my advantage. Bracing myself with one hand behind me on the counter, I pushed my other into his boxers and stroked him.
“Fuck, that feels amazing.” His voice cracked, as I kept sliding my hand up and down. Watching him come undone in front of me spurred me on until his jaw tensed and I knew he was close. Freeing him completely, I hooked my other arm around his neck and pulled myself flush with his body. Kade realized what I was doing and fumbled in his pocket. A few seconds later, he was yanking my panties to the side just in time for me to sink onto him.
“Ahhh,” I moaned, adjusting to the feel of him filling me completely.
“Christ, woman. I’ll never get enough of this, of you.” Kade smashed his lips to mine as he started moving me up and down, taking the weight of my body in his arms.
~ Kade ~
Holy fuck. That was all my mind could think as Staci impaled herself on my dick and started riding me like a fucking cowgirl. How had I lasted all those years between our one-night stands? Because right now, watching her eyes glaze over with lust and her skin flush, I couldn’t imagine anyone ever making me feel like this again.
“Kade, more…” she panted between our clumsy kisses, and I gripped her ass, taking her weight and letting her ride me even harder. It was almost feral. An outlet for something. I’d realized that the second she had thrown herself at me outside the building, but for what, I had no fucking idea. And right now, I didn’t really give a shit. Feeling her wrapped around me was the antidote to the poison that had been burning through me all week after discovering he was getting out.
“Ahhh, oh God, I’m going to…”
I claimed her lips once more, stealing her moans as tremors of pleasure ripped through her and her whole body shook in my arms. My legs tensed with that familiar feel, and I thrust into her again, pulling her down on me, holding her still while I came.
Something in Staci changed almost immediately, and she tucked her head into the crook of my shoulder, avoiding my eyes. But I refused to lose her to her thoughts, or whatever the fuck refused to let her open up to me. Giving my legs a second to return to normal, I grabbed another condom out of my wallet and walked us straight to the bathroom and into the shower. Staci shrieked as I hit the button and the water rained down on us, still joined together in all the right ways.
“What the...”
I pressed a finger to her swollen lips and smirked. “Round two, baby.”
Staci’s protests became moans as I sunk back into her.
Chapter 6
~ Kade ~
“So, want to talk about it?”
Staci’s fingers continued to trace lazy patterns over my chest, stirring something in me. “About what?” she said almost dismissively, but she didn’t fool me. I knew a cry for help when I saw one.
“Whatever it was that sent you running here.”
Her hand froze, her whole body tensing beside me. We were in my bed after wearing each other out in the shower and then once more in bed. I was surprised that she stayed, but here she was—in my arms again this morning.
“It was a shitty day.”
I waited.
And waited.
And when she didn’t expand, I nudged her off me and rolled her onto her back so I was hovering over her. “Talk to me.”
Her eyes fluttered shut, and she sighed. “Leave it, Kade. Please.”
Wanting to take away some of the pain in her features, I leaned forward to brush my lips over hers. She let me. She’d let me every time I tried to kiss her since I found her standing outside the apartment building yesterday. Part of me hoped she was letting me in, but the damaged part of me knew it was just her way of blocking out whatever shitstorm she was facing. Because being with her was the same for me. It erased some of the crap weighing down on me. Mom. The shit with him. The anger sitting just under the surface that waited to be unleashed. Staci calmed all of that with just her touch. No, it was more than that. Just being with her, around her, calmed me.
Staci’s hands clasped around my neck, and she deepened the kiss. But then she was pulling away and pushing her hands against my chest. “I have to go.”
Shit gets serious and you always run. I searched her eyes with my own, pleading with her not to go, but it was written all over her face. She was leaving, whether I wanted her to or not.
I flopped back on the bed and blew out an exasperated breath. The claws of a
nger slowly filtered their way back in as I watched her climb out of bed and start to gather up her clothes. She didn’t even look at me as she strolled her way out of the room. If she wanted to play that game—to ignore whatever was happening between us and pass it off as a self-pity fuck—then she could have at it.
A couple of minutes had passed before she returned, standing in the doorway fully clothed. “So, hmm, thanks. I’ll let myself out. See you around.”
