by Hazel Parker
She tugged her hand off, and this time, she was successful. “Don’t you, really? You’ll be treated like a pariah. I know how this works. It will ruin you. You will lose your job and you could lose your status and be kicked out of the church … Pastor Seb!”
The impersonal name coming out of her mouth had him staring at her in surprise. But she had shut down.
“I don’t think this is going to work,” she said softly. “I’ve been planning to leave, anyway. This was just a short respite for me…this place. And it worked.” Blue eyes pinned him in place as she said her final words. “It’s time for me to move on.”
So it wasn’t about him. It was about her and her need to leave all along.
There was nothing he could do at this point, even when every part of him was screaming at him to reach out to her once more. But pride got in the way. So did obligations. So Sebastian did what he thought was right and what she wanted to hear.
He gave his final goodbye to Lily and promised her he would never bother her again.
*****
Sebastian did his best to continue with his duties without letting thoughts of her bother him, but it was absolutely impossible. She filled his mind day and night; haunted his sleep and he became very grumpy. William was the first to notice and the guy tried to reach out in the best way he could—by inviting Sebastian out to dinner so he could gently probe.
Of course, he got nothing. Sebastian refused to tell anyone at this point and he closed himself off and wouldn’t let anyone in. He still tried his best in charming the townspeople and imparting his word of wisdom but most of the enthusiasm was gone as he questioned his own self over and over.
Doubt filled his mind. Only thoughts of her remained and her words.
He wasn’t a hypocrite, of course. Sebastian didn’t deny that he craved to be inside her again, to be able to hear her moans of pleasure again as he brought her to climax. He wanted to touch every inch of her and follow it with a taste and he wanted those hands to be all over him. He often dreamed about it and when he woke up, it left him with the biggest hard-on that he had difficulty trying to get rid of. A quick shower sometimes did the trick but then thoughts of her would return, and he would just be aroused all over again.
But that wasn’t all.
He also craved her presence. Just her presence. Lily wasn’t perfect as he had believed when he first met her. She was often naïve and sometimes too shy for her own good. She was a dreamer, often getting lost in her own thoughts and forgetting to do something about her career, which absolutely needed a boost. She didn’t believe in herself enough to go after what she wanted. She gave up too easily.
But she was also a fighter, for others. She stuck up for people and tried her best to make everyone feel good And she was passionate—passionate about everything she held dear, and about the things that got her excited. She was passionate about her goal to move on, passionate about her devotion to her good uncle. Passionate about him.
An ache started in Sebastian’s chest as he thought of her laugh, her glare. Her eyes staring at him, seeing too much when she had told him she was ready to move on. It wasn’t about her. It was never about her.
And just like that, realization hit him like a ton of bricks. She did this for him!
In church. In the middle of a sermon John was conducting.
It took all of Sebastian’s control not to flee right then and there and go after her…five days after she left town. It took all of his effort not to punch his hand through a wall as he realized just exactly how stupid he had been. Not just stupid on Janice’s level.
He was beyond that.
Sebastian waited for John to finish his sermon, waited for the people to slowly file out. It was a slow, painful process. When they were finally alone, he walked over to the man and told him he had something very important to tell him. He told John everything, about the accident, Tanya’s death and his vow to dedicate himself to the church and to helping others. He told him he loved Lily and that the baby was his and how he had told Lily they couldn’t be together because of his vow to dedicate his life to the church. He’d tried to continue his ministry but his heart wasn’t in it without Lily in his life. John listened carefully. Sebastian felt so ashamed he couldn’t look at John.
They sat in silence for a long time.
Then John said quietly, “Sebastian, I think God forgave you a long time ago. Who are you to reject the forgiveness of God? Yes you have been a good pastor, a wonderful, caring pastor but what makes you think that being in a loving relationship with the woman you love more than life will change your love for the people and the church? Do you remember what you told the Burns boy when you counselled him? Don’t you think your ministry will be better if you understand the people you are ministering to? Don’t you think that being a husband and a father who has experienced loss will make you a better pastor? Living love is what the church is all about. Think about that! And forgive yourself! Now go and pray for guidance”.
He had made his decision.
And it wasn’t going to be an easy one.
Almost twenty-four hours of emotional turmoil later, and with the reverend’s wise words echoing in his head Sebastian went home to pack his bags and change his clothes. Then he dialed a number.
“Janice the wise speaking,” Janice answered on the other line after two rings.
“I need Lily’s Los Angeles address,” he said without preamble.
There was a heavy pause, and he was pretty certain his cousin was frowning in disapproval. She cleared her throat.
“And why should I give it to you?” she asked cautiously.
“Because I’m going after her.”
Another pause—of shock this time. He didn’t explain further, certain she understood exactly what he meant.
Finally, she conceded. “Fine. But under one condition.”
“Go for it.”
“We come with you.”
“We?”
“Her friends.”
That startled him for a second. “Why?”
“That’s on us. We want to visit her. You, in the meantime, are going to drive and worry about how to get her back. Oh, and we make separate rides. I don’t want them finding out yet that you’re coming with us.”
