by Sophia Gray
“You can say that again,” Abby breathed out, unable to suppress a giggle.
“God, that was… that was…” Jagger trailed off, swallowing hard, probably having the same case of over-exhausted dry mouth as Abby did.
“The best,” Abby said, breathing deeply to try to get some air into her lungs. She felt like she hadn’t breathed in years. Maybe she hadn’t.
“Yeah,” Jagger said. “Yeah, it was.” He nuzzled the side of Abby’s neck, kissing sore spots that he’d sucked into her skin while they were fucking.
Abby’s brain was almost entirely switched-off at this point, overcome by the sweet temptation of sleep. She needed one last thing before she could finally let go.
“Kiss me,” she said softly. “Kiss me.”
Jagger lifted his head and grinned lazily at her, climbing the last few inches up her body to press his mouth against hers. They didn’t kiss very deeply, the two of them both so tired at this point that they couldn’t hold on for very long. “Now cuddle me,” Abby demanded, pressing her hand insistently on the back of Jagger’s neck and tangling her legs with his, trapping him in the confines of his bed.
“I’m so glad I met you,” Jagger murmured into her ear, right as Abby slipped into sleep. She had just enough consciousness to feel fear, for one terrible extended moment that stretched on throughout her dreams, until she awoke hours later.
Abby woke up sweating, her entire body slick with it. She lay pinned to the bed by one of Jagger’s legs and arms. Panic set deep into Abby’s chest as she remembered what she did before she fell asleep. She fucked Jagger. No. Jagger fucked her. They made each other come. And they’d - talked.
If it had just been fucking, just raw and dirty sex, Abby might have been able to deal with it. But before they started banging furiously, there had been the words. The powerful, gentle words that were strong and soft at once that had penetrated her heart and embedded themselves deep inside, deep into the dark corners where Abby’s brain couldn’t see. That was the part that couldn’t be erased or forgotten or reimagined into something different. That was the part that shook Abby to her core. That was the part she just couldn’t handle. She couldn’t trust herself to react the right way. It was becoming evident that it had to end here.
Still, she couldn’t exactly say all that to Jagger. She knew that if she said even a tiny fraction of what she felt, he’d kiss her again and they’d just start the cycle all over. It was unnerving, how well Abby felt she knew him even after just a week’s time.
Whatever ended up being said, Abby knew she had to get it over with sooner rather than later. The longer she waited, the more likely she was to fall prey to more kisses and then into more sex. She imagined herself getting trapped in a cycle of fight-fuck-fight-fuck-fight-fuck with him. It was more tempting than she would have liked to admit.
In any case, she inhaled deeply, summoning up all her courage before grabbing Jagger’s closest hand and rubbing at his knuckles, trying to wake him up as gently as possible.
He stirred awake beside her, all at once, probably a symptom of his firefighter training. “Oh. Hey, there,” he said softly, his eyes shining so brightly they pierced through the darkness. “How’d you sleep?” His hand reached out and found Abby’s face, rubbing her chin and jaw gently.
“Um, okay,” she whispered back, feeling herself sink deeper into the mattress even though she needed to run away. “But I… I, um, I have to tell you something.” Abby breathed deeply again, trying to hold on to any part of her mind that said she could be brave. She needed her courage if she was going to do this, if she was going to break her own heart.
# # #
Jagger
Jagger had a feeling he knew what she was going to say before she said it. Even in the dark, he could see her eyes, see how they darkened with fear as if there was some terrible monster lurking over his shoulder that only she could see. He knew there was no arguing with her about it either. That didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try, though.
“What? What’s wrong?” he asked, even though he already knew the answer. She still had to say it. He wasn’t going to let her get away with not hearing it come from her mouth.
“We can’t… We can’t do this again,” Abby said softly, averting her eyes to stare down at her lap.
Even though Jagger saw it coming, it still hurt. “Why?” he asked, keeping his voice as steady and calm as possible. He didn’t need her to know how much he cared. He already knew how this was going to turn out.
“I can’t have a guy in my life right now, okay?” Abby said softly. “I’ve got too many other things I need to focus on.”
“Like what?” Jagger said, trying to keep his tone from sounding mocking.
“Like… my job?” Abby said. “Both of my jobs. My patients. My fucking money problems. Robert. I owe it to Robert. He’s gotta be the priority right now.”
“And why can’t we prioritize him together?” Jagger said softly, highly aware as to how vulnerable he was coming across. It almost made him sick, how weak he was sounding, but he was tough enough to deal with the embarrassment, even if the potential payoff for it was almost unlikely. “Why not?”
“Because I’m fucked-up, okay!” Abby snapped, her voice getting a little louder and meaner, less patient and sad. “I’m a fucked-up basket case with a fucking mess of a life. It doesn’t work out well for people who decide to get involved with me. Don’t make it my job to keep you safe from me, okay? Please?” She finished her rush of words, cupping her forehead in her hands, and Jagger felt the hot pinpricks of guilt stab into his heart. She was obviously in pain, and somehow, he knew that it wasn’t wise to push the issue any further.