I’ll fucking see you?
It was a dick move, but I didn’t even bother replying. I just tipped my chin in a nod. Her mouth opened as if to say something, but nothing came out and she gave me a weak smile before disappearing again. The door slammed and I closed my eyes trying to ignore the lump forming in my throat. I’d have been lying to say it didn’t sting as she literally pushed me off her and scrambled out of the apartment. Every time I thought I was getting close, she pushed me away.
But maybe that was for the best…friends with benefits.
Or just benefits.
~ Staci ~
My feet scrambled out of the building and I slowed to catch my breath. What the hell was wrong with me? I was supposed to be keeping my distance from Kade. But after hearing Mikey’s name, the painful ache I’d fought so hard to keep at bay all these years hit me like a force field. All the memories, the hurt… the aftermath; they all resurfaced and had me running. Straight to Kade. What did that mean? Was there really something more between us? More than sex?
Who was I kidding; of course, there was something more. I’d known that the first time we hooked up. We connected…gravitated…collided. But I had a whole bucket load of unresolved issues. The kind that molded you. The kind that left scars. Scars that damaged you for all future relationships.
Growing up the youngest of four would have been hard for any child, but growing up the only girl with three brothers, in Kaplan, Louisiana, was impossible. Joel and Tanner, older than me by two years, and Eric, older by one, were always looking out for me. It was sweet when we were young. They would walk me to school, take me for ice cream on a Saturday, and Joel even braided my hair once after Maisie Derks laughed at me. But by the time we were all in high school, their brotherly love soon became brotherly giant pains-in-my-ass. It didn’t help that it was just Dad and the four of us. Mom had passed away when we were just children, so it had always just been him and us. Dad was small town and old-fashioned. He encouraged their protectiveness over me. ‘You watch those little punks around your sister’ was his favorite saying. And boy, oh boy, did my brothers listen. They scared away any guy who so much as glanced in my direction. Like the time Mitchell Warren asked me to the tenth-grade school dance. It was the first time a guy had plucked up the courage to go through my brothers and talk to me, and I really, really wanted to go. Not so much with Mitchell, but I just wanted one normal high school experience. I said yes. We made plans. I even saved up my pocket money to buy a new dress. Dressed in the scratchy material, I sat out on the porch waiting for him, butterflies fluttering in my stomach at the anticipation of my first date. Mitchell never showed. He never even looked in my direction again.
After that, I didn’t ever let myself get my hopes up again. Dad and my brothers were never going to stop interfering and let me live my own life. I would just have to wait until I could get away from Kaplan and from my family. Until I could be free.
My social life didn’t exist outside of hanging around with my three brothers and their friend, Mikey Turner. Mikey was popular, just like my brothers. But it was more than that. He was that guy—the guy who people gravitated toward. Funny and always smiling that goofy smile of his. He was gorgeous; lean build like the guys on the swim team with sandy blond hair that fell over his eyes. We weren’t ever really friends—he was friends with my brothers and I just tagged along when I got too bored of sitting in my room. But one day everything changed. Mikey Turner kissed me, and just like that, everything in the world made sense.
We kept our whirlwind relationship a secret from my brothers, his best friends. I agreed they wouldn't approve, and besides, I liked having something that was mine. It wasn't easy to secretly date one of the most popular guys in school—or my brothers’ best friend. But we fell hard and fast, and the stolen kisses and sneaking around only fueled our fall. Mikey was my first boyfriend. My first love. First everything.
My purse started vibrating, ripping me from a different time.
"Hello," I snapped.
"Nice to hear your voice, too. Bad time?" Livy asked.
I started a slow pace away from the apartment building. Something about the way Kade clammed up earlier told me that he wouldn't be chasing me down, but still, my feet were reluctant to carry me away.
"Long story," I mumbled, wrapping my free hand around my waist.
"I've got time. Where are you, anyway? You sound like you're walking."
"Hmm." I contemplated what to tell her. She knew about Kade, in a fashion. She knew nothing about Mikey. So, I chose the safer option. "I just left Kade's."
