by L A Cotton
“Whoa, Joel. It’s not what you think. I just want to talk to Staci. Ten minutes. Please.” His eyes flashed to mine, and I knew he was pleading with me, not Joel.
“Joel…” I laid my hand on his arm. “It’s fine. Please.”
“I don’t like it, Staci,” my brother said, never taking his eyes off Mikey.
“Joel-” My voice was sharper. It wasn’t a request; I was old enough to look out for myself. I’d been doing it long enough.
“Fine. But lay a finger on her, and I will fucking kill you, Turner. Got it?”
Dad and Eric appeared in the hallway with confusion on their faces. I ushered Mikey off the doorstep, pulling the door closed behind me.
“What the hell, Mikey?”
“Please. Can we go somewhere and talk. I owe you an apology.” His eyes looked everywhere but directly at me; his anxiety rolled off him. “Please.”
“Fine. Meet me at Gina’s diner in ten minutes.”
He nodded and returned to his car, which he’d parked across the street. If I was leaving for good, it was time to lay the past to rest. And looking back at my family’s house, I realized it was time to come clean to them as well. Maybe then they would understand my decision—the life I’d chosen for myself.
I opened the door to three angry Jameson men.
“Please explain to me what the fuck Turner is doing here demanding to see you?”
“Joel, not now.” I sighed. “I need to do this, and then I’ll explain everything. Please.”
Dad stepped forward, and I readied myself for his dressing down, but inside his eyes softened and he said, “Joel, let Staci take care of her business. We can talk later. Take the truck.” He motioned to the keys on the hook.
“Thank you,” I called behind me as I left for Gina’s.
~
Gina approached our booth at the back of the diner. “Here y’all go. Two coffees. Can I get you anything else?” She eyed me carefully, and I smiled, trying to reassure her. “We’re fine, thanks.”
After she had left us alone, Mikey said, “Thank you for agreeing to talk with me.”
“You look different. Good different.”
He ran his hands around the mug. “I’m trying. Baby steps, you know. Staci, I’m so sorry. What I did…said, it was the drugs talking. Sherri, my girlfriend, broke things off, and I lost control. It’s always the same; my relationships fall apart, and I start using again…” He hesitated. “My mind goes back to you-”
“Mikey-”
“No, wait. It isn’t like that. I’m just trying to explain things. As fucked-up as they seem, I don’t think I ever got over you.”
“You left me, Mikey. Not the other way around. You shattered my heart.”
“Fuck. I know, I know. But I broke my own heart, too.” His eyes closed and his face contorted with pain. “I should have told them. I should have stood up for us.”
The diner closed in around our booth; the weight of the memories crushed me.
“I was pregnant,” I whispered, shocked how calmly the words came out.
His eyes flew open and his mouth dropped open. “Wh-what?”
“When you left, I was pregnant. I didn’t find out until a few weeks later. I drove out to LSU to tell you.”
His face just stared blankly at me, and then his eyes widened as it all clicked into place. “When you visited that once? Fuck.”
“Yeah.” I grimaced unsure of what else to say. It was like talking about something that happened to two strangers. Not two people who once meant the world to one another. But we were strangers now, only my secret binding us together.
“Staci, I had no idea. Fuck. What happened?”
“You really want to know?” The bitterness in my voice was obvious.
He scrubbed a hand over his face and nodded.
“I was going to tell you, but then I heard you come back to the house with someone. A girl. I freaked, figured you had forgotten all about me and about what we had. So, I left. I think up until that point, I was going to terminate the baby. I just thought you had a right to know. But something in me changed. You changed me, Mikey. And by the time I got back to Kaplan, I had decided I was going to keep it. I was going to be a mom.
“It took me a while to build up the courage to tell Dad and Eric, but the night before I was going to do it, something went wrong. I was almost twenty-four weeks when I lost her.”
“Her? It was a girl.” He gulped, his eyes glossy with unshed tears. “We had a daughter?”
I swallowed hard, but tears were already streaming down my face.
“A baby girl.”
We sat quietly, letting my words fill the void between us. So much time had passed since then. Ten years. But the emotion was still raw for me. Gina was right; I had never dealt with it…I had ran. And I had been running ever since.
“Staci, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say here. I am so sorry you had to deal with that alone. Fuck, if I had known-”
“Don’t. I’m not here to reconcile or take a trip down memory lane. What’s done is done. But you deserved to know.” I rose from the booth. “Please, don’t ever try and contact me again. Good luck with life, Mikey. I hope you find what you’re looking for one day.”
I didn’t look back as I walked out of the diner, but I felt lighter. Now I only had my family to tell, and then I could put my past behind me and finally look to the future.
~
I inhaled a deep breath before pushing open the door to Dad’s house. You can do this. Telling Mikey should have been the hardest, but I feared telling the three men sitting on the other side of the wall would be something else entirely.
Dad, Joel, and Eric were focused on the television when I entered the room. Grabbing the remote off the arm of the couch, I hit the power button and stood in front of them.
“I have something I need to tell you all. Please don’t interrupt until I’ve finished, okay?”