He thought it over, then figured out he had nothing to lose.
“Do they know?”
“Everything except your identity. I’ll handle them,” she assured. “You worry about you. And Lily. And Seb?”
“Yeah?”
“It’s not gonna be easy getting her back.”
“I’ll do whatever it takes.”
And he would.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
We ache with the yearning that turns half into whole and offer no excuses for the beauty of our souls. – Aberjhani
There were plenty of other well-known bookstores in Los Angeles, and it took Lily no less than a day to find one that suited her literary skills and apply. A gentle old man scheduled her for an interview. It went so well that she was given the job on the spot—something she was elated by and took as a sign that maybe settling here wouldn’t be so bad.
Other than getting a new job, she got herself a new apartment—a tiny, suburban-type place that reminded her of Sunnydale with its wooden paneling and old furniture. It wasn’t as posh as the studio she had before with its elegant, modern furniture, but she was determined to make it as homey as she could without having to spend much. She was determined to make her own way. Her trust fund was back up.
On her first week back in the city, Lily decided to indulge herself by shopping for clothes—something she hadn’t been able to do much in the town because clothing shops there were few and far between. She treated herself to some authentic French cuisine right after, telling herself that this was something she had been looking to eat for quite some time now.
And yet she quietly missed Sunnydale.
Determined not to dwell on it at all, Lily walked. She walked and walked and visit
ed parks, museums, and whatever new spot she could find, feeling as if something was missing. It sucked, really, that just when she had fallen in love with a town, the people, and a certain man, it just wasn’t meant to be and she needed to be the one to leave.
But she refused to stay miserable over that.
So she kept herself busy. Other than the bookstore, there was also a nearby chocolate shop that needed a weekly bookkeeper, so she signed up for that, too. Lily worked so hard the next couple of days that her employers were so impressed. By the time weekend came, she was exhausted and thought a good sleeping in would be beneficial.
She dreamed of him, always dreamed of him, but she tried to forget. She dreamed of knocking on doors and strange visitors answering the door ignoring her.
Lily was so used to dreaming that she didn’t realize the pounding on her door was for real. It got so loud that she ended up waking up with a start, dazed and confused and wondering if she had missed some appointment.
Blearily, she stood up and went to the door, prepared to give a lecture to whoever would make such a commotion at…oh. Eight. It was already eight in the morning.
She opened the door.
Blinked.
Before Lily could scream, four women with excited voices screamed happily ahead of her.
*****
“What are you guys doing here, really?” Lily asked again once the niceties—niceties as in her taking a shower and them dragging her out of the house so they could all go out—were done. They had settled to eat at a diner near her house that served one of the cheapest and most flavorful pizzas there was, and ordered slices of all the bestsellers.
“We’re here to visit you!” Hanna said brightly, after ordering a scoop of ice cream before the pizza was to arrive. Apparently, her diet was a no-go, not when in the city.
Beth nodded her head. “Your leaving was too abrupt and we wanted to check out how you’re doing here. We were worried about you.”
Darla was frowning at the menu, still searching for low-calorie stuff after her order of low-carbohydrate pizza. Then she placed it down and stared at Lily in disapproval. “You really should have said goodbye, you know. I’m kind of miffed you just packed up and left.”
Lily nodded. “I’m sorry about that. There were just some things that happened, and I couldn’t stay anymore. I’ve missed you guys.”
Darla’s look softened. “It doesn’t matter. We’re here now.”
“And on that topic,” Hanna added, “We couldn’t help wondering what caused you to leave so quickly.”
Beth leaned forward hastily. “And we don’t mean to sound intruding or anything like that.”
Darla shot her a look. “But we need to ask. Is it about the baby’s father, Lily?”
Lily was shocked. She didn’t know the women knew about the baby. She shook her head. “It’s not that.”
Janice had stayed silent throughout the whole conversation, a very unusual thing that had Lily giving her a puzzled look. Janice wouldn’t meet her eye, as if she were having an internal struggle and was preparing for something.
When the pizza finally arrived, steaming hot and mouthwatering, Janice looked up.
“I have something to say,” she announced.
Everyone paused mid-bite, but she indicated at them to continue and waited for them to start chewing. When they finally did, she took a bite of her own and murmured in appreciation. Then she gulped.
“My cousin, Sebastian, has left the church. He’s taken a sabbatical to think about his calling. Or whatever you call it.”
Forks clanked and a shocked silence filled the air. Totally relaxed, Janice shrugged.
Beth’s eyes widened, but she was the only one who got it right away. A sinking feeling settled in Lily’s stomach as she predicted what Janice was about to say next.
“And he’s gone away to reflect. Some faraway place he refused to tell me.”
It was like a ticking time bomb.
One by one, comprehension dawned on both Hanna’s and Darla’s faces. Then slowly, all heads turned towards Lily, who was still staring dumbfounded at Janice.
Beth was all sympathy. Hanna looked like she was punched in the face and didn’t know how to react.