“Okay. I understand. I get it,” Jagger said calmly, even if he couldn’t entirely mask the hurt from his voice. “We don’t have to do this again. But you can still stay here.” He got up from the bed, searching for his pants on the floor and quickly getting dressed. He didn’t want to be naked in front of her anymore. Somehow, he felt safer hiding his body.
“I don’t think I can stay here,” Abby said, but she didn’t sound mad or dismissive. She sounded sad, like every word she was saying hurt her as much as it hurt him. “I can… I can just go somewhere else.”
She started to get out of the bed, too, so Jagger quickly walked over to the door, blocking her way out. He wasn’t going to let her go, at least not before they talked about it again. “No. You’re staying here,” he said, trying to sound as confident and secure as possible, as if his word was law.
“I can’t, I really can’t,” Abby said, shrugging her way back inside her clothes, her beautiful body disappearing under the ugly fabric of her work scrubs. “It’s not safe here.”
“It’s not safe out there!” Jagger said, blushing a little at how desperate and pathetic his voice came out. He couldn’t help it, though. He was desperate.
He had to have a way to keep her in his life. He had to keep her safe. Even if he hadn’t bedded her, there was no way he was letting her suffer just because he hadn’t caught the arsonist yet. There was no way he was letting her leave this compound without protection.
“I don’t know what to do, Jagger,” Abby sighed, burying her head in her hands again. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. Can we just… rewind the clock and pretend it didn’t happen?”
The words hit Jagger like an arrow to the chest. His heart hammered, the pain of what she’d just said lingering like a dark cloud in the room. Carefully, he cleared his throat and nodded, deciding that maybe, for once, he’d try to be a little bit less selfish. “Yeah, yeah, we can do that. We’ll just start from square one.”
“Square one,” Abby repeated, pressing her fingers together in a steeple in front of her face, her beautiful eyes shining through the shadows. “What’s that, again?”
“I’m a firefighter, you’re a nurse,” Jagger said slowly. “I’m keeping you safe.”
Abby sighed. “I don’t know if that’s good enough. Maybe I should just skip to
wn, go someplace the arsonist won’t find me. Since I’m fucking useless here anyway,” she said, exhaling deeply.
The answer hit Jagger. He didn’t like it. In fact, he hated it, but he knew that it was the only way. “You’re not useless. You haven’t had a chance to try yet. I haven’t let you help. But I’ll…. I realized that I need you.” Abby looked up, fear evident in her eyes. “On the investigation,” Jagger added, trying to erase the romantic implication of what he’d just said. “I need you to help me with the investigation. You’re important somehow. The arsonist wouldn’t have targeted your apartment if you weren’t. You’re the key, Abby.”
“Are you just saying this to get me to stay?” she whispered, and her throat sounded clogged up with tears like the truth might break her if Jagger said it out loud.
He said it anyway. “Maybe. Maybe I am. I don’t know. At least a little bit of me is only asking to keep you here, yeah. But is that really important? You wanted to help. You wanted to help so bad you risked your life to do it. That’s who you are, the person you’re willing to risk your life to become. You’re a helper, Abby. So, help me. I’m asking you. Please.”
Abby was silent for a long time, the moments adding up more and more as Jagger fidgeted with his hands, pressing his back against the door in case Abby tried to bolt. Finally, she cleared her throat again, and when she spoke her voice was clear even if she was obviously suppressing tears. “I’ll help. I promise. Just - get me a room on a different floor, okay? Please.”
The request hurt, but it wasn’t unreasonable, Jagger knew. So, he nodded, stepping aside so that Abby could walk back through the door. “I’ll show you an empty floor. Pick out whatever room you want,” he said, gesturing up the stairwell opposite his room.
“I think I’ll take the whole floor,” Abby said with a laugh once they got to the vacant fifth level of the compound.
“Yeah, you could take a different room each night,” Jagger said. That would give her some insurance that he wasn’t going to be constantly locking her in without her knowledge, at the very least. Jagger was trying to give her some control over her own life while keeping her safe the only way he knew how.
Abby jumped in the third room down the hallway, leaping onto the bed and bouncing around a little like a young child before falling down, nestling on her side and cuddling a pillow under her chin.
“I’ll need you… to listen to me,” Jagger said as he leaned against the doorway of the room Abby had chosen for the night. “When we’re working on the investigation together. If I can’t keep you safe, there’s no point to any of it. Okay? So please just listen to me and you can help me out.”
She stared at him for a long minute, her jaw set firmly, her lips pursed. She was displeased with the proposition, he could tell, but Jagger couldn’t justify taking it back no matter how uncomfortable it made her.
“That’s the only way?” Abby asked after her long pause.
“Yeah, that’s the only way,” Jagger answered, nodding.
Abby sighed deeply, rolling her eyes heavenward. But a second later she huffed out her answer. “Fine. Fine, I’ll listen to you. Just don’t be a dick, okay? You have to listen to what I say, too.”