Three blank faces stared back at me after I finished relaying the story to them. Dad shifted uncomfortably in his chair, and he cleared his throat. “Pregnant? When you were sixteen with Mikey Turner’s child? Joel and Tanner’s Mikey? The same Mikey I treated as good as one of my own?”
I moved to the edge of the couch and sat down. “Yes.”
“And you kept it a secret all of this time?”
I nodded.
Joel stood and started to pace the room. “I always knew something was going on, but I never thought… fuck, I never thought he was molesting my sister.”
“Joel!” I shrieked. “I was sixteen.”
“Sixteen is underage, and too damn young to be involved with Turner.”
“Son, calm yourself.” Dad’s tone was firm, and it felt like we had been transported back to arguing as kids.
“Shit, Staci. How did you hide something like that from us?” Eric asked.
“Does it matter? I’m only telling you now because I can’t go on carrying this secret with me. I hadn’t realized until lately how much it’s affected me.”
My mind drifted to Kade.
“Does it matter? Of course, it fucking matters, Staci!” Joel roared. “You were pregnant with our niece or nephew, and you didn’t think to tell us or turn to us?”
I sat there with my mouth hanging open as if he’d just slapped me.
“Joel Peter Jameson,” Dad said in an eerily calm voice. “Talk to your sister like that again and you can get the hell out of my house.”
“But, Dad-”
“Niece.”
All heads swung back to me and Eric said, “Niece?”
“Yes, I gave birth to a baby girl. She didn’t make it.” A river of tears started again, and Joel dropped to his knees and ran a hand over his head. “Fuck.”
“Okay, okay. Enough.” Dad stood, clearly uncomfortable with the situation. He shared a look with Joel and Eric and said, “Let’s call it a night. I’m sure your sister could use some sleep.”
Joel and Eric left the room reluctantly
, and Dad turned to me and said, “Get some sleep. But in the morning you and I are going to have a long talk.”
I wiped my eyes and smiled inwardly. Whether he knew it or not, Dad had just showed me compassion for the first time in my life.
~ Kade ~
Mom’s hand clutched mine as we sat opposite Stan Pallen, my lawyer. I was due in court in two days for my preliminary hearing.
“We have some good news.”
At last.
“Mr. Ford is awake. We got the call this morning. He has sustained serious injuries, including broken ribs, a broken nose, and a shattered jaw. He will require constructive surgery to his face.”
I winced at the description, all the time thinking, I did that.
“So, what happens now? If he doesn’t press charges, Kade will go free, right?”
Stan’s lip drew into a tight line. “It isn’t quite that straightforward, Mrs. Ford. There are witnesses willing to testify that Kade attacked Mr. Ford.”
“But he was protecting me. Larry came for me.”
“And that will contribute to our defense, but these things are not straightforward. Once a complaint is filed, the prosecuting attorney’s office can still pursue the case. The injuries Kade inflicted are very serious, Mrs. Ford.”
Mom started sobbing into her handkerchief and guilt rushed through me. What the fuck had I done?
At the time, I did what I thought was necessary, but now? Now it felt like there had to be a better way of dealing with it. It was too little too late, though.
“So, what’s the worst-case scenario, Stan. Give it to me straight.”
“Worst case is they push for aggravated battery and you serve a minimum of twenty-one months.”
“And best case, they review the case and recognize that you were defending your mother. You might serve time, but with your clean record and your father’s rather colorful history, you could walk away.”
I dragged a hand through my hair. Twenty-one months in prison? And if I read between the lines of what Stan was saying, it could be a lot longer. Mom wouldn’t survive that.
I wasn’t even sure I would.
~
It had taken me almost an hour to calm Mom down after we left Stan’s office. She was a mess, and I felt like a huge failure. I’d let my emotions get the better of me and let my heart rule my head. And what a clusterfuck that had turned out to be.
“It’s me; let me up,” Ethan’s voice crackled over the intercom.
Nice to see you too, I muttered under my breath while unlatching the door and leaving it ajar.
“You’re alive then.”
“Can we not?”
“Yeah, not happening until I’ve said my piece. What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Ethan,” I groaned, not wanting to get into it with him. Not after listening to Mom talk like I was already locked up.
“No, man. This needs to be said. You fucked up. We all know that, but it’s what you do after the shitstorm that counts. And you hiding away up here is the coward’s way out. The Kade Ford I know isn’t a coward.”
I slammed my fist down on the counter. “She left. Staci left me. Not to mention the fact I could be sent down for a minimum of twenty-one months,” I mimicked Stan’s voice. “Prison, Ethan. I could go to prison.”
“And?”
“Are you fucking serious? And? My life will be over.”
“If you let it beat you.”
Was he for real?
“Kade, when you want something, you go after it. I’ve seen it time and time again. Remember in college when we had just fixed up our first engine and you looked over at me and said ‘one day I’m going to own my own shop.’ Or the time that chick, what was her name, Laney something, Laney Marks. She blew you off and you went after her hard. It was impressive how quickly you had her in your bed. Total dick move sleeping with her and then dumping her, but your dedication to the cause was commendable.” Ethan gave a slight laugh, but I grimaced, unable to see the funny side to anything at this particular moment.