I moved the cell away from my ear while Livy made some high school girl shrieking noises down the line. After a few seconds, she finally composed herself. "Sorry, I've been waiting for this to happen. Tell me everything. Holy shit, this is awesome. We can double date. I knew he was into you. It's so obvious..."
Livy launched into a dissection of our relationship, but I was stuck somewhere between Mikey Turner kissing me and Kade being interested in me. It was exhausting.
Finally, after hearing enough, I said, "Where is Livy and what have you done with my friend?"
"Sorry, I'm sorry. It's just this could be a good thing. Kade is a good guy, mostly, and he's one of Ethan’s best friends. If you two hook up, it might give you a reason to stick around." She hesitated, but I continued forward to the main street in search of a cab.
"I miss you, that's all."
Swallowing the lump forming in my throat, I choked out, "I miss you, too."
"So, tell me everything. I want details. Was he-"
"Olivia Shaw, you should know I never kiss and tell."
Livy gasped. "You're not serious. In college, you went through guys like they were going out of fashion."
She wasn't wrong. But what she didn't know was it was a way to drown out the guilt. The pain clawing away at me from the inside.
"Well, this time my lips are sealed."
"It must be serious." She laughed.
Shit. Was she right? Was keeping things between Kade and me to myself a sign of what I felt? Or do you just like having something to yourself? My head refused to agree with her. But my heart? My heart was saying something else completely.
~
Lou and Russ were out again. If they weren’t working late or at the gym, they were out together. Lou called it a date night, but since I had arrived, apparently every other night was date night. I couldn’t complain; they had been great to offer up their home to me until I could find somewhere more permanent. Permanent. Livy’s words rung out in my head again. Something she had said earlier had buried itself deep because, for the last hour, all I had done was mope around in my sweats replaying my night at Kade’s.
My phone vibrated, and I grabbed it off the dresser and scanned the screen. If it was Joel, I’d hit decline. I wasn’t ready for his barrage of questions following my quick exit on him yesterday. I had practically hung up on him. But the name flashing across the screen was ten times worse.
“Hi, Dad.” I flopped back on the bed and got comfy for what, I had no doubt, would be a grilling.
“Staci.”
Even at my age, his curt tone was enough to make me sit a little straighter. The man might be knocking on sixty, but he was as formidable as ever.
“Let me guess; Joel called you.”
“Don’t take that tone with me, young lady. He’s your brother, your eldest brother, and he only cares about you.”
Pursing my lips, I said, “I’ll be twenty-seven in a few weeks, Dad. I think I can take care of
myself.”
“It’s been almost six months. It’s too long. You should be back in Kaplan with us. With your family. Not off gallivanting around Africa in some war zone.”
“I work in Ecuador, Dad. South America, remember? And there’s no war zone. Just a lot of poverty and-”
“All the same. Your family needs you. It’s time you came home.”
Always with the guilt trip. Kaplan, Louisiana hadn’t been my home for over nine years. But it didn’t stop him from trying to guilt me into returning. Every call, visit, letter…it all ended the same; Dad reminding me what a huge disappointment I was to the family.
“My home is Ecuador, Dad. You know that. I’ve been working there for over four years. It’s my life, my-”
Dad grunted, and I could picture the scowl on his face, deep lines cut into his forehead and around his aging eyes. “And what about us? What about Joel and Bessie? And your nieces? They miss their Aunt Staci. Joel still finds it hard since the accident. It would make it easier if-”
“Stop, Dad. Please, just stop. If the only reason you’ve called is to ride me about not coming home, then can we do this another time?”
“Where did I go wrong with you?” he murmured to himself, and my chest cracked a little more.
I didn’t intentionally set out to hurt him or to let down the family that raised me. But they never saw that I wanted more. They never saw that my sights were always set on somewhere further than our small town. I wanted to explore, travel, and see the world. I didn’t want to live in their shadow forever.
Dad wasn’t totally wrong, though; I didn’t return home enough. Although my life would never be in Kaplan, it was still too painful to be there for any length of time. It was where I’d changed forever. And I was lying to myself because Ecuador wasn’t my home either. I loved my work out there and a little piece of my heart would always belong in Portoviejo, but it still wasn’t home.