“Yeah,” Jagger replied. “Yeah, I’ll take what you say into account.”
“‘Take what I say into account’ blah, blah, yeah, whatever,” Abby said mockingly, her face screwed up like an impatient little kid as she shut her eyes for sleep. “Turn the light out when you leave, okay?”
Jagger did as he was told, and he couldn’t help but let a smile stretch over his face at Abby’s impersonation of him. Even though it made her a pain in the ass half of the time, he still liked how feisty she was, how ready she was to fight him at any given moment. It meant a lot that she had waved the white flag in this argument and given in to what he’d asked. That was progress, right? Compromise.
At the same time, as he walked back to his bedroom on the second floor, he couldn’t help but mourn the loss of the sexual relationship he’d only just discovered. He’d never been fucked like that in his entire life. He’d never been with a woman so wild, a woman so ready to be dominated, a woman so ready to dominate him right back, to boss and be bossed around. It made him hot just thinking about it, about how ready she was, how horny she was, how desperate she was for him and only for him. He’d never felt so special in his entire life.
Then again, just like everything else good he’d ever experienced, it was yanked away before he could even fully appreciate it. And now it was gone, maybe forever.
No, I’ll find a way, Jagger swore to himself. I’ll find a way to get to her again, to make her want me, to make her see she must have me. I’ll find a way inside her heart.
Chapter Five
Jagger
The next morning, Jagger woke up with a pounding headache. It was as if he’d drunk gallons of liquor the night before, but no such thing had happened. It’s like I got a hangover from Abby’s pussy, he thought with a grin as he got to his feet, stumbling to his bathroom to take a long shower.
By the time he got back to his room, he noticed that the door was ajar. He might have left his room unlocked, but he never left doors open behind him. It was just a weird habit he had. His inner alarms were going off instinctively as he quietly stepped into the bedroom, trying to perceive who had snuck in while he was in the bathroom.
Abby. Abby was sitting at his desk, rifling through a set of papers, her eyes quickly bouncing around as she speed-read the documents. They were his notes on the arson cases, Jagger realized as he stepped closer to the desk, causing the floorboards to creak beneath his feet. Abby jumped in surprise as she finally noticed his presence.
“Jesus, you scared me,” she whispered softly, pressing a hand to her heart. “I’ve been going over your notes on the fires. So, it’s got to be a member or former member of Satan’s Blazes organization, right? No one else would have access to where Robert lived now,” she said, summarizing Jagger’s most recent conclusion.
“Yeah, um, shouldn’t you have asked before—” Jagger trailed off as Abby’s eyebrows raised, painting a skeptical look on her face.
“Before I what? Educate myself on the case I’m going to be working on? Fat chance,” Abby said, but she put the papers down and got up from Jagger’s chair, stretching her arms up toward the ceiling.
“Fair enough,” Jagger said begrudgingly. “Do you want breakfast? I know you haven’t eaten in a long time. You were working all day yesterday.”
“So were you,” Abby said with a shrug. “You get used to it.” That was true, Jagger realized. They did have similar working circumstances, which meant they probably had very similar lifestyles.
“Let’s go eat. I know a good pancake place. It’s usually just got Satan’s Blazes’ family members there. Safe place,” he explained as he ushered her out of his room and down the hallway.
“How do you know which Blazes members you can trust?” Abby said, and for a second Jagger wasn’t sure how to answer the question honestly, leading to an awkward pause that Abby immediately jumped on. “I didn’t mean to, like, insult your family dynamic or anything. I’m just curious if there’s a way for you to narrow down suspects to people who aren’t 100% trustworthy.”
“Got it,” Jagger said, suppressing a smile at Abby’s ever-present honesty. She was so blunt. Even as someone who hung around biker chicks most of the time, Jagger wasn’t used to a woman who had such a short line between her brain and her mouth. It was refreshing. “To answer your question, I don’t know. That’s kind of why I’ve been… I don’t know, keeping a low profile around here. I don’t want anyone to know how deeply I’ve been investigating everyone in the organization.”
“Any leads?” Abby asked in whisper as they walked through the first level of the compound, heading out toward Jagger’s car in the parking lot.
“Sort of,” Jagger said as they climbed up into his car. He started the engine and roared down the road toward the pancake place. “
I’ve been working on alibis, mostly, trying to eliminate people who were busy or with reliable witnesses at all of the fires. I’ve been able to cross almost everybody still in the organization off the list.”
“Who’s still made the cut?” Abby asked, and Jagger could tell she was staring at him, her gaze incredibly focused and intense. His skin crawled a little bit, uncomfortable at being examined that closely, but at the same time he felt flattered. He couldn’t help but flex his arm muscles a little bit, trying to whet her appetite for his body. Abby had been adamant about the no-sex rule, but hell, could you blame him for trying?
“Um, well, a few junior members who haven’t exactly earned their stripes yet, and then…” Jagger sighed, unsure if he should divulge these many details about the investigation. He knew that he agreed to allow her to participate, but it was so hard letting her in on this information after he’d spent so many months keeping everything to himself.