Darla looked positively furious.
Lily took a deep breath, prepared for the last one to shout at her. To blame her for everything and to make her an outcast then and there, then probably walk out in disgust right after.
Instead, Darla lifted her hand, calling the waiter. Once the waiter arrived, she canceled her order for low-carb pizza and told the waiter to serve her one with cheese—lots and lots of gooey, melty cheese.
When that was done, she finally turned to Lily and let out her opinion in a calm manner.
“That bastard had better kneel and grovel before you take him back. Do you understand me?”
Hanna’s mouth fell open in shock. Janice raised a brow, while Beth merely looked on.
Lily squirmed.
“It’s as much my fault as his, Darla,” she began, but Darla cut her off.
“Sweetheart, not when he let you go just like that,” Darla intoned, taking her hand and squeezing it. “I get he has a calling, and it’s important to him but they don’t have to take a vow of celibacy.”
“You don’t know the whole story”, Lily said quietly. “I understand”.
Unbidden, a tear fell out of Lily’s eye at the words—unexpected words from the last person she expected. Hanna became teary-eyed herself, and Beth was looking down and obviously also trying to control her emotions. Janice raised both brows and merely sat back, waiting for everyone to get a hold of themselves.
When the waiter finally came to serve Darla’s food, he was very confused to find five emotional women at the table, happily immersed in each other and still trying not to cry.
*****
They bonded. That was the best word for it as they strolled around the city and talked about everything, particularly filling in details of what Lily had missed in town. Apparently, Janice had a hot little romance going on—one that she had been trying to hide from everyone.
Until Hanna found them doing it behind a stall in a restaurant.
The fact that Janice got her secret fantasy had all of them mighty amused—more so because it was with Sullivan, of all people. He was the nicest guy in town, and Janice was the rebel—a situation that had Darla declaring what a perfect couple they would turn out to be. Janice refused anything that had to do with the word couple, but Lily could see that there was a content look in her eyes that indicated she really didn’t mind.
They kept bonding, right until midnight and it was time to go home. The women walked Lily to her front door before leaving for their motel room, which was just a few blocks away. Sleepily, they promised Lily they would be back tomorrow and would even visit her at her workplace so they could indulge in chocolates.
Happy at how the day turned out, Lily went inside her house and slept the night away. A big part of her wondered where Sebastian was, worried about him and where he had gone. But she tried to convince herself that moving on was the best option, and she shouldn’t hope at all. Missing him was going to be a part of her for the next few months and she just had to ride through it until she no longer missed him. If that ever happened.
The thought of no longer missing him sent an ache inside her heart, but she ignored that, too.
The next morning knocking woke her up again. Fully expecting her four friends to be on the other end, she called out a warning for them to be quiet and washed her face first before trudging towards the door with a huge grin on her face. She opened the door and opened her mouth, prepared to let them in and ask them to wait while she got herself ready.
The smile and the words froze when she saw who was at the door.
It wasn’t the girls.
“Hello, Lily.”
It was Sebastian, with flowers in his hand.
CHAPTER TWENTY
You've gotta dance like there's n
obody watching, love like you'll never be hurt, sing like there's nobody listening, and live like it's heaven on earth. – William W. Purkey
Lily wasn’t pleased.
Sebastian had expected that—had expected for her to even turn him away the moment she saw his face. He was prepared to handle whatever deflection she was going to do, had even prepared a speech the moment she would open the door—the kind that was poignant and not-so-long, the kind that would charm her back into his arms. He had charm in spades, so it should have been easy to utilize. It should have been a cinch.
But when she opened the door, all words that were in his head were lost.
Lily was wearing boxer shorts and a shirt that seemed to swallow her with its size, and her feet were bare. She had no makeup on, and her hair was a mess, and she basically stared at him with her face frozen in a smile as she obviously expected someone else.
She was beautiful.
Time stopped for all but a few seconds. And then Sebastian was holding the bouquet of flowers out, and the grin had completely left her face as she kept on staring at him.
“Hello, Lily,” he barely managed to croak out.
She blinked. Then Lily took the flowers and nodded a hello, wariness entering her eyes. It made him regret all the things that he did back when he was still full of indecision, because she used to look at him with nothing but trust.
But she wasn’t driving him away. Yet.
Lily stood where she was, gripping the flowers hard. He inwardly winced at the way she was practically crushing the stems, but made no comment as they gazed at each other. Finally, when she seemed to get a grip of herself, she opened her mouth and said the last words he expected to hear.
“I have to work. I’ll…see you around.”
Then she left the door as it was and made a run for her bedroom to get ready.
The flabbergasted Sebastian stayed where he was, thoroughly confused. It wasn’t exactly the warmest of welcomes—nor was it the coldest of rejections.
But there was no flush on her face. Heck, there wasn’t even so much as an expression other than shock. Sebastian decided to stay in her living room as it was, waiting for her to finish dressing. When she did, she gave him a polite smile—polite, of all things—before saying a few more words.