“What’s your point?”
“Life will go on. Whether you are cleared of the charges or you serve time, one day you’ll be free of this, of him, and life will go on. And will you be able to say you fought all the way? Or will you have to live with the regret of knowing you gave up?”
Ethan stepped back into the doorjamb. “You’re better than this, Kade. Don’t let him win. Fight. I’ll see you at the hearing next week. You know where I am.” He turned and left.
Fight.
That was the problem. Everything was so messed-up; I had no idea what I was fighting for anymore.
~ Staci ~
I found my row and slid into the window seat. I’d taken this flight more times than I could count, but none had ever felt as permanent as this. I knew I could come back at any time, but my decision was made. My future was in Portoviejo.
Swiping a tear out of the corner of my eye, I replayed the goodbye with my family. After Dad had sat me down and asked me to tell him the whole story again, he had hugged me. He’d wrapped his thick arms around my waist and almost squeezed the air right out of me. I didn’t know who was more shocked—me or him—but something changed after I told them about the baby. I knew Joel would take longer to come around, but he had promised not to hunt down Mikey in the name of my honor. Even Tanner called from duty station after Joel had texted him with my revelation.
They finally knew my reasons for not being around much, and I think they understood what life had been like for me a little more. I didn’t doubt that they’d always be as protective as hell, but Dad had whispered four words to me before I left that I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear. He was proud of me. It might have taken twenty-seven years, but I finally felt like we could move forward. For the better.
Now all I needed was time to forget the blue-eyed guy with the sinful tongue that my path seemed destined to collide with.
If only for brief moments in time.
Chapter 16
~ Staci ~
I waved off the last of the children and shuffled my papers into a pile. When I’d arrived back in Portoviejo a little over a month ago, I’d thrown myself back into work, picking up extra classes to teach at the village school. I just needed to keep busy, but now I was finally starting to feel at peace again. And the void I felt was slowly being filled with the smiles of the local children learning their first English phrases and watching baby Sofia grow and learn every day. It felt right being here. Did I miss Kade? With every beat of my heart. But I no longer felt like I was running—and I finally felt home.
Kero’s head peered around the doorway. “Staci, come down to the beach with us?”
“Not tonight; I haven’t been feeling so well.”
After feeling low for a couple of days, I was pretty sure I was coming down with something.
“Okay, your loss.” Kero flashed her wide grin and waved as she disappeared.
I picked up my bag and made my way back to project headquarters. Drew had managed to arrange with my professor so that I could email my research proposal. It probably meant a trip back to the States in the spring, but I wanted to visit Dad and my family sooner rather than later.
“How was class?” Drew looked up from his desk as I passed his office to get to my room.
“Great; the new kids are picking it up quickly.”
“It’s good to have you back. We missed you around here.”
“I bet that’s what you say to all the girls.” I laughed.
“Only the ones who work as hard as you do. Come in for a minute?”
I stepped inside his small office and pushed the door shut.
“Listen, I haven’t wanted to ask because you haven’t said anything, but I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you.”
“Remember what you said to me? You said that at least you could say you tried. Well, I did, too. I tried. This is where I’m supposed to be.”
Drew smiled sadly, and I wondered if the
re was more to his story than he’d let on that night after Christmas. “As long as you’re sure. It’s not the life for everyone. Long hours, insufferable weather, mosquitos, and Kero.”
We both laughed, and I said, “What’s not to love, right? See you tomorrow, Drew.” I opened the door and stepped into the hallway. “And thank you. For everything.”
~
“Miss Staci, Sofia sits now. Come watch.” Camila beckoned me over to their small home as I headed to the local farmer’s market.
“Wow, she’s growing so much, Camila. Aren’t you a cutie pie?” I tickled Sofia’s chin, and she reached out for me.
“She loves her Tìa Staci.”
Aunt Staci. Camila’s sentiment touched me. She was one of the first women I worked with in the village. When I first arrived, she was pregnant with Andres and Pablo. Young and alone—after her husband died in a fishing accident—I spent a lot of time with her. Teaching her English and helping her prepare for the babies. I guess I saw some of myself in her and although my heart ached as I watched her bump grow, I knew I had to help her.
Camila placed her daughter on the floor in front of her and cushioned her back with her arms. Sofia swayed backward and forward before toppling back into her mother’s hands.
“Wow, chica inteligente.” I hoped I’d gotten my pronunciation right, but from the grin on Camila’s face, I figured I had.
“I’ll come by tomorrow, okay? Adios.”
“Adios. Buenos noches, Miss Staci.”
I left them and continued my journey to the farmer’s market when my stomach lurched. Still feeling a little off color, I took a few deep breaths and a sip of water from my bottle. The feeling passed and I kept walking.
After buying some papayas and kiwis from the small market, I wandered back to headquarters. Saturdays were always quieter because it was technically our day off. Sometimes, I borrowed the project’s Jeep and ventured down to the beach at Crucita. If the tide was right, you could surf. It didn’t happen often, but Kero and I had been out on the waves once or twice. But all I wanted to do today was hang out around headquarters.
I was beat, but it had been a busy week and the humidity was stifling.
